professor x – Page 2 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

455 – Space, Geeks, and Galactus

July 7, 2024 Jay 8 comments

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In which Roadhouse is basically a Wolverine story; Spider-Man does crimes; space names are derivative; there are lots of good reasons to yell at Professor Xavier; the X-Men do Doctor Who; Galactus is not interested in your puny human feelings; Marrow gets a new look; the Skrulls need a crash course in UI; and we overthink bones.

X-PLAINED:

The time the Skrulls did “A Piece of the Action”
The trouble with benevolent dictatorships
X-Men #89-90
Uncanny X-Men #370
A New York City that is not in fact New York City
“Spider-Man”
A ruse
Faces
Skrull problems
Mar-Vell
Adam Warlock
Sass vs. joviality
Skrull Cop City
Disguises
Nova (Frankie Raye)
How Galactus eats planets
Condiments
Several melees
Bone pubes
Skrull UI
Whether Moopsy could drink Wolverine’s bones
X-Musicals

NEXT EPISODE: The return of Douglock!

The Roald Dahl short story whose title Jay couldn’t recall is “Beware of the Dog.”

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As Mentioned in Episode 451 – Meanwhile in Another Dimension

June 2, 2024 Jay Leave a comment

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Spoiler: No. (Uncanny X-Men #368)

I need a black-and-white numbered legend for this panel. (Uncanny X-Men #368)

HAMMER PANTS (Uncanny X-Men #368)

And now, for something completely different. (Uncanny X-Men #368)

Specifically, this. (Uncanny X-Men #368)

Well, then. (X-Men #88)

“Good lord!” (X-Men #88)

The Trion. (X-Men #88)

Alan Davis’s Black Tom Cassidy is a looker. (X-Men #88)

Coooooool (X-Men #88)

Storm and Ororo. (Uncanny X-Men #369)

Tentacles from the tentacle dimension. (Uncanny X-Men #369)

THEY WENT IN THROUGH THE FACE (Uncanny X-Men #369)

The Trion, revisited. (Uncanny X-Men #369)

I fuckin’ love it when anyone carries Wolverine like this. (Uncanny X-Men #369)

Juggernaut vs. Jugger-not. (Uncanny X-Men #369)

Whoops. (Uncanny X-Men #369)

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto Rex!

451 – Meanwhile in Another Dimension

June 2, 2024 Jay 2 comments

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In which we remain fascinated by Magneto’s robot butler; murder is Logan’s love language; the Juggernaut punches a hole in reality; Professor Xavier makes it weird; and Storm lectures several gods.

X-PLAINED:

Silly mutant powers
Uncanny X-Men #368-369
X-Men #88
Alan Davis’s X-Men run
Magneto’s robot butler
Joseph’s funeral
Nun-sense
A voyage to another dimension
Eyebrow power
Ejulp
The Trion
The other Gem of Cyttorak that’s like the first one but somehow worse
Several comas
Juggernaut vs. Juggernaut
Evil, kind of
Vacationing with X-Men characters
Illyana Rasputin and Rachel Summers

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto Rex

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As Mentioned in Episode 445 – Dick War

April 7, 2024 Jay Leave a comment

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This cover, man. (X-Men: The Magneto War #1)

Rogue’s dream bikini. (X-Men: The Magneto War #1)

His powers are just icky. (X-Men: The Magneto War #1)

Please enjoy Nightcrawler’s adorable pajamas. (X-Men: The Magneto War #1)

That’s… that’s not Trish Tilby. (Uncanny X-Men #366)

…what… (Uncanny X-Men #366)

Magneto knows from villainous lairs. (Uncanny X-Men #366)

Ferris is a cutie. (Uncanny X-Men #366)

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto wins.

LINKS & FURTHER ADVICE

Birthday shenanigans! Be there, or be… somewhere else, I guess.
The Harkness Test is the gold standard for ethical monsterfucking.
Waiting for the Trade is the gold standard for Suburban Magneto.

445 – Dick War

April 7, 2024 Jay 10 comments

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In which not every story needs to be an event; Alan Davis returns to the X-line; X-mansion security is not what it once was; Rogue needs some new fantasies; and Magneto wants a country.

X-PLAINED:

A poor governance decision
X-Men: The Magneto War #1
Uncanny X-Men #366
Astral demerits
A very dramatic dream
The yolk of oppression
Several Acolytes
Nightcrawler’s nightcap
Our standards for advertisers
Suburban Magneto
Ferris
Magnet problems
Forged DNA
Mutants from Georgia, Florida, and Indiana
Flying with Storm

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto wins.

