Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: hank mccoy

As Mentioned In Episode 54 – Who You Gonna Call? (feat. Elle Collins)

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 5/3/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
The New Defenders. (Defenders #127)
Moondragon, Cloud, Gargoyle, and Valkyrie demonstrate the kind of high drama and subtext that makes three ex-X-Men feel right at home. (Defenders #127)
Warren and Bobby simultaneously contemplate one of the great questions of the universe. (Defenders #126)
Hank opens up to Vera about his shifting personality. (Defenders #116)
The end of the last issue of Defenders. Total downer (except for the puppy). (Defenders #152)
All-New, All-Different. (X-Factor #1)
The worst part is that neither of them is wrong, exactly. (X-Factor #1)
Three guys who definitely don’t want to be superheroes anymore. (X-Factor #1)
Well, this can’t possibly end badly. (X-Factor #1)
OH GOD NEVER MIND. (X-Factor #1)
Rich people are different from the rest of us. (X-Factor #1)
Goddamnit, Warren. (X-Factor #1)
Goddamnit, Scott and Madelyne. (X-Factor #1)
Later, in Apartment 3-G… (X-Factor #1)
X-Factor is just painfully awkward on so many levels, for so long. (X-Factor #1)
“Seriously, Warren, you are LITERALLY WEARING A SUPERHERO COSTUME RIGHT NOW.” (X-Factor #1)
“Look, just go walk it off for a couple weeks. You’ll be fine.” (X-Factor #1)
If we had a dollar for every job interview that ended like this… (X-Factor #1)
Iceman is just goddamn delightful. (X-Factor #1)
There are several important things going on here, but all of them are overshadowed by the fact that Warren is wearing a cape with a sweater vest. (X-Factor #1)
It’s like they know how an intervention works, but not how it’s supposed to end. (X-Factor #1)
“Also, he’ll be gradually brainwashing us all and destroying our lives for the next year and change!” (X-Factor #1)
WE’RE HERE TO BELIEVE YOU! (X-Factor #1)
It just never stops sucking to be Rusty Collins. (X-Factor #1)
No, seriously. (X-Factor #1)
“It’s almost like some outside force is manipulating our lives, making sure to stretch this dramatic tension as long as possible.” (X-Factor #1)
How no one ever recognized the X-Terminators as the original five X-Men is one of the great mysteries of the Marvel Universe. (X-Factor #1)
NOTE: The appropriate soundtrack to literally every scene Cyclops is in in this issue is “Country Feedback,” by R.E.M., on repeat. (X-Factor #1)
WHO YOU GONNA CALL? (X-Factor #1)
“I mean, it’s been solicited as an ongoing, and everything.” (X-Factor #1)
Aw, Madelyne. (X-Factor #1)
NEXT WEEK: The Beyonder ruins everything. Again.

LINKS AND FURTHER READING:

54 – Who You Gonna Call? (feat. Elle Collins)

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 5/3/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 5/3/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which the X-Men get their third ongoing series; Elle drops in to x-plain the Defenders; the band gets back together; rich people are not like the rest of us; Cyclops is in desperate need of some kind of intervention; and X-Factor is basically Ghostbusters.

X-PLAINED:

  • Cameron Hodge
  • The fairly spectacular secret origins of X-Factor
  • The Champions
  • The New Defenders
  • The evolution of Hank McCoy
  • X-Factor #1
  • The death throes of Scott and Madelyne’s marriage
  • Rusty Collins
  • A really bad first date
  • The increasingly dubious life choices of Scott Summers
  • The worst job interview
  • Sushi-a-Go-Go
  • How not to have an intervention
  • X-Factor
  • The X-Terminators
  • The Phoenix Force on Earth-811 (and its relationship to Rachel Summers)

NEXT WEEK: The Beyonder ruins everything. Again.

You can find a companion index to the material mentioned in this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

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Because You Demanded It: X-Men Last-Minute Gift Guide

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Art by Sal Buscema and Karl Bollers, Marvel Holiday Special 1994 one-shot (1994)
Art by Sal Buscema and Karl Bollers, Marvel Holiday Special 1994 one-shot (1994)

HI, LISTENERS! Some of you have been asking us to write an X-Men holiday gift guide. We think it’s very thoughtful of you to consider purchasing gifts for fictional characters, and to help you out, we have created this handy last-minute guide! Click through for our picks for Beast, Shadowcat, and six more…

THE COMPLETE GUMBY

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FOR: Beast. We already know Hank McCoy is a fan of Art Clokey’s weird green guy–in fact, back in his Defenders days, he used to collect and trade bootleg Gumby VHSs (seriously–it’s canon). Modern Beast has been having a rough time; give him an excuse to unwind with seven disks’ worth of psychedelic claymation, and maybe a plate of pot brownies.

