Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: warren worthington iii

As Mentioned in Episode 92 – Living in Ship

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Love, X-Factor style. (X-Factor #27)
Days later, Manhattan is flooded. (X-Factor #27)
“Everything was going really well for like five whole pages!” (X-Factor #27)
Jean, you knocked! You really have grown up! (X-Factor #27)
Aww, squishface. (X-Factor #27)
“And I was only a few days away from retirement…” (X-Factor #28)
Gotta catch ’em all. (X-Factor #28)
Aww, Hank… (X-Factor #28)
Check out that panel composition – this is how you do show-don’t-tell. (X-Factor #28)
Just sayin’. (X-Factor #28)
Okay, I just posted this one because of Scott’s amazing death-glare. “Damn it, Bobby, I’m the one who gets to do press conferences.” (X-Factor #29)
Nabbit. Whunk. (X-Factor #29)
Aww, Hank..! (X-Factor #29)
I can’t say I fully blame Infectia for monsterizing some of these jerks. (X-Factor #29)
Walter Simonson: master of making soap opera look Epic As Hell. (X-Factor #29)
Whoa. (X-Factor #30)
I mean, she’s kind of endearing in her awfulness, right? (X-Factor #30)
Bobby Drake: overcompensating. (X-Factor #30)
These panels could have come straight out of The Mighty Thor. (X-Factor #30)
Aww, crap, they’re holding hands – you know that means you guys are completely screwed, right? (X-Factor #30)
*cue laugh track* (X-Factor #31)
Well that’s terrifying. (X-Factor #31)
Louise and Walter Simonson do the best Destiny. (X-Factor #31)
Jeez, the USPS is way more hardcore than I thought. (X-Factor #31)
Well crap. (X-Factor #31)
Next time: Sorcerers’ Duel.

92 – Living in Ship

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which X-Factor loves press conferences, Archangel provides many opportunities for terrible puns, Cyclops gets to be happy for a whole five pages, X-Factor learns how doors work, the X-kids are generous (except Boom Boom), Infectia makes monsters to fight the patriarchy, Ship is your cool aunt, and Destiny accidentally predicts Cable.

 

X-PLAINED:

  • Apocalypse versus Ed Wood
  • X-Factor #27-31
  • Superhero mortality
  • Star-crossed mugger romance
  • Marvel Girl as, and not as, Team Mom
  • The greatest line in all of X-Factor
  • Ship’s anatomical resemblances
  • Combat and relationship discussion multitasking
  • X-Men Evolution Syndrome
  • Iceman as joker-by-necessity
  • Infectia and the Anti-Bodies
  • Rambo Nukes Commando In Nicaragua
  • Wacky sitcom humor
  • Warren Worthington, PI
  • Earth 13122 and LEGO optic blasts
  • Musical careers of the X-Men

NEXT WEEK: Magik versus Forge.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 57 – Apocalypse Soon

