In which the Beast miniseries is actually a cleverly disguised Karma miniseries; Gateway’s moral alignment remains a mystery; Cannonball rocks some sideburns; there are many reasons to dislike Viper; and every #1 is somebody’s first.
X-PLAINED:
An off-panel death
X-Force #62
Beast #1-3
Karma’s family and backstory (again)
Twin absorption
MacGuffins and/or children
Clearcut and Mindmeld
Unconsciousness
Spiral (again)
Marios
What to do (visually) with six arms
Spiral’s mutates
Some very impressive body horror
MId-fight stalling
Misplaced revenge
Hank McCoy’s multiversal offspring
The history of Karma’s sexual orientation
NEXT EPISODE: Jay and Connor Goldsmith X-Plain X-Plaining!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 8/30/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Spoiler: They will be back next issue. (New Mutants #51)
“If they’d learned anything from me, they’d be faking their own deaths!” (New Mutants #51)
DRAMA! (New Mutants #51)
No, the OTHER Plan Omega. (New Mutants #51)
Kevin Nowlan draws a rad Hepzibah. (New Mutants #51)
PROFESSOR XAVIER IS A JERK. (New Mutants #51)
“Well, I should probably see what the study group thinks, but I’m thinking fuchsia.” (New Mutants #51)
Sebastian Shaw takes dress codes seriously. (New Mutants #51)
She even LOOKS like she stepped off a power metal album cover. (New Mutants #52)
HE’S NOT WRONG. (New Mutants #52)
Aw, kiddo. (New Mutants #52)
Fighting xenomorphs, from the look of it. (New Mutants #52)
Love the body language on this page. (New Mutants #52)
We keep saying that this whole era feels like an inexorable escalation toward Inferno, and, yeah. That. (New Mutants #52)
I was gonna make a “subtext: not just for the ladies” joke, but I’m pretty sure it’s just text at this point. (New Mutants #53)
Aw, man. (New Mutants #53)
TWIST! Don’t worry, this’ll come back up eventually. (New Mutants #53)
“…But can you take them anywhere?” Spoiler: NO. No, you can’t. (New Mutants #53)
Magik intimidating Empath is the gift that keeps on giving. (New Mutants #53)
Make good choices, Cypher! (New Mutants #53)
Or, y’know, not. (New Mutants #53)
Sam Guthrie: Everyone’s best big brother. (New Mutants #54)
“I love you, but I have to leave the team because your costumes are SO BAD.” (New Mutants #54)
SO, THAT HAPPENED. (New Mutants #54)
Has anyone else noticed that Doug’s superhero career is basically a series of dress rehearsals for his eventual death. (New Mutants #54)
I genuinely can’t tell if this is a good burn or not: on one hand, the New Mutants’ costumes are objectively way worse; but on the other hand, the Hellions’ costumes are way more circus-y. (New Mutants #54)
NEXT WEEK: It’s hard to be Havok.
LINKS:
If you’re curious about the Starjammers, go listen to Episode 7 – Cyclops Has a Good Day, in which we discuss them at length with Greg Rucka.
The podcast where two dudes watch and review Grown Ups 2 every week is an actual, real thing, which you can listen to here.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 8/30/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
In which the New Mutants return from space; Professor Xavier ruins everything; Magneto is the Craig Pelton of X-Men; Cypher carouses shamefully with Hellfire tramps; Karma quits the team; and we wrap up Chris Claremont’s New Mutants run.
X-PLAINED:
Leong and Nga Coy Manh
New Mutants #51-54
The Starjammers (again)
The paradox of Professor X
Several dramatic speeches
The Hellfire Club for Creative Anachronism
Plan Omega (but not that one)
A fairly epic dress-code violation
Magik vs. Limbo
A very specific bit of fancasting
Best Magneto
What X-fans (may or may not) live for
A well-wrought nightmare
Hellion disambiguation
Doug Ramsey’s Fancy Hair
New Mutants X Frank Zappa
Wacky teen hijinks at the Hellfire Club
Carousing shamefully with Hellfire tramps
A heroic challenge
A counterintuitive heart’s desire
Claremont’s New Mutants run.
Libraries
Emma Frost’s accent
The sounds of blastin’
NEXT WEEK: It’s hard to be Havok.
