Spider-Man – Page 3 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

177 – The Less You Know

December 18, 2017 Jay 36 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we discuss several Very Special Issues; the real cautionary tale is not to trust Hank McCoy; horses are vehicles of lies and heartbreak; the X-Men shill for a state fair; whatever you’re doing, Cyclops is here to stop you; smoking is a gateway to some really weird vices; and we want YOU to design the latest X-Men PSA!

X-PLAINED:

The alternate-timeline terrible choices of Hank McCoy
Our wholly unfounded theories about Spongebob Squarepants
Be X-Tra Safe With Blockbuster KidPrint and the X-Men
VHS tapes
Blockbuster KidPrint
Mariano Nicieza
Some Fundamental Problems With Superhero PSAs
A man who may or may not be D-Man
Terrence
Why Cable should deliver more PSAs
Why D.A.R.E. doesn’t work
Varying coherent cautionary tales
The Uncanny X-Men at the State Fair of Texas
A tragic lack of carnies
Danny the centaur and his very intense feelings about horses
Several exciting attractions at the State Fair of Texas
Big Tex
Activities
Smokescreen
Bret Jackson
Some of the lesser-known danger of smoking
Whether Danny Rand can turn into a centaur
Hanging out and other gateways to delinquency
The South Side Social Club
Jake
Etiquette of following teenagers around
A villainous plan so ineffective that it’s actually kind of sad
X-Men you should hire for your PSAs
Our thoughts on the Disney/Fox merger
Where to find Bloodstorm
Baby Jumping

NEXT EPISODE: Giant-Size Winter Special!

LISTENER CHALLENGE: Send your X-Men PSAs to [email protected] with the subject PSA by December 27!

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 176 – My Flashback With Andre

December 10, 2017 Jay 8 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This guyyyyyyyyy! (Wolverine #48)

JUBILEE, NO. God, she’s not even wearing any safety gear. (Wolverine #48)

That, Jubilee, is a Lotus 7. Your mentor’s car. Not as clumsy or overwrought as a DeLorean. An elegant media reference… for a more civilized age. (Wolverine #48)

THAT IS A TERRIBLE WAY TO SHOW SOMEONE THE GUN YOU FOUND. (Wolverine #48)

Actually, Jubilee, Wolverine is 100% in the right here. (Wolverine #48)

No one should ever make this show under any circumstances. (Wolverine #48)

Spoiler: No funky butts are in fact dispensated. (Wolverine #48)

Toldja! It’s Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby! (Wolverine #49)

WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST WRITE HER NAME FIRST? IT WOULD HAVE FIT! (Wolverine #49)

The calendar is a little silly, but it’s also an incredibly eerie, cool detail. (Wolverine #49)

“I am not a number! I am a free man!” (Wolverine #49)

Sure, it’s a gimmick; but it’s a cool gimmick! (Wolverine #50)

LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL, RIDICULOUS BASTARD AND HIS BEAUTIFUL, RIDICULOUS MOTORCYCLE. (Wolverine #50)

In Hines’s defense, Canada-616 is absolutely terrible. (Wolverine #50)

…and you, in turn, watch the Hydra operatives; as the NSA watches you; and… (Wolverine #50)

I take this to mean that somewhere there’s a splinter universe where Wolverine had an idyllic but ultimately tragic dalliance with a giant artichoke. (Wolverine #50)

HOW MANY YEARS HAS THAT PIECE OF CAKE BEEN SITTING THERE? (Wolverine #50)

I like the idea that the BIG SECRET isn’t that they faked his memories but that they had to reuse sets because of budget constraints. (Wolverine #50)

Sure you are, buddy. (Wolverine #50)

TWIST! (Wolverine #50)

I appreciate the implication that the ultimate horror is a high school prom. (Wolverine #50)

Aw, Logan. Never change. (Wolverine #50)

NEXT EPISODE: Centaur fight at the State Fair (and other educational adventures)!

LINKS & FURTHER LISTENING

We were on Oregon Public Broadcasting’s State of Wonder! Listen to the episode–and discover a bunch of cool Oregon-based podcasts–here!
Hear all about Wolverine’s terrible birthdays in Episode 113 – Play It Again, Patch.
Brush up on Weapon X in Episode 162 – Naked in Canada.

