Val Cooper – Page 3 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 252 – Snakes on a Trolley

June 16, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

TBH, this candle situation was basically how Jay decorated his room in the ’90s, too. (X-Factor #97)

“Also, the hand of orbital lasers.” (X-Factor #97)

I love this panel so much. (X-Factor #97)

SERIOUSLY THOUGH SHE HAS ORBITAL LASERS (X-Factor #97)

Spoiler: both of these dudes spend this arc being nonstop awful. (X-Factor #97)

“Antici– (X-Factor #98)

–pation!” (X-Factor #98)

Meanwhile, in a nearby Ralph Bakshi movie. (X-Factor #98)

Aw, Jamie. (X-Factor #98)

Haven’s real superpower is her AMAZING HAIR. (X-Factor #98)

Forge, fuck off. Lorna is literally the only competent member of X-Factor, including you. (X-Factor #99)

The snake shoes, in all their structurally questionable glory! (X-Factor #99)

Aw, Rahne. (X-Factor #99)

Aw, Rahne! (X-Factor #99)

I feel vaguely that I should be making a “what does G-d need with a starship” joke here, but frankly, Star Trek V doesn’t deserve the nod. (X-Factor #100)

Don’t tell them that. Never tell them that. (X-Factor #100)

You see what I mean about the captions, though, right? (X-Factor #100)

This is basically Jay’s morning routine. (X-Factor #100)

Aw, Jamie. (X-Factor #100)

It’s okay; he’ll be back eventually, mostly, probably. (X-Factor #100)

And now, an out-of-context infomercial-style tag! (X-Factor #100)

NEXT EPISODE: Haven’t we been here before?

LINKS & FURTHER MODES OF TRANSPORTATION

We did indeed review Dark Phoenix; and you can find that review–and links to everywhere else we’ve been talking about it online–right here.
Friend, have you seen the wonders of the Wolverine Meets Freddie Mercury saga? Either way, here it is (plus a pretty splendid coda).
You can find the comments Miles mentioned attached to Episode 241 – Conducive to Moral Subversion.
The Trolley Problem is a pretty interesting ethical thought experiment and also a pretty interesting way to send yourself spiraling into an existential crisis!
Yes, Miles’s stepdad actually has a trolley company.
Please read all of Max Wittert’s Jean & Scott comics immediately.

252 – Snakes on a Trolley

June 16, 2019 Jay 7 comments

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In which Miles invokes Freddie Mercury; Polaris is more competent than the rest of X-Factor put together; Armageddon theology does not intersect well with superpowers (or politics, or anything else); Val joins a cult (kind of); Random joins the team (kind of); Haven is a surprisingly nonviolent mass-murderer; Havok is confused by women; and good guys don’t have orbital lasers.

X-PLAINED:

Hope across the multiverse
X-Factor #97-100
Haven (Radha Dastoor)
Man, Mutant, and the New Humanity
A very fashionable outfit
One of the greatest Marvel art submissions of all time
Trinket the cat
Catalogs
A dramatic entrance
Mahapralaya (kind of)
Jamie Madrox vs. Jamie Madrox vs. the Legacy Virus
The Trolley Problem
Possession
Orbital lasers as a metric of morality
Monsoon (Aloba Dastoor)
The apparent death of Jamie Madrox
Our favorite takes on the Phoenix
Who our X-Universe counterparts should be

NEXT EPISODE: A very short engagement!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or your favorite podcatcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

HAPPY PRIDE! This month, we’re donating all of the proceeds from our TeePublic shop to Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 234 – Magnetic Feels

February 10, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

WHOA DANG! This is David Wynne’s 200th illustration for our show! Wanna buy one of David’s original illustrations, or commission a new piece? Drop him a line!

Clearly Marvel Unlimited had more success peeling the hologram off the cover of X-Factor #92 than most readers!

What the FUCK, Acolytes? (X-Factor #92)

File this one under “panels that scarred Miles for life.” (X-Factor #92)

Well, that took a turn. (X-Factor #92)

Exodus just nopes the hell outta there. (X-Factor #92)

Oh, fuck off, Senator. (X-Factor #92)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE and/or just don’t build giant racist robots. (X-Factor #92)

“You know, most people would just use the phone.” (X-Factor #92)

This is the worst signature move. (X-Factor #92)

You really would think he’d learn eventually. (X-Factor #92)

Well, that’s awkward. (X-Factor #92)

Holograms really feel like Cable’s home form. (X-Force #25)

Yearbook X, now available on like fifteen CD-roms! (X-Force #25)

Cable is a very considerate home invader. (X-Force #25)

They have fun. (X-Force #25)

Have I decided to include ever panel of Cable getting hugged in this issue? Yes. Yes, I have. (X-Force #25)

He’s a good dude when he remembers to use his words! (X-Force #25)

I mean, there are only two, but that’s two more Cable hugs than we usually get. (X-Force #25)

Cable X-Plains Cable (somewhat). (X-Force #25)

In Magneto’s defense, if I had a bathrobe that nice, I’d wear it everywhere, too. (X-Force #25)

The villain, revealed! (X-Force #25)

Ouch. (X-Force #25)

NEXT EPISODE: Also ouch.

