X-Force – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 470 – Large Adult Men

December 1, 2024 Jay 2 comments

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Nipples? Spigots? Weirdly evenly spaced barnacles? You be the judge! (Cable #73)

Neither that font nor that neck is acceptable. (Cable #73)

The fonts in this book are killing me. (Cable #73)

Hug #1. (Cable #73)

Hug #2. (Cable #73)

Perspective? I hardly know ‘er! Wait. Damnit. (Cable #73)

What’s REALLY on the CD? Tell us in the comments! (Cable #73)

Caliban: Tailor of Apocalypse! (Cable #73)

The juxtaposition between the art and text in this pane is extremely funny. (Cable #73)

Quick-change! (Cable #74)

Deathbird, or possibly Warbird now. (Cable #74)

Whoops. (Cable #74)

He looks so over it. (Cable #74)

Ewwwww. (Wolverine #145)

He does look pretty rad, though. (Wolverine #145)

THAT HORSE (Wolverine #145)

Large man being large. (Wolverine #145)

The first time the new claws come out. (Wolverine #145)

NEXT EPISODE: We couldn’t put it off forever.

LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE

For more about Wolverine, penetration, and pig masculinity, listen to Episode 420 – The Legendary House of Wolverine.

470 – Large Adult Men

December 1, 2024 Jay 9 comments

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In which Cable may or may not have been a spokesperson for AT&T; it’s impossible to draw a CD dramatically; Wolverine gets his adamantium back; Apocalypse says the thing; and we probably can’t keep putting off The Twelve forever.

X-PLAINED:

One way to dispose of a corpse
Cable #73-74
Wolverine #145
Cable (more) (again)
Poor font choice
Sarcophagus nipples
Caliban (more) (again)
Impromptu tailoring
A cliched vignette
People talking on couches
A compact disc
Unpleasant reunions
An impressive outfit
Prior generations of horsemen of Apocalypse
Wolverine (more) (again)
How Wolverine ended up a horseman of Apocalypse
Apocalypse’s aesthetic
Wolverine vs. Hulk (yet again)
Which version of Magik was on Krakoa
An X-Men pitch in the style of Spidey and his Amazing Friends

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve begins!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 469 – Killed by Death

December 1, 2024 Jay Leave a comment

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“Okay, everybody dig in!” (Uncanny X-Men #375)

And the fun begins. (Uncanny X-Men #375)

Professor Xavier is a jerk. (Uncanny X-Men #375)

“Can I touch it?” (Uncanny X-Men #375)

Jaq and Fiz. (X-Men #95)

I can’t be the only one who finds this whole scene hilarious. (X-Men #95)

Well, damn. (X-Men #95)

Ouch. (X-Men Unlimited #25)

NEXT EPISODE: Solo shenanigans!

469 – Killed by Death

November 24, 2024 Jay 3 comments

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In which the Shattering officially concludes; you can’t swoop over the phone; toddlers are engines of pure chaos; the X-Men do some processing; and we are mildly scandalized by the absence of footnotes.

X-PLAINED:

Rama-Tut
Evan Sabahnur
Uncanny X-Men #375
X-Men #95
X-Men Unlimited #25
Skrull problems
One very upsetting way to identify a traitor
Skrullverine
Fiz and Jaq
The Ally
A ruse
Death’s mask
A dramatic revelation
Processing
The unrealized potential of Spirit Halloween
Wolverine memories
Rogue’s temporary tattoos
Yet another time loop

NEXT EPISODE: We segue into solo series!

The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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464 – The Cigarettes of Damocles

September 29, 2024 Jay 6 comments

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In which X-Force is kind of silly; that really isn’t what “quantum” means; polite and lawful are two entirely different things, and Sam Guthrie is only one of them; Selene vogues; and the Hellfire Club plays the dead girlfriend card.

