X-Men – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 467 – Disorganizing Principle

November 8, 2024 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

And then Marrow whacked a centaur with a dinosaur, as happens. (Uncanny X-Men #373)

Piotr Rasputin, clown in training. (Uncanny X-Men #373)

Nice Sienkiewicz-style sketchiness… (Uncanny X-Men #373)

What’s up, Doctor Klaw? (Uncanny X-Men #373)

Poor Sarah… (Uncanny X-Men #373)

Mikhail turns a chair into a dinosaur to prove every point. (Uncanny X-Men #374)

Jeez, at least put a beanbag chair in the corner or something. (Uncanny X-Men #374)

Marrow 4.0 meets Marrow 1.0. (Uncanny X-Men #374)

Marrow 4.0 meets Marrow 2.0. (Uncanny X-Men #374)

For him, it was Tuesday. (Uncanny X-Men #374)

I… definitely knew it all along! It was obvious, really! (Uncanny X-Men #374)

“I wish I could just turn into a bird like in X-Men Evolution.” (X-Men #93)

I’m starting with the elf in the mirror… (X-Men #93)

Honestly, Rogue’s response would’ve been understandable regardless of the nature of her powers. (X-Men #93)

Polaris is a little… out of character in this arc. Get used to it, I guess. (X-Men #93)

“So were Mystique and Destiny… Roommates? Gal Pals?” (X-Men #93)

I appreciate a clear sense of panel-to-panel movement. Even more so when it’s Rogue kicking ass. (X-Men #93)

Sunfire ponders how to quit the scene. (X-Men #94)

You wish it was just one journal, Kitty. Just you wait. (X-Men #94)

I know all of the As stand for Apocalypse, but I like to think Destiny was just giving her prophecies excellent grades. (X-Men #94)

Listen, Rogue, it could be worse – your mom may have disappeared in the middle of a sincere conversation, but at least she didn’t throw you off a bridge to be picked up by an evil wizard lady and her attractive daughter! (X-Men #94)

NEXT TIME: Jubilee gets revenge!

467 – Disorganizing Principle

November 3, 2024 Jay 3 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which Nightcrawler has a type; the Hill is a bad place to raise your kids up; Colossus introduces Marrow to art; we come out against autotrepanation; Mikhail Rasputin never learns; Destiny leaves clues from beyond the grave; and The Twelve looms.

X-PLAINED:

That one universe where Mystique raised Nightcrawler in an attic
An event in name only
Some shit that went down a while ago
The Hill (more) (again)
Uncanny X-Men #373-374
X-Men #93-94
Marrow as a child soldier
Rural Boston
Some asshole
Mikhail Rasputin (more) (again)
How to prove that you’re a god
The souls of furniture and some other things
The green psychic entity who’s been secretly controlling Mikhail Rasputin, I guess?
Ninja problems
B. Byron Biggs
Ronnie Lake
A Conspiracy
How Rogue and Destiny met
Compulsory heterosexuality
Destiny’s diaries
Prognostication vs. agenda-setting
Skrullverine’s power mimicry
How the Mannites could’ve been used in the Krakoan era

NEXT EPISODE: Secrets of Jubilee’s past!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

463 – The Fart Ghost That Walks Like a Manhattan

September 22, 2024 Jay 5 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which Gambit is fundamentally goofy; t’ieves love research; Magneto was ripped; Professor Xavier remains a jerk; Miles attempts to convey something very fundamentally visual in an audio format; Marrow is adorable; the X-Men pretty much disband (again); and a miniseries is the opposite of a vacation.

X-PLAINED:

Where Wolverine went
Gambit Annual 1999
Uncanny X-Men #372
X-Men #92
A lot of backstory
A very cute plastic goose
What Gambit does in his free time
Those weird fluid-filled tubes they put people in all the time for some reason
Gambit’s abs
The fart ghost (Mary Purcell)
Manhattan, Indiana
A very minor continuity error
Fart ghost metaphysics
A very bad idea
A muppetworthy death
Dream’s various ends
X-pajamas
Professional dinosaurs
Thinkers
Theoretical Cyclops-Daredevil team-ups
X-characters recognizable as civilians

NEXT EPISODE: The return of the Damocles Foundation!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 459 – Waiting to X’Hal (feat. Devin Toohey)