176 – My Flashback With Andre

December 10, 2017 Jay 65 comments

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In which we were on public radio; it’s probably best just to ignore Romulus; Miles still hasn’t seen the Prisoner and should be very ashamed of himself; toy licensing is the stuff of nightmares; you can upgrade your bloodbath for an additional $1.25; Jay may or may not have family ties to Weapon X; we are suckers for die-cut covers; Wolverine knows how to commit to a gag; and you have some pretty remarkable dreams.

X-PLAINED:

Wolverine’s CIA contacts
Murder-related birthday traditions
Wolverine #48-50
The ship Righteous Indignation and the ‘ship Righteous Indignation
Wolverine size creep
Injudicious footwear
Serial sidekicks
Miles’s continual failure to watch The Prisoner
The Summers Crash model of flashbacks
Panties and/or grenades
Several varyingly reliable flashbacks
How memory works
Mastodon
Andre
How memory doesn’t really work
Kids’ toy licensing
Quasimodo’s hangout
Women in Refrigerators
Secret agent skills
The Dalton school of argument
A legitimately cool cover gimmick
Wolverine vs. the Helicarrier
Adamantium handicrafts
Shiva (but not that one)
Silver Fox (again) (kind of)
A cataclysmic memory backlash
Antarctic X-Hijinks
Jay & Miles’s adventures in YOUR DREAMS

NEXT EPISODE: Centaurs of Texas

CORRECTION: Kyle Rayner’s girlfriend was the source of the Women In Refrigerator’s trope–not Hal Jordan’s, as Jay stated in this episode.

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 43 – It’s Not a Secret If It’s in the Title

February 8, 2015 Jay 30 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available until 2/15/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

Heroes! (Secret Wars #1)

Villains! (Secret Wars #1)

Battleworld! (Secret Wars #1)

“Also, we’ll totally show up DC and Kenner!” (Secret Wars #1)

Doctor Doom: ever the opportunist. (Secret Wars #1)

This is the best panel of Secret Wars. You can stop reading now. (Secret Wars #1)

DON’T HELP DOCTOR DOOM UP. (Secret Wars #1)

“Damn,” thinks Doom, “If I could do that, those jerky heroes would NEVER have offered to help me up.” (Secret Wars #2)

So, yeah, that happens. (Secret Wars #3)

Johnny Storm: The smoothest man in the Marvel Universe. Also, this raises some questions. Why not spell out “four”? Does he pronounce it differently? Make a hand signal? IT’S A MYSTERY. (Secret Wars #4)

How did this get past the CCA? Who the hell knows. (Secret Wars #5)

Man, if I got super high with a guy I was into and then hallucinated Secret Wars, that would pretty much be the end of that relationship. (Secret Wars #5)

“Ohhhhh, the OTHER Spider-Woman.” (Secret Wars #7)

‘Kay. (Secret Wars #8)

Meet Klaw. (Secret Wars #9)

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO WAY THIS CAN POSSIBLY END POORLY. (Secret Wars #10)

Yeah, Colossus, but would you tumble 4 her? (Secret Wars #11)

Seriously, did these guys learn NOTHING from the Cold War? (Secret Wars #11)

Okay, that’s legitimately a pretty cool gimmick. (Secret Wars #12)

MEET YOUR PROTAGONIST. (Secret Wars II #1)

Stewart “Unflattering Caricature of Steve Gerber” Cadwall. (Secret Wars II #1)

Wellp. (Secret Wars II #1)

He’s never actually seen food, but damnit, he’s played River City Ransom! (Secret Wars II #2)

Can you imagine being any of the people the Beyonder interacts with? (Secret Wars II #2)

Remember that time Peter Parker had to teach a cosmic entity to poop? BECAUSE THAT CERTAINLY HAPPENED. (Secret Wars II #2)

Seriously, it’s all downhill from here. (Secret Wars II #2)

This will propel the plot of like two months of other comic books. Not even joking. (Secret Wars II #2)

So, then that happens. (Secret Wars II #3)

There is literally no romantic or sexual relationship in this series that is okay by any reasonable definition. Also note that AMAZING block of “next issue” text. (Secret Wars II #4)

Boom-Boom is the hands-down best thing to come out of Secret Wars II. (Secret Wars II #5)

Jim Shooter’s X-Men: “Mutant kid in need? NAH, LET’S KILL A DUDE!” (Secret Wars II #5)

Even the Thing is having trouble maintaining enthusiasm for this debacle. (Secret Wars II #7)

This is roughly how Rachel imagines Marvel Editorial circa 1985.

