Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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As Mentioned in Episode 477 – Ages of Apocalypse

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Jean Grey sums up this podcast. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
No smoking in the Skull Cave. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
“Was this outfit a mistake? I’m worried this outfit was a mistake.” (Uncanny X-Men #379)
“This outfit was definitely not a mistake, sugah.” (Uncanny X-Men #379)
To be fair, not her worst costume. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Remember this for the next four chapters! ‘Cause the writers won’t. (Uncanny X-Men #379)
Don’t bring a sword to a gun- and/or Psimitar-fight. (Cable #77)
We learned that a horse helmet is called a chanfron, sometimes spelled shaffron, and that Magneto’s horse has the greatest one of all time. (Cable #77)
The literal power behind the throne. (Cable #77)
*cries in alternate timeline* (Cable #77)
We never get sick of that coloring technique. (Cable #77)
*record scratch* “You’re probably wondering how I got here…” (Wolverine #148)
“Logan, you know perfectly well that skeletons can’t drink, and even asking me is offensive and hurtful.” (Wolverine #148)
Is this issue good? That’s the wrong question. Is this issue fun? Absolutely. (Wolverine #148)
Nate Grey as Onslaught… Could this get any more 90s? (Wolverine #148)
I mean, might be an upgrade at this point. (See also: One World Under Doom, on sale now.) (Wolverine #148)
One of a very large number of excellent Phoenix costume color combinations. (X-Men Unlimited #26)
What’s Siphon’s deal? No one knows! (X-Men Unlimited #26)
Don’t think of it as losing a costume so much as gaining a robo-pterodactyl. (X-Men Unlimited #26)
Hey, it’s Excalibur! Kinda! (X-Men Unlimited #26)
Know why there isn’t sound in space? Because Banshee lost his voice. (X-Men Unlimited #26)
The one we’ve been waiting for! (Uncanny X-Men #380)
That ol’ Alan Davis alchemy. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
I want to read a whole comic about them! (Uncanny X-Men #380)
Utterly charming. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
The Brotherhood of 2099! Between Magneto and Polaris, we have complete shoulder fur-coverage. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
“Everyone, blast your thing at the thing!” (Uncanny X-Men #380)
Comic book structure as comic book storytelling. (Uncanny X-Men #380)
NEXT TIME: All the mutants lose their powers!

477 – Ages of Apocalypse

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In which reality shatters; Ghost Rider wants friends; Jay’s toddler weighs in on the X-Men; the Phoenix costume is pretty much perfect; Caliban puts all his resources into an epic mount; and the future is so bright you’re gonna need shades.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Triune Understanding
  • Ages of Apocalypse
  • Uncanny X-Men #378
  • Cable #77
  • Wolverine #148
  • X-Men Unlimited #26
  • X-Men #98
  • Earth-23378
  • Things you can leave to people in a will
  • The Silver Age, but different
  • Apocaclops
  • Aliya Dayspring
  • Chronological inconsistencies
  • Earth-2841
  • The Harpy (Betty Ross)
  • A very different Fantastic Four
  • Earth-32000
  • Siphon
  • The moon
  • Zackat (Wolverine) (long story)
  • Erik the Red (more) (again)
  • The Ladies Mastermind
  • Cadre K
  • Earth-32098
  • X-World
  • The prettiest X-Man
  • The moon’s mutant power

NEXT EPISODE: Powerless!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 471 – Eyebrows and Powers (The Twelve, Part One)

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Which of our lucky contestants will make it into… The Twelve? (Uncanny X-Men #376)
The exceptionally ripped man he is today. (Uncanny X-Men #376)
Well, it beats breaking up with a text message… maybe? (Uncanny X-Men #376)
The costume so rad Jubilee would remember it existed and start wearing it on the regular years later when she became a vampire! (Uncanny X-Men #376)
…He says that during sex too, doesn’t he? (Uncanny X-Men #376)
Havok-hat versus fez: fight! (Uncanny X-Men #376)
“Why hello up there, Nate and Little Nate!” (Cable #75)
Angry faces! (Cable #75)
Angry faces, continued! (Cable #75)
Not gonna lie, that’s legitimately badass. (Cable #75)
WHO PUT THAT THERE?! (Cable #75)
En Sabah Snake (Cable #75)
Now kiss! (Cable #75)
Survival of the Toothiest (Cable #75)
Black Friday shopping gets worse every year. (X-Men #96)
“…if you know what I mean.” (X-Men #96)
Aww, c’mon, Scott – Fiz is just happy to be here! (X-Men #96)
Say what you will about Apocalypse, but he does design some pretty excellent costumes. (X-Men #96)
I really dig this take on Storm’s cape. (X-Men #96)
Hi Rory! Sorry about your, uh, everything! (X-Men #96)
Dear Alan Davis: please keep drawing Nightcrawler forever. (X-Men #96)
We just love this guy. (X-Men #96)
NEXT TIME: The Twelve continues!

