iceman – Page 6 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

285 – Immediately if Not Sooner

February 16, 2020 Jay 10 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Goldballs is still a better name than Egg; we continue our progress towards Earth-295; Legion pulls a Stryfe; we’re still pretty shaky on how to pronounce “M’Kraan”; Xavier and Magneto were absolutely and unquestionably doing sex in the 1970s; it’s time time; the Watcher is watching you masturbate; and what happens immediately before the end of the world is often as important as what happens immediately after.

X-PLAINED:

Balls
Legion (more) (again)
Uncanny X-Men 320-321
X-Men #40
Establishing stakes
Slang of the mid-1990s
Time travel as a dick move
Issues vs. episodes
The M’Kraan Crystal (more) (again)
Hebrew vowels
Latent time travel abilities
Charles Xavier’s “first” bar fight
An exceptional caption
A very bad narrative choice
The death of Charles Francis Xavier
A load-bearing moment in time
Jahf the Guardian
Waiting for the end of the world
The best-drawn kiss in X-Men, ever
The many Krakoas
Integrating Legion into Dawn of X

NEXT EPISODE: More Legion Quest!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 282 – The Tide Takes the Castle

January 26, 2020 Jay One comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Hank McCoy is his own worst enemy–and best audience! (X-Men #38)

Bobby Drake somehow experienced the ’90s harder than most of his peers. (X-Men #38)

She’s not wrong. (X-Men #38)

“I, um, think I might have left something in Alaska. Bye.” (X-Men #38)

Every day, Bishop gets a little less enchanted with his heroes. (X-Men #38)

Aw, these two and their friendship. (X-Men #38)

[SOBS IN CALLBACK] (Iceman #3)

Has anyone ever stopped to notice the fact that Bobby Drake is a fucking spectacular sculptor? Seriously, he should be doing THAT professionally. (Uncanny X-Men #219)

William Drake: a jerk then, a jerk now. (Uncanny X-Men #219)

There is no rage like the rage of a man quietly spooning mashed potatoes onto plates. (Uncanny X-Men #219)

HE’S SO AWFUL. (Uncanny X-Men #219)

Aw, these kids. (Uncanny X-Men #219)

Meanwhile, in Hawk Talk! (Uncanny X-Men #219)

Planes are a Summers family tradition; as, apparently, is crashing them. (X-Men #39)

He’s a good kid. (X-Men #39)

A good kid with a good cap. (X-Men #39)

Weirdly, the heart just sort of hovers around outside the boathouse, and nobody can figure out how to make it go away. (X-Men #39)

See what we mean about the difference the right artist makes to Adam X (X-Men #39)

Man, I just want Philip and Deborah to adopt him and basically be the Kents. (X-Men #39)

Y’know what? Sure. Why not? (X-Men #39)

He came back! (X-Men #39)

HE’S SUCH A GOOD KID. (X-Men #39)

NEXT EPISODE: Still not technically Legion Quest!

LINKS & FURTHER DELIGHTS:

When not making our endless nonsense sound good, producer Matt Hunter makes really excellent music, and you should go listen to some!
Jay does not actually write things on hackertyper.com, but he wishes he could.
We covered Rogue’s solo series in Episode 245 – Natural Causes.
This is the plane Philip flew in WWII, if that’s your kind of thing.

282 – The Tide Takes the Castle

January 26, 2020 Jay 7 comments

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In which the Xavier Institute for Higher Learning should really be the setting of a stoner comedy; Garrabed Bashur’s brain is probably 90% porn by now; the tide always takes the castle; William Drake remains terrible; Adam X the X-Treme deserved better; Jay pitches a series; disability is not a boolean and exclusively medically-defined state; and we are all about some weird X-Men tie-in products.

X-PLAINED:

Mariko Yoshida in the afterlife
Moon Talk
Some upcoming X-books
X-Men #38-39
Uncanny X-Men #319
Many unhealthy coping mechanisms
Sinister foreshadowing
Fancy hair
Commcast (Garabed Bashur)
Hawk sex
An exceptionally resonant callback
Intersectional bigotry
The domestic dynamics of the Drake household
The remarkably poignant return of Adam X the X-Treme
The opposite of a Jack London story
An unlikely intergenerational frienship
A novel use of a novel superpower
Mutation as and intersecting with disability
X-Men tie-in products we’d like to see

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor fills in!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 275 – End of the Summer

December 1, 2019 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

HI, PROSH. (X-Force #39)

Look at this charming weirdo. (X-Force #39)