(And now we’re imagining a stoner comedy starring Hank McCoy and Abigail Brand. MARVEL. CALL US.)

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WHAT HE’D PREFER: Moral certitude.

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BACKUP GIFT:Dr. Strange: A Separate Reality, by Steve Englehart and Frank Brunner, because you know Beast would be super into a comic about a buddy of his that two dudes literally wrote while wandering around Central Park tripping balls in the middle of the night.

RIP IT: HOW TO DECONSTRUCT AND RECONSTRUCT THE CLOTHES OF YOUR DREAMS, BY ELISSA MYRICH

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FOR: Shadowcat. The X-Men’s most die-hard superfashionista can always use another tool in her arsenal–after all, you never know when you’ll find yourself hankering for a new costume with no Shi’ar tech in sight.

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WHAT SHE’D PREFER: A canonical girlfriend.

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BACKUP GIFT: The Complete Elfquest, vol. 1.

MAGNUM, P.I.’S SIGNATURE HAWAIIAN SHIRT

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FOR: Sunspot. I mean, Bobby da Costa probably already owns one of these, or six, but you can really never have too many backup Magnum, P.I. shirts, right?

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WHAT HE’D PREFER: To actually be Magnum, P.I.

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BACKUP GIFT: A signed pinup of Tom Selleck.

THE REQUISITE UGLY HOLIDAY SWEATER

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FOR: Cyclops. Left to his own devices, Scott Summers basically dresses like a six-year-old and has a long tradition of happily sporting really, really horrible sweaters; so you know he’ll at least get some use from it. (Plus, if he hates it, he’ll probably be too polite to say anything.)

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WHAT HE’D PREFER: A world in which he’s functionally irrelevant.

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BACKUP GIFT: Socks.

ERROL FLYNN FILM COLLECTION

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FOR: Nightcrawler. Kurt Wagner is a huge Errol Flynn fan, to the point of modifying his image inducer to reproduce the visage of the classic swashbuckler; so he’s sure to enjoy a boxed set of Flynn’s most famous films.

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WHAT HE’D PREFER: A soul.

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BACKUP GIFT: A collection of John Donne sonnets.

LOCAS: THE MAGGIE AND HOPIE STORIES, BY JAIME HERNANDEZ

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FOR: Magik. I have no actual narrative justification for this. I just think Magik would really dig some Love & Rockets.

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WHAT SHE’D PREFER: Nothing your fragile mortal mind can grasp, kid.

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BACKUP GIFT: A iPod preloaded with pop-culture nostalgia podcasts. For someone who runs with the unusually pop-savvy New Mutants, Illyana has spent relatively little of her life with any kind of media access.

CLASSIC X-MEN PVC SET

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FOR: Iceman. Bobby Drake is all about original-five nostalgia, and he’s kind of a goofball, so he would probably enjoy the hell out of this X-Men PVC set, featuring the original team, Professor X, and Magneto (and one of the better Iceman sculpts out there).

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WHAT HE’D PREFER: For Professor X to still be alive and everyone to be friends again.

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BACKUP GIFT: An Elsa tiara.

ALL SEVEN SEASONS OF DESIGNING WOMEN

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FOR: Rogue. Look, Rogue does not need another pair of fancy gloves. What Rogue needs is seven seasons of the most badass, progressive, Bechdel-test-acing Southern-lady sitcom of all time.

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WHAT SHE’D PREFER: A three-day bender with Julia Sugarbaker, and maybe conscious control over her powers.

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BACKUP GIFT: Another pair of fancy gloves.

