In which Excalibur gets a regular writer again; we judge a book against against its covers; nothing good ever comes from being sexy on Muir Isle; and the soul sword’s real power is cutting through continuity.
X-PLAINED:
Stegron
Dinosaur powers
Excalibur #83-85 (The Soul Sword Trilogy)
Warren Ellis on Excalibur
Excalibur (more) (again)
Bends Sinister and Bend Sinister
Outsider days
Mail
Boundaries
Darkoth
Gravemoss
The Winding Way
Shrill
A problematic prosthesis
Roger Corman’s The Raven
A large number of continuity errors
Gratuitous dickery
An untold tale
The semantics of skin removal
Possession vs. retrograde amnesia
The circle of nostalgia
NEXT EPISODE: Jorts Unlimited!
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In which Ship was inside Cable all along; Life Signs is the Two Towers of the Phalanx Covenant (but only in the bad ways), it’s lucky that the Phalanx doesn’t have WiFi; Nightcrawler embraces chaos; and we promise the crossover gets better next chapter.
X-PLAINED:
How Cable got his Ship back
Miles’s official stance on candy corn
The Two Towers of the Phalanx Covenant
X-Factor #106
X-Force #38
Excalibur #82
A monastery party
Douglock (more) (again)
Forge-O-Vision
How Steven Lang got mixed up with the Phalanx
Stages of Phalanx development
Babel
Giuseppe Russo, shepherd
The Phalanx, but dogs
Shinar
What you get when you meet a stranger in the Alps
Whom we’d like to see draw the Phalanx
Mindwifery
Adulthood
“Stealth”
Where baby Phalanxes come from
Teamwork
Good stories about Hope Summers
What happened to Paul Bailey
NEXT EPISODE: Rock climbing with the Summers Family
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Back to the Future made time travel seem like so much more fun. (Excalibur #81)
I love Christmas traditions! Red and green outfits, walks on the beach, having the lighthouse that was destroyed in a climactic multiversal event suddenly exist again for no good reason… (Excalibur #81)
I kind of love these weirdos. (Excalibur #81)
It’s cool, Douglock, Jay doesn’t recognize them either. (Excalibur #81)
Comedy gold. (Their choice of seating helps too.) (Excalibur #81)
Charles and Moira: best exes. (Excalibur #81)
Seriously, best exes. (Excalibur #81)
“For me, it’s always like this.” (Excalibur Annual #2)
“-and he looks faaaaabulous!” (Excalibur Annual #2)
Jamie Braddock: terrible from the start. (Excalibur Annual #2)
There! Fixed! Take that, psychology! (Excalibur Annual #2)
“Sorry, Amanda – spooling looked so cool we had to do it again, and we drew your name from the hat.” (Excalibur Annual #2)
Cons: spooling nightmares and crashing planes. Pro: that plane is so spacious! (Excalibur Annual #2)
“Until next time, boils and ghouls – pleasant screams!” (Excalibur Annual #2)
Either that picture is only symbolically there, or Kitty’s computer has real bad taste in image choice. (Excalibur Annual #2)
Kurt Wagner: best bro. (Excalibur Annual #2)
We didn’t talk about this in the episode, but the nerd in me really appreciates that this issue took two full pages to show us exactly how Proteus’s jail cell works. (Excalibur Annual #2)
In which Excalibur addresses a number of dangling plot threads, Britanic finally gets (somewhat) interesting, Kitty really wants Douglock to be Doug, Professor Xavier and Moira MacTaggert are the best exes, and the future has peculiar priorities.
X-PLAINED:
The life and death of Jamie Braddock
Excalibur #81
Douglock (more) (again)
Inker ambiguity
Britanic and Meggan’s Christmas costumes
The Excalibur Lighthouse’s sudden and inexplicable resurrection
Mo’ time travel, mo’ problems
20,097 rocks on a shoreline
Douglock: overly literal, dryly funny, or just plain thirsty?
