In which we continue our coverage of pre-Excalibur Captain Britain; S.T.R.I.K.E. is D.U.C.K. is W.H.O.; the R.C.X. is one lapse in judgment away from on-the-job cosplay; Meggan levels up; your name will never be as cool as Doctor Crocodile’s; Technet writes their own cold opens; and we announce the upcoming debut of Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men!
X-PLAINED:
A large number of acronyms
Irony
Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men
Mighty World of Marvel #14-16
Captain Britain #1-14
The aftermath of the Jaspers Warp
Inspector Dai Thomas
How to work out a superhero’s secret identity
The Crazy Gang (more) (again)
Slaymaster
Captain Britain’s costume
Sidney Crumb
Gatecrasher’s Technet (more) (again)
Earth-794
Kaptain Briton
Sat-Yr-Nin
The R.C.X.
Agents Gabriel & Michael
The Warpies
The Cherubim
Meggan (more) (again)
Doctor Crocodile
Jamie Braddock
Betsy Braddock’s short and calamitous tenure as Captain Britain
Women in Refrigerators
Our thoughts on the X-movies
Mutant heredity
NEXT EPISODE: Genosha Is for Lovers
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
In which we venture out of our wheelhouse; Contest of Champions is ridiculous in any medium; Captain Britain would like you to unhand that elf; the Fury is legitimately terrifying; the Special Executive is the best at heists; Brian Braddock knows exactly what he’s getting into; Merlyn is the multiversal Charles Xavier; and this is really just the tip of the iceberg.
X-PLAINED:
Various Contests of Champions
ISO-8
Marvel UK
Marvel Superheroes 377-388
Daredevils 1-11
Mighty World of Marvel 7-13
Captain Britain (Brian Braddock)
Jackdaw
Earth-238
Mad Jim Jaspers
The Crazy Gang
Algernon the Rat
Omniversal Majestrix Opal Luna Saturnyne
Life-Enhancing Fluid
The Fury
Alan Moore juvenilia
The (first) death and rebirth of Captain Britain
How to make a retcon work
Mastermind (but not that Mastermind)
Emma Collins
Pre-Psylocke Betsy Braddock
S.T.R.I.K.E.
Vixen
Slaymaster
The Trial of Saturnyne
The Special Executive
Mandragon
The Captain Britain Corps
Captain U.K. (Linda McQuillan)
Marvelman vs. Miracleman
Future Traumatic Stress Disorder
NEXT EPISODE: But wait! There’s more!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
(Seriously, though, can we all just take a moment to think about Daveed Diggs as Nightcrawler? -J)
Elle casts Technet (and Alistaire Stuart):
Gatecrasher – Kathy Bates Scatterbrain – Cara Delevingne China Doll – Tristan Risk Ferro – Ray Park Thug – Hornswoggle Alistaire Stuart – Arthur Darvill
It’s your very own printable Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Award for Excellence in X-Cellence! GO, YOU!
Jay knew the Blingee account they had registered to add sparkles to Dazzler covers and photos of Nolan North would come in handy again someday!
THE 2015 SUPER DOCTOR ASTRONAUT PETER CORBEAU AWARDS FOR EXCELLENCE IN X-CELLENCE
Best X-Writer – Dennis Hopeless
Best X-Artist – Mike Norton
Best X-Colorist – Jordie Bellaire
Best Soap Opera – Inferno
Irene Adler Award for Most Anticipated Upcoming Book or Series – X-Men ’92 ongoing
Harvey and Janet Award for Best Walk-On – Falcon Pirate (Wolverines #1)
About Damn Time – Iceman comes out (All-New X-Men #40 and X-Men #600)
Cyclops Has a Good Day Award – Uncanny X-Men #600
Shameless Pandering – X-Men ’92
MetaCorbeau for Exemplary Use of Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau in a Comic Book – Al Ewing (Mighty Avengers #8)
Best Ongoing X-Series – X-Force (w: Si Spurrier; a: various)
Rising Star – Wolverine (Laura Kinney)
Best Withering Sneers* – Kristafer Anka
The Didn’t-Fit-Into-Any-Other-Categories-and-Isn’t-Technically-an-X-Book-but-We-Wanted-to-Give-It-an-Award-Anyway Award – Siege (w: Kieron Gillen, a: Filipe Andrade)
Still the Best Listeners of Any Podcast, Ever – YOU. Again.**
*Kris Anka owns this category so thoroughly that, in the name of fairness, he will be disqualified starting in 2016; at which point the name of this category will officially change to the Kristafer Anka Award for Best Withering Sneer in an X-Book.
**Seriously. We may be a wee bit biased; but honestly, you’re just wildly unfair to the competition.
CLASSIC CORBEAUS (for older X-material covered in the podcast during 2015)
Buried Treasure – Fallen Angels
You Tried – Magneto (New Mutants)
Jack Kirby Award for Best Intersection of Weird and Epic in a Single Character Design – Walter Simonson (Archangel, X-Factor)
In which Jay and Miles finally X-Plain some Excalibur; Kyle interviews the X-Perts; Logan gets up-close and personal with the X-Men; Elle casts Excalibur; Chris X-Plains Santa Claus; and you are still the best listeners of any podcast, ever.
