professor x – Page 11 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 221 – Better Than LEGO

November 5, 2018 Jay One comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Bella, as seen on FaceTime between rounds of headbutting the phone.

The late, great, immensely fluffy Buzz Lightyear.

What, you thought this whole thing was just gonna be photos of cats? (Sorry) (X-Force #20)

Whoops. (X-Force #20)

That hair, though! Why, Shatterstar? WHY? (X-Force #20)

Those spacesuits look incredibly cumbersome. (X-Force #20)

You never forget your favorite ship. (X-Force #20)

That is a GREAT use of a spread. (X-Force #20)

X-Force really only has the one setting. (X-Force #21)

Aw. AW. (X-Force #21)

AWWWWWWWWW (X-Force #21)

“THE TEETH COMMAND IT!” (X-Force #21)

And that’s why you always leave a note. (X-Force #21)

“The guns were inside you all along!” (X-Force #22)

Well, then. (X-Force #22)

But he looks so happy about it! (X-Force #22)

I was gonna make a callback to that one tangent about how Cable probably carries a bunch of tampons because they are useful and he seems like the kind of dude who has a good attitude about menstruation, but it seemed too forced. (X-Force #22)

This is both excessive and silly, Gideon. (X-Force #22)

“Am I forever damned to eat crackers sideways?!” (X-Force #23)

Look at him! He’s just propped up in the corner! (X-Force #23)

OH, SNAP! (X-Force #23)

I’m still kind of peeved that this isn’t spelled out in Sam’s accent. It just feels wrong like this. (X-Force #23)

NEXT EPISODE: Psylocke vs. Revanche!

LINKS & FURTHER MONSTROSITIES:

221 – Better Than LEGO

November 5, 2018 Jay 12 comments

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In which Miles stops worrying and learns to love X-Force; you should absolutely not google the phrase “face jam”; the kids take a field trip to Graymalkin; Jay reverse-engineers Shatterstar’s hair; Donald Pierce gets a new job; Sam Guthrie is the most trustworthy man in the Marvel Universe; Cable is your guns grandma; Professor earns its name; X-Force really only has one setting; and not every Sluggo is lit.

X-PLAINED:

A bunch of stuff Quicksilver did
Several cats
X-Force #20-23
The Externals (more) (again)
A deeply unlikely hairstyle
Graymalkin / Ship / Professor
A somewhat one-sided reunion
Yahoos
Inaccurate arithmetic
Why Feral sounds like that
Neither Tom, Dick, nor Harry
War Machine (James Rhodes)
Salvage
Sam Guthrie’s long trail of dead father figures
Shatterstar
How to fight an External
The seventh plague
What Domino’s been up to
Hammer’s mom
Tigerstryke (more) (again)
Sluggo (but not that Sluggo)
Learning to appreciate the ’90s

NEXT EPISODE: Psylocke Vs. Revanche!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 218 – Careful What You Lick

October 21, 2018 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

They are very excited to be here. (Uncanny X-Men #298)

This is exactly how we dress to watch TV, too. (Uncanny X-Men #298)

Ugh, THESE jerks. (Uncanny X-Men #298)

I mean, they were living there anyway, and it’s probably just as well that you saved them from being murdered, but you do you. (Uncanny X-Men #298)

Forge, you have never been reassuring in your life. (Uncanny X-Men #299)

Somewhere, a damp Magneto is skittering around waiting for his new carapace to harden. (Uncanny X-Men #299)

While I get that Warren’s intentions are probably good here, breaking into schools and holding the children while they sleep is generally frowned upon by LITERALLY EVERYONE. (Uncanny X-Men #299)

Look at him evade like a pro. (Uncanny X-Men #299)

BECAUSE WE WERE TOO MENNY (Uncanny X-Men #299)

Hank McCoy for President. (Uncanny X-Men #299)

I wish they just lied continually to Bishop about the modern world. (Uncanny X-Men #299)

Look at all those Xs! (Uncanny X-Men #300)

Forge, settle down, buddy. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

Iceman speaks for us all, here. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

PROFESSOR XAVIER IS KIND OF CREEPY. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

A good hug. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

And that’s why you always leave a note! Or don’t murder Magneto! One of those, probably! (Uncanny X-Men #300)

These villains are not wildly memorable. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

A rematch that’s been a long time coming. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

Even ’90s Cyclops has his moments. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

There’s the mutant metaphor, and then there’s the Jean Grey metaphor, which is related but not identical. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

“Magnets… I’ve had a few…” (Uncanny X-Men #300)

GLOWER. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

And then nobody was ever happy again. (Uncanny X-Men #300)

NEXT EPISODE: The Emma Frost Appreciation Society (feat. Seanan McGuire, Leah Williams, et. al.)

LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:

Come see us at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival!
The delightful PDX Broadsides will also be there!
This episode involves a LOT of references to past story arcs. Here’s where you can hear us talk about those:
- Learn about one of the less obvious reasons not to masturbate with cacti in Episode 78 – The Eye Killers and Other Cautionary Tales.
- You can hear about the beginning of X-Men vol. 2 in Episode 178 – Giant-Size Special #6.
- We covered God Loves, Man Kills in Giant-Size Special #1.
You can see Miles’s childhood X-Men drawings in Jay & Miles Made a Zine About the X-Men, now available on Gumroad!

218 – Careful What You Lick

October 15, 2018 Jay 28 comments

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In which X-Cutioner’s Song may be over, but its repercussions continue; Uncanny X-Men hits a major milestone; superhero comics are and always have been political; Bishop learns to banter; the X-Men gain an unlikely ally; and Magneto remains exceptionally difficult to kill.

X-PLAINED:

Jay & Miles at VVCBF
Uncanny X-Men #298-300
The Acolytes (more) (again)
The Upstarts (more) (again)
Several important lessons
A very fancy room
A very fancy brain
The unpleasant fate of Sharon Friedlander
The all-new, all-different Acolytes
Carmella Unuscione
The return of one of our favorite antagonists
A sick burn
The fate of Asteroid M
Molting
A debate
Graydon Creed (more) (again)
The tentative redemption of Robert Kelly
How to lose a debate with Joe Biden
A large number of prescient political references
Friends of Humanity
How to engage with a fascist in a televised debate
Noah DuBois
Fatale
A generic rural mob
Milan
A narratively convenient superpower
Amelia Voght
Seamus Mellencamp
Neophyte
The gospel of Magneto
A joyous reunion
The helmet that wouldn’t die
Ponytail ethics
Timelust
Several accents
The current state of Rogue’s powers

NEXT EPISODE: All Emma All Episode (feat. Seanan McGuire, Leah Williams, and more)!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 216 – X-Amining X-Factor

September 30, 2018 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

X-Factor does not take particularly well to therapy, to nobody’s particular surprise. (X-Factor #87)

Nope. (X-Factor #87)

Looking forward to a visual companion full of cleverly framed two-person conversations? No? TOO BAD, ‘CAUSE THAT’S WHAT YOU’RE GETTING. (X-Factor #87)

It’s rough to be Pietro Maximoff; but at least you get to dress like THAT. (X-Factor #87)

I love how character-specific these layouts are– (X-Factor #87)

–none moreso than Multiple Man’s. (X-Factor #87)

“It doesn’t help that my only hobby is lurking in foliage.” (X-Factor #87)

I’m putting this in so that you’ll get why the next sequence is so clever. (X-Factor #87)

See what I mean? (X-Factor #87)

This could have worked, handled differently; but boy does it not. (X-Factor #87)

SIGH.

Val Cooper is the most sitcom of sitcom bosses. (X-Factor #87)

And that’s why you don’t armchair diagnose! (X-Factor #87)

NEXT EPISODE: Rasputin Family Reunion!

LINKS & FURTHER ANALYSES:

Follow Dr. Andrea Letamendi on Twitter; and check out The Arkham Sessions!
Wally Wood’s 22 Panels are legendary for a reason.
For more on David Haller and representations of mental illness in X-Books, check out Episode 44 – Assembling Legion, with Si Spurrier.
If you can’t get enough out of the intersection of fictional therapy and podcasting, we recommend the hell out of The Bright Sessions.

216 – X-Amining X-Factor (feat. Dr. Andrea Letamendi)

September 30, 2018 Jay 15 comments

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In which Dr. Andrea Letamendi of Arkham Sessions joins us to analyze some analysis; Doc Samson has major scope-of-practice issues; Ren & Stimpy references continue to fail to age well; it’s hard to be Quicksilver; Val Cooper is not your friend; Polaris pretty much always deserves better; Charles Xavier should not be allowed to inhabit positions of power; and labels are often not the best tools for good representations of mental illness and neurodivergence.

