X-Men – Page 25 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

16 – The Official Unofficial Not-at-SDCC (Rachel and Miles X-Plain the) X-Men Panel

July 28, 2014 Jay 12 comments

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In which we correct a startling omission, explore the current state of the X-Universe, and speculate wildly; Quentin Quire has excellent fashion sense; Rachel gets a new accessory; Miles goes off-brand; the X-Men are somewhat complicated; Iron Man has poor decision-making skills; Charles Xavier dies for real; Beast might be a supervillain; we briefly forget Marc Guggenheim’s first name; and the future remains a relative mystery.

For purposes of continuity, it’s probably worth noting that this episode was recorded before the SDCC Marvel panel.

X-Plained:

Quentin Quire
Patreon
A startling omission from the official SDCC lineup
The current state of the X-Men
Decimation
Dark Reign
Utopia
Schism
Avengers vs. X-Men
Mutant politics
Hope Summers
The Phoenix/P.E.N.I.S. five (again)
The (real) (this time) (we think) death of Charles Xavier
Teenager hijinks
Crossover events
Battle of the Atom
Semantics of supervillainy
How Wolverine is 100% definitely going to die
Jumping-on points
Current X-books
Jubilee

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

You made art!

July 5, 2014 Jay One comment

You are delightful. Did you know that? It is true.

David Wynne sent us this family picture of Wolverine and his many, many off-brand knockoffs! (Reminder: If you like David’s X-Plain art and want to take it home with you, you can do that!)

Tim Siltala imagines Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men as it might exist within the Marvel Universe:

Logan Bonner has dreamed up the best crossover-event villain EVER: Prydeslaught: the dark impulses of Charles Xavier merged with the SPECTACULAR fashion sense of 13-year-old Kitty Pryde!

Logan also sent us two boxes of blue raspberry Twinkies of Future Past; click through below for a brief chronicle of our (fairly tame) adventures with the Official Snack Food of the Sentinel Apocalypse:

Along with Prydeslaught, Logan sent us two boxes of Twinkies of Future Past.

This is what happens when the Sentinels win!

Like their regular-continuity counterparts, the Twinkies of Future Past are pretty vile, so we brought some to a friend’s 4th of July cookout to see if they’d be any better grilled. (Also, someone there recognized Miles based on his voice, which was both weird and awesome!)

Post-grill, the Twinkies looked way worse, but tasted way better.

Also, they turned our tongues hella blue. The end!

As Mentioned in Episode 9 – Leprechaun Surprise Party

June 8, 2014 Jay 4 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Cassandra Nova: The worst evil disembodied parasitic sister ever.

Cassidy Keep (X-Men #101)

Nightcrawler is just ridiculously charming. (X-Men #101)

I keep trying to think of a Monster in a Box joke to make about X-Men and vacations, but no matter where it goes, it’s not going to be in good taste. (X-Men #101)

Page 3 of Storm’s origin flashback. Can we talk about Dave Cockrum splash pages and how they are AWESOME? (X-Men #102)

After the “Cyclops Has a Good Day” sketchbook is full, Rachel’s going to move on to “Cyclops tells Professor X to go fuck himself.” (X-Men #102)

And then, Leprechauns. (X-Men #103)

Here, Nightcrawler. Have a new mutation. And also I guess some more Leprechauns, because, why not? (X-Men #103)

Even fake Charles Xavier is kind of a douche. (X-Men #103)

“We also know what you think about when you masturbate.” (X-Men #103)

The rad bromance of Cain Marko and Tom Cassidy. (X-Men #103)

“Whaddayamean, ‘roll diplomacy’? I put all my points into claw weapons!” (X-Men #104)

Secondary mutation: awesome villain speeches. (X-Men #104)

So, that happened. (X-Men #104)

Cockrum is REALLY into this layout. (X-Men #105)

Fun fact: Misty Knight is the only one of these characters alive in the modern Marvel universe. (X-Men #105)

Phoenix wants you heralds of Galactus off her damn lawn. (X-Men #105)

Shi’ar Trek. (X-Men #105)

AND THEN THINGS GOT AWESOME. (X-Men #107)

“While you guys were fighting the functionally omnipotent Superboy clone, I beat a guy up and stole his clothes.” Wolverine: Chaos gamer. (X-Men #107)

I’m not sure what he expects Captain America to do about this. (X-Men #107)

The Phoenix Force. (X-Men #108)

More majestic Phoenix action. (X-Men #108)

“I realized that I’d left some scenery unchewed, and that would NEVER do.” (X-Men #111)

Magneto is COMMITTED to the supervillain schtick. (X-Men #112)

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (X-Men #112)

Okay, then. (X-Men #113)

Next week on Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men!