As Mentioned in Episode 35 – Post-Disco Panic

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints available here until December 21, or contact David for the original!
Coming never, to a theater near you. (Dazzler: The Movie)
A friend pointed out that this comic is a pretty great window into what a certain category of dude thinks ladies do when they’re alone. (Dazzler: The Movie)
Wait, what? (Dazzler: The Movie)
Seriously, had Jim Shooter ever actually read any X-Men at this point? (Dazzler: The Movie)
Meet your romantic lead. (Dazzler: The Movie)
At some point, we’re going to do a roundup of every panel in this graphic novel where someone talks to themself in a mirror. Spoiler: THERE ARE A LOT OF THEM. (Dazzler: The Movie)
The really funny thing about this scene is that Frank Springer is apparently physically incapable of drawing women who don’t look like fashion illustrations, so she’s literally thinner here than in the earlier scene she’s comparing herself to. (Dazzler: The Movie)
So, that went about as well as you’d expect. (Dazzler: The Movie)
JFC, Roman. (Dazzler: The Movie)
“And it doesn’t even have Cher in it!” (Dazzler: The Movie)
I don’t care what it’s about, or what happens in it. THIS is the correct way to open your miniseries. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Hi, Hank McCoy! (Beauty and the Beast #1)
True fact: This is what ALL parties in LA are like. I think. Probably. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Aw, Hugo, you’re not sinister at all. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Beast is kind of an asshole in this miniseries. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
GET IT? GET IT? BECAUSE IT’S THE TITLE OF THE SERIES! GET IT? (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Wow, Wonder Man. Tell us how you really feel. (Beauty and the Beast #1)
Introducing: The best characters in this series! (Also: That guy is not actually Abraham Lincoln, but we can pretend.) (Beauty and the Beast #1)
AND THEN BEAST STRANGLED A HORSE GUY WITH A PHONE CORD. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
And now, a lot of pictures of the residents of the Heartbreak Hotel! (Beauty and the Beast #2)
We decided that her superhero name is “Pantone.” (Beauty and the Beast #2)
This is Link, who is a mime? Maybe? Anyway, the Heartbreak Hotel is the best, and we want it to have its own World’s End-style series. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
Oooooooooooooooh. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
Meanwhile in Latveria, this. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
Okay, look, I know it’s a Grand-Guignol-style arena, but you have to admit that its sets are epic as hell. (Beauty and the Beast #2)
Wellp. (Beauty and the Beast #3)
And now, back to the TRUE stars of the series. (Beauty and the Beast #3)
“Oh, my god! They’ve… they’ve decanted her!” (Beauty and the Beast #3)
Awwwww. Seriously, though, do you not want to see a series about Kate’s friends and her old-school superhero (or supervillain) adventures? (Beauty and the Beast #3)
We’d like to point out that they just had this entire set and the costumes lying around. JUST IN CASE. (Beauty and the Beast #3)
That’s pretty cold, Alexander. Pretty. Cold. (Beauty and the Beast #3)
Wait, what? (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Wait, WHAT? (Beauty and the Beast #4)
WAIT, WHAT? (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Several months ago, Rachel said that Havok had the dumbest hat in the Marvel Universe. She was mistaken. Alexander von Doom has the dumbest hat in the Marvel Universe. We regret the error. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Spoiler: He is straight-up force-choking some dudes. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Truly the worst von Doom. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Doctor Doom: disappointed parent. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
NO, SERIOUSLY: TALES FROM THE HEARTBREAK HOTEL. Now. Please. (Beauty and the Beast #4)
Next Week: LILA CHENEY LILA CHENEY LILA CHENEY LILA CHENEY LILA CHENEY

 

Links and Further Reading

35 – Post-Disco Panic

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Art by David Wynne
Art by David Wynne

In which literally every character in Dazzler: The Movie is the absolute worst; Beauty and the Beast is secretly kind of awesome; Ann Nocenti is an editorial war-bard; Rachel issues a hat-related retraction; and we would read the hell out of Tales from the Heartbreak Hotel.

X-Plained:

  • The many mutations of Hank McCoy
  • Alison Blaire
  • Dazzler: The Movie
  • Dazzler’s corporate origins
  • The original plans for the actual unmade Dazzler movie
  • Severely off-model Storm
  • Ziggy the Butler
  • Several frankly horrifying courtships
  • Roman Nekoboh
  • Eric Beale
  • Beauty and the Beast (but not that one)
  • The correct way to open a miniseries
  • Ann Nocenti
  • Alexander Flynn
  • The importance of voice in writing Beast
  • Max Rocker
  • The Heartbreak Hotel (but not that one) and its residents
  • Nocenti narration
  • Some really dubious underground theater
  • The worst hat
  • What Dazzler’s been up to lately

NEXT WEEK: Rock’n’Roll Annuals… IN SPACE!

