polaris – Page 7 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

216 – X-Amining X-Factor (feat. Dr. Andrea Letamendi)

September 30, 2018 Jay 15 comments

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In which Dr. Andrea Letamendi of Arkham Sessions joins us to analyze some analysis; Doc Samson has major scope-of-practice issues; Ren & Stimpy references continue to fail to age well; it’s hard to be Quicksilver; Val Cooper is not your friend; Polaris pretty much always deserves better; Charles Xavier should not be allowed to inhabit positions of power; and labels are often not the best tools for good representations of mental illness and neurodivergence.

X-PLAINED:

A very high-stakes 3-D puzzle
X-Factor #87
Doc Samson
Making talking heads interesting
Wolfsbane’s relationship to pop culture
Appropriate boundaries
Several remarkable fashion choices
Pietro Maximoff in perspective
Therapeutic assessment vs. intervention
The extremely tragic backstory of Jamie Madrox
Imposter syndrome
A brief history of Polaris’s brushes with possession
A really poorly planned and presented sequence
Consequences of armchair diagnosis
Interactions of telepathy and psychology
Legion as a portrayal of mental illness
Writing mental illness in fiction

NEXT EPISODE: Rasputin Family Reunion!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 212 – Drumbeats of Despair

September 2, 2018 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

(Actually, it’s part of a triptych! Here are all three, together at last!)

Damnit, Stryfe. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Ew. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Including this entirely for Archangel’s epic grumpy face. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Alas, the podcast JY & Miles X-Plain the X-Men won’t exist for another 23 years. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Say what you will about Scott and Jean, but they’re aware of their own cliches. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

Of course. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

The number of unsettling ways in which X-artists can mess up drawing babies never ceases to impress. (Uncanny X-Men #296)

“Also, sorry ’bout your table.” (Uncanny X-Men #296)

“Remember,” said the editor, “Every comic is somebody’s first!” (X-Factor #86)

Seriously, though, that could not get more Patrick Nagel if Patrick Nagel had drawn it. (X-Factor #86)

“AND I’LL BE THE HEAD!” (X-Factor #86)

THIS. PAGE. (X-Factor #86)

No, not particularly. (X-Factor #86)

Seriously: Ew. (X-Factor #86)

“Eh, I got nowhere else to be.” (X-Factor #86)

They’re so enormous and heavily armed! (X-Men #16)

Aw, man, this is a really good heroic moment. (X-Men #16)

WHOOPS. (X-Men #16)

Well, that’s portentous. (X-Men #16)

Stryfe’s tirades remain an impressive mix of incredibly specific and frustratingly vague. (X-Force #18)

Possibly the most Stryfe line of the entire event. (X-Force #18)

Dang, Cable. (X-Force #18)

“Like, organs and stuff.” (X-Force #18)

I’d like to think that Stryfe is angriest about the pun. (X-Force #18)

SPOILER: He’ll be okay, at least by Cable standards. (X-Force #18)

Maybe it’s a universal remote! SERIOUSLY, CYCLOPS, I KNOW YOU WERE RECENTLY DEPRIVED OF OXYGEN, BUT IT’S VERY CLEARLY A DETONATOR. (X-Force #18)

Ouch. (X-Force #18)

NEXT EPISODE: Live from FlameCon, featuring Sina Grace, Magdalene Visaggio, and Leah Williams!

LINKS & FURTHER MISHAPS:

I know this Waiting for the Trade strip is years old, but the joke really never stops being funny.
For all your old-school hacking needs.
According to Wikipedia, the not-Stüssy S is in fact called the “Cool S,” which is a fairly bold claim.
Ferruginous hawks are ridiculous, but they’re still not as ridiculous as Warren Kenneth Worthington III.

212 – Drumbeats of Despair: X-Cutioner’s Song (Part 3 or 3)

September 2, 2018 Jay 14 comments

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In which nobody but Stryfe’s diary understands him; Apocalypse is the best at what he does (and what he does is remarkably versatile); Scott and Jean weaponize their clichés; Jae Lee does his best Patrick Nagel; Apocalypse is poisonous; Cable goes full T-800; nothing good ever happens to Cyclops on the moon; Stryfe dies as passive-aggressively as he lived; and X-Cutioner’s Song finally concludes.