Reasonable. (Secret Wars II #8)

The Beyonder: Definitely a really sympathetic protagonist. (Secret Wars II #8)

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. (Secret Wars II #8)

Remember this, because it will have hella repercussions down the line. (Secret Wars II #9)

Ah, Molecule Man, one of the unforgettable heavy-hitters of the Marvel Universe. (Secret Wars II #9)

Remember that time a bunch of heroes saved the universe by murdering a baby? (Secret Wars II #9)

NEXT WEEK: Legion, with Si Spurrier!

43 – It’s Not a Secret If It’s in the Title

February 8, 2015 Jay 27 comments

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In which we cover 21 issues in one episode; Secret Wars is a toy commercial; Jim Shooter’s X-Men are not the X-Men to which we are accustomed; Doctor Doom makes a surprisingly benevolent god; Secret Wars II is neither secret nor a war; The Beyonder learns to poop; and Boom-Boom is the best thing to come out of Secret Wars.

X-Plained:

Secret Wars
The not-particularly-secret origin of Secret Wars
Binary morality
Battleworld
The Wrecking Crew
Klaw
The Beyonder
Molecule Man
Doki-Doki Universe
Titania and Volcana
Zsaji
Secret Wars II
The Passion of Jim Shooter
Stewart Cadwall
What people do
Tie-ins
Pooping
What it means to be Spider-Man
Boom-Boom (Tabitha Smith)
The time a bunch of superheroes saved the universe by killing a baby

NEXT WEEK: Legion, with Si Spurrier!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 42 – A Firestar Is Born

February 1, 2015 Jay 12 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 2/1/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends (but not in that order).

Context is irrelevant. (Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends)

“John, dude, can we talk about the fact that you just turned into a fucking bear? No? Okay.” Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends

“It means you’ll be hated and feared! Isn’t that wonderful?” (Firestar #1)

“Professor, is it true what they say about exposition in X-books?” (Firestar #1)

Wait ’til they find out she hasn’t even read Carlyle! (Firestar #1)

Oh. Angelica. Honey. No. (Firestar #1)

I’m pretty sure there’s a Talking Heads music video that starts exactly like this. (Firestar #1)

DON’T TRUST HER, ANGELICA! SHE’LL BLOW UP YOUR HORSE! (Firestar #1)

This horse’s name is Butter Rum. Don’t get too attached. (Firestar #2)

The Emma Frost who actually cares about her students did not make her first appearance until some years later. This Emma Frost is just an unapologetic monster. (Firestar #2)

Emma Frost is the best evil narrator. (Firestar #2)

“What could POSSIBLY go wrong?” (Firestar #2)

Miles ‘ships it SO hard. (Firestar #2)

That horror-movie WHINNEY! in the last panel, though. (Firestar #2)

Remember that time Emma Frost convinced a vulnerable teenage girl that she had killed her beloved horse by becoming sexually aroused? BECAUSE THAT DEFINITELY HAPPENED. (Firestar #2)

“What? This? Oh, no, I build killer robots of ALL my friends.” (Firestar #3)

AHAHAHA OH RANDALL YOU’RE SO DOOMED (Firestar #3)

Firestar X-Plains X-Men #193. (Firestar #3)

Seriously, I’m pretty sure Angelica’s dad being kind of a dick to her is the only thing that saves him from CERTAIN DOOM. (Firestar #3)

(He feels bad about it, though, so he still gets beaten up in the airport.) (Firestar #3)

Why does she throw her drink? We may never know. (Firestar #3)

And then she just straight-up breaks into “Stars” from Les Mis. (Firestar #4)

So sinister! (Firestar #4)

And that’s the end of Randall. (Firestar #4)

Fight scene, or breakin’ it down on the dance floor? YOU BE THE JUDGE! (Firestar #4)

For full effect, you have to imagine Firestar’s dialogue read by Alison Brie as Annie Edison. (Firestar #4)

Next Week: ~~Secret Wars~~ Why we drink.