ART CHALLENGE: Join us in a world where Beauty and the Beast spinoff Tales from the Heartbreak Hotel is a real, published comic–and send us your fan-art from that series!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 21 – Kurt Busiek at the Coffee-a-Go-Go

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METOXO the lava man, as teased in X-Men #48–but never revealed!
Beast and Iceman teach METOXO the true meaning of Christmas in the 1994 Marvel Holiday Special.
Angel X-Plains the Phoenix retcon. (X-Factor #1)
In X-Men #37, five reasonably normal-looking teenagers dive out of a plane…
…and then this happens. (X-Men #37)
In which Jean Grey, given the choice between the Silver Age’s two stock career options for female protagonists, opts for option A. (X-Men #48)
Scott Summers’ radio career lasted five whole panels. Here are four of them. We remain annoyed that none of them actually show him recording, because that would be really useful as a podcast graphic. (X-Men #48)
The Coffee-a-Go-Go made its debut in X-Men #7, along with regular Bernard the Poet and acerbic waitress Zelda.
There are a lot of Coffee-a-Go-Go stories, but Bobby’s 18th birthday, from X-Men #32, is probably the best.
Bernard the poet sells out in the name of birthday cheer. (X-Men #32)
Zelda’s original line, from X-Men #7 (she was originally a redhead)…
…and Busiek’s homage in the 1994 Marvel Holiday Special.
Iceman vs. ice skating. (X-Men #29)
We’ll be giving it its own post on Monday, but David Wynne’s art of the original X-Men as Enid Blyton’s Famous Five goes way too well with this episode.
Next Episode: Fast-forwarding to 1994 for the wedding of Scott Summers and Jean Grey.

Links & Further Reading:

21 – Kurt Busiek at the Coffee-a-Go-Go

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Famous Five
Art by David Wynne

In which special guest Kurt Busiek is the J. Robert Oppenheimer of X-Men, Rachel and Miles learn to love the Silver Age, Cyclops gets a job, Bernard the Poet falls from grace, we really wish X-Men: The Secret Years was a real book, everyone recites poetry, and we still don’t get around to Marvels.

X-Plained:

  • METOXO, the Lava Man
  • The true, secret purpose of Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men
  • The Phoenix retcon
  • Archival pocket dimensions
  • Enid Blyton’s X-Men
  • Early-to-mid-20th Century American Jewish Socialism
  • Why the X-Men are terrible mutant P.R.
  • Band names of the Silver Age
  • An X-Men series that might have been.
  • Why Cyclops should be the Rachel Maddow of Marvel
  • Quicksilver’s childhood dreams
  • The Coffee-a-Go-Go
  • Bernard the Poet
  • Zelda Kurtzberg
  • The Barefoot Beats

Next week: The wedding of Scott Summers and Jean Grey!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

As Mentioned in Episode 16 – The Official Unofficial Not-at-SDCC (Rachel and Miles X-Plain the) X-Men Panel

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When we say that Quentin Quire has the same fashion sense as Rachel, this is not what we’re talking about. (Wolverine and the X-Men #3)
Seriously. She’s never going to take it off again.
YAYBO! Thanks to your support, we’ve unlocked a bunch of very cool milestone goals on Patreon, from weekly video reviews of current X-books, to original illustrations, written posts, giant-size semiannuals, and more!
Why we can’t have nice things. (House of M #7)
As promised, from Uncanny X-Men #497.
Cyclops seems to like the premise of Schism about as much as we do.
We were going to photoshop word balloons in so Cap was yelling “What are we fighting about, again?” and Cyclops was yelling, “I have no idea!” but we ran out of time, so I guess just take that as read.
Yeah, that’ll end well, Iron Man. (Avengers vs. X-Men #5)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE! (Avengers vs. X-Men #11)
This moment has shown up in flashbacks in something like four books so far this month, so it’s probably gonna be PRETTY RELEVANT in the near future. (Avengers vs. X-Men #11)
Pretty much everything you need to know about Battle of the Atom. (Wolverine and the X-Men #37)
This was the only yearbook photo we could find with both of us in it. TRIVIA: Can you spot the other current comics-industry pro in this photo?
Aw, bros. (Wolverine and the X-Men #40)
Oh, that’ll be awkward. (Uncanny X-Men #23)
There are… kind of a lot of X-Men books currently coming out.
A reasonably comprehensive list of current X-titles.
We are 100% with Cyclops on this. (Wolverine and the X-Men #40)
Heh. (Schism #1)
Next week: Rogue! And space adventures! And Carol Danvers!
Also next week: Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men on Comics Alliance! It’ll go up here, as well as iTunes and Stitcher, at the usual time, but you’ll also be able to catch new episodes every Thursday at ComicsAlliance.com!
Bonus not-at-SDCC cosplay pics: Miles as Starman…
…and Rachel as space-pirate-in-a-polo-shirt teenage Cyclops.

