Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: shi’ar

As Mentioned in Episode 289 – Unsolved Mysteries

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
A ToS Trek novel, specifically, I think. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
This statue sucks. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
Sinister is a terrible parent. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
Okay, but why are the guys they’re fighting wearing bondage harnesses? (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
We were so baffled by the abs that we did not consider that they had been dressing him in skintight jeans and pirate boots for five years. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
Robbie flippin’ Robertson: a badass in any universe. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
“Is it me, or do these briefings get weirder every time?” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
It would be more depressing when Sinister told him he was the worse brother, though. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
These assholes work for a genocidal nightmare regime and yet call a graveyard “the ghost lands.” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
A familiar story, except where it’s not. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
OH, SHIT. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
If you didn’t know Corsair was doomed before, Havok’s last line definitely clinches it. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
There’s probably a Gatecrasher joke to be found somewhere, but honestly, after this week, I’m fresh out. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
Still not the most awkward conversation they’ve had in a comic, for what it’s worth. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
Yeah, Death, you’re not gonna impress Cyclops with that. He was raised by Sinister; he’s effectively immune to Extra. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
Sweatertown: Population, Blink. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
Aw, Ship. =( (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
He really is. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
I bet when people tell AoA Nightcrawler “Your Mom” jokes, he just kinda sighs and acknowledges that they’re probably right. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
BLACKAGAR BOLTAGON YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
Look, I’m just saying: it’s no telling Dracula to follow his heart. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)
NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men

LINKS & FURTHER CATASTROPHES:

289 – Unsolved Mysteries

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which this episode is way more topical than it was when we recorded it; Apocalypse makes a terrible Statue of Liberty; there are no reliable narrators; Robbie Robertson and Carmen Sandiego are your new OTP; Emplate is creepy in any universe; lawful evil is still evil; and partial universe reboots come with some fairly silly problems.

X-PLAINED:

  • Awkward intersections of fiction and reality
  • Pandemic (Dr. Richard Palance)
  • Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines
  • Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light
  • Brooding in multiple ways at once.
  • Corsair (Christopher Summers) (Earth-295)
  • Reconciling cross-universe timelines
  • The Shi’ar (Earth-295)
  • Comparative Summers Backstory
  • Robbie Robertson (Earth-295)
  • Northstar and Aurora (Earth-295)
  • Emplate and the Monets (Earth-295)
  • The Bedlam Brothers (Earth-295)
  • Brood problems
  • The most awkward Summers family reunion to date
  • The Absorbing Man (Earth-295)
  • Diablo (Earth-295)
  • Senator Robert Kelly (Earth-295)
  • The fall of the Guthrie family
  • An early era of Magneto’s X-Men
  • A trip to the moon
  • Death (Maximus Boltagon)
  • Whether the Beyonder of Earth-295 knows how to poop
  • Listening to this podcast with kids

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 286 – Family Before Continuity

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Don’t worry! The world will end before they can die in that plane crash! (Excalibur #86)
Pete Wisdom is a happy man with a happy life. (Excalibur #86)
MAH PUIR WEE HOVERCRAFT (Excalibur #86)
I want a team that’s just him and Chamber, brooding. (Excalibur #86)
A green and pleasant, &c. (Excalibur #86)
Well, so much for that mission. (Excalibur #86)
Me, too, Sam. Me, too. (X-Force #43)
I relate so hard to Shatterstar right now. (X-Force #43)
Time travel has some good looks. (X-Force #43)
Aw, these dudes. (X-Force #43)
“We’re here for you, in all our oddly-proportioned glory!” (X-Force #43)
He hasn’t, actually, but that won’t be revealed for a while yet. (X-Force #43)
“Man, is THIS what happens when your boss ditches you for another book?” (X-Force #43)
I know, right?! (Cable #20)
Pretty sure that every one of the original five has, at some point, referred to Hank as their best and/or closest friend. (Cable #20)
Ouch. (Cable #20)
OUCH. (Cable #20)
I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING (Cable #20)
Aw, these guys. And it didn’t even take a bathtub! (Cable #20)
Sometimes a family is eight people in tight clothing posing dramatically for the end of the world. (Cable #20)
NEXT EPISODE: Welcome to Earth-295! Hope you survive the experience!