August 18, 2024 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

It is a crime that Dial H.U.S.K. didn’t make the cover. (X-Patrol #1)

As letterforms to create the shape of your building go, you could do worse. A lot worse. (X-Patrol #1)

I didn’t know there was a wrong way to stare at a butt, but… Beastling’s doing it. (X-Patrol #1)

Backstory, orange edition: Shatterstarfire! (X-Patrol #1)

Backstory, green edition: Beastling! (X-Patrol #1)

Backstory, yellow edition: Dial H.U.S.K.! (Bonus: Wonder Girl!) (X-Patrol #1)

Backstory, blue edition: Ferro Man! (X-Patrol #1)

Backstory, fuschia edition: Elasti-Girl! (X-Patrol #1)

Shit, now I wish Cable had a beard. And not just that literally-evil goatee from 1993. (X-Patrol #1)

An auspicious start to a first mission. (X-Patrol #1)

That outfit! On that guy! (X-Patrol #1)

Pretty bangin’ fit, I’m not gonna lie. (X-Patrol #1)

Second-rate indeed. That claw-guy doesn’t even have bat ears! (X-Patrol #1)

Mary Marvel Girl! (X-Patrol #1)

Did he murder tiny demon-squirrels just to hold his cape on? (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Hitch and Neary never disappoint. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

They must have such excellent dental hygiene practices! (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Maximalism. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

X-Patrol Mark II, featuring non-Rockslide and Jan’s muscles. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Robot roll-call! (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

I would read any and all of these comics. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Stalactites have a C in the middle because they’re on the ceiling, stalagmites have a G in the middle because they’re on the ground, and Brood have an O in the middle because they’ll eat your goddamn face. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Artemisty Knight! (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Turns out Terrax and Terra look pretty damned cool when they merge. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

This isn’t even my final form! Wait, yes it is. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Why would you cover up that amazing outfit with rocks? (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Fuckin’ YIKES (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Introducing: Exuberant-Man! (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

NEXT TIME: Teens!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

Check out Devin’s Doom Patrol podcast Meet Your Doom!

459 – Waiting to X’Hal (feat. Devin Toohey)

August 18, 2024 Miles 8 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which Devin Toohey joins Miles to discuss X-Men’s DC Comics cousin Doom Patrol, and their bastard Amalgam child, X-Patrol!

X-PLAINED:

X-Men vs. Doom Patrol
Meet Your Doom
Doom Patrol
Amalgam
X-Patrol
Elasti-Girl (Amalgam)
Shatterstarfire
Beastling
Ferro Man
Dial H.U.S.K.
X-Patrol #1
Exciting X-Patrol #1
Niles Cable
Dr. Doomsday
Superhero aviation
Brother Brood
Raveniya
Niles Dayspring
Technoorganic lettering
Claw mechanics
Magneto on X-Force
Real-life Dazzler and Lila Cheney analogs

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X goes to Madripoor!

Want to hire J&MXPtXM producer Matt Hunter to produce your podcast? Email him!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 456 – Until/Unless

July 24, 2024 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Techno-organic cover #1! (Uncanny X-Men #371)

Cheer up, Chuck – it’s just naptime at your school! I guess they all forgot their red and blue mats. (Uncanny X-Men #371)

I’m not so sure about this plot development, but… she’s just so happy! (Uncanny X-Men #371)

Hey, don’t judge: you look way grosser under your outer layer. (Uncanny X-Men #371)

“Dis was not in Gambit’s horoscope!” (Uncanny X-Men #371)

The Phalanx Covenant by Doctor Seuss. (Uncanny X-Men #371)

Techno-organic cover #2! (X-Men #91)

Take that, Billy G! You know what you did. (X-Men #91)

I love these weird faces and terrifying bone-trees! (X-Men #91)

Oof, brutal. (But nice dress, Rogue!) (X-Men #91)

URRKK indeed! (X-Men #91)

And for one panel, we were joined by the spirit of Bill Sienkiewicz. (X-Men #91)

Techno-organic cover #3! Yep, that’s Colossus’s arm from the last cover – we didn’t realize they connected until our listener Alex pointed it out on the blog! (X-Men Annual 1999)

This montage is way more efficient at describing continuity than our podcast. (X-Men Annual 1999)

Colonel Nicholas J. Fury, leading with guns and crotch. (X-Men Annual 1999)

Red Skull loves the Power Glove. It’s so bad. (X-Men Annual 1999)

Miles learned about the field of neurosurgery’s Thumbtack Technique back in college. (X-Men Annual 1999)

Go, Gadget, Go! (X-Men Annual 1999)

Yes, we know Douglock’s robo-suspenders started out as a miscoloring of his New Mutants uniform, but… they kinda work? (X-Men Annual 1999)

None of these new series will make it past a year. (X-Men Annual 1999)

NEXT TIME: Cecilia’s back!

