professor x – Page 2 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

445 – Dick War

April 7, 2024 Jay 10 comments

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In which not every story needs to be an event; Alan Davis returns to the X-line; X-mansion security is not what it once was; Rogue needs some new fantasies; and Magneto wants a country.

X-PLAINED:

A poor governance decision
X-Men: The Magneto War #1
Uncanny X-Men #366
Astral demerits
A very dramatic dream
The yolk of oppression
Several Acolytes
Nightcrawler’s nightcap
Our standards for advertisers
Suburban Magneto
Ferris
Magnet problems
Forged DNA
Mutants from Georgia, Florida, and Indiana
Flying with Storm

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto wins.

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As Mentioned in Episode 440 – Fightin’ and Ballin’

February 11, 2024 Miles One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Fight fight fight, fight fight fight! (X-Men #83)

PHWOOOOOSH PKOOOM YAAIIIHEEE SWOOOOOOOOOSSS (X-Men #83)

‘Sup, demonic sperm? (X-Men #83)

From organic steel to organic… whatever that is. (X-Men #83)

What if Pinocchio but evil Colossus-bot? (X-Men #83)

The other Cerebr(o/ite) design. (X-Men #83)

Design by David Cronenberg? (Uncanny X-Men #364)

Fight fight fight, fight fight fight! (Again again again!) (Uncanny X-Men #364)

The best version of Post. (Uncanny X-Men #364)

Wolverine: vigilante relationship counselor and motivational speaker. (Uncanny X-Men #364)

Eeeuuuugghhh (Uncanny X-Men #364)

Charles Xavier: the world’s most ripped telepath. (X-Men #84)

Cerebro Prime has almost completed its Pokédex! (X-Men #84)

Colossus practices his witty banter. (X-Men #84)

Oil and razor blades and cotton candy and (X-Men #84)

The Xavier Protocols are gorier than expected. (X-Men #84)

Imagine all the people (X-Men #84)

Back home and back to the status quo. (X-Men #84)

NEXT TIME: Dracula.

Links and further reading:

440 – Fightin’ and Ballin’

February 11, 2024 Miles 6 comments

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In which the Hunt for Xavier remains vaguely disappointing; Gambit is good with kids; nanomachines are the new unstable molecules; Marrow is a walking armory; and we recommend comics for babies.

X-PLAINED:

The Hunt for Xavier, Part 2
Babies and/or ghosts
Chekhov’s repowering
X-Men #83-84
Uncanny X-Men #364
Cerebro / Cerebro Prime
Cerebrite Alpha
Cerebrite Beta
X-Men serial numbers
What Gambit’s friends call him
How Miles stopped worrying and learned to love Gambit
Evil robot sperm
Mary Purcell
Multiple-monitor displays
A computer with a computer
AI
The Florida facility
Post
Pile-Driver X
A glimpse into the butt of all humanity
Comics for babies
Name-based powers

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X has Dracula problems!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 439 – Fishfic

February 4, 2024 Miles 4 comments

Listen to the episode here.

A very loud search party. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

Stooges in shorts. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

The Continuing Saga of Gambit & the Gassy Lady. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

Storm and Marrow have their best conversations while fucking up automobiles. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

*Driving rock intro* (Uncanny X-Men #362)

Gassy ladies, fire ladies… It hard to be Gambit. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

This version of Cerebro doesn’t require telepathy to use, but it does require a cute outfit. (Uncanny X-Men #362)

In medias swamp-rat. (X-Men #82)

He has agreed to take me / To the ice hotel from the magazine (X-Men #82)

Whoa indeed, Keanu. (X-Men #82)

You’ve all had that dream too, right? (X-Men #82)

Clockwise from top-left: blood, black bile, phlegm, yellow bile. (X-Men #82)

I have no idea what kind of metal band Cerebro fronts, but I would listen to them. (X-Men #82)

I miss Toad’s too-many-Liefeldian-teeth look, but this one’s pretty great. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Maybe the post-Fall era of X-Men will finally explain what Wolverine smelled. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Cerebro’s other outfit. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

What’s… what’s happening here?! (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Shoulda just complimented her classic fedora-‘n’-trenchcoat look. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Meanwhile, in the margins of a Wolverine one-shot… (Uncanny X-Men #363)

Somewhat new, somewhat different. (Uncanny X-Men #363)

NEXT TIME: 2 Hunt 2 Xavier

439 – Fishfic

February 4, 2024 Miles 9 comments

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In which we reach the beginning of an end; Jay totally forgot Gambit was there; we’re all living in the Mary Purcelliverse; the X-Men split the party; and we explore The Bay Area’s Bohemian Hotbed of Student Anarchy.

