In which we celebrate our tenth anniversary by X-Plaining what may be the most reviled X-arc; you should not try this at home; Mystique is so much better than this story; Azazel is a really boring devil; Nightcrawler should probably be missing a hand; the Xavier School definitely does not have an HR department; and we would prefer that you not pee on Iceman.
X-PLAINED:
Nightcrawler’s (most recent) parentage
Uncanny X-Men #428-434
X-Men Blue: Origins #1
The X-Men, like, in general
Nightcrawler (Kurt Wagner)
Some narrative choices
Mystique
Baron Christian Wagner
Marvel Europe
Azazel
Church sex
Nightstreaker
Isla des Demonas
Foibles of Warren Kenneth Worthington III
Annie and Carter Ghazikhanian
Abyss
Kiwi Black
The Cheyarafim and Neyaphem
Bad times with psychic therapy
Post-traumatic supervillainy
Uncool Hell
A miracle of magnetism
The only cool thing in Uncool Hell
A very elegant retcon
X-Muppets
Characters who deserve more page space
Miles’s favorite X-Person
What the Worthington Corporation does
A character who could reasonably be Azazel’s kid
NEXT EPISODE: Back to X-business as usual!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
The written list of the SDAPCAfEaX winners will go up on Monday! If you are a creator who won and would like a physical award, drop us a line, and we will make it happen.
In which Jay and Miles receive a mysterious missive and are visited by three of our favorite X-writers; Further Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix is a pleasant surprise; Nathaniel Essex is the most dramatic man in the Marvel Universe; the sewers of Victorian London were a happenin’ place; Apocalypse isn’t even French; Beast is the flip-side of Sinister; community is for everyone; the Internet is (kind of) Krakoa; and death is fixable, but trauma might take a little more work.
X-PLAINED:
A quotation
Further Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #1-4
A closed loop
Time travel with Scott Summers and Jean Grey
Mister Sinister (Nathaniel Essex)
A somewhat excessive visual aid
Beards
Cootie Tremble
The cultural context of sideshows
The first Marauders and/or Nasty Boys
Victorian Apocalypse
Strained allegories
Sanctity
Apocalypse vs. the Hellfire Club
Oscar the Somewhat Less Nasty Boy
Varyingly anachronistic costuming
The secret origin of ruby quartz
A very vague objective
A makeover
A closed time loop
Actual Cat Wizard Jonathan Hickman
Something Jay is not in fact going to pitch to Marvel
Creative dynamics and processes in the current X-line
Revolutionary joy
What’s cooler than one sword
The Sixth Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence at X-Cellence
NEXT WEEK: Jay & Miles take a break
NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur gets several Peters and a wolf!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
In which Excalibur gets a regular writer again; we judge a book against against its covers; nothing good ever comes from being sexy on Muir Isle; and the soul sword’s real power is cutting through continuity.