You see what I mean about the frolicking? (X-Force #39)

Damn skippy! (X-Force #39)

Well, that can’t be good. (X-Force #39)

I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING (X-Force #39)

This whole issue has a very Looney Toons vibe. (X-Factor #107)

It’s good that they can find common ground. (X-Factor #107)

Gravity: she’s a harsh mistress. (X-Factor #107)

Again: I really love the way the art here leans into Strong Guy’s inherent cartoonishness. (X-Factor #107)

Ouch. (X-Factor #107)

That cover! (Uncanny X-Men #318)

The choker really does seem to have an extra layer of symbolism, especially considering the color vs. the rest of her outfit. (Uncanny X-Men #318)

You tried, buddy. (Uncanny X-Men #318)

Serious X-Terminators vibes, right? (Uncanny X-Men #318)

“But, y’know, good luck with that.” (Uncanny X-Men #318)

She’s not wrong, Warren. (Uncanny X-Men #318)

…it works, though. (Uncanny X-Men #318)

NEXT EPISODE: The Soul Sword Trilogy!

LINKS & FURTHER CRYPTIDS:

Jay co-wrote a Thor novel! You can pre-order it here, if you are so inclined.
For more on Fred Dukes and confronting and subverting the fatphobic tropes around his characterization, listen to Episode 240 – Live at ECCC, feat. Vita Ayala, Seanan McGuire, & Leah Williams!
“End of the Summer” is a really good song.

275 – End of the Summer

December 1, 2019 Jay 9 comments

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In which Professor is too cool for the Phalanx; fatphobia is significantly more dangerous than Fred Dukes; Strong Guy catches a plane; Emma Frost will not let you coast; Jubilee says goodbye to the X-Men; and it’s probably for the best that we have avoided corporate advertisers.

X-PLAINED:

Mr. M
Thor: Metal Gods
Ship (more) (again)
The Phalanx vs. the Borg
Several cover homages
X-Force #39
X-Factor #107
Uncanny X-Men #318
Prosh
The myriad delights of embodiment
A complex theory about Leprechauns
Benefits of single-issue stories
Strong Guy vs. the Blob
Strong Guy vs. Gravity
Strong Guy vs. an airplane
Strong Guy vs. biology
Several explosions
The kids of Generation X
Deluxe-format comics
The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning
Goodbyes
Dazzler’s relative immortality
Jay’s X-Men Happy Meal Toy wish list
How to make a page-accurate Warlock toy

NEXT EPISODE: The Soul Sword Trilogy

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 267 – The Saddest Joyride

October 7, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

One of those images that has really, really stuck with us over the years. (Uncanny X-Men #314)

It took a lot of self restraint not to post every single drawing of Emma in Bobby’s body from this issue. (Uncanny X-Men #314)

Those Sienkiewicz inks! (Uncanny X-Men #314)

DAMN, Emma. (Uncanny X-Men #314)

You can almost see Generation X forming between the panels. (Uncanny X-Men #314)

Programming a hologram of his dead sister to harangue him in the Danger Room may be the most Bishop move yet. (Uncanny X-Men #314)

He sewed that cape out of SO MANY cheap vinyl Catwoman costumes. (X-Men Annual #18)

Never take teenagers hostage; they’ll just judge you ’til you let them go out of sheer insecurity. (X-Men Annual #18)

[Insert Jude the Obscure joke here.] (X-Men Annual #18)

Don’t fuck with Jean Grey. (X-Men Annual #18)

WHY IS THERE A GIANT SQUID HERE (X-Men Annual #18)

Aw, Bishop. (X-Men Annual #18)

For more of this beautiful friendship, we’d recommend giving canon a miss and going straight to fellow X-Podling Adam Reck’s delightful Bish & Jubes–and, while you’re at it, supporting the collected edition on Kickstarter!

On Fridays, we wear fuchsia. (Uncanny X-Men #315)

That is one sweet coma beard. (Uncanny X-Men #315)

Yes, this is a good speech; but also, I just realized that given that the whole trial happens in space, it definitely falls under maritime law, AND I FORGOT TO MAKE ANY JOKES ABOUT IT IN THE EPISODE. (Uncanny X-Men #315)

NEXT EPISODE: We’re so close to nearly reaching what’s almost the Phalanx Covenant!