X-PLAINED:

Mary Purcell (sort of)
The re-defaulting of the X-Men
Uncanny X-Men #362-323
X-Men #82
Nebraska
Pyro (Saint John Allerdyce) and his endless illness
Legacy Virus variations
Going home again
Running back and forth in quarries
Marrow, who’s come a long way
The two forms of fire: skeleton monsters and sexy ladies
Cerebro (the evil one)
San Francisco and Tajikinistan
Asphalt ball pits
A topsy-turvy nonsensical impossible hell
Nina the Mannite
Desire, love, loss, and fear
Skulls and spines
The New (New) Brotherhood of Mutants
Cerebrites Alpha and Beta
A lost, smelly fish
Ambiguous art
Blood, sweat, and fears
Which mutants would cause the most chaos at holiday gatherings
Hopes for post-Fall society

NEXT EPISODE: 2 Hunt 2 Xavier

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 410 – Jubilee, Don’t Eat That

May 7, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

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A boojum, which is later referred to repeatedly as a snark but is clearly not one for reasons expounded in this episode. (Generation X #37)

Gaia the Super Chill. (Generation X #37)

SURE WHY NOT (Generation X #37)

A somewhat unlikely timetable. (Generation X #37)

SURE WHY NOT (Generation X #37)

I freakin’ love this cover. (Generation X #38)

Interdimensional portals are rad as heck. (Generation X #38)

(Generation X #38)

jubilee no don’t eat that why would you even (Generation X #39)

SURE WHY NOT (Generation X #39)

In a genre full of deeply oblivious goons, these two may in fact be the most oblivious. (Generation X #39)

NEXT EPISODE: The return of the Angry Clarmontean Narrator!

410 – Jubilee, Don’t Eat That

May 7, 2023 Jay 12 comments

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In which the M-Plate Saga continues; Jay gets into the spirit of the day; we briefly give up on our primary mission; the story is coordinated if not coherent; Miles is not allowed to continuity-shame about Tolkein; Gaia is extra chill; Dirt Nap discovers altruism; and Jubilee should absolutely not have eaten that.

X-PLAINED:

Vampires vs. Marrow (again)
Whether Marrow is a mutant
Drugs
X-Plaining the inexplicable
Generation X #37-39
M-Plate (more) (again)
A Boojum
How to correctly identify a snark
The Universal Amalgamator (more) (again)
A door
Moria, kind of, I guess?
Mysterious topiary
An equally mysterious train
The Citadel of the Universal Amalgamator
Gaia
How to make a deal with a Token
Orange milk
A network of interdimensional water closets
The Bill the Pony Effect
An attempted murder
Monet vs. Northstar
Characters we’d like to see come out of the subtext

NEXT EPISODE: The Angry Claremontean Narrator Returns

CORRECTION: Miles said that the previous episode was #410. This episode is in fact #410; the previous episode is #409.

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As Mentioned in Episode 406 – The Most Dangerous Mini-Game

April 9, 2023 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

So, that’s where he got it! (Wolverine #-1)

I love this design for Sabretooth. (Wolverine #-1)

And also his car. (Wolverine #-1)

Literally nothing is okay at the Blanding/Masters house. (X-Factor #-1)

Mister Sinister lurks in the bushes. (X-Factor #-1)

They’re AT LEAST in their early 20s. (X-Factor #-1)

DAMN, Haley! (X-Factor #-1)

The most dangerous mini-game. (X-Factor #-1)

Alex Summers in a nutshell. (X-Factor #-1)

Wellp, you did that. (X-Force #-1)

I swear I thought this thing was gonna be a red herring. (X-Force #-1)

Everything cute about this issue is also really sad. (X-Force #-1)

How Thunderbird got his code name. (X-Force #-1)

Don’t worry, Tabby; soon you’ll be stealing with the best of ’em! (X-Force #-1)

The Circus of Cameos. (X-Force #-1)

In which John Produstar straight-up wrassles a tiger. (X-Force #-1)

“We also do a lot of crimes, but they’re pretty low-key as comic-book circus crimes go.” (X-Force #-1)

Ugh, this guy. (X-Force #-1)

Naked in Space: The Charles Francis Xavier Story. (X-Men #-1)

Magneto, a sensible fellow, wears clothes in the vacuum of space. (X-Men #-1)

IT NEVER STOPS BEING FUNNY (X-Men #-1)

DRAMATIC! JUXTAPOSITION! (X-Men #-1)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor hits rock-bottom, again.

LINKS & FURTHER READING

If you want to know more about the man behind the mustache, we recommend the hell out of Abraham Josephine Riesman’s True Believer: The Rise and Fall of Stan Lee.

406 – The Most Dangerous Mini-Game

April 2, 2023 Jay 6 comments

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In which we disagree about the value of Stan Lee intros; everybody wants Wolverine; Mister Sinister lurks; Haley Blanding deserves better; Thunderbird fights a tiger; and Xavier and Magneto do their usual thing.

X-PLAINED:

The Circus of Crime
Stan Lee intros
Wolverine #-1
X-Factor #-1
X-Force #-1
X-Men #-1
Proust vs. Sartre
How Logan joined Alpha Flight
The secret origin of the word “canucklehead.”
USDA, Annex B
Myron MacLain
Logan’s cigars
Yet more continuity errors
Sabretooth’s ridiculous car
The balance of scary and silly
Wolverine’s cowboy hat
Summers family bullshit
The Blandings and/or Masterses
Vince
The Proudstar family
One or more cats named Coyote
The origin of Thunderbird’s totem
Edwin Martynec (again)
Chondu the Magician
Ringmaster
Yet more Xavier and Magneto flashback drama
The bottom of the resurrection queue
Good car-trip episodes

NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor continues to make poor decisions

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Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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