LINKS & FURTHER EVENT HORIZONS:

286 – Family Before Continuity

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Sunspot is a bad enough dude to save the president; Black Air is nowhere near as fun as WHO; we reach the end of Fabian Nicieza’s X-Force run; Rictor and Shatterstar talk about feelings; Gambit does not go gently into that good night; Scott and Jean choose family over continuity; Legion Quest comes to a close, along with Earth-616; the heart of Dawn of X is its margins; you should come see us at ECCC; and we announce a new schedule.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Maker (Reed Richards of Earth-1610)
  • Jay & Miles at ECCC and FlameCon 2020
  • Stuff Jay writes
  • Excalibur #86
  • X-Force #43
  • Cable #20
  • Black Air
  • Pete Wisdom
  • What’s been up in Genosha
  • The Midnight Runner
  • Navigating Kitty Pryde’s age in Excalibur
  • A very abrupt ending
  • The ongoing evolution of X-Force
  • Locus’s new look
  • Clubbing with Rictor and Shatterstar
  • Legion Quest so far
  • Complicated feelings at the end of the world
  • A reunion
  • Where it all started
  • Vague power sets
  • Complicated feelings about Dawn of X
  • The new podcast schedule

NEXT EPISODE: The Age of Apocalypse

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

Come see us at ECCC, March 12-15!

As Mentioned in Episode 285 – Immediately if Not Sooner

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Wait, what if Bobby just misuses slang all the time to mess with Bishop? (Uncanny X-Men #320)
What the hell, Legion? (Uncanny X-Men #320)
So, that happened. (Uncanny X-Men #320)
Have fairly normal toes ever seemed as creepy as they do on this cover? I would argue that they have not. (X-Men #40)
If this were fanfic they would immediately have to fake being married to, I dunno, something. (X-Men #40)
Seriously, did ANY readers who didn’t already know recognize this dude as Legion? (X-Men #40)
That shadow! THAT ANGST! (X-Men #40)
“I had always hoped I might find others like us, but I never imagined the continuity would be this impenetrable!” (X-Men #40)
Meanwhile in a sitcom… (X-Men #40)
Tower of Telepaths never really caught on as a board game. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Just kiss already. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Greatest caption, or GREATEST CAPTION? (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Wait, has Bishop DISGUISED HIMSELF AS A PIRATE? If the answer is no, I don’t want to know; let me keep this dream. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
JUST KISS ALREADY (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Oh, no. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Legion, NO. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
You’ve made it to Bishop’s ill-fitting trousers, Cable: just where you needed to be. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
“I knew that someday our future son would travel back in time to kill my best friend.” (X-Men #41)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Men #41)
Ouch. (X-Men #41)
Jubilee gives good advice. (X-Men #41)
The best kiss in X-Men. (X-Men #41)
Okay, but, that first panel. (X-Men #41)
NEXT EPISODE: The end of the world, more, again.

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

 

 

 

285 – Immediately if Not Sooner

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Goldballs is still a better name than Egg; we continue our progress towards Earth-295; Legion pulls a Stryfe; we’re still pretty shaky on how to pronounce “M’Kraan”; Xavier and Magneto were absolutely and unquestionably doing sex in the 1970s; it’s time time; the Watcher is watching you masturbate; and what happens immediately before the end of the world is often as important as what happens immediately after.

X-PLAINED:

  • Balls
  • Legion (more) (again)
  • Uncanny X-Men 320-321
  • X-Men #40
  • Establishing stakes
  • Slang of the mid-1990s
  • Time travel as a dick move
  • Issues vs. episodes
  • The M’Kraan Crystal (more) (again)
  • Hebrew vowels
  • Latent time travel abilities
  • Charles Xavier’s “first” bar fight
  • An exceptional caption
  • A very bad narrative choice
  • The death of Charles Francis Xavier
  • A load-bearing moment in time
  • Jahf the Guardian
  • Waiting for the end of the world
  • The best-drawn kiss in X-Men, ever
  • The many Krakoas
  • Integrating Legion into Dawn of X

NEXT EPISODE: More Legion Quest!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 265 – Rude Awakenings

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Is anyone else weirded out by the fact that that’s supposed to be Forge in the lower right-hand corner? (X-Men Annual #5)
The Shi’ar sext WEIRD. (X-Men Annual #5)
Professor X was definitely naked, right? (X-Men Annual #5)
The weirdest thing about this panel is that the tractor beam seems to have shrunk her shirt by about half. (X-Men Annual #5)
Professor X X-Plains human-Shi’ar relations. (X-Men Annual #5)
FASHION! (X-Men Annual #5)
Imagine how confusing it must be to run into Jubilee on alien planets. (X-Men Annual #5)
I DID NOT NOTICE THE HANGING TEDDY BEAR UNTIL I CLIPPED THE PANEL FOR THIS VISUAL COMPANION. (X-Men Annual #5)
He’s a hugger. (X-Men Annual #5)
Be fair, Gambit: there are a LOT of reasons Cyclops is never fun at parties. (X-Men #34)
BUT WHO IS LURKING IN THE FOREGROUND? (X-Men #34)
Sinister, moisturize your damn clones. (X-Men #34)
Oh, hey, Threnody! (X-Men #34)
‘Kay. (X-Men #34)
Ewwwwwwww. (X-Men #34)
Please bear in mind that these are costumes S.H.I.E.L.D. just happened to have lying around the Helicarrier. (X-Men #35)
“Also, do you know how hard it was to dress you in skintight neoprene while you were unconscious?” (X-Men #35)
The end of the world looks pretty rad. (X-Men #35)
Some artists definitely made some choices. (X-Men #35)
That’s our Cyclops. (X-Men #35)
Some of the layouts in this issue are really nice. (X-Men #35)
Sunset Grace X-Plains Sunset Grace (and marries Ronald Reagan). (X-Men #35)
Ouch. (X-Men #35)
NEXT EPISODE: Malice!