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Yeah, so, Dani, maybe get a handle on that. (New Mutants #1)
Remember, at this point, as far as everyone on Earth knew, the X-Men were dead. (New Mutants #1)
Oh, Storm. (New Mutants #1)
Meanwhile on Muir Island, REVELATIONS! (New Mutants #1)
“You’re not the X-Men. You’re just, um, wearing their original superhero costumes. Because, stuff.” (New Mutants #1)
OH, SHIT. THOSE GUYS. (New Mutants #1)
Well, that’ll end well. (New Mutants #2)
Gyrich realizes that part of the price of appearing in an X-Men book is occasionally having your conversation partner drop out for an extended inner monologue. (New Mutants #2)
“Son, I know Peter Corbeau, and you’re no Peter Corbeau.” (New Mutants #2)
Mostly including this to point out that FANDOM ZONE is a great name for a comics shop. (New Mutants #2)
FORESHADOWING. (New Mutants #3)
OH, NO! (New Mutants #3)
Aw, Illyana. (New Mutants #3)
Remember that time Bob McLeod drew a full page of a teenager and casual nudity and there was no sexualization whatsoever? Because that was RAD. (New Mutants #3)
Oooh, clever! (New Mutants #3)
Reinforcing the case for X-Men watching Star Trek. (New Mutants #3)
Aw, bros. And Magnum, P.I. For more on what happens next, see Episode 20. (New Mutants #3)
The more things change… (New Mutants #4)
That one time Professor Xavier wasn’t a jerk. (New Mutants #4)
And then the New Mutants just straight-up broke into a school dance. (New Mutants #4)
AW, SAM. (New Mutants #4)
WHY WOULD YOU PUT ALL THAT TNT THERE? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? (New Mutants #4)
… (New Mutants #4)
ETHICS. (New Mutants #4)
For more on these baffling gentlemen, see the links below.
Well, hello, Viper and Silver Samurai. (New Mutants #5)
Oh! Of course! Team America! Because, um, right, those guys. (New Mutants #5)
‘Kay. (New Mutants #5)
Xavier X-Plains the A-plot. (New Mutants #5)
Wait, what? (New Mutants #5)
Aw, Shan. (New Mutants #6)
Aw, Shan. (New Mutants #6)
Not that Black Mesa. (New Mutants #6)
Well, I think we can all be pretty excited that Team America have finally learned to control their dangerous power of making an extra good motorcycle dude. Dodged a bullet there. (New Mutants #6)
Next Week: NYCC Special, with Russell Dauterman and Kris Anka!
In which Danielle Moonstar is the Wolverine of the New Mutants, Henry Peter Gyrich is the Walter Peck of the Marvel Universe, Michael Rossi is no Peter Corbeau, Xavier is a Brood Queen (who is a jerk), Bob McLeod draws really good teenagers, the New Mutants do an after-school special, Chris Sims drops in for some emergency X-Plaining, Elsie Carson is the Harvey and Janet of Hydra, and Team America is generally sort of baffling.
X-Plained
Viper
Brood stuff
The original New Mutans (more) (again)
The New Mutants #1-6
Denial
Dani vs. the Danger Room
Mall stories
Neighborhood kids
Henry Peter Gyrich
Sebastian Shaw (again)
Project Wideawake (sort of)
Michael Rossi
A poorly-timed crossover
Gabrielle Haller
A profoundly unethical relationship
A Very Special Episode
Overkill
Magnum, P.I.
Team America (but not that one)
Elsie Carson, middle manager of Hydra
The Girl With the Silver Eyes
X-Men reading order
The visual companion for this episode will go up mid-week, due to New York Comic-Con generally kicking our asses (Among MANY other things, Rachel is tweeting–mostly cool X-cosplay pics–from the show floor, and Miles is working at the Dark Horse booth. Come say hi!). Meanwhile, for further supplemental material, we recommend reading Chris’s in-depth history of Team America:
Because you demanded it: Probably a Summers Brother t-shirts (light or dark backgrounds) and other gear are now a thing that exist, and which you can purchase using moneydollars!
Welcome to the Wolverine comic that will forever set the bar for Wolverine comics.