LINKS & FURTHER LISTENING

In the first Summer Special, we may or may not have learned what Australians have to celebrate.
Nimrod problems are unusually complex.

234 – Magnetic Feels (Fatal Attractions Part 1)

February 10, 2019 Jay 14 comments

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In which the Acolytes are pretty terrible; Exodus considers his options; Val Cooper is not wildly trustworthy; Cable uses his words; and people with significant metal implants should probably stop confronting Magneto.

X-PLAINED:

How not to get possessed by Mister Sinister
Crossover structures
How not to make friends or influence people
The Acolytes (again)
X-Factor #92
A total dick move
The new Project Wideawake
X-Force #25
A first appearance
Cable #1-3
A reunion
Avalon
Magneto’s bathrobe
The evolution of X-Force
Mojoworld in the multiverse
X-characters who haven’t officially died at least once

NEXT EPISODE: Fatal Extractions!

Happy podiversary to our beloved illustrator, David Wynne!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

At the End of the Fight

December 12, 2018 Jay 3 comments

Do you wish Les Miserables were about X-Men? TODAY YOU ARE IN LUCK: Here is a downloadable version of the parody of “At the End of the Day” that closed Episode 226!

lyrics &c.

As Mentioned in Episode 226 – Les Mutants

December 9, 2018 Jay One comment

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Meet Random. (X-Factor #88)
Quesada ribbons: totally a thing! (X-Factor #88)
Look, if it works, it works. (X-Factor #88)
Well, THAT can’t be good. (X-Factor #88)
Who Wore It Better, Garden of Earthly Delights Edition! Genosha, or… (X-Factor #89)
…Hieronymus Bosch? (Bosh. Definitely Bosch.)
Oh, kiddo. (X-Factor #89)
Romance! (X-Factor #88)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Factor #89)
Big mood. (X-Factor #90)
Remember when Alex Summers was actually pretty awesome? (X-Factor #90)
GENOSHA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU (so much) (X-Factor #90)
Harsh but valid. (X-Factor #90)
Meet Mutate #24601, whose mutant power is probably painfully complex internal rhymes. (X-Factor #90)
Aw, these goofballs. (X-Factor #90)
Genosha’s sanitation system is ridiculous. (X-Factor #91)
A+ lurking, Rahne! (X-Factor #91)
This definitely won’t come back to haunt Jamie. (It definitely will.) (X-Factor #91)
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. Everything!

At the End of the Fight

Lyrics by Jay Edidin, with apologies to Herbert Kretzmer

Performed by *Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young.
*Soloists

[X-FACTOR]
At the end of the fight you’re another page older
And that’s all you can say for the X-Factor life
It’s a struggle, it’s a war
And just when you think that you’re winning
You find yourself stuck on the moon, facing down Stryfe
And the fight’s just beginning

At the end of the fight you’re another fight older
And the X on your jacket won’t keep out the chill
And the readers all hurry past
To the six other X-books they’re buying
As the Legacy Virus spreads fast, ready to kill
One fight nearer to dying

[COMPANY]
A tthe end of the fight there’s another fight coming
A crossover next week, an annual soon
Like a storm that’ll break any second
Foreshadowing Fatal Attractions
There’s a reckoning still to be reckoned
Plus the critics’ hot takes and reactions
And the future is not looking bright
At the end of the fight

[VAL COOPER]
At the end of the fight there will be a debriefing
You don’t get to slack in a government job

[STRONG GUY]
We’ve got better things to do
And this system doesn’t seem fair
After all, we threw all the punches

[POLARIS]
Plus, we don’t care

[STRONG GUY+ WOLFSBANE]
And we need a vacation.

[MULTIPLEMAN]
Have you seen how Val Cooper is fuming today

[QUICKSILVER]
She might be possessed, she seems so out of sorts

[VAL]
Step it up Summers, there’s paperwork waiting–
They’re not dissertations, just mission reports

[COMPANY]
At the end of the fight it’s another fight over
To whatever extent superhero fights end
Fight Magneto, fight the Blob
Fight some guy we just met in a sewer
What the hell, at least it’s a job
Just find us the next evildoer
‘Cause there’s no resolution in sight
At the end of the fight

LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:

David Dinkins was New York City’s first Black mayor and a pretty interesting dude.
The Lindbergh baby was not in fact safely returned. Sorry, Rahne.
If you want to know more about Genosha, check out Episode 99 – Those Who Walk Away From Genosha.
You can hear about Havok’s short career as a magistrate in Episode 156 – Genosha Strikes Back.
For Val Cooper’s unfortunate encounter with a tentacle monster, listen to Episode 216 – X-Amining X-Factor.

