Meet the Excalibur of Earth-99476! (Excalibur #51)
This Sauron’s opinions on jorts are never canonically established, but I think we all know. (Excalibur #51)
I see what you did there, Davis. (Excalibur #51)
Ka-Zar, Lord of the Savage Land! (Excalibur #51)
The Fantastic Five! (Excalibur #51)
There is definitely an alternate universe that is the same as 616 in every way except that Dai Thomas ended this call by yelling, “The Aristocrats!” (Excalibur #51)
It’s true. I will pretty much always pay to watch the X-Men beat up Professor X. (Excalibur #52)
You know it’s an illusion because none of them is wearing a plaid suit. (Excalibur #52)
Several aspects of Rachel’s backstory as presented in this issue will be retconned away, but this is the most significant of those. (Excalibur #52)
WELL THAT EXPLAINS A THING OR TWO (Excalibur #52)
And then they went to space. For like a year. (Excalibur #52)
That’s our Brian! (Excalibur #54)
Spoiler: Kitty is cutting off his cast and it’s itchy. (Excalibur #54)
That’s our Brian! (Excalibur #54)
Oh, man, can you imagine Meggan at Disney World? I bet she has THE MOST fun and also gets asked to leave very quickly. (Excalibur #54)
It seems kind of ridiculous that he jumps straight to “must be an illusion” after everything he’s seen, but… That’s our Brian! (Excalibur #54)
I love the Crazy Gang and very much want them to be happy. (Excalibur #54)
The best kind of twist ending! (Excalibur #54)
The mystery deepens and gets even cooler-looking. (Excalibur #54)
As promised, here is a photograph of two-year-old Jay dressed as a compsognathus.
In which you should all come see us at FlameCon; all lizards are good lizards; we recap a recap; the Phoenix force is really complicated; Earth-99476 may or may not be the secret history of Earth-616; Alan Davis takes on continuity; the X-Men fail to save the day; the Phoenix says its piece; Rachel takes a vacation in space; Captain Britain doesn’t like to be psychoanalyzed; and the Crazy Gang gets a happy ending.
X-PLAINED:
Evil Shadowcats
Jay & Miles at FlameCon
Excalibur #51, 52, and 54
A brief history of Excalibur
The Phoenix Force
A recap of a recap
What this episode isn’t covering
Lizard Excalibur
The most meta t-shirt in the multiverse
Several long-ago Halloween costumes
Dinosaurs of Earths-616 and -99476
National Lampoon Vacation apocrypha
Earth-99476 and its Savage Land
The Fantastic Five
A vow of vengeance
Feron as an antecedent to Kubark
Alan Davis’s modern authorial counterpart
A telepathic journey
The full history of the Phoenix Force (as established circa 1991)
Inherited vs. inherent mutant powers (and a No-Prize explanation thereof)
The rehabilitation of Rachel Summers
Several retcons yet to come
Jean Grey’s inconsistent relationship to the Phoenix Force
A mysterious disappearance
What the Crazy Gang has been up to
The nicest kind of twist
A very easy way to make Kitty Pryde textually queer
Differentiating X-teams
The X-Plain Discord
Strong Guy’s new hobby
NEXT EPISODE: Cable: Blood & Metal
UPDATE: Not only can birds see color, but they can see a wider spectrum than humans. THE MORE YOU KNOW!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
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In which space bugs break time; you may already be a member of Excalibur; Earth-616 remains somewhat baffled by basic telecommunications technology; you should absolutely not order monkeys from an ad in a comic book; Widget gets a new look; Excalibur gets a new logo; Merlin X-Plains everything; and Rachel gets in touch with her roots.