456 – Until/Unless

July 21, 2024 Miles 3 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which there’s nothing inherently wrong with monster-of-the-week; Marrow’s makeover extends to her font; Red Skull gets a Power Glove; Marvel sets up a slate of spinoffs; and you should hire Matt Hunter to produce your podcast!

X-PLAINED:

What Danger’s been up to lately
Uncanny X-Men #371
X-Men #91
X-Men Annual 1999
Crossover cover design
Skrullverine
Machine Man
Dethlok vs. Dethklok
Jack Truman (Agent 18) (to some extent)
A nice dress
An awkward reunion
Gambit as a mentor
Billy G.
A daring but silly rescue
Several upcoming series
Marrow’s bone bikini and/or pubes
Whether Rogue can absorb animals

NEXT EPISODE: Cecilia Reyes returns from retirement!

Want to hire J&MXPtXM producer Matt Hunter to produce your podcast? Email him!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 455 – Space, Geeks, and Galactus

July 19, 2024 Miles One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Where the streets have no [right angles in their fr]ame (X-Men #89)

“Hey, this gravestone’s taken! Get your own!” (X-Men #89)

Perhaps our very favorite Spider-Man. (X-Men #89)

Still more competent than the Great Lakes Avengers. (X-Men #89)

Kitty meets “Kitty”. (X-Men #89)

PICTURED: the computer lab Jay and Miles worked in back in college. (X-Men #89)

You’re all dead! And wear red! And from your employers you have fled! (X-Men #89)

Just a hell of a nice cover. (Uncanny X-Men #370)

I mean, Fake-Vision’s not wrong. (Uncanny X-Men #370)

“Over”-acting? I don’t understand what that phrase means. (Uncanny X-Men #370)

“As you know, Skrull-Bob…” (Uncanny X-Men #370)

That is an exceptionally Muppet-y Skrull. (Uncanny X-Men #370)

Superbeings to the left of me, space pirates to the right… (Uncanny X-Men #370)

Skrull-ternative medicine. (Uncanny X-Men #370)

Hey, those Skrulls are Muppet-y too! (X-Men #90)

In which Alan Davis draws everybody. (X-Men #90)

Okay, so Professor X’s plan doesn’t work, but… hell of a speech, Chuck. (X-Men #90)

“I said just a little off the top!” (X-Men #90)

Welp, here we go. (X-Men #90)

Who designed this thing?! (X-Men #90)

Well damn. (X-Men #90)

“You come around here often, reflection?” (X-Men #90)

NEXT TIME: Douglock’s back!

455 – Space, Geeks, and Galactus

July 7, 2024 Jay 7 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which Roadhouse is basically a Wolverine story; Spider-Man does crimes; space names are derivative; there are lots of good reasons to yell at Professor Xavier; the X-Men do Doctor Who; Galactus is not interested in your puny human feelings; Marrow gets a new look; the Skrulls need a crash course in UI; and we overthink bones.

X-PLAINED:

The time the Skrulls did “A Piece of the Action”
The trouble with benevolent dictatorships
X-Men #89-90
Uncanny X-Men #370
A New York City that is not in fact New York City
“Spider-Man”
A ruse
Faces
Skrull problems
Mar-Vell
Adam Warlock
Sass vs. joviality
Skrull Cop City
Disguises
Nova (Frankie Raye)
How Galactus eats planets
Condiments
Several melees
Bone pubes
Skrull UI
Whether Moopsy could drink Wolverine’s bones
X-Musicals

NEXT EPISODE: The return of Douglock!

The Roald Dahl short story whose title Jay couldn’t recall is “Beware of the Dog.”

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!