wolverine – Page 28 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 11 – Who Would Win in a Fight

June 22, 2014 Jay One comment

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Rachel and Miles of 2003, testing out early “Who Would Win in a Fight” hypotheses. Rachel hasn’t had long hair in years, but she still fights dirty.

Cycloptometry, from X-Factor #39.

Some of our favorite X-spinoffs.

That’s Rachel Summers, sending Kitty Pryde’s consciousness back in time in the original “Days of Future Past” comic. (X-Men #141)

Fun fact: the title of this podcast is roughly 90% Michael C. Maronna’s fault. (Photo courtesy of Will McRobb.)

Mystique and Destiny: CANONICAL AS FUCK. (Astonishing X-Men #51)

The Siege Perilous will body-swap you with a Japanese assassin, or send you to Australia, or whatever. Unless you’re Quentin Quire, anyway. (Uncanny X-Men #229)

Lee Forrester takes shit from nobody. (X-Men #143)

You can, in fact, judge this book by its cover. (Nightcrawler #1)

Would you buy logical causality from this man? YES. Yes, you would.

From That One Time Rachel Discovered Blingee and Spent Two Days Doing Nothing but Animating Starbursts on Longshot and Dazzler Covers.

Miles’s favorite superhero.

Just in case you were wondering what it looked like.

Paracyclophus, by Legitimus Maximus.

Janet K. Lee is the inventor of the Metawolverine, the most powerful creature in Canada.

Next week: The Dark Phoenix Saga!

Links and Further Reading: UncannyXMen.net

11 – Who Would Win in a Fight

June 22, 2014 Jay 12 comments

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In which we answer 45 straight minutes of your questions and alienate everyone with our answer to Jean vs. Emma, Miles is probably too nice to win in a fight, we are really into The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Rachel is the Vega to Miles’s Shepard, Excalibur is awesome, you should stop punching the DNA, Wolverine is Rogue, Longshot is the prettiest man, and Professor X is a pufferfish.

X-Plained:

Who would win in a fight
The Rachel & Miles Fastball Special
Cycloptometry
Backissues, collections, and where to find them
Podcaster ‘shipping
Spinoffs
Rachel Summers (more) (again)
Five tattoos
Non-X stuff we’re into
X-Force versus the Comics Code Authority
Ultimate X-Men
How to keep track of crossovers
Textual queerness
The Siege Perilous
Jean vs. Emma
Some good Nightcrawler and Iceman stories
Dream teams
The Glammest Timeline
Best and worst code names
Bendis’s X-books
X-animals

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: The Dark Phoenix Saga

As Mentioned In Episode 10 – Not All Mandroids

June 15, 2014 Jay 9 comments

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Multiple Man’s powers essentiall make him a retcon elemental.

Punching pterosaurs is the gift that keeps on giving. (X-Men #114)

Best Worst Reveal (X-Men #114)

“Robes” (X-Men #114)

We really can’t fault Cyclops for giving up on trying to explain Sauron. (X-Men #115)

The final fight of X-Men #116 Dark City.

Remember when we didn’t know everything about Wolverine? (X-Men #118)

Sadly, this story is really low on Sunfire Sass. Misty Knight, however, is AWESOME. (X-Men #118)

Mandroids. (X-Men #118)

Moses Magnum, P.I. (X-Men #118)

Heist stories are the best stories. (X-Men #119)

That’s Mariko Yoshida. She’s going to be really important later. (X-Men #120)

And that’s why you always leave a note. (X-Men #118)

Spoiler: Nope. (X-Men #109)

Alpha Flight. (X-Men #120)

Vindicator is a thoughtful antagonist. (X-Men #120)

Not actually episode-relevant. We just think these panels are hilarious. (X-Men #120)

Wolverine, we are pretty sure the APA would not approve of your approach to therapy. (X-Men #122)

Don’t fuck with Storm. (X-Men #122)

Ugh, THIS guy. (X-Men #122)

Based on the graffiti, this apartment was previously occupied by the 1970s Marvel bullpen. (X-Men #122)

Cyclops comes to terms with dynamic storytelling. (X-Men #125)

This is an awesome reunion, and notable as one of the only times Cyclops has ever successfully completed a hug. (X-Men #125)

Well, that’s portentous. (X-Men #104)

Angus McWhirter has REALLY STRONG FEELINGS about hovercraft. (X-Men #119)

Moira MacTaggert does science in a superhero uniform, because, comic books. (X-Men #125)

Proteus’s secondary mutation is superhuman levels of creepiness. (X-Men #127)

Well, damn. (X-Men #128)

10 – Not All Mandroids

June 15, 2014 Jay 14 comments

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In which Phoenix has nothing on Jamie Madrox when it comes to retcons, Pterosaurs have super punchable faces, Colossus gets laid, we are uninterested in the Savage Land, Wolverine and Storm are both pretty interesting, smiling costs extra if you’re Doctor Doom, Banshee saves the day, Alpha Flight tries, Angry Hovercraft Guy comes back, and Proteus is fairly upsetting.