9 – Leprechaun Surprise Party

June 8, 2014 Jay 15 comments

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In which Rachel refuses to back down from a challenge, we reject a point of canon, Leprechauns know Wolverine’s secrets, Erik the Red is (still) awful, Professor X is (still) a dick, the X-Men are your D&D party, the Shi’ar do a Star Trek riff, Phoenix is kind of a big deal, the circus comes to town, and Magneto gets creepy.

X-Plained:

Cassandra Nova
More early Claremont
Sound effects
Cassidy Keep
Seneschals
Shillelaghs
Image inducers
Black Tom Cassidy
Supervillain bromance
Bronze-age pacing
Leprechauns
Hovercraft rental
Muir Island
The Shi’ar Imperial Guard
The M’Kraan Cyrstal
Phoenix 101
Secret volcano lairs
Magneto’s mercifully short-lived age-play fixation
The (dis)continuity of mutant powers

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Wolverine punches a pterosaur, Cyclops grows a mustache, and everyone gets possessed!

As Mentioned in Episode 8 – What We Talk About When We Talk About Claremont

June 1, 2014 Jay 8 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

In a moment of clarity, Cyclops recognizes that the X-Men’s greatest enemy is, in fact, the guy writing the book. (X-Men #96)

Never change, Sunfire. (X-Men #94)

Check out that sweet Dave Cockrum training montage. (X-Men #94)

Welcome to the X-Men, Thunderbird! Hope you survive the… oh. (X-Men #95)

This panel isn’t all that plot-relevant. We just think Havok’s powers look super cool. (X-Men #97)

“There can’t be TWO bondage vikings running around the Marvel universe!” (X-Men #97)

Professor Xavier’s nightmares are AWESOME. (X-Men #97)

Steven Lang: Stable and upstanding member of society. (X-Men #96)

In the Silver Age, superhero romance was limited to soulful gazes and ongoing sexual harassment. (X-Men #98)

I don’t know why they all look so surprised. (X-Men #98)

Cyclops obliterating a Sentinel: never gets old. (X-Men #98)

As far as we can tell, he swam here. From the middle of the ocean. Dr. Peter Corbeau: Ph.D. Badassitude. (X-Men #98)

Those are actually Sentinels designed to look and act like the original X-Men, because, Steven Lang. Just run with it. (X-Men #99)

Oh, hey, it’s the first Fastball Special! (X-Men #100)

You know how we say Jean Grey is underrated? Jean Grey is freakin’ underrated. (X-Men #100)

Aw. man. This whole scene. (X-Men #100)

The (first) death of Jean Grey. (X-Men #100)

And then… (X-Men #101)

This page still gives us chills. (X-Men #101)

Next week: Leprechauns. We’re not even joking.

Links and further reading:

FanBros

Chris Claremont’s X-Men

Episode 05 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man (Covering Giant-Size X-Men #1)

8 – What We Talk About When We Talk About Claremont

June 1, 2014 Jay 14 comments

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In which Chris Claremont defines the X-Universe; Sunfire quits the team (again); Nightcrawler is the best; the narrator is nobody’s friend; Colossus is a good kid; Cyclops has a long series of bad days; everyone is a bondage Viking; Rachel is a space pedant, we meet the Phoenix, and Wolverine is the Batman of Marvel.

X-Plained:

Polaris’s kinda-powers
Our first crossover event
How much we love you
Chris Claremont, and why he’s the definitive X-writer
Comics In Focus: Chris Claremont’s X-Men
Why Nightcrawler is the best point-of-view character
The long game
Tom Orzechowski’s dimension-folding lettering skills
Claremontisms
The malicious narrator
Count Nefaria
Sliding-scale ransom
The life, death, and occasional reanimation of Thunderbird
Friendship
The care and feeding of cairns
Erik the Red
Quiet moments
Sentinels and X-Sentinels
Steven Lang
The (first) death and return of Jean Grey
Accents

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Leprechauns!

6 – Days of Future Whatever

May 18, 2014 Jay 12 comments

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In which we more or less prepare you for the upcoming feature film; Rachel Summers is a black hole of continuity; Kitty Pryde breaks the Danger Room; Earth 200500 is clearly the best earth; even the X-Men have no idea what’s going on; First Class Emma Frost is so boring that we forget she exists; wolverines are definitely not wolves; and you can have Rachel’s Community references when you pry them from her cold, dead hands.