X-PLAINED:
The Timebroker
Excalibur #48-50
What “fair use” doesn’t mean
Penis bones, revisited
Feron
Prophylactic levitation
Several inaccurate flashbacks
Someone who is neither a Nazi nor Charles Xavier
Necrom (again)
The art of heroic exposition
Monastic population maintenance
Mail-order monkeys
Widget’s new look
Kylun’s mutant power
Several alternate Excaliburs
The True Secret Purpose of Excalibur
The new Excalibur logo
Fighting weird with weird
A whole lot of history
Phoenix vs. Anti-Phoenix
Some very epic thwarting
The end of an era
Alan Davis’s Excalibur
How we work alternate timelines into coverage
Bishop and Deathbird as a couple
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine: The Jungle Adventure and Bloody Choices!
UPDATE: Apparently the dead mail-order monkeys were apocryphal, although we were able to dig up some fairly nightmarish accounts of live mail-order monkeys. …Yay?
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
In which Alan Davis’s Excalibur is a spiritual sibling to The Muppet Show; Captain Britain gets a Captain Britain lesson; Opal Luna Saturnyne has no time for your nonsense; Meggan and Rachel take a brief detour into a Hammer film; Earth-148 is extra heroic; no member of Excalibur will ever use a bathroom in peace; Cerise joins the team; Technet embraces the future; and the end of the world is nigh.
X-PLAINED:
Pixie’s powers and parentage
Several eccentricities of Jay’s apartment
Excalibur #45-47
Earth-148 (Ee’rath)
Comics pacing vs. podcast pacing
Technet (more) (again)
Amelia Witherspoon and several references related thereto
The N-Men
How to Captain Britain
The multiversal significance of the lighthouse
A portentous chess game
A particularly aggressive retcon
The return of the Neuri
The real Meggan
Necrom
A heroic death
The true curse of Excalibur
Some very specific citations
A reunion
Kylun (Colin McKay)
A blessed event
Cerise
Whether Rogue can control Cyclops’s powers
Laura Kinney’s upcoming reversion to X-23
NEXT EPISODE: Bishop joins the X-Men!
ENTIRELY IRRELEVANT UPDATE: The wall on which Jay was attempting to mount a desk turned out to be plaster over sheetrock. Office plans are being revised accordingly.
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
JUBILEE, NO. God, she’s not even wearing any safety gear. (Wolverine #48)
That, Jubilee, is a Lotus 7. Your mentor’s car. Not as clumsy or overwrought as a DeLorean. An elegant media reference… for a more civilized age. (Wolverine #48)
THAT IS A TERRIBLE WAY TO SHOW SOMEONE THE GUN YOU FOUND. (Wolverine #48)
Actually, Jubilee, Wolverine is 100% in the right here. (Wolverine #48)
No one should ever make this show under any circumstances. (Wolverine #48)
Spoiler: No funky butts are in fact dispensated. (Wolverine #48)
Toldja! It’s Lee Harvey Oswald and Jack Ruby! (Wolverine #49)
WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST WRITE HER NAME FIRST? IT WOULD HAVE FIT! (Wolverine #49)
The calendar is a little silly, but it’s also an incredibly eerie, cool detail. (Wolverine #49)
“I am not a number! I am a free man!” (Wolverine #49)
Sure, it’s a gimmick; but it’s a cool gimmick! (Wolverine #50)
LOOK AT THIS BEAUTIFUL, RIDICULOUS BASTARD AND HIS BEAUTIFUL, RIDICULOUS MOTORCYCLE. (Wolverine #50)
In Hines’s defense, Canada-616 is absolutely terrible. (Wolverine #50)
…and you, in turn, watch the Hydra operatives; as the NSA watches you; and… (Wolverine #50)
I take this to mean that somewhere there’s a splinter universe where Wolverine had an idyllic but ultimately tragic dalliance with a giant artichoke. (Wolverine #50)
HOW MANY YEARS HAS THAT PIECE OF CAKE BEEN SITTING THERE? (Wolverine #50)
I like the idea that the BIG SECRET isn’t that they faked his memories but that they had to reuse sets because of budget constraints. (Wolverine #50)
Sure you are, buddy. (Wolverine #50)
TWIST! (Wolverine #50)
I appreciate the implication that the ultimate horror is a high school prom. (Wolverine #50)
Aw, Logan. Never change. (Wolverine #50)
NEXT EPISODE: Centaur fight at the State Fair (and other educational adventures)!