X-PLAINED:
Stegron
Dinosaur powers
Excalibur #83-85 (The Soul Sword Trilogy)
Warren Ellis on Excalibur
Excalibur (more) (again)
Bends Sinister and Bend Sinister
Outsider days
Mail
Boundaries
Darkoth
Gravemoss
The Winding Way
Shrill
A problematic prosthesis
Roger Corman’s The Raven
A large number of continuity errors
Gratuitous dickery
An untold tale
The semantics of skin removal
Possession vs. retrograde amnesia
The circle of nostalgia
NEXT EPISODE: Jorts Unlimited!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Always aspire to a higher level of time paradox! (Excalibur #75)
How much extra creepiness does this already creepy scene get from the bolding of “his”? (Excalibur #75)
It’s his girlfriend. He called and asked her to come over. There is literally no reason that this should be so mysterious and pseudo-suspenseful. (Excalibur #75)
You do you, Amanda. (Excalibur #75)
PITCH: “What if only Captain Britain’s arms had returned from the timestream?” (Excalibur #75)
If you need me, I will be over here having FEELINGS about the lack of official acknowledgement of this relationship. (Excalibur #75)
“I was going to have some really dubious facial hair.” (Excalibur #75)
This better be worth it. (Excalibur #75)
[Ron Howard narrator voice] It was not worth it. (Excalibur #75)
GET IT? GET IT? GET IT? (Excalibur #75)
I hope you’re happy in the life you’ve chosen for yourself. (Excalibur #76)
“I mean, for some value of the term.” (Excalibur #76)
Well, that’s portentous. (Excalibur #76)
This is UNQUESTIONABLY the face of a man who has attempted to eat a toaster, a tube of lipstick, and several telephones. (Excalibur #76)
Nightcrawler, in his moppet days. (Excalibur #76)
I don’t understand D’Spayre’s torso muscles; and, frankly, I don’t care to. (Excalibur #76)
SEE WHAT I MEAN?! (Excalibur #77)
D’Spayre’s only weaknesses are joy and, by remarkable coincidence, children named Amil. (Excalibur #77)
WHAT?! (Excalibur #77)
The cutest pin-up. (Excalibur #77)
NEXT EPISODE: The adventures of Rachel Summers in the 37th Century!
In which you raised a lot of money for Trans Lifeline; we continue to miss Alan Davis; Rory Campbell should not be narrating a climactic event; Daytripper needs to dial up her eldritch patter; the universe is dubiously self-correcting; Britannic is not nearly weird enough; and we have ongoing concerns about the anatomy of incarnate concepts.
X-PLAINED:
The X-Men of Earth-77995
Excalibur #75-77
Daytripper
A somewhat pointless sacrifice
Rough times in the timestream
Britannic
X-theology
D’Spayre’s butt
The rest of D’Spayre
Margali Szardos
The blood-brain barrier
Acrobatic flirtation
The Winding Way
Stark emptiness
A shocking possible resurrection
Major X
Essential characters
NEXT EPISODE: The Adventures of Rachel Summers in the 37th Century!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
CONTENT NOTE: Episode 113 contains fairly extensive discussions of fictional violence, including gun violence. If you don’t want to listen to that right now, that is absolutely okay. If you want to listen to it later, it’ll still be here. And if you never want to listen to it, that is absolutely okay, too.
We were on the fence about whether to post this episode today. We ultimately decided to go ahead, for two reasons:
There’s value in routine in the face of tragedy.
There are times when continuing to exist visibly and publicly is itself an act of defiance.
Love and solidarity to everyone who’s grieving right now, and especially to our Florida friends and family, and to fellow members of the queer community.
-Jay & Miles
EPISODE 113: PLAY IT AGAIN, PATCH
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
In which Wolverine gets an ongoing series; the constitution of Madripoor is probably just a list of pulp noir genre conventions; Tyger Tiger is a kinder, gentler crimelord; Jessica Drew gets possessed a lot; the Silver Samurai and Lindsay McCabe are our dream team; Joe Fixit is a font of endless delight; and someone should probably sit Wolverine down and explain how disguises work.
X-PLAINED:
The Murasama
The other Murasama
Life after Inferno
Madripoor
Wolverine #1-10
The Princess Bar
O’Donnell
The hierarchy of Casablanca references
Roche
Razorfist
The Inquisitor
Sapphire Styx
Tyger Tiger
What makes a good solo series
Lindsay McCabe
Wolverine’s signature drink
Possession pants
Silver Samurai (again)
Patch
Bloodsport & Roughouse
Archie Corrigan and his plane
Landau, Luckman, & Lake
Chief Tai
General Nguyen Ngoc Coy
Prince Baran and His Remarkable Pants
Joe Fixit
The worst possible way to celebrate someone’s birthday
NEXT EPISODE: Havok & Wolverine: Meltdown!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
![[Ron Howard narrator voice] It was not worth it. (Excalibur #75)](https://i0.wp.com/www.xplainthexmen.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/07/10_75.png?w=296&h=296&crop=1&ssl=1 "10_75")