LINKS & FURTHER ACTION POINTS

Here’s where to send your strongly worded letter about why Marvel should give us Earth-441:
- Marvel Entertainment, LLC
  135 W. 50th Street
  New York, NY 10020
- You can also tweet at them with the hashtag #EarthXPlain!
- Or e-mail the X-office directly at [email protected]!
For more in-depth discussion of Emma Frost, check out Episode 219 – Brutal Hearts: An Appreciation of Emma Frost (feat. Seanan McGuire, Leah Williams, Tea Fougner, Kel McDonald, and Diana Fox)!
Yes, SoftPaws are a real thing.

267 – The Saddest Joyride

October 7, 2019 Jay 5 comments

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Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which Emma Frost is a better Iceman than Bobby Drake; Generation X is aggressively foreshadowed; Malcolm and Randall are the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to Bishop’s Hamlet; and we launch a campaign for our own Multiversal designation.

X-PLAINED:

The first time the X-Men met Emma Frost
Uncanny X-Men 314-315
X-Men Annual #18
A game show nobody should ever under any circumstances actually make
Emma Frost’s recruitment tactics
Previously unexplored ice powers
The direct prelude to Generation X
Caliban (more) (again)
SoftPaws(TM)
The giant squids of New York
The neophyte
A trial, kind of
X-Men power fantasies
Earth-X-Plain

NEXT EPISODE: We’re so close to nearly reaching what’s almost the Phalanx Covenant!

Game show music by MusicManiac301; used with permission.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 262 – Science Fiction Double Feature

September 1, 2019 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

He’s a fun guy. (X-Men #311)

Aw. (X-Men #311)

Uncool, Sabretooth. Uncool. (X-Men #311)

Bishop is rad as hell. (X-Men #311)

See, this is why you should’ve taken her to the movies. (X-Men #311)

Emma’s got a new look. (X-Men #312)

Cool, but not the coolest. (X-Men #313)

No freakin’ kidding. (X-Men #313)

Ah, THAT’S the coolest. (X-Men #313)

Storm is so cool. (X-Men #313)

This club is the worst. (X-Men #311)

$The Phalanx, in a small fraction of its glory. (X-Men #312)$

The Phalanx, in a small fraction of its glory. (X-Men #312)

They’re very good friends. (X-Men #312)

Gambit is legitimately fairly charming, at least as drawn by Joe Madureira. (X-Men #312)

One of several shovel talks. (X-Men #312)

Oh, snap. (X-Men #312)

Familiar faces, and somewhat less familiar bodies. (X-Men #312)

And then, another shovel talk. (X-Men #312)

NEXT EPISODE: Remember this dude?

The Designing X-Women art isn’t online yet, but when it is, we’ll drop a link here!

262 – Science Fiction Double Feature

September 1, 2019 Jay 14 comments

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In which the Phalanx would make pretty fun novelty candy; “B-Plot” implies that we only have 26; nobody will take Jubilee to the movies; Repo Man and Repo: The Genetic Opera are in fact two entirely different films; Storm is a fashion icon; Sabretooth is the monster in the basement; it’s really rough to be the kid on the X-Men; Yuko gives Gambit a shovel talk; and a number of familiar faces return to the page.

X-PLAINED:

One of the many problems with Sentinels
Uncanny X-Men #311-313
Whether the Phalanx is squishy
Robo-Candy
Plotline disambiguation
A cult classic
Carl the X-Cutioner (again)
Creative use of Bishop’s powers
Storm fashion
Technical difficulties
A decision Iceman will come to regret
Bishop vs. Sabretooth
What If Vol. 2 #87
Variations on Iceman’s appearance
Early seeds of Generation X
A night out with Yukio
A heavily euphemized relationship
Xavier’s mutant underground
The Phalanx
A shovel talk
The return of Steven Lang (and some other people)
How Cyclops cries
Cassandra Nova’s signature look

NEXT EPISODE: Additional and Varyingly Literal Blasts from the Past

NOTE: Per our expert source Doctor Internet, what Miles knows as “water weenies” are mostly sold as “water wigglers” or “water snakes.”

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 253 – Autumn in the Uncanny Valley

June 23, 2019 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Aw, these kids. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

THEY’RE SO BAD AT BEING PEOPLE AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

I also love them. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Really, this is one of those issues that just makes me want the X-Men to always be happy and never have to do any superhero stuff. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Fucking hawks, always poaching passes on the gridiron. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

Jean “Grab fate by the throat and hold on until it stops moving” Grey. (Uncanny X-Men #208)

What do YOU think Jean is saying here? Fill in her word balloon for a chance to, I dunno, I guess we could publish a gallery of them? (Uncanny X-Men #208)