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RSVP to our birthday shenanigans!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 440 – Fightin’ and Ballin’

February 11, 2024 Miles One comment

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Fight fight fight, fight fight fight! (X-Men #83)

PHWOOOOOSH PKOOOM YAAIIIHEEE SWOOOOOOOOOSSS (X-Men #83)

‘Sup, demonic sperm? (X-Men #83)

From organic steel to organic… whatever that is. (X-Men #83)

What if Pinocchio but evil Colossus-bot? (X-Men #83)

The other Cerebr(o/ite) design. (X-Men #83)

Design by David Cronenberg? (Uncanny X-Men #364)

Fight fight fight, fight fight fight! (Again again again!) (Uncanny X-Men #364)

The best version of Post. (Uncanny X-Men #364)

Wolverine: vigilante relationship counselor and motivational speaker. (Uncanny X-Men #364)

Eeeuuuugghhh (Uncanny X-Men #364)

Charles Xavier: the world’s most ripped telepath. (X-Men #84)

Cerebro Prime has almost completed its Pokédex! (X-Men #84)

Colossus practices his witty banter. (X-Men #84)

Oil and razor blades and cotton candy and (X-Men #84)

The Xavier Protocols are gorier than expected. (X-Men #84)

Imagine all the people (X-Men #84)

Back home and back to the status quo. (X-Men #84)

NEXT TIME: Dracula.

Links and further reading:

440 – Fightin’ and Ballin’

February 11, 2024 Miles 6 comments

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In which the Hunt for Xavier remains vaguely disappointing; Gambit is good with kids; nanomachines are the new unstable molecules; Marrow is a walking armory; and we recommend comics for babies.

X-PLAINED:

The Hunt for Xavier, Part 2
Babies and/or ghosts
Chekhov’s repowering
X-Men #83-84
Uncanny X-Men #364
Cerebro / Cerebro Prime
Cerebrite Alpha
Cerebrite Beta
X-Men serial numbers
What Gambit’s friends call him
How Miles stopped worrying and learned to love Gambit
Evil robot sperm
Mary Purcell
Multiple-monitor displays
A computer with a computer
AI
The Florida facility
Post
Pile-Driver X
A glimpse into the butt of all humanity
Comics for babies
Name-based powers

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X has Dracula problems!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 439 – Fishfic

February 4, 2024 Miles 4 comments

Listen to the episode here.

A very loud search party. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

Stooges in shorts. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

The Continuing Saga of Gambit & the Gassy Lady. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

Storm and Marrow have their best conversations while fucking up automobiles. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

*Driving rock intro* (Uncanny X-Men #362)

Gassy ladies, fire ladies… It hard to be Gambit. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

This version of Cerebro doesn’t require telepathy to use, but it does require a cute outfit. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

In medias swamp-rat. (X-Men #82)

He has agreed to take me / To the ice hotel from the magazine (X-Men #82)

Whoa indeed, Keanu. (X-Men #82)

You’ve all had that dream too, right? (X-Men #82)

Clockwise from top-left: blood, black bile, phlegm, yellow bile. (X-Men #82)

I have no idea what kind of metal band Cerebro fronts, but I would listen to them. (X-Men #82)

I miss Toad’s too-many-Liefeldian-teeth look, but this one’s pretty great. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Maybe the post-Fall era of X-Men will finally explain what Wolverine smelled. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Cerebro’s other outfit. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

What’s… what’s happening here?! (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Shoulda just complimented her classic fedora-‘n’-trenchcoat look. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Meanwhile, in the margins of a Wolverine one-shot… (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Somewhat new, somewhat different. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

NEXT TIME: 2 Hunt 2 Xavier

439 – Fishfic

February 4, 2024 Miles 9 comments

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In which we reach the beginning of an end; Jay totally forgot Gambit was there; we’re all living in the Mary Purcelliverse; the X-Men split the party; and we explore The Bay Area’s Bohemian Hotbed of Student Anarchy.

X-PLAINED:

Mary Purcell (sort of)
The re-defaulting of the X-Men
Uncanny X-Men #362-323
X-Men #82
Nebraska
Pyro (Saint John Allerdyce) and his endless illness
Legacy Virus variations
Going home again
Running back and forth in quarries
Marrow, who’s come a long way
The two forms of fire: skeleton monsters and sexy ladies
Cerebro (the evil one)
San Francisco and Tajikinistan
Asphalt ball pits
A topsy-turvy nonsensical impossible hell
Nina the Mannite
Desire, love, loss, and fear
Skulls and spines
The New (New) Brotherhood of Mutants
Cerebrites Alpha and Beta
A lost, smelly fish
Ambiguous art
Blood, sweat, and fears
Which mutants would cause the most chaos at holiday gatherings
Hopes for post-Fall society

NEXT EPISODE: 2 Hunt 2 Xavier

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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