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Oh, this guy. (X-Factor #2)
As a side effect of her return from near-death, Jean can perfectly recall any outfit–except her own. (X-Factor #2)
“But at least I know how to put on my goddamn pants.” (X-Factor #2)
Oh, Vera, what have they done to you? (X-Factor #2)
“Trust me, this is in no way an allegory for any other situations in your life.” (X-Factor #2)
Walls are the real victims in Layton’s run. (X-Factor #2)
Why do thugs ever fall for that line? Seriously. (X-Factor #2)
It’s okay, Scott. We’re only a few issues away from Louise Simonson. (X-Factor #2)
X-Factor vs. yet another wall. (X-Factor #2)
Dr. Maddicks: kind of awful. (X-Factor #2)
In addition to being kind of a crap scientist, Carl Maddicks is a terrible parent. (X-Factor #3)
I was seriously considering having this entire as-mentioned just be X-Factor knocking down walls. (X-Factor #3)
Jean recognize her team’s signature move. (X-Factor #3)
Aaaaand there goes another wall. (X-Factor #3)
Scott and Jean finally have a talk about–wait, no, just kidding, they’re about to get interrupted by urgent news. (X-Factor #3)
AMAZING, Hank. AMAZING. (X-Factor #3)
LOOK AT THIS GLORIOUS COVER. (X-Factor Annual #1)
Wellp. (X-Factor Annual #1)
Thank you for that highly relevant footnote, comic book. (X-Factor Annual #1)
Not sure if this is better or worse than the underwear. (X-Factor Annual #1)
Headcanon: Heinreich has worked out a whole backstory for this secretary, and he’s really disappointed that he didn’t get to use more of it. (X-Factor Annual #1)
Serious question: is this the only time Bobby’s clothing transforms to ice along with him? DISCUSS. LEAVE NO STONE UNTURNED. (X-Factor Annual #1)
How come some of these people are wearing robot underpants and others are not? (X-Factor Annual #1)
The Crimson Dynamo is not, in fact, the Red Scare. UNFORTUNATELY. (X-Factor Annual #1)
But seriously, the mix-up is pretty understandable.
Iceman vs. Iceman! (X-Factor Annual #1)
Oh, for the love of… (X-Factor Annual #1)
They’re fighting Tower and knocking down a wall at the same time! Two drinks! (X-Factor #4)
Joanna Cargill is so awesome. SO. AWESOME. (X-Factor #4)
At least he put on pants this time? I guess? (X-Factor #4)
X-Factor: actually kind of terrible. (X-Factor #4)
In case you happened to be wondering where the original art from this page is, the answer is our office. (Thank you, Tom!) (X-Factor #4)
Does no one ever use doors in this comic? (X-Factor #4)
Best outfit, best character, worst attempt at a cliffhanger. Also, I’m pretty sure one of us used to have a Mage: The Ascension character named Time Shadow. (X-Factor #4)
“It’s like we were briefly allowed to evolve as characters but have since reverted to a social dynamic we had long since outgrown.” (X-Factor #5)
True Fact: If one of you had submitted this outfit for the plainclothes cosplay contest, you would have won, no questions asked. (X-Factor #5)
And there goes another wall. (X-Factor #5)
Frenzy has no patience for your sub-par command of Yiddish. (X-Factor #5)
The less-than-inspiring debut of one of the X-Men’s greatest villains. (X-Factor #5)
Many thanks to Bobby Roberts for 57 spectacular episodes of production, advice, and boundless patience. You are the best, and we love you forever. (Art by David Wynne.)
Next week: MINISERIES MAYHEM!

57 – Apocalypse Soon

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Art by David Wynne. We're not selling prints of this one, but you can still hit David up for the original!
Art by David Wynne. We’re not selling prints of this one, but you can still hit David up for the original!

In which Miles tries to find things to like about Bob Layton’s X-Factor run; Cyclops’s life is literally an anxiety dream; X-Factor is very Leverage; Layton’s Angel is just godawful; Rachel is all about the Red Scare; Frenzy is awesome; and we bid a fond farewell to producer Bobby Roberts.

X-PLAINED:

  • An Apocalypse that might have been
  • Mid-80s X-title thematic disambiguation
  • The limited value of nostalgia
  • Creative history of X-Factor
  • X-Factor #2-5 and Annual #1
  • The baffling reinvention of Vera Cantor
  • Tower (Edward Pasternak)
  • Dubious didactic strategies
  • Carl Maddicks
  • Artie Maddicks
  • Muffin the kitten
  • Bad timing
  • Soviet mutant policy
  • Soviet robot disambiguation
  • The Doppelganger (Wolfgang Heinreich)
  • A ruse
  • Alexei Garnov, Mentac the Living Computer, Concussion, Iron Curtain, and Siberian Tiger
  • The worst phonetic accent we have ever seen.
  • The Alliance of Evil
  • Frenzy (Joanna Cargill)
  • The color of Beast’s fur
  • Our favorite X-Men toys

NEXT WEEK: Miniseries Mayhem!

Many thanks to Bobby Roberts for 57 spectacular episodes of production, advice, and boundless patience. You are the best, and we love you forever.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re not selling prints of this week’s illustration, but you can contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned In Episode 54 – Who You Gonna Call? (feat. Elle Collins)