42 – A Firestar Is Born

February 1, 2015 Jay 42 comments

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In which Miles has a brush with nostalgia; Angelica Jones is secretly a Thomas Hardy protagonist; it doesn’t need to make sense if it’s awesome; and Emma Frost really needs a mustache to twirl.

X-Plained:

Trevor Fitzroy
Firestar (Angelica Jones)
Spider-Man and His Amazing Friends
Nostalgia
X-Men, if sometimes the main characters were bears
Inexplicably Australian Wolverine
Ms. Lion
Marvel Divas
Sudsy fun
Superhero sitcoms
Firestar #1-4
Basic palmistry
Generic mean girls
Coen Brothers YA
The reinvention of Emma Frost
Some epic gaslighting
Butter Rum
Mutivac
Miles’s favorite star-crossed ‘ship
Why Thunderbird I has stayed dead
Contextual definitions of “organic”

NEXT WEEK: Secret Wars

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 39 – Forever Alone Together

January 11, 2015 Jay 17 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and travel mugs available until 1/11/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

The Amazing Nightcrawler, drawn by The Amazing Sienkiewicz! (New Mutants #22)

Nightcrawler is a pretty awesome teacher; it’d have been cool to see more of him in this capacity. (New Mutants #22)

Aw, Rahne. (New Mutants #22)

Well, that escalated quickly. (New Mutants #22)

AW, RAHNE. (New Mutants #22)

The villains of Rahne’s fairy tale look awfully familiar. (New Mutants #22)

Back to those guys shortly. First: Cats! (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)

Ohhhh, hey, it’s Cloak and Dagger! (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)

Spider-Man spends a lot of this issue lurking around and providing exposition. (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)

“I mean, dude, the title of the book is Marvel Team-Up, not Marvel Let’s Fight in a Church.” (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)

“How did you guess you were on a butcher block? I mean, aside from that it’s a big square table and you’re in a slaughterhouse and everything probably smells like blood and… NOPE! DEFINTELY SUPERPOWERS AT WORK!” (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)

What?! Dude, it’s not even addictive. That’s the stupidest evil plan ever. (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)

This isn’t really relevant to the episode; it’s just hilarious. (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)

NONE MORE GOTH (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)

Wait, what? (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)

‘Kay. (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)

Spider-Man’s “Yeah.” in that last panel, though. (Marvel Team-Up Annual #6)

THAT COVER. (New Mutants #23)

“On Wednesdays, we dress glam.” (New Mutants #23)

Harry’s Hideaway is basically the Heartbreak Hotel of Salem Center, but like a million times less awesome. Still awesome, mind, but the Heartbreak Hotel sets a high bar. (New Mutants #23)

It’s really easy to forget that the X-Men are also kind of officially students? Maybe? Sometimes? (New Mutants #23)

At this point, New Mutants is basically the Sam and Dani Show, and we are 100% down with that. (New Mutants #23)

Aw, Rahne. (New Mutants #23)

WELL, THAT CAN’T BE GOOD. (New Mutants #23)

That is… an awfully Demon Bear-looking Sunspot on that cover. Not that we’re complaining, mind. (New Mutants #24)

Now you don’t need to read Marvel Team-Up Annual #6! You’re welcome! (New Mutants #24)

Indulge us in a momentary digression to make note of Magneto’s fancy hair. (New Mutants #24)

Like Rogue, we are firmly on Sam’s team on this one. (New Mutants #24)

Oops. (New Mutants #24)

We’re not sure whose fault they are, but we’re really, really into the way some combination of Claremont, Orzechowski, and Sienkiewicz uses captions and arrows in this book in general, and this spread in particular. (New Mutants #25)

GIANT BLUE XAVIER HEAD! (With some paradoxically good advice, but still. GIANT BLUE XAVIER HEAD!) (New Mutants #25)

‘Kay. (New Mutants #25)

I really want them to just yell “NONE MORE GOTH” every time they teleport away. (New Mutants #25)

Illyana may be sleepy, but she’s not wrong. (New Mutants #25)

NONE MORE GOTH! (New Mutants #25)

NEXT WEEK: We talk to G. Willow Wilson! She talks to us! ALSO: X-MEN!