Links:

16 – The Official Unofficial Not-at-SDCC (Rachel and Miles X-Plain the) X-Men Panel

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In which we correct a startling omission, explore the current state of the X-Universe, and speculate wildly; Quentin Quire has excellent fashion sense; Rachel gets a new accessory; Miles goes off-brand; the X-Men are somewhat complicated; Iron Man has poor decision-making skills; Charles Xavier dies for real; Beast might be a supervillain; we briefly forget Marc Guggenheim’s first name; and the future remains a relative mystery.

For purposes of continuity, it’s probably worth noting that this episode was recorded before the SDCC Marvel panel.

X-Plained:

  • Quentin Quire
  • Patreon
  • A startling omission from the official SDCC lineup
  • The current state of the X-Men
  • Decimation
  • Dark Reign
  • Utopia
  • Schism
  • Avengers vs. X-Men
  • Mutant politics
  • Hope Summers
  • The Phoenix/P.E.N.I.S. five (again)
  • The (real) (this time) (we think) death of Charles Xavier
  • Teenager hijinks
  • Crossover events
  • Battle of the Atom
  • Semantics of supervillainy
  • How Wolverine is 100% definitely going to die
  • Jumping-on points
  • Current X-books
  • Jubilee

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

 

As Mentioned in Episode 13 – Last Stand on the Moon

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You can tell she’s evil on account of the foreshortening. (X-Men #135)
Well, that escalated quickly. (X-Men #135)
“Inexorable” is a word we use a lot when talking about the Dark Phoenix Saga. This is one of those moments that can only lead in one devastating direction. (X-Men #135)
You can tell it’s a big deal because of the cameos… (X-Men #135)
…and the cross-promotion. Hi, Silver Surfer! (X-Men #135)
MALEFIC DESTINY! Claremont can be pretty overwrought, but for a story like this, we would argue that he is PRECISELY WROUGHT ENOUGH. (X-Men #135)
See, shit like this? This is why “malefic destiny” is an entirely appropriate and to-scale phrase. (X-Men #135)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE! (X-Men #135)
The Shi’ar: Why You Can’t Have Nice Things. (X-Men #136)
But first, a brief round of Danger Room exposition! (X-Men #136)
In John Grey’s defense, “what to do when your child is possessed by a potentially malevolent cosmic force” is really not covered adequately in most parenting books. (X-Men #136)
Comics Wolverine > Movie Wolverine. (X-Men #136)
If Xander’s crayon speech from that one Buffy episode is not direct homage to this scene, I will EAT MY HAT, and also your hat. (X-Men #136)
GOD DAMNIT, PROFESSOR X. (X-Men #136)
And THAT’S how you do a high-stakes psychic duel! (X-Men #136)
This will definitely not come back to haunt you. DEFINITELY NOT. (X-Men #136)
Maybe we will just put this cover in every single “as mentioned” gallery forever. Really, it deserves it. (X-Men #137)
The Watcher is like the narrative equivalent of pullquotes. (X-Men #137)
One step closer to the end. (X-Men #137)
But first, Beast pretty definitely gets a happy ending from a space massage therapist with epic green sideburns! (X-Men #137)
Again: Comics Wolverine > Movie Wolverine. (X-Men #137)
“I’ll take ‘scenes that always make Rachel tear up’ for 200, Alex.” (X-Men #137)
Yeah. (X-Men #137)
TEAMWORK! (X-Men #137)
“I’ll take ‘scenes that always make Rachel tear up’ for 1000, Alex.” (X-Men #137)
Can we have a moment of silence for this completely and absolutely perfect page? (X-Men #137)
The (definitely absolutely 100% permanent) death of Phoenix. (X-Men #137)
This is one of those covers that will be riffed and referenced until the end of time. (X-Men #138)
X-Men #138 renders 11 of the last 12 episodes of this podcast pretty much redundant.
The end… (X-Men #138)
…and the beginning. (X-Men #138)

P.S. We have some rad new stuff in our store, including dark-background Magneto Made Some Valid Points shirts and Chris Haley’s spiffy new YAYBO! design! Go buy shirts so we can buy comics!

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