X-PLAINED:

How Cable dies
The Story So Far
Still more trading-card taxonomy
Uncanny X-Men #296
X-Factor #86
X-Men #16
X-Force #18
An AU we’d like to read
The not-Stüssy S
How to effectively reference X-Men #137
A decoy baby
An abortive escape
Moon gravity
Revelatory vandalism
A trip to the moon
A probably excessive number of hawk facts
Various daring rescues
How to kill time in space
Cathexes
A very fancy moon base
The cavalry, kind of
Stryfe vs. Cable
An X-Cellent epilogue
Several Silent Hill 2 references
Stryfe’s Legacy
Pawnee, Indiana vs. Marvel
Sexy high-security prisons of the future

NEXT EPISODE: Live from FlameCon, featuring Sina Grace, Magdalene Visaggio, and Leah Williams!

Special thanks to Matt for the subject of this episode’s cold open; and to the Protomen for use of their cover of “Total Eclipse of the Heart.”

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 211 – A Cornucopia of Mayhem

August 26, 2018 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Really, though, it was all just a hilarious misunderstanding. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

I’m just gonna let Jubilee caption this one… (Uncanny X-Men #295)

…Yep. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

PSYLOCKE, MURDER IS OCCASIONALLY NOT THE ANSWER. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

This is not actually a lot like child-rearing. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

It is very, very 1992 in here. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

Aw, Sam. You’re a good kid. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

NEXT ISSUE: Three men without inside voices. (Uncanny X-Men #295)

Sure, why not? (X-Factor #85)

Even Apocalypse is horrified by the ramifications of this mess. (X-Factor #85)

Compromise is the heart of teamwork! (X-Factor #85)

I really love both the art in this issue and Dragoness’s design as drawn by Jae Lee. (X-Factor #85)

It’s a metaphor! With robots! Probably! (X-Factor #85)

Awk-ward. (X-Factor #85)

You see what I mean about the DragonQuest thing? (X-Men #15)

Why is Psylocke standing like this mid-fight? Or at all, honestly? A MYSTERY FOR THE AGES. (X-Men #15)

I’m glad that Colossus’s Angst Landscaping has persevered. (X-Men #15)

No, Stryfe. And I think you know that. (X-Men #15)

new body who dis (X-Men #15)

NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU, STRYFE. (X-Force #17)

Oh, that’ll end well. (X-Force #17)

Logan ABSOLUTELY deserved that. (X-Force #17)

Ouch. (X-Force #17)

Objectively, I know that X-Men #137 callbacks are calculated manipulation, BUT THEY ALWAYS WORK ANYWAY. (X-Force #17)

NEXT EPISODE: Man, this is a long event.

LINKS & FURTHER EXPERIMENTS:

Listen to Part 1 of our X-Cutioner’s Song coverage here.
Wire Mothers: Harry Harlow and the Science of Love is a really cool book made by some people we like very much.

211 – A Cornucopia of Mayhem: X-Cutioner’s Song (Part 2 of 3)

August 26, 2018 Jay 16 comments

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In which Jubilee is underwhelmed by X-Force; Havok and Gambit make weirdly good buddy cops; Department K is a hot vacation destination; Cable is secretly a Coen Brothers protagonist; you can cancel Community but you can never take away Jay’s gratuitous Community references; Rusty goes full cultist; nobody is Stryfe’s real dad; smoking on a space station is a REALLY bad idea; Apocalypse is here to help; and Miles lies at length about music.

X-PLAINED:

Kuurth
Various Juggernauts
The Story So Far
More trading-card taxonomy
Uncanny X-Men #295
X-Factor #85
X-Men #15
X-Force #17
Varyingly hilarious misunderstandings
Wire Mothers: Harry Harlow and the Science of Love
What happened
Good Cop / Sleazy Cop
A deal
A tragic absence of Draculas
The Coen Brothers’ X-Cutioner’s Song
Thanksgiving with Cable
Miles’s summer camp hijinks
Murderbots in space (again)
A dubious strategy
MLF Redshirts
The second time someone force-fed superheroes baby food in space
A dropped plot thread
Things you shouldn’t do on space stations
Additional awkward reunions
Whether Stryfe is a Summers
The X-Cutioner’s signature karaoke song