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Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 5/3/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
The New Defenders. (Defenders #127)
Moondragon, Cloud, Gargoyle, and Valkyrie demonstrate the kind of high drama and subtext that makes three ex-X-Men feel right at home. (Defenders #127)
Warren and Bobby simultaneously contemplate one of the great questions of the universe. (Defenders #126)
Hank opens up to Vera about his shifting personality. (Defenders #116)
The end of the last issue of Defenders. Total downer (except for the puppy). (Defenders #152)
All-New, All-Different. (X-Factor #1)
The worst part is that neither of them is wrong, exactly. (X-Factor #1)
Three guys who definitely don’t want to be superheroes anymore. (X-Factor #1)
Well, this can’t possibly end badly. (X-Factor #1)
OH GOD NEVER MIND. (X-Factor #1)
Rich people are different from the rest of us. (X-Factor #1)
Goddamnit, Warren. (X-Factor #1)
Goddamnit, Scott and Madelyne. (X-Factor #1)
Later, in Apartment 3-G… (X-Factor #1)
X-Factor is just painfully awkward on so many levels, for so long. (X-Factor #1)
“Seriously, Warren, you are LITERALLY WEARING A SUPERHERO COSTUME RIGHT NOW.” (X-Factor #1)
“Look, just go walk it off for a couple weeks. You’ll be fine.” (X-Factor #1)
If we had a dollar for every job interview that ended like this… (X-Factor #1)
Iceman is just goddamn delightful. (X-Factor #1)
There are several important things going on here, but all of them are overshadowed by the fact that Warren is wearing a cape with a sweater vest. (X-Factor #1)
It’s like they know how an intervention works, but not how it’s supposed to end. (X-Factor #1)
“Also, he’ll be gradually brainwashing us all and destroying our lives for the next year and change!” (X-Factor #1)
WE’RE HERE TO BELIEVE YOU! (X-Factor #1)
It just never stops sucking to be Rusty Collins. (X-Factor #1)
No, seriously. (X-Factor #1)
“It’s almost like some outside force is manipulating our lives, making sure to stretch this dramatic tension as long as possible.” (X-Factor #1)
How no one ever recognized the X-Terminators as the original five X-Men is one of the great mysteries of the Marvel Universe. (X-Factor #1)
NOTE: The appropriate soundtrack to literally every scene Cyclops is in in this issue is “Country Feedback,” by R.E.M., on repeat. (X-Factor #1)
WHO YOU GONNA CALL? (X-Factor #1)
“I mean, it’s been solicited as an ongoing, and everything.” (X-Factor #1)
Aw, Madelyne. (X-Factor #1)
NEXT WEEK: The Beyonder ruins everything. Again.

LINKS AND FURTHER READING:

54 – Who You Gonna Call? (feat. Elle Collins)

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 5/3/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 5/3/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which the X-Men get their third ongoing series; Elle drops in to x-plain the Defenders; the band gets back together; rich people are not like the rest of us; Cyclops is in desperate need of some kind of intervention; and X-Factor is basically Ghostbusters.

X-PLAINED:

  • Cameron Hodge
  • The fairly spectacular secret origins of X-Factor
  • The Champions
  • The New Defenders
  • The evolution of Hank McCoy
  • X-Factor #1
  • The death throes of Scott and Madelyne’s marriage
  • Rusty Collins
  • A really bad first date
  • The increasingly dubious life choices of Scott Summers
  • The worst job interview
  • Sushi-a-Go-Go
  • How not to have an intervention
  • X-Factor
  • The X-Terminators
  • The Phoenix Force on Earth-811 (and its relationship to Rachel Summers)

NEXT WEEK: The Beyonder ruins everything. Again.

You can find a companion index to the material mentioned in this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

As Mentioned in Episode 21 – Kurt Busiek at the Coffee-a-Go-Go

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METOXO the lava man, as teased in X-Men #48–but never revealed!
Beast and Iceman teach METOXO the true meaning of Christmas in the 1994 Marvel Holiday Special.
Angel X-Plains the Phoenix retcon. (X-Factor #1)
In X-Men #37, five reasonably normal-looking teenagers dive out of a plane…
…and then this happens. (X-Men #37)
In which Jean Grey, given the choice between the Silver Age’s two stock career options for female protagonists, opts for option A. (X-Men #48)
Scott Summers’ radio career lasted five whole panels. Here are four of them. We remain annoyed that none of them actually show him recording, because that would be really useful as a podcast graphic. (X-Men #48)
The Coffee-a-Go-Go made its debut in X-Men #7, along with regular Bernard the Poet and acerbic waitress Zelda.
There are a lot of Coffee-a-Go-Go stories, but Bobby’s 18th birthday, from X-Men #32, is probably the best.
Bernard the poet sells out in the name of birthday cheer. (X-Men #32)
Zelda’s original line, from X-Men #7 (she was originally a redhead)…
…and Busiek’s homage in the 1994 Marvel Holiday Special.
Iceman vs. ice skating. (X-Men #29)
We’ll be giving it its own post on Monday, but David Wynne’s art of the original X-Men as Enid Blyton’s Famous Five goes way too well with this episode.
Next Episode: Fast-forwarding to 1994 for the wedding of Scott Summers and Jean Grey.