X-PLAINED:

A very high-stakes 3-D puzzle
X-Factor #87
Doc Samson
Making talking heads interesting
Wolfsbane’s relationship to pop culture
Appropriate boundaries
Several remarkable fashion choices
Pietro Maximoff in perspective
Therapeutic assessment vs. intervention
The extremely tragic backstory of Jamie Madrox
Imposter syndrome
A brief history of Polaris’s brushes with possession
A really poorly planned and presented sequence
Consequences of armchair diagnosis
Interactions of telepathy and psychology
Legion as a portrayal of mental illness
Writing mental illness in fiction

NEXT EPISODE: Rasputin Family Reunion!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 214 – Stryfe’s Burn Book

September 16, 2018 Jay 7 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Look at this gorgeous monstrosity. (Stryfe’s Strike File)

This dude would not appear in the main Marvel Universe until about a decade after he was introduced here. (Stryfe’s Strike File)

FORESHADOWING! (Stryfe’s Strike File)

Mystique’s worst kid, by a fairly wide margin. (Stryfe’s Strike File)

Remember her; she’ll be a big deal later. (Stryfe’s Strike File)

Stryfe: The Worst Kid in Your Fandom. (Stryfe’s Strike File)

SPOILER: This cover is profoundly misleading. (Uncanny X-Men #297)

WARREN KENNETH WORTHINGTON III, YOU DID WHAT?! (Uncanny X-Men #297)

A rare moment of candor from Professor X. (Uncanny X-Men #297)

The only part of this issue that I REALLY have trouble believing is that Jubilee was carying around a second pair of ‘blades just for funsies. Those things are cumbersome as heck. (Uncanny X-Men #297)

DAMNIT, JUBILEE. THIS IS WHY NOBODY TRUSTS YOU. (Uncanny X-Men #297)

Aw. (Uncanny X-Men #297)

And Aw, again. (Uncanny X-Men #297)

Yet a third Aw. (Uncanny X-Men #297)

She’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll explode your face. (X-Force #19)

Bobby has had a pretty rough year. (X-Force #19)

Slow clap. (X-Force #19)

Vanessa is not having a great time post-X-Force. (X-Force #19)

PHOENIX II DECOLLETAGE! (X-Force #19)

Those are actually… really snazzy team uniforms. Dang. (X-Force #19)

And that was the end of THAT particular metaphor. (X-Force #19)

NEXT EPISODE: Rich people are different from us.

LINKS & FURTHER CONVERSATIONS:

Check out the first Very Official Episode Transcript, over on the J&M wiki!
(Did you know we have a wiki? We have a wiki!)
If you want to get involved in the transcripts–or just hang out with rad folks–come join us on Discord! (Transcription organization happens in the Greymalkin channel.)
You can hear the WHAT?! supercut in Episode 52!

214 – Stryfe’s Burn Book

September 16, 2018 Jay 10 comments

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In which “wolves” proves a remarkably broad category in the 616; we at least nominally wrap up X-Cutioner’s Song; Stryfe could really use a style guide; we issue our first-ever music challenge; Jubilee is an agent of chaos; Gambit’s powers are a metaphor; Charles Xavier has a complicated relationship to disability; the quality of Jay’s penmanship is a matter of official record; Boom Boom is a remarkably good costume designer; Cannonball comes into his own as a leader; and every “WHAT?!” you hear on this show is fresh and original.

X-PLAINED:

Wolves, to a very limited extent
Jay & Miles (kinda) at NYCC
Transcripts
X-Cutioner’s Song
Stryfe’s Strike File
Uncanny X-Men #297
X-Force #19
A gentle bird caught in a swirling tornado of lust and desperation
Shades of me
Shades of you
Shades of them
Our first-ever music challenge
Some foreshadowing
Nostalgia
A very nice hug
The one good side effect of Stryfe’s technoorganic virus
Charles Xavier vs. disability politics
Several practical jokes in very poor taste
Teacher-student bonding
An excellent epithet
Some lettering choices
An extended Hail Caesar riff
The Clooney Scale
An enduring mystery
Clone powers
Exclamatory logistics

NEXT EPISODE: Hey, remember Excalibur?