Shingen: Totally a dick. (Wolverine #1)
Seriously. This asshole. (Wolverine #1)
Things that never get old: Frank Miller drawing Wolverine beating up on Ninja. (Wolverine #2)
Other things that never get old: Our favorite lady, Yukio! (Wolverine #2)
Okay, look, like 2/3 of this gallery is just going to be us drooling over these amazing Frank Miller fight scenes. Deal with it. (Wolverine #2)
Mariko is less impressed with Miller’s stylish portrayal of gruesome violence. (Wolverine #2)
MORE NINJA! (Wolverine #3)
Yukio, ladies and gentlemen. (Wolverine #3)
Taking a break from drooling over stylish fight scenes to drool over a stylish chase scene. (Wolverine #3)
If you’re not hearing the narration in Steve Blum’s voice, you’re doing Wolverine wrong. (Wolverine #4)
LOOK AT THAT NARRATIVE SYMMETRY. (Wolverine #4)
We were going to choose one or two panels from this fight scene, but, nope, it’s perfect. Deal. (Wolverine #4)
HOLY BALLS FRANK MILLER (Wolverine #4)
The X-Men show up to congratulate Wolverine on the completion of his first solo miniseries. (Uncanny X-Men #172)
Look at that adorable Ninja meet-cute! Also: Pretty sure Smith is taking a cue from Miller with the sudden influx of vertical panels and silhouetted buildings. (Uncanny X-Men #172)
Yeah, look, remember how we said this was gonna all be Miller fight scenes? There will also be a lot of Storm and Yukio, because, Storm and Yukio. (Uncanny X-Men #172)
In which Kitty Pryde realizes that Wolverine has been moonlighting in a significantly less code-sensitive series. (Uncanny X-Men #172)
There is literally nothing that you can tell us that will convince us that these two ladies are not Totally Doin’ It. (Uncanny X-Men #172)
Meanwhile, Rogue and Wolverine bond over casual violence. (Uncanny X-Men #173)
Seriously. (Uncanny X-Men #173)
Totally Doin’ It. (Uncanny X-Men #173)
They should really just hand out little warning pamphlets about Mastermind. What a dick. (Uncanny X-Men #173)
Remember when Madelyne Pryor was AWESOME? Sigh. (Uncanny X-Men #173)
Ooh, burn. (Uncanny X-Men #173)
THAT SINGLE TEAR. (Uncanny X-Men #173)
John Byrne’s original concept for what Wolverine would look like under the mask. He ended up using this design for Sabretooth instead.
In which Wolverine gets his first miniseries, Yukio is still (and forever) the best, we categorically reject the classification “manic pixie dreamgirl,” everything is noir as hell, Wolverine gets an Iron Giant moment, Storm is too cool for your dress code, and we finally made “Probably a Summers Brother” t-shirts.
X-Plained:
X-23
The 1982 Wolverine miniseries
Uncanny X-Men #172-173
Rachel’s Wolverine feelings
An auspicious road trip
Early Frank Miller
A really epic team-up
Plug’n’play storytelling
How to tell a good Wolverine story
Mariko Yashida
Honor
Shingen Yashida
Yukio
The Inverse Law of Ninjas
The Forty-Seven Ronin
Silver Samurai
Viper
A Ninja meet-cute
The Cyclops / Wolverine double standard
The secret origins of Wolverine’s mask and hair
Next Week: The New Mutants meet Team America!
You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.
ORORO, QUEEN OF THE GALAXY, by David Wynne. (Prints available here until October 5.)
Lockheed vs. Pete Wisdom. (Excalibur #97)
Ironically, the thing she’s mad about might be the one time he actually isn’t, but the point stands in general. (X-Men #168)
Lockheed lurks. (X-Men #168)
This isn’t really relevant to the episode–we’re just hoping someone will use it as the basis for a Kitty Pryde magical-girl transformation sequence. (X-Men #168)
Scott and Lee: STILL AWESOME. (X-Men #168)
Before that one Hawkeye thing, there was this. (X-Men #168)
AWESOME TEAM-UP OF AWESOME. (X-Men #168)
But I think we all know the REAL point of X-Men #168. (We’re reviving this for this week’s art challenge – send your Kitty Pryde costume redesigns to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com!)