In which we were on public radio; it’s probably best just to ignore Romulus; Miles still hasn’t seen the Prisoner and should be very ashamed of himself; toy licensing is the stuff of nightmares; you can upgrade your bloodbath for an additional $1.25; Jay may or may not have family ties to Weapon X; we are suckers for die-cut covers; Wolverine knows how to commit to a gag; and you have some pretty remarkable dreams.
X-PLAINED:
Wolverine’s CIA contacts
Murder-related birthday traditions
Wolverine #48-50
The ship Righteous Indignation and the ‘ship Righteous Indignation
Wolverine size creep
Injudicious footwear
Serial sidekicks
Miles’s continual failure to watch The Prisoner
The Summers Crash model of flashbacks
Panties and/or grenades
Several varyingly reliable flashbacks
How memory works
Mastodon
Andre
How memory doesn’t really work
Kids’ toy licensing
Quasimodo’s hangout
Women in Refrigerators
Secret agent skills
The Dalton school of argument
A legitimately cool cover gimmick
Wolverine vs. the Helicarrier
Adamantium handicrafts
Shiva (but not that one)
Silver Fox (again) (kind of)
A cataclysmic memory backlash
Antarctic X-Hijinks
Jay & Miles’s adventures in YOUR DREAMS
NEXT EPISODE: Centaurs of Texas
CORRECTION: Kyle Rayner’s girlfriend was the source of the Women In Refrigerator’s trope–not Hal Jordan’s, as Jay stated in this episode.
You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
In which almost everyone is better than Romulus; Barry Windsor-Smith continues to draw the best naked X-Men; Jay has strong feelings about Wolverine’s origins; Miles still hasn’t seen The Prisoner; when in doubt, it’s probably Kang the Conqueror and/or Mystique; we remain unqualified to give bear-fighting advice; you should not hide out in a nuclear reactor; and the Coffee-a-Go-Go has probably been turned into a new-wave sushi bar or something.
X-PLAINED:
The Professor (Truett Hudson)
Romulus
Jay & Miles at Rose City Comic Con
Marvel Comics Presents #72-84
“Weapon X”
Backstory attrition
A really good opening montage
Some very effective use of color
Healing hair
The original villain behind Weapon X
A retconned origin of Wolverine’s claws
Dr. Abraham Cornelius
Carol Hines
Terry Gilliam’s Weapon X
Audio vs. text-based mind control
An action figure in dubious taste
The Milgram Experiment
An adaptation we’d like to see
A bad place to hide
Subsequent “Weapon X” retcons
How Cyclops’s powers have (and haven’t) developed
Jay’s general failure at X-tourism
NEXT WEEK: More MCP, featuring “The Retribution Affair” and “God’s Country”!
You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)
In which Elisabeth hacks the Matrix; Magneto is the worst at small talk; Hela overreaches; parents just don’t understand human speech; everything is better with super-rings; Selene has a Xena moment; almost anything can be solved with a kiss; and even if you transform Doug Ramsey into a giant red murder monster, he’ll still be a huge nerd.
X-PLAINED:
The S-Men
New Mutants Forever #1-5
Magma’s revised family tree
Updating the New Mutants
The delicate balance of the Forever line
The web
Idiom confusion
A flawed cultural analogy
Tiberius the Generic
Several profoundly dubious costumes
Family resemblance
Skull v. Skull
The dearth of canonically asexual X-characters
NEXT EPISODE: Different Nazis
Miles here – in one of the questions for this episode, I conflated asexuality and aromanticness. Those are totally two different things. Apologies – I’m still learning!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!