226 – Les Mutants

December 9, 2018 Jay 15 comments

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In which Havok actually used to be pretty great; there are at least four attorneys in the Marvel Universe; Genosha continues to be wildly problematic; Hieronymus Bosch was not Comics Code-compliant; Quicksilver goes on vacation; Polaris has no time for your love triangle; Wolfsbane can maul as many magistrates as she wants; and Multiple Man makes a choice.

X-PLAINED:
• Damian Tryp
• An unconventional staffing practice
• Genosha (more) (again)
• The devolution of Alex Summers’ personality
• Several attorneys in the Marvel Universe
• X-Factor #88-91
• Random (Marshall Stone III)
• Joe Quesada’s signature ribbons
• Checkbook heroism
• Kids these days
• Genoshan reconstruction
• Several gardens of earthly delights
• Puberty
• A mercifully abandoned plan
• A conspiracy
• A significant tonal shift
• Mutate #24601
• RoboJean
• Genosha’s sanitation system
• Dick Chalker
• Magneto Rex
• Humans in Magneto’s Genosha

NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. everything

Thanks to everyone who helped bring Jay’s weird musical dream to life:

*Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young.

*Soloists

Special thanks to Juliana Finch, Christian Lipski, and Laser Webber for technical advice; Christina Eddleman for recording the demo track; and Matt Gardner and Peter Gresser for [Easter egg description redacted].

Check out the visual companion to this episode–as well as the full lyrics to “At the End of the Fight”–on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 216 – X-Amining X-Factor

September 30, 2018 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

X-Factor does not take particularly well to therapy, to nobody’s particular surprise. (X-Factor #87)

Nope. (X-Factor #87)

Looking forward to a visual companion full of cleverly framed two-person conversations? No? TOO BAD, ‘CAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE GETTING. (X-Factor #87)

It’s rough to be Pietro Maximoff; but at least you get to dress like THAT. (X-Factor #87)

I love how character-specific these layouts are– (X-Factor #87)

–none moreso than Multiple Man’s. (X-Factor #87)

“It doesn’t help that my only hobby is lurking in foliage.” (X-Factor #87)

I’m putting this in so that you’ll get why the next sequence is so clever. (X-Factor #87)

See what I mean? (X-Factor #87)

This could have worked, handled differently; but boy does it not. (X-Factor #87)

SIGH.

Val Cooper is the most sitcom of sitcom bosses. (X-Factor #87)

And that’s why you don’t armchair diagnose! (X-Factor #87)

NEXT EPISODE: Rasputin Family Reunion!

LINKS & FURTHER ANALYSES:

Follow Dr. Andrea Letamendi on Twitter; and check out The Arkham Sessions!
Wally Wood’s 22 Panels are legendary for a reason.
For more on David Haller and representations of mental illness in X-Books, check out Episode 44 – Assembling Legion, with Si Spurrier.
If you can’t get enough out of the intersection of fictional therapy and podcasting, we recommend the hell out of The Bright Sessions.

216 – X-Amining X-Factor (feat. Dr. Andrea Letamendi)

September 30, 2018 Jay 15 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which Dr. Andrea Letamendi of Arkham Sessions joins us to analyze some analysis; Doc Samson has major scope-of-practice issues; Ren & Stimpy references continue to fail to age well; it’s hard to be Quicksilver; Val Cooper is not your friend; Polaris pretty much always deserves better; Charles Xavier should not be allowed to inhabit positions of power; and labels are often not the best tools for good representations of mental illness and neurodivergence.

X-PLAINED:

A very high-stakes 3-D puzzle
X-Factor #87
Doc Samson
Making talking heads interesting
Wolfsbane’s relationship to pop culture
Appropriate boundaries
Several remarkable fashion choices
Pietro Maximoff in perspective
Therapeutic assessment vs. intervention
The extremely tragic backstory of Jamie Madrox
Imposter syndrome
A brief history of Polaris’s brushes with possession
A really poorly planned and presented sequence
Consequences of armchair diagnosis
Interactions of telepathy and psychology
Legion as a portrayal of mental illness
Writing mental illness in fiction

NEXT EPISODE: Rasputin Family Reunion!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 208 – The X-Patriots

August 5, 2018 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Prodigal Was Right. (X-Factor #81)

No matter how many times I look at this, I still imagine this dude moving like tumbleweed. (X-Factor #82)

HEY, LOOK, MARVEL GOT A NEW LICENSE! (X-Factor #82)

Havok: Actually a reasonably good boss! (X-Factor #82)

I spent a LOT of time googling jaw injuries to try to figure out what the hell the hardware on Lorna’s face is supposed to be. Verdict: IT’S A MYSTERY. (X-Factor #82)