X-Plained:

Rachel Summers
“Days of Future Past”
Gravestone engraving standards of 2013
The Mostly-New, Mostly-Different Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
Another unfortunate hat
Causality in the Marvel Multiverse
Earths 811, 1191, 295, 311, and 200500
Hall monitors with laser rifles
How to fix a broken timeline
The X-Men cinematic universe, and points of divergence from the comics
The one thing X-Men: The Last Stand does right
The Xavier Index of Cinematic Continuity
The difference between Canis lupus and Gulo gulo
A Days of Future Past cinematic cram course
Fix-it fic
Blink, Bishop, and dark-future mash-ups
The enduring appeal of Earth-811
The significantly less enduring appeal of Earth-242
The Nazi Excalibur of Earth-597

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Greg Rucka, Cyclops, and Starjammers!

As Mentioned on Episode 5 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man

May 11, 2014 Jay 12 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Giant-Size X-Men #1. Prepare for forty years of riffs on this cover.

The best-dressed mob in Germany.

And THAT’S how you punch a tractor.

“Oh, y’know. Fight crime, see the world, get your memory rewritten every few weeks, maybe go on a really fucked up date with Dracula…”

When Xavier finds him, Thunderbird is literally wrestling a buffalo to death.

Sunfire’s first appearance, in X-Men #64.

Most of the New & Different X-Men get a full page or two to join the team. Banshee? Two panels. He’s just that chill.

“Think you can just walk away, Wolverine? We’ll come after you with our deadliest weapon yet: Alpha Flight crossovers!”

Wow. You… certainly made some choices there, Professor.

Sunfire is absolutely delightful.

At this point, I’m pretty sure he’s just messing with them for fun.

This is the second of three times Sunfire calls Nightcrawler “Misfit” on one page–which is actually a pretty welcome break from the X-Men referring to each other exclusively by ethnic epithets. Len Wein, DON’T DO THAT.

This jerk.

This is pretty much the platonic ideal of an X-Men fight scene: teamwork, cool powers, and narration busting Kool-Aid-Man-style through the fourth wall.

Fun fact: Polaris will later go on to get an advanced degree in geophysics.

“You know… stuff?”

We see what you did, there.

Moira MacTaggert has opinions about retcons.

Introducing: The Worst Summers Brother

“Hey, kids, want to be superheroes?”

It’s worth noting that Moira’s team’s emergency psychic training regimen includes a Hostess Fruit Pie ad callback.

They are so doomed.

It’s almost like you live with a telepath who messes with people’s memories all the time.

Wait, what? But that’s not how it…

…oh. That explains some things.

Damn, X. That’s cold.

Professor X: Master of the retcon, worst surrogate parent ever.

Sorry ’bout that, guys.

Then Gabriel goes and punches an empire to death.

5 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man

May 11, 2014 Jay 23 comments

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In which the Bronze Age begins; Dave Cockrum is your god now; the band gets together; Sunfire joins the team; cultural sensitivity is not Marvel’s strong suit; Sunfire quits the team; it sucks to be Cyclops; Professor X crosses a moral event horizon; Sunfire joins the team; Ed Brubaker channels Thomas Hardy; you are probably a Summers brother; and Sunfire quits the team.

X-Plained:

Bamf-Voltron Nightcrawler
Giant-Size X-Men #1
The worst hat of the Marvel Universe
The Mostly-New, Mostly-Different X-Men
A business-casual angry mob
The limits of creative good intentions
Tractor punching on the Ust-Ordynski Collective
The correct spelling of “fine”
Canada
Sunfire’s utter disdain for everything, including you
Krakoa: The Island That Walks Like a Man!
Characteristics of good X-fights
Yet another miracle of magnetism
X-Men: Deadly Genesis
Summers Family Continuity (Introductory)
More hats
The Muir-MacTaggert Research Facility
Summers Family Continuity (Intermediate)
The Charles Xavier Scale of Supervillainy
Relative immunity
Wolverine’s ubiquity

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION:

What would you do with thirteen X-Men?
Help us find all-ages-friendly Marvel Girl stories!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

As Mentioned in Episode 3 – Cartoons, Lies, and Video Tape

April 27, 2014 Jay 8 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

The X-Men as they appear in the 90s cartoon opening sequence.

We really just never get tired of Cyclops blowing up robots.

Mr. Sinister is here for your logical causality and possibly also your glam rock!

Creepy Gambit would like you to buy a comic book in which he is probably even creepier in that than in the cartoon it’s based on.

Bruce Timm’s love letter to Broadcast Standards & Practices.

Mojo gets meta.

The first-season lineup of X-Men: Evolution.

X-23 is not pleased with your Harley Quinn comparisons.

In 1989, Dwayne McDuffie sent this pitch to Marvel to make a point about some trends pervasive among their black characters.

Ten years after McDuffie’s letter, Marvel introduced Spyke in X-Men: Evolution: A black kid on a skateboard, who is related to the only other black character on the show.