471 – Eyebrows and Powers (The Twelve: Part One)

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Survival of the Toothiest (Cable #75)

In which we begin our coverage of The Twelve; Scott and Jean get sucked back in AGAIN; Apocalypse probably doesn’t tip; and we have become awfully fond of Cable.

X-PLAINED:

  • A codename that deviates from common patterns
  • The story so far
  • Uncanny X-Men #376
  • Cable #75
  • X-Men #96
  • Fiz the Skrull (again)
  • The Twelve
  • Foreshadowing, both accurate and otherwise
  • The Living Monolith (more) (again)
  • That one font
  • Time-travel logic
  • Cable vs. eyes
  • Fabian Cortez (more) (again)
  • A trap
  • Why the Twelve are the Twelve
  • The evolution of Cable

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve continues!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 467 – Disorganizing Principle

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And then Marrow whacked a centaur with a dinosaur, as happens. (Uncanny X-Men #373)
Piotr Rasputin, clown in training. (Uncanny X-Men #373)
Nice Sienkiewicz-style sketchiness… (Uncanny X-Men #373)
What’s up, Doctor Klaw? (Uncanny X-Men #373)
Poor Sarah… (Uncanny X-Men #373)
Mikhail turns a chair into a dinosaur to prove every point. (Uncanny X-Men #374)
Jeez, at least put a beanbag chair in the corner or something. (Uncanny X-Men #374)
Marrow 4.0 meets Marrow 1.0. (Uncanny X-Men #374)
Marrow 4.0 meets Marrow 2.0. (Uncanny X-Men #374)
For him, it was Tuesday. (Uncanny X-Men #374)
I… definitely knew it all along! It was obvious, really! (Uncanny X-Men #374)
“I wish I could just turn into a bird like in X-Men Evolution.” (X-Men #93)
I’m starting with the elf in the mirror… (X-Men #93)
Honestly, Rogue’s response would’ve been understandable regardless of the nature of her powers. (X-Men #93)
Polaris is a little… out of character in this arc. Get used to it, I guess. (X-Men #93)
“So were Mystique and Destiny… Roommates? Gal Pals?” (X-Men #93)
I appreciate a clear sense of panel-to-panel movement. Even more so when it’s Rogue kicking ass. (X-Men #93)
Sunfire ponders how to quit the scene. (X-Men #94)
You wish it was just one journal, Kitty. Just you wait. (X-Men #94)
I know all of the As stand for Apocalypse, but I like to think Destiny was just giving her prophecies excellent grades. (X-Men #94)
Listen, Rogue, it could be worse – your mom may have disappeared in the middle of a sincere conversation, but at least she didn’t throw you off a bridge to be picked up by an evil wizard lady and her attractive daughter! (X-Men #94)
NEXT TIME: Jubilee gets revenge!

467 – Disorganizing Principle

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In which Nightcrawler has a type; the Hill is a bad place to raise your kids up; Colossus introduces Marrow to art; we come out against autotrepanation; Mikhail Rasputin never learns; Destiny leaves clues from beyond the grave; and The Twelve looms.

X-PLAINED:

  • That one universe where Mystique raised Nightcrawler in an attic
  • An event in name only
  • Some shit that went down a while ago
  • The Hill (more) (again)
  • Uncanny X-Men #373-374
  • X-Men #93-94
  • Marrow as a child soldier
  • Rural Boston
  • Some asshole
  • Mikhail Rasputin (more) (again)
  • How to prove that you’re a god
  • The souls of furniture and some other things
  • The green psychic entity who’s been secretly controlling Mikhail Rasputin, I guess?
  • Ninja problems
  • B. Byron Biggs
  • Ronnie Lake
  • A Conspiracy
  • How Rogue and Destiny met
  • Compulsory heterosexuality
  • Destiny’s diaries
  • Prognostication vs. agenda-setting
  • Skrullverine’s power mimicry
  • How the Mannites could’ve been used in the Krakoan era

NEXT EPISODE: Secrets of Jubilee’s past!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 369 – Carly Askani

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
“This ought to give you” *POW* “a new perspective” *BIFF* “on things, Alex!” (Uncanny X-Men #339)
Head trauma for Lucas BIshop! (Uncanny X-Men #339)
I mean, she’s not wrong. (Uncanny X-Men #339)
“You think I just fell off the turnip truck, McCoy? No one pulls a fast one on J. Jonah Jameson!” (Uncanny X-Men #339)
“I’m Ororo Munroe, and I’m here to x-plain the X-Men… because it’s about time someone did.” (Uncanny X-Men #339)
Never trust a Summers when he tells you he’s fine. (Uncanny X-Men #339)
Well, if they can print it, I guess we can post it. (X-Men #59)
Head trauma for Lucas Bishop! Again! (X-Men #59)
Hell of a Wolverine you’ve got there, Mr. Kubert. (X-Men #59)
JOSEPH I AM CALLING THE POLICE (X-Men #59)
Not quite as good as the Rogue/Gambit kiss from #41, but still… whoa. (X-Men #59)
I’M HUGE (X-Men #59)
“For instance, I can see through this utterly massive chin.” (Wolverine Annual 1996)
Josef Stalin..? (Wolverine Annual 1996)
Up… (Wolverine Annual 1996)
…and up… (Wolverine Annual 1996)
…and up. (Wolverine Annual 1996)
“General Grievious, sir, it’s the Jedi!” (Wolverine Annual 1996)
You know, I think this might be Sunfire’s best non-Age of Apocalypse look! (Wolverine Annual 1996)
*Pacific Rim music plays* (and now it’s in your head too) (Wolverine Annual 1996)
Logan, that… that was there before. Maybe you need to adjust your bandana. (Wolverine Annual 1996)
NEXT TIME: The Silver Age with Max Carleton!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

