Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: professor x

Jay Recaps X-Men: Evolution
S1E10: Shadowed Past

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Ever heard of something called “The Draco”?

No, not the blonde guy from Harry Potter. The “Draco” I’m talking about is an Uncanny X-Men arc where Chuck Austen retconned Nightcrawler’s origin story to involve a father from an ancient race of demon-looking mutants long exiled to a hell dimension by a bunch of quasi-angelic counterparts.1

The Draco is one of the worst arcs of Austen’s already fairly shaky 2 run; and generally considered to be one of the worst X-Men stories ever. It’s the continuity equivalent of awkward makeouts at your company Christmas party: everyone does their best to politely pretend that it never happened, and if anyone brings it up, everyone familiar with the story gets acutely embarrassed by proxy.

I am telling you about The Draco not because it has any relevance whatsoever to X-Men: Evolution–it doesn’t–but so that you will understand where the bar sits when I tell you that “Shadowed Past” is my least favorite take on Nightcrawler’s origin story.

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115 – So Many Teeth (feat. Max Carleton)

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which Jay and Max brave the X-Men anime; the problem isn’t in Wolverine’s pants; Xavier is for once less villainous than he seems; Emma Frost gets ruffly; Cyclops wasn’t even supposed to be here today; and we both really want to hang out with Scott Porter.

X-PLAINED:

  • Billy Kaplan and Tommy Shepherd
  • Waiting for the Trade
  • The X-Men Anime
  • Marvel Anime
  • Scott Porter
  • Jay’s ongoing attempts to assemble a coherent X-Men/Speed Racer conspiracy theory
  • Floating Hands Theater Wolverine
  • An unlikely T.A.
  • Several recurring flashbacks
  • The U-Men
  • The other U-Men
  • Armor (Hisako Ichiki)
  • Emma Frost, but ruffly
  • Evil Moira MacTaggert (Yui Sasaki)
  • The Sasaki Institute
  • The other Inner Circle
  • Marsh
  • Rat
  • Neuron
  • Takeo Sasaki
  • Potluck night at the Hellfire Club
  • Living vs. dead Jean Grey

NEXT EPISODE: Jubilee!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 110 – Lights, Camera, Apocalypse!

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
We saw X-Men in the middle of a road trip the summer after our senior year of high school. Terrible vacation; fun movie.
X2: X-Men United is a very loose adaptation of one of our favorite X-Men stories: the Marvel Graphic Novel God Loves, Man Kills.
The less said about X-Men: The Last Stand, the better.
Jay can’t look at this X-Men: First Class poster without thinking of the Buckaroo Banzai end credits. It’s a blessing and a curse.
X-Men: Days of Future Past is one of the more ambitious retcons ever to grace the big screen.
X-Men: Apocalypse opens in the U.S. on May 27; and everywhere else at some point in the surrounding weeks.
Apocalypse’s on-panel debut… (X-Factor #5)
…and the first time we saw his signature costume. (X-Factor #6)
“Let’s adopt him and, I dunno, feed him scarab blood? Look, man, I’m making this up as I go along.” (Rise of Apocalypse #1)
Apocalypse’s true, diabolical plan, as realized in “The Twelve”: To capture a bunch of mutants and I guess put them in little terrariums? Apocalypse is a complicated guy. (Uncanny X-Men #377)
Apocalypse: Somehow actually more progressive than Doctor Who. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #1)
The mechanics of Apocalypse’s body–and relative immortality–vary wildly from series to series. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #2)
In the Age of Apocalypse, Apocalypse takes over Earth ahead of schedule and makes everything super glam. (X-Men: Alpha)
Deadpool may not be an X-Man, but his movie did feature the best version of the X-Men costumes to show up so far on screen.
NEXT WEEK: Excalibur joins Inferno!

LINKS & FURTHER READING

110 – Lights, Camera, Apocalypse!

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which the X-Men cinematic universe is a really mixed bag; Kang the Conqueror ruins everything; everyone wants a Sphinx hovercraft; Elle was right; and we bring you up to speed on all things En Sabah Nur–just in time for X-Men: Apocalypse!

X-PLAINED:

  • How Chamber got his torso back (and then lost it again)(twice)
  • Several ways to count X-Men movies
  • X-Men
  • X2: X-Men United
  • X-Men: The Last Stand
  • X-Men: First Class
  • X-Men: Days of Future Past
  • Adaptation anxiety
  • Distillation vs. dilution
  • Apocalypse (En Sabah Nur)
  • Rise of Apocalypse #1-4
  • Akkaba
  • Dubious survival tips
  • Fantastic Four #19
  • Doctor Strange #53
  • Ozymandias
  • Various horsemen of Apocalypse
  • Age of Apocalypse (Earth-295)
  • The Twelve
  • Cinematic X-costumes
  • Cast Party

NEXT WEEK: Excalibur joins Inferno!