FURTHER LISTENING

265 – Rude Awakenings

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Glen Danzig was the most popular Wolverine fancast for a weirdly long time; breasts have physical mass; the Shi’ar empire is not your friend; Deathbird should not be left in charge of anything alive; Jubilee learns about privilege; Sinister is not subtle; plasma is the new magnetism; Scott and Jean return from the future; and Nick Fury probably sews his name into the waistband of all his underpants.

X-PLAINED:

  • Some guy from Earth-1610
  • X-Men: Unlimited #5
  • X-Men #34-35
  • Shi’ar sexting
  • A rude awakening (literal)
  • Rococo Stryfe
  • Some uncomfortable fashion choices
  • X-pajamas
  • Definitely nude Charles Xavier
  • Breasts
  • Shi’ar imperial bullshit
  • A very impressive headdress
  • Reality TV… in space!
  • A rude awakening (metaphorical)
  • Shi’ar childhood
  • Negotiation
  • A total dick move
  • Another total dick move
  • Beast’s brief tenure as field leader of the X-Men
  • The return of Threnody
  • The titles of several sex tapes
  • High-tech spelunking
  • Sinister’s secret DNA library
  • Controversial outfits
  • Nick Fury’s stuff
  • Sunset Grace
  • The racism inherent to Evan Sabahnur’s background
  • A question we’ve answered before and will probably answer again

NEXT EPISODE: Malice!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 165 – Pop Rocks

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Triple gatefold? That’s a lot of gatefold! (Uncanny X-Men #275)
Oh, man, the Starjammers are so cool, even when they’re evil alien duplicates. (Uncanny X-Men #275)
And that was the end of Wolverine, forever. (Uncanny X-Men #275)
Not gonna lie: there are a LOT of splash pages and spreads in this visual companion. (Uncanny X-Men #275)
So many reasons, Banshee. (Uncanny X-Men #275)
I mean, technically Wolverine just won back her throne, but, whatever. (Uncanny X-Men #275)
Look at all those fancy X-Men! (Uncanny X-Men #275)
Wolverine parties like a Robert E. Howard protagonist. (Uncanny X-Men #275)
I know this is supposed to be sinister, but it’s also kind of hilarious. (You gotta imagine the YOINK SFX in the second panel.) (Uncanny X-Men #275)
PROFESSOR XAVIER IS A JERK! (Uncanny X-Men #275)
Another two-page spread? DON’T MIND IF I DO! (Uncanny X-Men #276)
Pop rocks! (Uncanny X-Men #276)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE. (Uncanny X-Men #276)
I want to watch this movie. (Uncanny X-Men #276)
No, but seriously: Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Uncanny X-Men #276)
Well, that got weird. Weirder. (Uncanny X-Men #276)
Star Trek reference! Take a drink! Wait, no, that’s not a podcast game, that’s just Jay’s reading game. (Uncanny X-Men #276)
Yep, it’s another two-page spread. Don’t blame us–blame Jim Lee! (Uncanny X-Men #277)
…well, that explains some things. (Uncanny X-Men #277)
Oh, snap! (Uncanny X-Men #277)
Ooh, callback! Very clever, Gambit. Kinda creepy, but, y’know, clever. (Uncanny X-Men #277)
Even when he’s a skrull, it’s pretty satisfying to watch Charles Xavier get punched. (Uncanny X-Men #277)
VAMP! (Uncanny X-Men #277)
NEXT EPISODE: Stealth at all times.

165 – Pop Rocks

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

 

In which Charles Xavier returns to the pages of Uncanny X-Men; Storm is out of our league forever; Miles would be a terrible president; Psylocke picks up the frequent-shower torch; everyone gets possessed; Gambit acts more Sinister than he is; and our NYCC panel is definitely on THURSDAY, not Friday.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Pantheon
  • Uncanny X-Men #275-277
  • Dinosaurs in space
  • A very impressive cover
  • Several kinds of manacle
  • Small children we’d like to see beat up Gladiator
  • Varying levels of Evil Charles Xavier
  • A nefarious plan
  • Double death
  • FailCat Logan
  • Two bad, beautiful babes with really big guns
  • Some excellent sound effects
  • Awesome space fights
  • Shopping with Deathbird
  • Mall vs. maul
  • X-archenemies

NEXT EPISODE: The Kings of Pain!

NOTE: Seriously, the NYCC Panel is on THURSDAY. Not Friday. THURSDAY. It’s official now.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)