Links & Further Reading:

21 – Kurt Busiek at the Coffee-a-Go-Go

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Famous Five
Art by David Wynne

In which special guest Kurt Busiek is the J. Robert Oppenheimer of X-Men, Rachel and Miles learn to love the Silver Age, Cyclops gets a job, Bernard the Poet falls from grace, we really wish X-Men: The Secret Years was a real book, everyone recites poetry, and we still don’t get around to Marvels.

X-Plained:

  • METOXO, the Lava Man
  • The true, secret purpose of Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men
  • The Phoenix retcon
  • Archival pocket dimensions
  • Enid Blyton’s X-Men
  • Early-to-mid-20th Century American Jewish Socialism
  • Why the X-Men are terrible mutant P.R.
  • Band names of the Silver Age
  • An X-Men series that might have been.
  • Why Cyclops should be the Rachel Maddow of Marvel
  • Quicksilver’s childhood dreams
  • The Coffee-a-Go-Go
  • Bernard the Poet
  • Zelda Kurtzberg
  • The Barefoot Beats

Next week: The wedding of Scott Summers and Jean Grey!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

As Mentioned on Episode 18 – You’ve Got a Dracula Problem

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Listen to the episode here!

Dr. Nemesis is delightful.
Kinda in love with this cover. (X-Men #159)
What could it be? (X-Men #159)
Ah, there’s the Bill Sienkiewicz we know and love! (X-Men #159)
Note that we are still classily refraining from making a “gave her the D” joke. (X-Men #159)
Well, then. (X-Men #159)
Kitty Van Helsing. (X-Men #159)
Well, that resolved neatly. (X-Men #159)
The crossover leaves something to be desired, but the covers are superlative. (X-Men #1)
Comics industry: This is why we can’t have nice things. This panel. Specifically. (X-Men #1)
Well, that was a rapid and largely unsupported conclusion, Cyclops. (X-Men #1)
“WE’VE GOT OURSELVES A DRACULA PROBLEM.” (X-Men #1)
Blade has all the best toys. (X-Men #2)
You know how sometimes vampires are a metaphor for sex? Yeah, that. (X-Men #2)
Note that the vampire X-Men are just the normal X-Men, but with teeny, adorable fangs. (X-Men #2)
Remember that time Blade Godwin’d an entire crossover event? (X-Men #2)
We won’t lie to you, Cyclops: It’s pretty bad.
That’s very Castlevania 2 of you. (X-Men #2)
On one hand, they’re hella sexualizing a teenager. On the other hand, at least the vampires seem to be pretty body-positive about it? (X-Men #3)
WELL, THEN. (X-Men #3)
“Oh, my god! She’s TERRIBLE AT SPANISH WEB!” (X-Men #3)
Remember that time Cyclops told Dracula to follow his heart? Remember that time Cyclops told Dracula to follow his heart? Remember that time Cyclops told Dracula to follow his heart? (X-Men #3)
So, that happened. (X-Men #3)
In which Wolverine and Jubilee are 100% the bad kids from a Chick Tract. (X-Men #4)
“Vampires? Sure, cher, but first guess what Gambit is wearing…” (X-Men #4)
Curse of the Mutants Cyclops kinda reads like someone who read a bunch of hard-boiled detective novels but didn’t quite understand the jargon. (X-Men #4)
Great idea. Questionable execution–would’ve made a great mid-fight reveal–but great idea. (X-Men #5)
Suddenly, hundreds of ‘shippers felt a great disturbance in the force. (X-Men #5)
Yes, Cyclops. Yes, we are. (X-Men #5)
Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh. (X-Men #5)
Dracula, ladies and gentlemen. (X-Men #5)
He’s not wrong. (X-Men #6)
Creepiest bluff ever? Creepiest bluff ever. (X-Men #6)
The world legitimately needs more Storm-and-Gambit-being-sneaky stories. They’re good bros, those two. (Storm and Gambit #1)
Someday, we’ll do a roundup of every variation of this line that has appeared in an X-book, but not today. (Storm and Gambit #1)
DAMN SKIPPY. (Storm and Gambit #1)
Remember how Dr. Nemesis is delightful? Dr. Nemesis is delightful (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
They do this gag like five times over the course of the issue, and it never stops being funny. (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
Madison Jeffries and Kavita Rao: also delightful (but not as delightful as Dr. Nemesis). (No one is as delightful as Dr. Nemesis.) (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
See? (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
Jury’s still out on this one. (X-Men: Smoke and Blood #1)
PITCH: A limited series where Dazzler and Northstar team up with the disco vampires. CALL US, MARVEL. (X-Men vs. Vampires #1)
Next week: Rachel and Miles go to Hell (sort of)!