CORRECTION: In this episode, Jay states that Kieran Shiach explained Kang in the Secret Convergence on Infinite Podcasts. It was, in fact, the amazing Paul O’Brien. Mea culpa.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Google Play, or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

Jay Recaps X-Men: Evolution
S1E9: Survival of the Fittest

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I can summarize most episodes of X-Men: Evolution from memory, in a fair degree of detail; so it surprised me when, in reviewing the Season 1 roster, I realized I recalled almost nothing of “Survival of the Fittest” beyond the fact that it involved some kind of summer camp scenario. When I started to watch, I realized why: in a season where even the bad episodes are usually entertaining, this one is just boring as all hell.

On my first pass, I stopped taking notes five minutes in, because nothing was happening. By the halfway mark, I was actively fantasizing about watching paint dry.1 But I am nothing if not committed, readers. I promised you a recap, and a recap you would have, come hell or high water.

Ah, well. At least I get to judge cartoon teenagers for their fashion choices.

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Jay Recaps X-Men: Evolution
S1E8: SpykeCam

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Oh, Evolution Season One. You try so hard. And sometimes you hit your mark: sometimes it’s “Turn of the Rogue.”

And then, sometimes, it’s “SpykeCam.”

Here’s the thing about Spyke: he’s a character born of good intentions and just stunningly thin execution. He’s got a lot of potential, but the actual episodes that focus on him–which are fairly few and far between–and his eventual, deeply dubious fate are almost universally weak. I want to like this dude, and sometimes I really do–but often, it’s in spite of, not because of, the stories built around him.

Ah, well. We’ll always have Dracula: The Rock Musical.

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As Mentioned in Episode 94 – WELCOME TO DIE!

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Pryde of the X-Men‘s character designs are pretty damned comics-accurate, if slightly pastel. (I guess Kitty would have gotten her Shadowcat costume later?)
Real talk: if you watch this show on VHS, Spider-Man takes a minute of your time beforehand to tell you how important it is to vote.
Okay, that’s a legitimately cool way of showing how awesome telepathy can be. And a legitimately GI Joe-looking moment.
“Choose your character, Kitty Pryde!”
This image documents Kitty’s single moment of hesitation before she decides that following a bunch of strangers into space is a great plan.
Pryde of the X-Men‘s Storm may actually be her best on-screen portrayal.
“G’day! Let’s get a dingo on the barbie, you wallaby! Foster’s!”
This makes me actually kind of wish Dazzler had been on the team in the early 80s.
The Arcade Game: Heroes!
The Arcade Game: Villains!
It’s… basically a whole lot of this.
Three Living Monoliths for the price of one!
Twelve-year-old Miles was in heaven. Thirty-three-year-old Miles was too.
Our players: Anna Sheffey, Miles Stokes, and Elisabeth Allie!
Next time: The Brood are back, baby.

LINKS:

94 – WELCOME TO DIE! (feat. Elisabeth Allie)

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which Miles and Elisabeth X-Plain Pryde of the X-Men; Magneto is somehow even worse at branding than Mystique; the X-Universe is in desperate need of responsible adults; Wolverine hates kids; everybody’s mean to Lockheed; and the Sentinels represent your feelings.

X-PLAINED:

  • Wolverine’s Australian accent
  • Pryde of the X-Men
  • X-Men / Muppet Babies analogues
  • The Brotherhood of Mutant Terrorists
  • How not to comfort scared teenagers
  • The X-Cessible X-Men
  • The Mutant Power Circuit
  • Terrible parenting
  • A MacGuffin
  • A Really Dubious Evil Plot
  • Several Additional MacGuffins
  • THE POWER!
  • One of many reasons to be nice to animals
  • Space
  • The X-Men Arcade Game
  • Ground Kontrol
  • X-Men: Madness in Murderworld
  • The Uncanny X-Men (game)
  • Metaphorical sentinels
  • Mysterious lizards
  • Video game mechanics vs. superhero ethics
  • Pryde of the X-Men vs the ’90s animated series vs. X-Men: Evolution
  • Alternate animated series hooks

NEXT WEEK: The Brood go to a revival meeting

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 91 – The Saddest Story Ever Told

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
The vaguely slapstick motifs in this story somehow make it even sadder. (New Mutants #64)
And it really only gets more depressing from here. (New Mutants #64)
No, seriously. (New Mutants #64)
Everything is terrible forever. (New Mutants #64)
=( (New Mutants #64)
Yeah, we do not have a sassy caption for this. Sorry. (New Mutants #64)
Aw, man. These kids. (New Mutants #64)
AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
Harder than fighting Sentinels, apparently. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
“It’s four hours of me, a vacuum cleaner, and a theremin.” (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
The X-Men take costume parties REALLY DAMN SERIOUSLY. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
“Also, that is literally one of the only two non-uniform outfits you own.” (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
How not to lay out a page for coherent reading order. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
SO THEN THAT HAPPENED. (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)
And they all lived happily ever after. THE END! (But Doug Ramsey was still dead.) (Tattoo Tales: X-Men: Masquerade)