Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
It’s the whole gang! Kind of! And some of them are evil! BUT STILL! (Uncanny X-Men #242)
No, it’s not. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
SEE? (Uncanny X-Men #242)
Only one of many reasons that enthusiastic consent is important. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
Iceman is so underrated. Dude’s the heart and conscience of the original five. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
WELL, THEN. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
N’astirh may be evil, but he has impeccable taste in infernal vehicles. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
That’s the cold wind of metaphor, Alex. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
Madelyne Pryor knows from genre conventions. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
Aw, man. These two. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
Inferno’s a pretty dark crossover, but it has some really damn delightful moments. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
Love N’astirh’s face in that first panel. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
No one draws a possessed skyline like Silvestri. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
SUCKERS. You’ve still got three issues left! (Uncanny X-Men #242)
I’m genuinely curious as to whether this splash page started out as a cover design. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
“We’ll laugh about this later.” (X-Factor #38)
THAT SOUND EFFECT! (X-Factor #38)
Madelyne Pryor is the best at villain speeches. (X-Factor #38)
This panel is awesome, which is probably why there are going to be a lot of callbacks to it. (X-Factor #38)
This sequence is kind of a great encapsulation of a lot of Scott and Alex’s relationship. (X-Factor #38)
Jean’s rocky and reluctant alliance with the Phoenix force makes each of them a good deal more interesting. (X-Factor #38)
The most important relationship–and scenes–in Inferno are between Jean and Madelyne. I really wish we’d gotten more of the two of them together. (X-Factor #38)
“We’ll need to harness the power of all of our best sound effects!” (X-Factor #38)
Perfect panel is perfect. (X-Factor #38)
On one hand: this is all kind of Scott’s fault. On the other hand: it’s hard not to feel bad for him. (X-Factor #38)
Inferno: In which everyone is wrong and everyone is sympathetic. (X-Factor #38)
OH, YEAH! (Uncanny X-Men #243)
X-Factor will continue to play with this idea to some extent, but it’ll fade away pretty fast, and that’s a damn shame. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
Ditto, this. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
Jean, Madelyne, or Phoenix; her story at its best will always be about self-determination. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
Valid. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
Pawing through the X-Men’s stuff is one of the less invasive things Sinister has done in this arc, but there’s something extra creepy about it. (Uncanny X-Men #242)
Walter Simonson’s ability to make Longshot’s hair look good is the eight wonder of the world. (X-Factor #39)
Scott Summers’ Life Is An Actual Anxiety Dream, chapter infinity. (X-Factor #39)
Oh, hey, it’s the rest of Cyclops’s backstory! (X-Factor #39)
Does Nebraska even have a Department of Social Services? (X-Factor #39)
I just really love this page. (X-Factor #39)
This panel might have the highest appearance-to-reality-of-finality ratio in comics. (X-Factor #39)
And they all lived happily ever after. (X-Factor #39)
We’ll be bringing you up to speed on both the cinematic X-Men and Apocalypse’s comics background in episode 110, but if you want to brush up this week, you can do that here:
In which you should not presume to judge Madelyne Pryor by your standards; we wrap up the core plot of Inferno (but still somehow have two episodes left to go); sympathetic is not the same thing as right; Storm and Jean use friendship and it’s super effective; Iceman is basically incorruptible; Angel gets a new codename; Cyclops gets a backstory; Sinister is aptly named; and Inferno makes retcons into retconade.
X-PLAINED:
Limbo vs. Limbo
Hel vs. Hell
Uncanny X-Men #242-243
X-Factor #38-39
A moment that does not speak eloquently for itself
Several extended misunderstandings
The difference between sympathetic and right
N’astirh’s sweet ride
A false binary
The Goblin Prince
Yet another reason Havok should have finished his dissertation
The power of friendship
The Rube Goldberg approach to combat
Superconductivity, kind of
Our least favorite retcon in Inferno
The Summers brothers summed up in a single scene
Clone ethics
Why we like it when characters screw up
Our favorite retcons
How to prep for X-Men: Apocalypse
NEXT WEEK: Apocalypse for Beginners
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We are so ridiculously lucky: our hometown con is the coolest. It’s only a few years old, but Rose City Comic Con is one of the most fun, accessible, welcoming, and all-around celebratory comics shows we’ve ever been to. This was our first con as Rachel & Miles X-Plain the X-Men, and our first ever live episode; and we can’t imagine a better place to start.
Click through the gallery below for photos from the con, the panel, and the party! (We’ll toss the sketches up separately tomorrow!)
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 10/4/2015 at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Someone left Rachel alone with the button press.
More con prep.
We have a table! (Also, a lot of people were really irate about the word balloon, SIGH.)