X-PLAINED:

Blackheart
The Damocles Foundation (more) (again)
Lucas Bartholomew Guthrie
The difference between prisons and jails
X-Force #98-98
Whether Dr. Octopus enjoys the literary stylings of Elmore Leonard
One way to get out of prison
The Glitterbox
An unsuccessful heist
Celestial cigarettes and/or golems
Thomas and/or Tyler Zebulon and/or Zeke Guthrie
Demon Bears as urban pests
Selene, Always Voguing
Gatherers
Various evil scientists
The Sword
Junkyard life
Lenny Delmonico
Psychic rodeos
Nightmare chambers
Bat sex
An offer Sunspot can’t refuse
Hank McCoy’s villain arc
New Mutant superlatives

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 459 – Waiting to X’Hal (feat. Devin Toohey)

August 18, 2024 Miles Leave a comment

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It is a crime that Dial H.U.S.K. didn’t make the cover. (X-Patrol #1)

As letterforms to create the shape of your building go, you could do worse. A lot worse. (X-Patrol #1)

I didn’t know there was a wrong way to stare at a butt, but… Beastling’s doing it. (X-Patrol #1)

Backstory, orange edition: Shatterstarfire! (X-Patrol #1)

Backstory, green edition: Beastling! (X-Patrol #1)

Backstory, yellow edition: Dial H.U.S.K.! (Bonus: Wonder Girl!) (X-Patrol #1)

Backstory, blue edition: Ferro Man! (X-Patrol #1)

Backstory, fuschia edition: Elasti-Girl! (X-Patrol #1)

Shit, now I wish Cable had a beard. And not just that literally-evil goatee from 1993. (X-Patrol #1)

An auspicious start to a first mission. (X-Patrol #1)

That outfit! On that guy! (X-Patrol #1)

Pretty bangin’ fit, I’m not gonna lie. (X-Patrol #1)

Second-rate indeed. That claw-guy doesn’t even have bat ears! (X-Patrol #1)

Mary Marvel Girl! (X-Patrol #1)

Did he murder tiny demon-squirrels just to hold his cape on? (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Hitch and Neary never disappoint. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

They must have such excellent dental hygiene practices! (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Maximalism. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

X-Patrol Mark II, featuring non-Rockslide and Jan’s muscles. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Robot roll-call! (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

I would read any and all of these comics. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Stalactites have a C in the middle because they’re on the ceiling, stalagmites have a G in the middle because they’re on the ground, and Brood have an O in the middle because they’ll eat your goddamn face. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Artemisty Knight! (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Turns out Terrax and Terra look pretty damned cool when they merge. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

This isn’t even my final form! Wait, yes it is. (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Why would you cover up that amazing outfit with rocks? (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Fuckin’ YIKES (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

Introducing: Exuberant-Man! (Exciting X-Patrol #1)

NEXT TIME: Teens!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

Check out Devin’s Doom Patrol podcast Meet Your Doom!

459 – Waiting to X’Hal (feat. Devin Toohey)

August 18, 2024 Miles 8 comments

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In which Devin Toohey joins Miles to discuss X-Men’s DC Comics cousin Doom Patrol, and their bastard Amalgam child, X-Patrol!

X-PLAINED:

X-Men vs. Doom Patrol
Meet Your Doom
Doom Patrol
Amalgam
X-Patrol
Elasti-Girl (Amalgam)
Shatterstarfire
Beastling
Ferro Man
Dial H.U.S.K.
X-Patrol #1
Exciting X-Patrol #1
Niles Cable
Dr. Doomsday
Superhero aviation
Brother Brood
Raveniya
Niles Dayspring
Technoorganic lettering
Claw mechanics
Magneto on X-Force
Real-life Dazzler and Lila Cheney analogs

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X goes to Madripoor!

Want to hire J&MXPtXM producer Matt Hunter to produce your podcast? Email him!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 458 – Quantum Stuff

August 4, 2024 Miles Leave a comment

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A hell of a cover… (X-Force #91)

…and a hell of a title page. (X-Force #91)

Standard superhero comic art this is not! (X-Force #91)

I want to read an X-Force that looks like this! (X-Force #91)

For your reaction image folder. (X-Force #91)

An anticlimactic breakup. (X-Force #91)

This issue is full of unconventional and perfect panels. (X-Force #91)

Theresa versus alcoholism – with all the drama of a final boss fight. (X-Force #91)

*sniffle* (X-Force #91)

We’re pretty sure that’s actually what the door says. (X-Force #92)