X-Plained:

X-Men #109, 114-16, 118-122, and 125-128
Multiple Man
Metacontinuity
The Savage Land
Pterosaurs
Shi’ar mustache technology
Karl Lykos
Misty Knight
Colleen Wing
Wolverine in Japan
Mandroids
Moses Magnum
A Heist
Angus McWhirter, disgruntled hovercraft rental guy
Alpha Flight
Team Dynamics
Why you always leave a note
Proteus

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Secret origins, shipper wars, the Siege Perilous, and which of us would win in a fight.

As Mentioned in Episode 9 – Leprechaun Surprise Party

June 8, 2014 Jay 4 comments

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Cassandra Nova: The worst evil disembodied parasitic sister ever.

Cassidy Keep (X-Men #101)

Nightcrawler is just ridiculously charming. (X-Men #101)

I keep trying to think of a Monster in a Box joke to make about X-Men and vacations, but no matter where it goes, it’s not going to be in good taste. (X-Men #101)

Page 3 of Storm’s origin flashback. Can we talk about Dave Cockrum splash pages and how they are AWESOME? (X-Men #102)

After the “Cyclops Has a Good Day” sketchbook is full, Rachel’s going to move on to “Cyclops tells Professor X to go fuck himself.” (X-Men #102)

And then, Leprechauns. (X-Men #103)

Here, Nightcrawler. Have a new mutation. And also I guess some more Leprechauns, because, why not? (X-Men #103)

Even fake Charles Xavier is kind of a douche. (X-Men #103)

“We also know what you think about when you masturbate.” (X-Men #103)

The rad bromance of Cain Marko and Tom Cassidy. (X-Men #103)

“Whaddayamean, ‘roll diplomacy’? I put all my points into claw weapons!” (X-Men #104)

Secondary mutation: awesome villain speeches. (X-Men #104)

So, that happened. (X-Men #104)

Cockrum is REALLY into this layout. (X-Men #105)

Fun fact: Misty Knight is the only one of these characters alive in the modern Marvel universe. (X-Men #105)

Phoenix wants you heralds of Galactus off her damn lawn. (X-Men #105)

Shi’ar Trek. (X-Men #105)

AND THEN THINGS GOT AWESOME. (X-Men #107)

“While you guys were fighting the functionally omnipotent Superboy clone, I beat a guy up and stole his clothes.” Wolverine: Chaos gamer. (X-Men #107)

I’m not sure what he expects Captain America to do about this. (X-Men #107)

The Phoenix Force. (X-Men #108)

More majestic Phoenix action. (X-Men #108)

“I realized that I’d left some scenery unchewed, and that would NEVER do.” (X-Men #111)

Magneto is COMMITTED to the supervillain schtick. (X-Men #112)

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (X-Men #112)

Okay, then. (X-Men #113)

Next week on Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men!

9 – Leprechaun Surprise Party

June 8, 2014 Jay 15 comments

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In which Rachel refuses to back down from a challenge, we reject a point of canon, Leprechauns know Wolverine’s secrets, Erik the Red is (still) awful, Professor X is (still) a dick, the X-Men are your D&D party, the Shi’ar do a Star Trek riff, Phoenix is kind of a big deal, the circus comes to town, and Magneto gets creepy.

X-Plained:

Cassandra Nova
More early Claremont
Sound effects
Cassidy Keep
Seneschals
Shillelaghs
Image inducers
Black Tom Cassidy
Supervillain bromance
Bronze-age pacing
Leprechauns
Hovercraft rental
Muir Island
The Shi’ar Imperial Guard
The M’Kraan Cyrstal
Phoenix 101
Secret volcano lairs
Magneto’s mercifully short-lived age-play fixation
The (dis)continuity of mutant powers

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Wolverine punches a pterosaur, Cyclops grows a mustache, and everyone gets possessed!

6 – Days of Future Whatever

May 18, 2014 Jay 12 comments

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In which we more or less prepare you for the upcoming feature film; Rachel Summers is a black hole of continuity; Kitty Pryde breaks the Danger Room; Earth 200500 is clearly the best earth; even the X-Men have no idea what’s going on; First Class Emma Frost is so boring that we forget she exists; wolverines are definitely not wolves; and you can have Rachel’s Community references when you pry them from her cold, dead hands.