WHOADANG, it’s the brand new zines and con-exclusive t-shirts!
Punk Cyclops was one of our favorite cosplays of the show.
Even Marvel characters are sufficiently confused by their own continuity to need our help!
Benja Barker of Portland’s Alter Egos Society hooked us up with this incredibly cool X-Men belt buckle, which sneakily velcros around pretty much any belt.
Monsters of Podcasting celebrating at the Kaijucast booth after our Sunday panel. L to R: Rachel and Miles; Zee and Jamie of the British History Podcast; Kyle of Kaijucast (and our producer!).
“Let’s just meet at the panel room,” we told the guests. “There shouldn’t be a line or anything.”
Damn, there were a lot of you. HI, PORTLAND!
Rachel and Miles X-plain Cable and Stryfe in the live episode cold open. (Photo courtesy of Kyle Yount.)
Left to right: Ann Nocenti, Miles Stokes, Rachel Edidin, Jeff Parker, Chris Yost. (Photo courtesy of Kyle Yount.)
Custom drink menus from The Steep & Thorny Way to Heaven. (The X-Men menu was 21+; New Mutants were all-ages.)
SO. GOOD.
Magneto and friends hang the Days of Future Past wall.
(Magneto also doubled as DJ and bartender. Thank you, Myrrh!)
Live cold-open previews have been a thing since our ECCC meetup. This time, we got some help from Fern. Yes, we have TWO tiny Squirrel-Girl X-perts, and they are both THE BEST. (Photo courtesy of @pawpaw5771)
There are a LOT of variations on this photo, but I think Max and Brandon may have been the first. (Photo courtesy of Brandon Goede.)
White Phoenix has no patience for this post-apocalypse nonsense. (Photo courtesy of Cassandra Carter.)
The word balloons from ECCC were also out in force. (Photo courtesy of Cassandra Carter.)
The British History Podcast wants you to know that your dark future really doesn’t have a damn thing on the past. (Photo courtesy of Jamie and Zee.)
The team-up you weren’t expecting. (Photo courtesy of Christopher Troy.)
We’re gonna go ahead and say that “continuity” is the correct collective noun for Cyclopses. In that spirit: here’s continuity of Cyclopses. (Photo courtesy of Jeff Polier.)
Another homage to the original cover. Dave, on the left, helped build and weather the wall. Katie’s Marvel Girl is updated from the o5 group previously pictured on our blog. (Photo courtesy of the Proctors.)
This Shadowcat is not only an awesomely on-point cosplayer (that Lockheed!) but also one of the coolest teenagers we’ve ever met. (Photo courtesy of Tom Kishel.)
Two very happy, very tired X-Perts. (Photo courtesy of Myrrh Larsen.)
NEXT WEEK: Fallen Angels!
Special thanks to a LOT of people without whom the con and show wouldn’t have been possible:
Panel Guests: Ann Nocenti, Jeff Parker, and Chris Yost
Earth-811 Craft Department: Dave Proctor and Cameron Harris
Everyone from Rose City Comic Con; but particularly Mikey Nielson, Ron Brister, and Paula Brister.
Team X-Plain: Tina Abate, David Wynne, and Kyle Yount.
The Absolute Goddamn Best: Katie Moody and Anna Sheffey.
Last but not least: Max Carleton, Dusty Eppers, Jason Betournay, Scott Hazle, Fern, Kestrel, Jasper, and everyone who turned out to help, yell, party, and X-Plain with us at and after RCCC!
In which we record our first live episode; Rose City Comic Con is AMAZING; Ann tells us how to torture the X-Men; Jean Grey needs more friends; Chris survives an encounter with an angry vampire; Squirrel Girl sets the high bar for questions; everyone has opinions about Longshot’s hair; Jeff gets meta; Cyclops is the best at fighting Sentinels; and Rachel ALMOST gets through an entire panel without swearing.
X-PLAINED:
Cable (Nathan Summers)
Stryfe (Also Nathan Summers)
Rose City Comic Con
Christopher Yost
Jeff Parker
Ann Nocenti
The X-Men
Superheroes vs. soap operas
Continuity vs. evolution
Updating the Silver Age
What defines an X-book
All of our iconic X-eras
Close encounters of the fan kind
The Continuiteens
Marvel Girl and Squirrel Girl team-ups
Narrative regrets
How we’d end the X-Men
X-Men best suited to professional wrestling
Our personal mutant metaphors
Which of the X-Men is best at fighting Sentinels
NEXT WEEK: Fallen Angels!
There’s no visual companion this week, but you can see photos from the panel, party, and more in our Rose City Comic Con roundup!
Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
METOXO the lava man, as teased in X-Men #48–but never revealed!