The Emotional Beat of Damocles
The problems with crunch time
Princess Diana: Excalibur vs. X-Statix
Language and time
Excalibur Annual #2
Appropriately bombastic narration
Fashions of the future
Psychic psychotherapy
Sibling rivalry
Mr. Poo
Braddock moppets
Oversimplification vs. ambiguity
Spooling chambers (more)
Excalibur as an X-leftovers book
Air travel: leg-room vs. sorcerous doom
Hannibal King: vampire detective and/or penciler
Shadowcat and the pain of hope
A Doug’s-eye view of New Mutants
Emma Frost and aging
Dazzler and roller derby
NEXT EPISODE: Jay and Seanan McGuire talk villains!
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One of those images that has really, really stuck with us over the years. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
It took a lot of self restraint not to post every single drawing of Emma in Bobby’s body from this issue. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
Those Sienkiewicz inks! (Uncanny X-Men #314)
DAMN, Emma. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
You can almost see Generation X forming between the panels. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
Programming a hologram of his dead sister to harangue him in the Danger Room may be the most Bishop move yet. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
He sewed that cape out of SO MANY cheap vinyl Catwoman costumes. (X-Men Annual #18)
Never take teenagers hostage; they’ll just judge you ’til you let them go out of sheer insecurity. (X-Men Annual #18)
[Insert Jude the Obscure joke here.] (X-Men Annual #18)
Don’t fuck with Jean Grey. (X-Men Annual #18)
WHY IS THERE A GIANT SQUID HERE (X-Men Annual #18)
Aw, Bishop. (X-Men Annual #18)
For more of this beautiful friendship, we’d recommend giving canon a miss and going straight to fellow X-Podling Adam Reck’s delightful Bish & Jubes–and, while you’re at it, supporting the collected edition on Kickstarter!
On Fridays, we wear fuchsia. (Uncanny X-Men #315)
That is one sweet coma beard. (Uncanny X-Men #315)
Yes, this is a good speech; but also, I just realized that given that the whole trial happens in space, it definitely falls under maritime law, AND I FORGOT TO MAKE ANY JOKES ABOUT IT IN THE EPISODE. (Uncanny X-Men #315)
NEXT EPISODE: We’re so close to nearly reaching what’s almost the Phalanx Covenant!
LINKS & FURTHER ACTION POINTS
Here’s where to send your strongly worded letter about why Marvel should give us Earth-441:
Marvel Entertainment, LLC
135 W. 50th Street
New York, NY 10020
You can also tweet at them with the hashtag #EarthXPlain!
In which Emma Frost is a better Iceman than Bobby Drake; Generation X is aggressively foreshadowed; Malcolm and Randall are the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to Bishop’s Hamlet; and we launch a campaign for our own Multiversal designation.
X-PLAINED:
The first time the X-Men met Emma Frost
Uncanny X-Men 314-315
X-Men Annual #18
A game show nobody should ever under any circumstances actually make
Emma Frost’s recruitment tactics
Previously unexplored ice powers
The direct prelude to Generation X
Caliban (more) (again)
SoftPaws(TM)
The giant squids of New York
The neophyte
A trial, kind of
X-Men power fantasies
Earth-X-Plain
NEXT EPISODE: We’re so close to nearly reaching what’s almost the Phalanx Covenant!
Game show music by MusicManiac301; used with permission.
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In which we celebrate our 100th episode with producer Matt Hunter; you should always be kind to robots; Stryfe has a lot of very petty contingency plans; Britanic is bad at helping; we explore a peculiar pairing of book and arc; Charles Xavier has his moments; and Zero and Douglock defiy destiny.
X-PLAINED:
The current occupant of Fantomex’s body
Excalibur #78-80
The Douglock “chronicles”
Zero
Douglock
Several feelings
Britanic (again)
Camping fonts
Drones
Radio Shack
Helping
Pentagon-sense
What being human is all about
Charles Xavier, hero of the beach
Rory Campbell’s voice
Technoorganic vs. transmode viruses
Kymera
NEXT EPISODE: Star-crossed in space!
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