Links and Further Reading:

Information and links to donate toward Bill Mantlo’s ongoing care
(You can also send physical donations–and cards and letters–addressed as follows:
Mike Mantlo
26364 East Pintail Road
Long Neck, DE 19966
Please make out any checks to “Michael Mantlo” — Bill’s legal guardian.)
The Hero Initiative
Waiting for the T is absolutely delightful, and if you’re not already reading it, we acutely envy you the experience of going back through the archives for the first time.
- (Specifically apropos of the Maximoffs: 1, 2)

39 – Forever Alone Together

January 11, 2015 Jay 8 comments

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Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which Miles and his Doom voice return triumphant; we reach an understanding regarding Lila Cheney; Mob science is pretty shoddy; Magneto has fancy hair; New Mutants Xavier is Best Xavier; no one is more goth than Cloak and Dagger; and you can have Rachel’s Speed Racer references when you pry them from her cold, dead hands.

X-Plained:

Spider-Man crossovers
Cats
Marvel Team-Up Annual #6
New Mutants #22-25
Phone calls with bears
Glam day at the Hellfire Club
Rahne’s fairytale
Cloak & Dagger
Drugs
Eldritch curtains
A seriously flawed evil plan
Harry’s Hideaway
The Sam and Dani Show
Magneto’s hair
Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch’s parentage
Waiting for the T
Whether Cloak and Dagger are mutants
How to buy original art

NEXT WEEK: G. Willow Wilson!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 38 – Welcome to Murderworld

January 4, 2015 Jay 19 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and travel mugs available until 1/11/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

Hope you survive the… oh, wait. (Uncanny X-Men #123)

Next Issue: Spider-Man quotes Atlas Shrugged until the Fantastic Four politely ask him to leave. (Uncanny X-Men #123)

Cyclops: the worst at dates, or definitely the worst at dates? (Uncanny X-Men #123)

Pause for a moment to take in the glory of this perfect murder truck and its perfect sound effects. (Uncanny X-Men #123)

Just for the record, we would TOTALLY read a comic about Cracklin’ Rosa. (Uncanny X-Men #123)

Well. That happened. (Uncanny X-Men #123)

Arcade: Really good at his job, until he’s not. (Uncanny X-Men #123)

It’s a “Hope you survive the experience!” riff! Take a drink! (Uncanny X-Men #123)

Cyclops, look, we know you were kind of raised by a supervillain, but pro tip: people who kidnap you and drop you into funhouse death traps ARE GENERALLY NOT TO BE TRUSTED. (Uncanny X-Men #123)

The sound effect in the blast, tho. (Uncanny X-Men #123)

COSPLAY THIS MAN COSPLAY HIM RIGHT NOW (Uncanny X-Men #123)

If Arcade ever makes it to the big screen, he damn well better be played by Jim Rash. Just sayin’. (Uncanny X-Men #123)

Who gift-wraps the hostages? Do they just have those boxes sitting around? WE MAY NEVER KNOW. (Uncanny X-Men #124)

Cyclops solves problems with optic blasts and geometry! Take a drink! (Uncanny X-Men #124)

‘Kay, then. (Uncanny X-Men #124)

Starring the Most Reluctant X-Men Ever (after that one team Jean Grey put together when Magneto had Professor X hostage in the Savage Land, or I guess probably any other version of the team involving Sunfire). (Uncanny X-Men #146)

Let’s take a moment of silence for how much more awesome this panel would be if Arcade were toying idly with a HeroQuest set. (Uncanny X-Men #146)

GOD, Arcade! Don’t you know ANYTHING? (Uncanny X-Men #146)

NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE (Uncanny X-Men #146)

More festive pudding-cup hostages! Why? Why not? (Uncanny X-Men #146)

No, but, seriously. (Uncanny X-Men #146)

Phil and Tobe are the Harvey and Janet of Doom Minions. (Uncanny X-Men #147)

Aw, Tobe. You’re a stand-up minion. (Uncanny X-Men #147)

The hell whaaaaat? (Uncanny X-Men #197)

This is kind of like when you go to someone’s house and you’re looking for the bathroom and you open a door that you’re pretty sure is the door to the bathroom and it’s actually a room full of robots dressed up like all your mutual friends. I mean, that happens to other people, right? (Uncanny X-Men #197)