Beast and Iceman teach METOXO the true meaning of Christmas in the 1994 Marvel Holiday Special.
Angel X-Plains the Phoenix retcon. (X-Factor #1)
In X-Men #37, five reasonably normal-looking teenagers dive out of a plane…
…and then this happens. (X-Men #37)
In which Jean Grey, given the choice between the Silver Age’s two stock career options for female protagonists, opts for option A. (X-Men #48)
Scott Summers’ radio career lasted five whole panels. Here are four of them. We remain annoyed that none of them actually show him recording, because that would be really useful as a podcast graphic. (X-Men #48)
The Coffee-a-Go-Go made its debut in X-Men #7, along with regular Bernard the Poet and acerbic waitress Zelda.
There are a lot of Coffee-a-Go-Go stories, but Bobby’s 18th birthday, from X-Men #32, is probably the best.
Bernard the poet sells out in the name of birthday cheer. (X-Men #32)
Zelda’s original line, from X-Men #7 (she was originally a redhead)…
…and Busiek’s homage in the 1994 Marvel Holiday Special.
Iceman vs. ice skating. (X-Men #29)
We’ll be giving it its own post on Monday, but David Wynne’s art of the original X-Men as Enid Blyton’s Famous Five goes way too well with this episode.
Next Episode: Fast-forwarding to 1994 for the wedding of Scott Summers and Jean Grey.
In which special guest Kurt Busiek is the J. Robert Oppenheimer of X-Men, Rachel and Miles learn to love the Silver Age, Cyclops gets a job, Bernard the Poet falls from grace, we really wish X-Men: The Secret Years was a real book, everyone recites poetry, and we still don’t get around to Marvels.
X-Plained:
METOXO, the Lava Man
The true, secret purpose of Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men
The Phoenix retcon
Archival pocket dimensions
Enid Blyton’s X-Men
Early-to-mid-20th Century American Jewish Socialism
Why the X-Men are terrible mutant P.R.
Band names of the Silver Age
An X-Men series that might have been.
Why Cyclops should be the Rachel Maddow of Marvel
Quicksilver’s childhood dreams
The Coffee-a-Go-Go
Bernard the Poet
Zelda Kurtzberg
The Barefoot Beats
Next week: The wedding of Scott Summers and Jean Grey!
You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.
On Episode 5 – The Retcon that Walks Like a Man, we met Gabriel Summers, and did a very quick drive-by introduction to the Summers family and their really depressing space adventures. Because this shit is complicated, Rachel,* the resident Summers Family Continuity expert, has put together a brief visual guide to Gabriel’s backstory. Click through for the origin of the third and worst Summers Brother:
Meet Scott and Alex Summers! They’re brothers. Their parents have just pushed them out of a burning airplane. Scott and Alex are going to crash in a minute and then have awful childhoods, but all you really need to know for now is that they’re going to become X-Men when they grow up.
Meet Mister Sinister! He’s a creepy, creepy man who knows even more about the Summers family than Rachel does (and that’s a lot). In 1993, Mister Sinister let slip that Scott and Alex might have a third brother, and for over a decade, pretty much every orphan in the Marvel Universe had “probably a Summers brother” stuck on to the end of their official bio.
But in 2005, X-Men: Deadly Genesis came around. Deadly Genesis was a straight-up retcon of 1975’s Giant-Size X-Men #1. It also—finally—resolved the question of the third Summers brother.
Meet Christopher and Katherine Summers! They’re Scott and Alex’s parents. They’ve just thrown Scott and Alex out of a burning airplane, then gotten abducted by aliens. This part of the story has been X-canon since the ’70s—but what Deadly Genesis reveals is that Katherine is pregnant. Christopher gets sent off to the slave pens, and Katherine ends up a Comics Code-compliant-analogue-to-concubine of the evil space emperor. Christopher breaks out and tries to free her, but he’s caught, and Katherine—and apparently her now-nearly-to-term fetus—are killed. (Christopher later becomes a space pirate named Corsair, which is awesome but irrelevant to this particular story.)
Meet Fetus Summers, who turns out to be viable after all! He gets rapid-aged by means of Fancy Space Science, named Gabriel, and sent to be a slave of the Shi’ar’s representative on Earth. Later, his powers manifest and he kills the only person who was ever nice to him, then escapes into the sewers with nothing but his favorite book of Roman myths and a case of dramatically expedient amnesia.
Gabriel gets picked up by Dr. Moira MacTaggert—Professor X’s ex—and becomes one of her group of teen mutants in training, under the code name Kid Vulcan. X consults—and, in the process, pieces together Gabriel’s history but doesn’t tell anyone, in keeping with a long tradition of lying to Scott about the existence of his living relatives. Professor X is a dick.