MUSIC CHALLENGE: Write and record a song based on or using text from Stryfe’s Strike File (or any of his rants from X-Cutioner’s Song)! Send your masterpieces (or links to ’em) to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com, with the subject STRYFE SONG!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 212 – Drumbeats of Despair

September 2, 2018 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

(Actually, it’s part of a triptych! Here are all three, together at last!)

Damnit, Stryfe. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Ew. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Including this entirely for Archangel’s epic grumpy face. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Alas, the podcast JY & Miles X-Plain the X-Men won’t exist for another 23 years. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Say what you will about Scott and Jean, but they’re aware of their own cliches. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Of course. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

The number of unsettling ways in which X-artists can mess up drawing babies never ceases to impress. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

“Also, sorry ’bout your table.” (Uncanny X-Men #296)

“Remember,” said the editor, “Every comic is somebody’s first!” (X-Factor #86)

Seriously, though, that could not get more Patrick Nagel if Patrick Nagel had drawn it. (X-Factor #86)

“AND I’LL BE THE HEAD!” (X-Factor #86)

THIS. PAGE. (X-Factor #86)

No, not particularly. (X-Factor #86)

Seriously: Ew. (X-Factor #86)

“Eh, I got nowhere else to be.” (X-Factor #86)

They’re so enormous and heavily armed! (X-Men #16)

Aw, man, this is a really good heroic moment. (X-Men #16)

WHOOPS. (X-Men #16)

Well, that’s portentous. (X-Men #16)

Stryfe’s tirades remain an impressive mix of incredibly specific and frustratingly vague. (X-Force #18)

Possibly the most Stryfe line of the entire event. (X-Force #18)

Dang, Cable. (X-Force #18)

“Like, organs and stuff.” (X-Force #18)

I’d like to think that Stryfe is angriest about the pun. (X-Force #18)

SPOILER: He’ll be okay, at least by Cable standards. (X-Force #18)

Maybe it’s a universal remote! SERIOUSLY, CYCLOPS, I KNOW YOU WERE RECENTLY DEPRIVED OF OXYGEN, BUT IT’S VERY CLEARLY A DETONATOR. (X-Force #18)

Ouch. (X-Force #18)

NEXT EPISODE: Live from FlameCon, featuring Sina Grace, Magdalene Visaggio, and Leah Williams!

LINKS & FURTHER MISHAPS:

I know this Waiting for the Trade strip is years old, but the joke really never stops being funny.
For all your old-school hacking needs.
According to Wikipedia, the not-Stüssy S is in fact called the “Cool S,” which is a fairly bold claim.
Ferruginous hawks are ridiculous, but they’re still not as ridiculous as Warren Kenneth Worthington III.

212 – Drumbeats of Despair: X-Cutioner’s Song (Part 3 or 3)

September 2, 2018 Jay 14 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which nobody but Stryfe’s diary understands him; Apocalypse is the best at what he does (and what he does is remarkably versatile); Scott and Jean weaponize their clichés; Jae Lee does his best Patrick Nagel; Apocalypse is poisonous; Cable goes full T-800; nothing good ever happens to Cyclops on the moon; Stryfe dies as passive-aggressively as he lived; and X-Cutioner’s Song finally concludes.

X-PLAINED:

How Cable dies
The Story So Far
Still more trading-card taxonomy
Uncanny X-Men #296
X-Factor #86
X-Men #16
X-Force #18
An AU we’d like to read
The not-Stüssy S
How to effectively reference X-Men #137
A decoy baby
An abortive escape
Moon gravity
Revelatory vandalism
A trip to the moon
A probably excessive number of hawk facts
Various daring rescues
How to kill time in space
Cathexes
A very fancy moon base
The cavalry, kind of
Stryfe vs. Cable
An X-Cellent epilogue
Several Silent Hill 2 references
Stryfe’s Legacy
Pawnee, Indiana vs. Marvel
Sexy high-security prisons of the future

NEXT EPISODE: Live from FlameCon, featuring Sina Grace, Magdalene Visaggio, and Leah Williams!

Special thanks to Matt for the subject of this episode’s cold open; and to the Protomen for use of their cover of “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

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