Very Nude Nightcrawler. (X-Men #169)
Dragon-sitting is basically the X-Men girlfriend test. (X-Men #169)
Remember that time X-Men straight-up did Barbarella? (Also the time Angel got pinned up by his wings in the Morlock tunnels. No, not that time. The other time.) (X-Men #169)
This cover is slashy in every sense of the word. (X-Men #170)
Well, then. (X-Men #170)
Remember that time Storm straight-up stabbed someone through the heart? BECAUSE THAT DEFINITELY HAPPENED. (X-Men #170)
And then Walt Simonson drew Storm, and we had Feelings. (X-Men #171)
Rogue also has feelings, but they’re less about the transcendent perfection of Simonson’s art than about her out-of-control powers. Sorry, Rogue. (X-Men #171)
Well, that escalated quickly. (X-Men #171)
This might be the most Rogue moment ever. (X-Men #171)
Remember that time Professor X was actually pretty fucking awesome? (X-Men #171)
For full effect, you have to imagine Wolverine’s lines in Steven Blum’s voice. I mean, you should really be doing that anyway. (X-Men #172)
YUKIO. Much, much more about her next week, but she’s the best. (X-Men #172)
For real, there is literally nothing you can say that will convince Rachel that these two are not TOTALLY DOING IT. (X-Men #173)
They really can’t kick her off the team after that. (X-Men #173)
BRB HAVING FEELINGS. (X-Men #173)
Oh. THAT asshole. (X-Men #173)
Meanwhile in Alaska, the most awkward meet-cute ever. (X-Men #168)
Here’s the thing about Scott and Madelyne: they’re actually kind of awesome together. Doomed, but awesome. (X-Men #170)
As a character who’s spent most of his life in a Claremont-written world, Scott is unfamiliar with the concept of coincidence. (X-Men #171)
Then, again, having spent years reading stories set in a Claremont-written world, we find it difficult to believe that this was actually just supposed to have been a coincidence. (X-Men #172)
Lilandra agrees. (X-Men #173)
HEPZIBAH, NEVER CHANGE. (X-Men #174)
This is funny because both of these relationships are super doomed. (X-Men #174)
A brief interlude of adorability from these goofy kids. (X-Men #174)
REMEMBER THAT PRIEST? Yeah. Totally Mastermind. God damnit, Mastermind. (X-Men #174)
Look, it’s a reasonable question under the circumstances. (X-Men #174)
Oh. (X-Men #174)
WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (X-Men #175)
Okay. This looks bad. (X-Men #175)
Really bad. (X-Men #175)
Really, really bad. (X-Men #175)
Cyclops-gritting-his-teeth-and-being-brilliant-in-the-face-of-impossible-odds is the best Cyclops. (X-Men #175)
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. (X-Men #175)
Not elegant, but efficient. (X-Men #175)
This is a really good speech, as such things go, but it’s also really funny that he went to the graveyard in his tux. (X-Men #175)
And then they lived happily ever… oh. (X-Men #175)
In which Professor X is (canonically!) a jerk, Miles has Sidrian Hunter feelings, Kitty Pryde is Clarissa Darling with a dragon, we introduce a drinking game, the X-Men do Barbarella, Rachel has a ‘shipper moment, Rogue joins the team, Storm gets a haircut, Mastermind is still the worst, and Madelyne Pryor is underrated.
X-Plained:
Lockheed
Uncanny X-Men #168-175
Reset issues
A one-sided rivalry
The lowest-drama X-romance
The Cream of Wheat box as a metaphor for infinity
Kitty’s Kostume Korner
Rachel’s questionably-canon ships
The Morlocks
Class privilege and the mutant metaphor
Callisto
Caliban
Sunder
Plague
Masque
A dubbing error
Gender dimorphism in superhero media
Storm’s first major character arc
Our single favorite superhero artist
Rogue
Rogue’s accent
A Charles Xavier we can believe in
Yukio
Punk Storm
Madelyne Pryor
Closure
Cyclops vs. formalwear
Art Challenge: Send us your Kitty Pryde costume redesigns–any era, any codename–to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com
Next Week: Claremont and Miller’s Wolverine!
You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.