To confirm his theory, X brings Scott out to train with Gabriel for a day—but still doesn’t tell either of them that they might be brothers. (Gabriel’s powers, incidentally, have to do with energy manipulation and redirection, which his how he can do that with Scott’s eye beams.)
When the X-Men are all captured on Krakoa (the Island That Walks Like a Man!), X convinces Moira’s kids to go rescue them. Immediately before they leave, he tells Gabriel that Scott and Alex are his brothers. The new kids rescue Scott, and Gabriel tells him that they’re brothers. Scott’s super beat up and his powers are broken, so the new kids leave him and go to rescue the rest of the captive X-Men—but instead, they all get killed.
Scott returns to the X-mansion, understandably distraught. X decides the most expedient course of action is to totally wipe Gabriel out of Scott’s memory. Did I mention that Professor X is a dick? Professor X is a dick. When the new X-Men return to Krakoa to rescue the original team, he continues to mess with their perceptions to support this version of events.
What X doesn’t know is that Gabriel and his teammate Darwin are actually still alive, so when the X-Men launch Krakoa into orbit, Gabriel and Darwin go with it. They get stuck in stasis for years, in space. OOPS.
Later, Gabriel wakes up pissed, comes back to earth, kills Banshee, kidnaps Scott and Scott’s alternate-timeline-future-daughter (I know, I know. Just run with it.), and forces Professor X to show them what actually happened. Darwin—still in stasis inside Gabriel—is extracted and revived, Gabriel flies off to fight an evil space empire, and absolutely no one lives happily ever after. X-Men!
Giant-Size X-Men #1. Prepare for forty years of riffs on this cover.
The best-dressed mob in Germany.
And THAT’S how you punch a tractor.
“Oh, y’know. Fight crime, see the world, get your memory rewritten every few weeks, maybe go on a really fucked up date with Dracula…”
When Xavier finds him, Thunderbird is literally wrestling a buffalo to death.
Sunfire’s first appearance, in X-Men #64.
Most of the New & Different X-Men get a full page or two to join the team. Banshee? Two panels. He’s just that chill.
“Think you can just walk away, Wolverine? We’ll come after you with our deadliest weapon yet: Alpha Flight crossovers!”
Wow. You… certainly made some choices there, Professor.
Sunfire is absolutely delightful.
At this point, I’m pretty sure he’s just messing with them for fun.
This is the second of three times Sunfire calls Nightcrawler “Misfit” on one page–which is actually a pretty welcome break from the X-Men referring to each other exclusively by ethnic epithets. Len Wein, DON’T DO THAT.
This jerk.
This is pretty much the platonic ideal of an X-Men fight scene: teamwork, cool powers, and narration busting Kool-Aid-Man-style through the fourth wall.
Fun fact: Polaris will later go on to get an advanced degree in geophysics.
“You know… stuff?”
We see what you did, there.
Moira MacTaggert has opinions about retcons.
Introducing: The Worst Summers Brother
“Hey, kids, want to be superheroes?”
It’s worth noting that Moira’s team’s emergency psychic training regimen includes a Hostess Fruit Pie ad callback.
They are so doomed.
It’s almost like you live with a telepath who messes with people’s memories all the time.
Wait, what? But that’s not how it…
…oh. That explains some things.
Damn, X. That’s cold.
Professor X: Master of the retcon, worst surrogate parent ever.
In which the Bronze Age begins; Dave Cockrum is your god now; the band gets together; Sunfire joins the team; cultural sensitivity is not Marvel’s strong suit; Sunfire quits the team; it sucks to be Cyclops; Professor X crosses a moral event horizon; Sunfire joins the team; Ed Brubaker channels Thomas Hardy; you are probably a Summers brother; and Sunfire quits the team.
X-Plained:
Bamf-Voltron Nightcrawler
Giant-Size X-Men #1
The worst hat of the Marvel Universe
The Mostly-New, Mostly-Different X-Men
A business-casual angry mob
The limits of creative good intentions
Tractor punching on the Ust-Ordynski Collective
The correct spelling of “fine”
Canada
Sunfire’s utter disdain for everything, including you
Krakoa: The Island That Walks Like a Man!
Characteristics of good X-fights
Yet another miracle of magnetism
X-Men: Deadly Genesis
Summers Family Continuity (Introductory)
More hats
The Muir-MacTaggert Research Facility
Summers Family Continuity (Intermediate)
The Charles Xavier Scale of Supervillainy
Relative immunity
Wolverine’s ubiquity
AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION:
What would you do with thirteen X-Men?
Help us find all-ages-friendly Marvel Girl stories!
You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.