AND NOW, THE CONTEST WINNERS!

Last week, we asked you to pitch your best ideas for X-Men games to win a download code for the <em>Days of Future Past</em> mobile game. (Thanks again, Glitchsoft!)

Before we announce the winners, let us take a moment to rave: You are brilliant, and we are legitimately pretty pissed off that we can’t play most of these games, because they look awesome. We wish we could give you all prizes.

Based on a complicated imaginary algorithm involving on originality, narrative/gameplay fit and integration, playability, and personal whim, we are pleased to announce that the grand-prize winners are as follow:

Newtype53:

1) The Silver-Age X-Men (taking heavily from Season One and First Class), going right up to the Bronze age with the Phoenix/Dark Phoenix Saga. Why?

2) It’s a Japanese-style “dating sim” game, with a heavy focus on character relations. Any mutant combat will cover RPG elements in an old 8-bit Final Fantasy format, with a 5-man team selectable for the squad.

3) Marvel Girl. However, each of the other original 5 X-Men have their own storyline that unlock after beating Jean’s, with Jean’s storyline being the canon one that follows up through her canonical death as the Dark Phoenix (or does it? Multiple endings with potential happy endings, anyone?). Do you choose to follow the canon and romance Cyclops? What about his brooding brother who just wants a damned normal life? Or the magnificent Angel? The brooding Wolverine? The angry Thunderbird? Do you still love Hank when he’s literally blue? Or are you more into Iceman? The potential is endless! Romance Professor X (ewwwwwww) for the bonus unlockable option to play through a storyline as Professor X, manipulating the hell out of your students to your own ends!

As a bonus, any Mutant met can be drawn into the X-Men through specific dialogue choices, though none of the recruited X-Men can be romanced. However, this may alienate other members of the team, and can even cause them to leave the X-Men!

Craig S:

1) X-Treme X-Men

2) Turn-based RPG

3) James Howlett, Kurt Waggoner, Emmeline Frost, Xavier’s Head, Dazzler

Chrono-trigger style game where you travel from timeline to timeline hunting down evil Charles Xaviers, generally in the order you choose. You’d start with a basic team, and collect new members as you go to their individual timelines.

We’ll be e-mailing you those download codes later today!

We also want to take a moment to acknowledge two other really superlative entries. You do not get download codes, so, as a compensation prize, here is another picture of that panel of Cyclops telling Dracula to follow his heart:

FollowYourHeart

SO ANYWAY.

BEST JUST-FOR-FUN:

Elle:

1. Kitty Pryde and Wolverine (the ’84-85 miniseries)
2. Ninja Gaiden-esque sidescrolling platformer with melodramatic cutscenes. Ninjas ninjas ninjas.
3. Alternate levels as Kitty getting into trouble in Japan and Wolverine trying to find her. In the last level you can choose which of them to play as you fight the other one, but then the winner has to take on final boss Ogun.

BEST NOT-SURE-THIS-ACTUALLY-COUNTS-AS-A-GAME-BUT-WE-ARE-BOTH-IMPRESSED-AND-SLIGHTLY-FRIGHTENED-BY-YOUR-INGENUITY:

McArdle:

1. Name: Siege Perilous: The Game
2. Platform: pervasive throughout your life. You download an app on your phone and it replaces your twitter, your facebook, your instagram, your contacts, and everything else with the media and social life of a better version of yourself. The game is to learn to live as that person. There is no going back.
3. Playable character: you, but maybe a ninja version of you.

18 – You’ve Got a Dracula Problem

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In which Dr. Nemesis is delightful, Bill Sienkiewicz foreshadows himself, Dracula hits on absolutely everyone, Blade Godwins a crossover event, Jubilee get a jet ski, the X-Men do Castlevania 2, Rachel and Miles pick a vacation destination, and Cyclops wants you to follow your heart.

X-Plained:

  • Dr. Nemesis
  • A very good page of a very good comic
  • Dracula variations
  • X-Men #159
  • Appropriate use of holy symbols
  • “The D”
  • Tomb of Dracula
  • Bloodstorm
  • Carrotstorm
  • Curse of the Mutants
  • Jubilee
  • Crossover events
  • Why we can’t have nice things
  • Some really sweet weaponry
  • The Dracula Reassembly Machine
  • Phone sex with Gambit
  • The point of being Lord of the Vampires
  • X-Club
  • Authorial voice in comics
  • Why there probably won’t be a Starjammers movie

Next Episode: Rachel and Miles go to Hell (kind of)!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!