X-Plained:

Rachel Summers
“Days of Future Past”
Gravestone engraving standards of 2013
The Mostly-New, Mostly-Different Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
Another unfortunate hat
Causality in the Marvel Multiverse
Earths 811, 1191, 295, 311, and 200500
Hall monitors with laser rifles
How to fix a broken timeline
The X-Men cinematic universe, and points of divergence from the comics
The one thing X-Men: The Last Stand does right
The Xavier Index of Cinematic Continuity
The difference between Canis lupus and Gulo gulo
A Days of Future Past cinematic cram course
Fix-it fic
Blink, Bishop, and dark-future mash-ups
The enduring appeal of Earth-811
The significantly less enduring appeal of Earth-242
The Nazi Excalibur of Earth-597

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Greg Rucka, Cyclops, and Starjammers!

As Mentioned on Episode 5 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man

May 11, 2014 Jay 12 comments

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Giant-Size X-Men #1. Prepare for forty years of riffs on this cover.

The best-dressed mob in Germany.

And THAT’S how you punch a tractor.

“Oh, y’know. Fight crime, see the world, get your memory rewritten every few weeks, maybe go on a really fucked up date with Dracula…”

When Xavier finds him, Thunderbird is literally wrestling a buffalo to death.

Sunfire’s first appearance, in X-Men #64.

Most of the New & Different X-Men get a full page or two to join the team. Banshee? Two panels. He’s just that chill.

“Think you can just walk away, Wolverine? We’ll come after you with our deadliest weapon yet: Alpha Flight crossovers!”

Wow. You… certainly made some choices there, Professor.

Sunfire is absolutely delightful.

At this point, I’m pretty sure he’s just messing with them for fun.

This is the second of three times Sunfire calls Nightcrawler “Misfit” on one page–which is actually a pretty welcome break from the X-Men referring to each other exclusively by ethnic epithets. Len Wein, DON’T DO THAT.

This jerk.

This is pretty much the platonic ideal of an X-Men fight scene: teamwork, cool powers, and narration busting Kool-Aid-Man-style through the fourth wall.

Fun fact: Polaris will later go on to get an advanced degree in geophysics.

“You know… stuff?”

We see what you did, there.

Moira MacTaggert has opinions about retcons.

Introducing: The Worst Summers Brother

“Hey, kids, want to be superheroes?”

It’s worth noting that Moira’s team’s emergency psychic training regimen includes a Hostess Fruit Pie ad callback.

They are so doomed.

It’s almost like you live with a telepath who messes with people’s memories all the time.

Wait, what? But that’s not how it…

…oh. That explains some things.

Damn, X. That’s cold.

Professor X: Master of the retcon, worst surrogate parent ever.

Sorry ’bout that, guys.

Then Gabriel goes and punches an empire to death.

5 – The Retcon That Walks Like a Man

May 11, 2014 Jay 23 comments

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In which the Bronze Age begins; Dave Cockrum is your god now; the band gets together; Sunfire joins the team; cultural sensitivity is not Marvel’s strong suit; Sunfire quits the team; it sucks to be Cyclops; Professor X crosses a moral event horizon; Sunfire joins the team; Ed Brubaker channels Thomas Hardy; you are probably a Summers brother; and Sunfire quits the team.

X-Plained:

Bamf-Voltron Nightcrawler
Giant-Size X-Men #1
The worst hat of the Marvel Universe
The Mostly-New, Mostly-Different X-Men
A business-casual angry mob
The limits of creative good intentions
Tractor punching on the Ust-Ordynski Collective
The correct spelling of “fine”
Canada
Sunfire’s utter disdain for everything, including you
Krakoa: The Island That Walks Like a Man!
Characteristics of good X-fights
Yet another miracle of magnetism
X-Men: Deadly Genesis
Summers Family Continuity (Introductory)
More hats
The Muir-MacTaggert Research Facility
Summers Family Continuity (Intermediate)
The Charles Xavier Scale of Supervillainy
Relative immunity
Wolverine’s ubiquity

AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION:

What would you do with thirteen X-Men?
Help us find all-ages-friendly Marvel Girl stories!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

As Mentioned in Episode 3 – Cartoons, Lies, and Video Tape

April 27, 2014 Jay 8 comments

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The X-Men as they appear in the 90s cartoon opening sequence.

We really just never get tired of Cyclops blowing up robots.

Mr. Sinister is here for your logical causality and possibly also your glam rock!

Creepy Gambit would like you to buy a comic book in which he is probably even creepier in that than in the cartoon it’s based on.

Bruce Timm’s love letter to Broadcast Standards & Practices.

Mojo gets meta.

The first-season lineup of X-Men: Evolution.

X-23 is not pleased with your Harley Quinn comparisons.

In 1989, Dwayne McDuffie sent this pitch to Marvel to make a point about some trends pervasive among their black characters.

Ten years after McDuffie’s letter, Marvel introduced Spyke in X-Men: Evolution: A black kid on a skateboard, who is related to the only other black character on the show.