X-PLAINED:
Excalibur: The Sword Is Drawn
Christmas at the X-Mansion
The best hair in the Marvel Universe
The not particularly secret origins of Excalibur
Mojoverse anxiety dreams
Warwolves
Meggan
Captain Britain (Brian Braddock)
Sexiest Nightcrawler
Technet (and several of its members)
Gatecrasher
Yap
Omniversal Majestrix Opal Luna Saturnine
The Special Executive
Mutant intersectionality
Why we chose the X-Men
Favorite X-Spinoffs
Our podcast-guest wish list
The theoretical cast of an Excalibur movie
Our ideal X-lineups
Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men
The Second Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence in X-Cellence
Marvel Holiday Special 1991
Santa Claus
The true meaning of Christmas
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
In which we go back in time to take a look at two annuals; everyone is really excited about Excalibur; Claremont ups his illusion game; Horde should probably not be allowed to dress himself; Rachel fires the X-Men; Havok needs better role models; Psylocke’s secondary mutation is femme power; Kyle X-Plains giant monsters; we check in with Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau; and you should totally come see us at Vegas Valley Comic-Book Festival on November 7!
X-PLAINED:
Dazzler’s powers
Uncanny X-Men Annual #11
Uncanny X-Men Annual #7
New Mutants Annual #3
The Hostage, by Brendan Behan
Wolverine vs. Historical Fiction
Horde and his amazing outfit
The Citadel of light and shadow
The fantasy lives of X-Men
Things to do with a shed human skin
The secret origin of Wolverine’s overactive healing factor
The Impossible Man (and how to defeat him)
The Shogun Warriors
What happened to Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau
Powers we don’t like
Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival
NEXT EPISODE: All-New X-Men with Dennis Hopeless!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Can we take a moment to acknowledge how rad this cover is? Because it is pretty darn rad. (New Mutants Annual #2)
It really, really sucks to be Psylocke a lot of the time. (New Mutants Annual #2)
I’m gonna go with “because you are absolutely delightful,” Doug. (New Mutants Annual #2)
TELEVISION IS BAD FOR YOU. (New Mutants Annual #2)
It also sucks to be Captain Britain fairly frequently, although still generally less than it sucks to be Psylocke. (New Mutants Annual #2)
Illyana is the best at chores. (New Mutants Annual #2)
Mojo is the best at being TERRIFYING. (New Mutants Annual #2)
Well, then. (New Mutants Annual #2)
No, not THAT Jubilee. The other Jubilee. (New Mutants Annual #2)
Warlock has some parent issues. (New Mutants Annual #2)
Subtext: not just for the ladies! (New Mutants Annual #2)
Somewhere in this, there’s a metaphor about unprotected sex. (New Mutants Annual #2)
Dang, Psylocke. (New Mutants Annual #2)
“Aw” or “Ew,” depending on your vague guess at Betsy’s age at this point in continuity. (New Mutants Annual #2)
While X-Men and New Mutants will shortly start crossing over in the series proper, this was the second consecutive year they had interconnected annuals. (X-Men Annual #10)
Danger Room open. Take a drink. (X-Men Annual #10)
VALID QUESTIONS. (X-Men Annual #10)
Welcome to the X-Men, Longshot! Hope you survive the experience! (X-Men Annual #10)
Teen Magneto always looks super smug, presumably because of his excellent hair. (X-Men Annual #10)
Meet the proto-X-Babies! (X-Men Annual #10)
Fun fact: For a long time, Wolverine’s claws were believed to be–and written as–technology rather than an aspect of his mutation. (X-Men Annual #10)
These graduation costumes look like things you would make someone wear as part of some kind of oblique punishment. (X-Men Annual #10)
The second round of graduation costumes weren’t much better. (New Mutants #61)
Darla is inexplicably dressed as Li’l Orphan Annie, which might make this a meta cameo. (X-Men Annual #10)
These costumes are not okay, but Magneto’s is 100% less okay than any of the others. (Note: in other panels, the arm band is generally colored red.) (X-Men Annual #10)
I am totally willing to believe that the Simonsons can comprehend the language of beasts, or at least of Thor’s frog bros. (X-Men Annual #10)
The X-Men are uncharacteristically bloodthirsty throughout this issue. (X-Men Annual #10)
ART CHALLENGE: Design a new graduationcostume for one or more of the New Mutants! Send your designs to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com, with the subject line GRADUATION, and we’ll collect ‘em on the blog at the end of the week!
In which cartoon logic is terrifying; it’s immensely frustrating to be Doug Ramsey; Psylock gets evil robot eyes; queer subtext is not just for the ladies; Danger Room cold opens are the new Kitty’s costume changes; Mojo predicts reality TV; Longshot joins the X-Men; and we answer what may be the best question we have ever gotten.
X-PLAINED:
Captain Britain Corps
Alan Davis
New Mutants Annual #2
X-Men Annual #10
Captain Britain (Brian Braddock)
Psylocke (Betsy Braddock)
Slaymaster
Mojo
Why cartoon logic is terrifying
Animal Man vol. 1 #5, “The Coyote Gospel” (Incorrectly described as “The Ballad of Wile E. Coyote” in episode)
Wildways
Robot eyes
Template
Snitch
Straight Arrow
Jubilee (but not that Jubilee)
The trouble with determining character ages in superhero comics
The stated mission of the New Mutants
The proto-X-Babies
Longshot’s X-Men debut
The New Mutants’ graduation costumes
A really charged costume choice
Tonal shifts in New Mutants
X-Men vs. geese
NEXT WEEK: APOCALYPSE NOW!
ART CHALLENGE: Design a new graduationcostume for one or more of the New Mutants! Send your designs to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com, with the subject line GRADUATION, and we’ll collect ‘em on the blog at the end of the week!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Special thanks to Ryan Hill for this week’s art, and to Claire Miller for the research X-Pertise!