Only a slightly weirder computer case design than Apple’s Power Mac G4 Cube. (X-Force #92)

Cool colors versus warm colors – FIGHT! (X-Force #92)

Domino does what we all wanted to. (X-Force #92)

*heavy sigh* (X-Force #92)

“Neena Thurman – this is your life!” (X-Force #92)

Fake-Cable does not have game. (X-Force #92)

Casual Friday has gone too far! (X-Force #93)

What a lovely and colorful bee-fight! (X-Force #93)

Electryon and Astarte. (X-Force #93)

The four humors. (X-Force #93)

…and the four elements? (X-Force #93)

FTTTT (X-Force #93)

Danielle Moonstar: as short history. (X-Force #93)

Ry’lor the Destroyer: a short history. (X-Force #93)

It’s amazing how many problems can be solved with a time bomb to the face! (X-Force #93)

“SEE YOU ON THANKSGIVING!” (X-Force #93)

NEXT TIME: Miles and Devin x-plain X-Patrol!

458 – Quantum Stuff

August 4, 2024 Miles 2 comments

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In which Tommy Lee Edwards draws a damned fine everything; death gods get taken a lot less seriously when their avatars are seagulls; warm and cool colors get in a fight; Domino has no time for this bullshit; Cable and Domino wait ’til the kids are asleep; Sunspot’s alibi is too complicated; X-Force forges a pouches path; Engines are nothing but trouble; and Ry’lor the Destroyer puts himself in time out.

X-PLAINED:

The Norse Pantheon of 2099
X-Force #91-93
One of the best X-covers ever
Our favorite Siryn story
Jesse Aaronson, penitent chef
Sean Cassidy, penitent dad
A realistically anticlimactic breakup
Cassidy/Rourke history
Bring Your Daughter to Crimes Day
Napoleon Sanders
An epistolary montage
The dusty pink word balloons of Tom Waits
A missed Manos-portunity
The Chaos Engine
Halloween Jack
Domino’s varied musical tastes
Ry’lor the Destroyer
Kodo the Komodo
Bedlam’s extremely situational powers
Astarte and Electryon
Horniness as a superpower
The Temple of the Dying Sun
Cable & Corsair’s (lack of) history
Hope, Hope, Hope, Hope, Hope, and Hope

NEXT EPISODE: Miles and guest host Devin talk X-Patrol, 1996’s X-Force / Doom Patrol mash-up!

Want to hire J&MXPtXM producer Matt Hunter to produce your podcast? Email him!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 448 – Skamageddon

May 5, 2024 Miles Leave a comment

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The two Emma Frosts: Shadowy and Pouty. (X-Force #87)

James Proudstar x-plains Uncanny X-Men #281. (X-Force #87)

Reconnecting via X-Factoring. (X-Force #87)

Now that is a lair. (X-Force #87)

Magma’s back! And she’s a jerk! (X-Force #87)

Meet Paradigm. (X-Force #87)

The New New Mutants vs. the New Hellions. New. (X-Force #88)

We can accept covering Empath’s face with word balloons – but hey, show some respect to Firestar! (X-Force #88)

Feral’s back – just in time to wreck Jay’s voice again! (And Siryn’s, but we’ll get to that later.) (X-Force #88)

Life got complicated since the last time these two saw each other. (X-Force #88)

X-Force’s x-treme tactics have just saved us like half an issue of misunderstandings! (X-Force #88)

The techno-organic virus: bad for free will and not great for skin health. (X-Force #88)

Paradigm x-plains X-Force. (X-Force #89)

This party sucks! (X-Force #89)

Blood relation has no inherent virtue. (X-Force #89)

Aww, there’s plenty of logic! Just look at the little manual that comes with most Tarot decks! (X-Force #89)

Among Dani’s new powers is the ability to turn robot-guys into eggs. (X-Force #89)

Kind of a weird font choice. Times New Armageddon? (X-Force #89)

Feral never misses an opportunity to learn the worst possible lesson. (X-Force #90)

Tarot, is that really a new manifestation of your mutant power, or did you just rob a Spirit Halloween? (X-Force #90)

Welp, I guess the entire West coast is completely demolished and will take decades to rebuild. Funny how no other comics have mentioned that… (X-Force #90)