369 – Carly Askani

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Storm & Joseph X-Plain the X-Men, Alex Summers is not brainwashed this time, he promises, Scott Lobdell writes better moments than stories, Ed McGuinness draws very large chins, and it’s Denver the Last Dinosaur, not Denver the Lost Dinosaur

X-PLAINED:

  • Uncanny X-Men #339
  • Spider-Man disambiguation
  • A. Kubert disambiguation
  • J. Jonah Jameson (again) (hooray!)
  • Sneaking songs
  • The history of smoking regulation on airlines
  • Creed disambiguation
  • Havok’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
  • Bonding while falling out of planes
  • X-Men #59
  • The copyright status of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
  • Well-drawn Wolverines
  • Hercules vs The Tick
  • Wolverine Annual 1996
  • The tragic death of Mariko Yashida
  • Silver Samurai (Kuniuchio Harada)
  • Sunfire (Shiro Yoshida) and what he’s been up to since Fatal Attractions
  • Josef Stalin, apparently?
  • Red Ronin and its nemesis, a time-lost dinosaur who we assure you is not Godzilla
  • Jedi and/or samurai vs. doors
  • Our logo fonts
  • James Howlett, guidance counselor
  • Onslaught but not evil
  • Whether Magneto could wield Mjolnir

NEXT EPISODE: The Silver Age with Max Carleton!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 290 – The Obvious, the Silly, and the True

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Magneto is definitely bowling in this picture, right? (Astonishing X-Men #1)
I dunno if I’d call them astonishing, but they’ll do. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
Magneto’s X-Men are AT LEAST 50% more dramatic than Xavier’s, and I’m okay with that. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
We would x-plain Rex; but he’s honestly just some guy. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
The first thing Apocalypse did upon seizing power was dissolve OSHA. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
Okay, he’s got his moments. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
This is just incandescently delightful. (Astonishing X-Men #1)
Best character design in the AoA. (Astonishing X-Men #2)
Is the lake of blood literal, metaphorical, or both? You be the judge! (Astonishing X-Men #2)
THIS. PERFECT. TWIST. (Astonishing X-Men #2)
Spoiler: No, and no. (Astonishing X-Men #2)
Kinda disappointed that we never got to see this play. (Astonishing X-Men #3)
kyle no (Astonishing X-Men #3)
Is.. is Sabretooth not allowed to say “Hell”? (Astonishing X-Men #3)
Still not as weird as force-feeding superheroes baby food. (Astonishing X-Men #3)
Sure, why not? (Astonishing X-Men #3)
Now you’re thinking with portals! (Astonishing X-Men #4)
And he didn’t even quit the team once! (Astonishing X-Men #4)
Morph is a goof, but he’s also by far the most emotionally literate of the X-Men. (Astonishing X-Men #4)
Rogue is DONE with this event. (Astonishing X-Men #4)
NEXT EPISODE: The beginning of a descent into madness!

290 – The Obvious, the Silly, and the True

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which it’s kind of a relief to be talking about a fictional apocalypse right now; Joe Madureira defines the look of the mid-late 1990s; Sunfire is less cheesecake than crepes Suzette; it all comes back to capes; Wild Child is more than he seems; Holocaust sucks about as much as you’d expect of someone who picked that code name; Jay has surprisingly strong feelings about Morph; Miles is all about judging some babies; resistance is fundamental to the X-Men’s identity within a superhero-universe paradigm; nobody deserves to be quarantined with Quentin Quire; and our two-week lead is making proofing these podcasts an increasingly surreal experience.

X-PLAINED:

  • Several things Blink might have done but did not.
  • The status quo as of mid-March, 2020
  • Earth-295 (more) (again)
  • Astonishing X-Men #1-4
  • Our coverage of the core Age of Apocalypse series
  • Age of Apocalypse as proof of concept
  • The best character design of Earth-295
  • Some guy named Rex
  • A lake of blood which may or may not be figurative
  • Sabretooth’s last-ish stand
  • The revolutionary value of silliness
  • Jay’s favorite Orwell quote
  • The Infinite Processing Plant
  • DefCon Armageddon
  • A very cool fight scene
  • Catharsis
  • Mutants without the metaphor
  • Best and worst X-Men to be quarantined with

NEXT EPISODE: Weapon X!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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