In which Rusty is an honorary Bluth; we bid a sad farewell to Bret Blevins; Hogan the Grim is probably the best at bedtime stories; Asgard has really tight hat game; Hela is a remarkably competent supervillain; there are some sound effects you have to earn; Rusty and Skids fight the Vulture; and Miles has so many feelings about Thor.
X-PLAINED:
Cortex
Damian Tryp
Our weird 2016 recording schedule
Jay & Miles at Vegas Valley Comic Book Fest 2016
Recent ResurrXion announcements
The second half of the Asgard Adventure
The end of Bret Blevins’ New Mutants run
New Mutants #82-85
The Odinsleep
A fairly upsetting board game
Volstagg’s awesome kids
Tiwaz of the Wastes
Many excellent hats
Ula and the Savage Swarm
Garm
Miles’s favorite Fenrir story
A remarkably clever villainous plan
A signature sound effect
Karnilla the Norn Queen
Cable’s relationship to Longshot
Recommendations for a comics newcomer
NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor vs. Celestials, as Judgment War concludes!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 11/22/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
It is reasonably appropriate to judge this book by its cover. (X-Men Annual #3)
Spot the references. (X-Men Annual #3)
ARKON THE MAGNIFICENT! (X-Men Annual #3)
I guess when your job is cleaning up after Tony Stark, the existential hellscape of Funky Winkerbean starts to feel like a vacation. (X-Men Annual #3)
DON’T TOUCH THE HAIR! (X-Men Annual #3)
You’d think the Danger Room would have ANY KIND OF REMOTELY FUNCTIONAL SAFETY PROTOCOLS BY NOW, but no. (X-Men Annual #3)
The art makes a really, really good counterpoint to the conversation in these panels. (X-Men Annual #3)
Cyclops encouraging other characters to talk about their feelings: NEVER NOT FUNNY. (X-Men Annual #3)
Don’t forget to watch TV, kids! You never know when it’ll come in handy! (X-Men Annual #3)
The best thing about this panel is Wolverine’s understated “Geez.” (X-Men Annual #3)
“I mean, look, there’s a really good chance we’re just going to straight-up explode.” (X-Men Annual #3)
Starman #4 is about a Hawaiian shirt that is a gateway to heaven. In related news, you should all go read Starman RIGHT NOW, because it is WONDERFUL.
If you’re not hearing Queen in your head right now, I don’t really understand you. (X-Men Annual #3)
Things that are not awesome about this fight panel: NONE OF THEM. (X-Men Annual #3)
SHE’LL SAVE EVERY ONE OF US! (X-Men Annual #3)
“Oh, y’know, just stole a dragon from some flying commandos. No big deal.” (X-Men Annual #3)
This planet sucks. (X-Men Annual #3)
Wolverine, that’s not… y’know what? Never mind. (X-Men Annual #3)
I’m pretty sure that no writer will ever reference this again. (X-Men Annual #3)
“Well, that, or the colorist forgot to make it red, which also happens sometimes.” (X-Men Annual #3)
Somewhere in the multiverse, there’s a universe where the X-Men went, “Fuck it. Let’s just go be space barbarians.” (X-Men Annual #3)
NEXT WEEK: This jerk.
LINKS & FURTHER READING:
Special thanks to the Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival–and in particular to Andy and Suzanne–for a fantastic con, and for hosting our second-ever live episode!
Comics Alliance collects the month’s most depressing Funky Winkerbean strips over at FunkyWatch.
If you haven’t seen the 1980 Flash Gordon movie, you should, because it is spectacular. Not good, mind. But spectacular.
In which we travel back in time to 1979 for our second live convention special; X-Men Annual #3 desperately needs a Queen soundtrack; George Perez draws great Banshee; Polemachus is kind of a bullshit planet; we dream of a world without Funky Winkerbean; Cyclops’s costume does not mix and match well; if you can be someone else, you should probably be Brian Blessed; Colossus gets a dragon; and Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival is awesome.
X-PLAINED:
X-misadventures in Las Vegas
X-Men Annual #3
Arkon the Magnificent
Isadore and Irmagarde Uhman
The Comical Books
Polemachus the planet vs. Polemachus the person
Funky Winkerbean
Several logistical problems with the Danger Room
MVP Cyclops
Some very good visual counterpoint to dialogue
Paperboard lightning bolt disambiguation
Jay’s favorite Starman story
X-title and music pairings
Imperions
Visual perspective in grand melees
How to order a meal on Polemachus
One specific variation on Cyclops’s powers
The X-Men as Spinal Tap
Space-barbarian eyewear
The annual cabinet
The most appropriate X-team placement for Funky Winkerbean
Best worst characters
Our favorite X-Force teams
Secret Convergence on Infinite Podcasts
NEXT WEEK: Somehow, Cameron Hodge manages to get even worse.
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Rachel and Miles of 2003, testing out early “Who Would Win in a Fight” hypotheses. Rachel hasn’t had long hair in years, but she still fights dirty.
Cycloptometry, from X-Factor #39.
Some of our favorite X-spinoffs.
That’s Rachel Summers, sending Kitty Pryde’s consciousness back in time in the original “Days of Future Past” comic. (X-Men #141)
Fun fact: the title of this podcast is roughly 90% Michael C. Maronna’s fault. (Photo courtesy of Will McRobb.)
Mystique and Destiny: CANONICAL AS FUCK. (Astonishing X-Men #51)
The Siege Perilous will body-swap you with a Japanese assassin, or send you to Australia, or whatever. Unless you’re Quentin Quire, anyway. (Uncanny X-Men #229)
Lee Forrester takes shit from nobody. (X-Men #143)
You can, in fact, judge this book by its cover. (Nightcrawler #1)
Would you buy logical causality from this man? YES. Yes, you would.
From That One Time Rachel Discovered Blingee and Spent Two Days Doing Nothing but Animating Starbursts on Longshot and Dazzler Covers.
Miles’s favorite superhero.
Just in case you were wondering what it looked like.
In which we answer 45 straight minutes of your questions and alienate everyone with our answer to Jean vs. Emma, Miles is probably too nice to win in a fight, we are really into The Adventures of Pete & Pete, Rachel is the Vega to Miles’s Shepard, Excalibur is awesome, you should stop punching the DNA, Wolverine is Rogue, Longshot is the prettiest man, and Professor X is a pufferfish.
X-Plained:
Who would win in a fight
The Rachel & Miles Fastball Special
Cycloptometry
Backissues, collections, and where to find them
Podcaster ‘shipping
Spinoffs
Rachel Summers (more) (again)
Five tattoos
Non-X stuff we’re into
X-Force versus the Comics Code Authority
Ultimate X-Men
How to keep track of crossovers
Textual queerness
The Siege Perilous
Jean vs. Emma
Some good Nightcrawler and Iceman stories
Dream teams
The Glammest Timeline
Best and worst code names
Bendis’s X-books
X-animals
You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.