NEXT EPISODE: Dang, this event is long.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 210 – The End of Tomorrow

August 19, 2018 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

What Rogue’s wearing was actually our school uniform back in 1992! (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Scott, you chowderhead. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Do NOT invite Caliban to your wedding. Or probably to anything. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

You know, sometimes Professor Xavier really isn’t a jerk. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Professor Xavier is shot in the dark future of Earth-811… (New Mutants #18)

…and in the dark present of Earth-616. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Kids, your day is not going to get better from here. (Uncanny X-Men #294)

Have we mentioned we love Jae Lee’s art? We love Jae Lee’s art. (X-Factor #84)

At karaoke, Archangel’s voice is just okay, but his performance is 10/10. (X-Factor #84)

I mean, let’s be real – that’s pretty hot. (X-Factor #84)

EVERYBODY FIGHTS EVERYBODY (X-Factor #84)

The X-Men are so good at posing in this era. (X-Factor #84)

“Dear diary: I finally said it! I said the line!” (X-Factor #84)

Man, Andy Kubert could draw someone doing their taxes and it’d look superheroic. (X-Men #14)

Except that time 16 years later when you shoot him in the head, ya doof. (X-Men #14)

Jean Grey: CGC 8.4 Scott Summers: CGC 7.2 (X-Men #14)

Not Rictor’s best pickup line… But also not his worst. (X-Men #14)

Apocalypse, you have got to turn your shower temperature down. That hot water is awful for your skin. (X-Men #14)

That’s a clove cigarette, in case you can’t tell. (X-Men #14)

X-Force: both very sympathetic and very colorful! I miss when badasses wore colors other than black. (X-Force #16)

EVERYBODY FIGHTS EVERYBODY SOME MORE (X-Force #16)

“You see, Piotr, this is how we entered every building back in our X-Factor days!” (X-Force #16)

Mister Sinister: pleased as punch. (X-Force #16)

There’s seriously nothing we can add to this. (X-Force #16)

Best not to dwell. (X-Force #16)

NEXT EPISODE: It is definitely not.

LINKS & FURTHER ADVENTURES:

Jay’s X-Men Valentines were in somewhat questionable taste.
Our Discord server is delightful. You can join it here.

210 – The End of Tomorrow: X-Cutioner’s Song (Part 1 of 3)

August 19, 2018 Jay 21 comments

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In which you may or may not have your own Black Bug Room; FlameCon was in fact every bit as wonderful as we projected (and more); Caliban hates true love; no one will ever be as extra as Mister Sinister; X-Cutioner’s Song is secretly a farce; we achieve Peak Cable; and the quintessential ’90s crossover event begins!

X-PLAINED:

The Black Bug Room
A good deal of pre-event status quo
Uncanny X-Men #294
X-Factor #84
X-Men #14
X-Force #16
Trading card taxonomy
The opening strains of a crossover event
A concert that worked out better in theory than in practice
An abduction
Several attempted murders
A large number of awkward reunions
An even larger number of inter-team brawls
Two villains pretending to be other villains
Cape logistics
Peak Cable
Many pouches
Many guns
The origin of Hope Summers
Our hopes for mutants in the MCU

NEXT EPISODE: Aw, Stryfe, no.

NOTE: At one point in this episode, Miles said “X-Force” when he actually meant “X-Factor.” If you can tell us where, you win the prize of eternal smugness (not as much smugness as Sinister, but still a lot).

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 208 – The X-Patriots

August 5, 2018 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Prodigal Was Right. (X-Factor #81)

No matter how many times I look at this, I still imagine this dude moving like tumbleweed. (X-Factor #82)

HEY, LOOK, MARVEL GOT A NEW LICENSE! (X-Factor #82)

Havok: Actually a reasonably good boss! (X-Factor #82)

I spent a LOT of time googling jaw injuries to try to figure out what the hell the hardware on Lorna’s face is supposed to be. Verdict: IT’S A MYSTERY. (X-Factor #82)

Live your best life, Toad. (X-Factor #82)

The fastest withering insults in the West. (X-Factor #82)

The new Phantazia.

THIS IS A VALID CONCERN. (X-Factor #82)

(It’s okay; Sam’s fine and possibly immortal.) (X-Factor #82)

Remember like five pages ago when it was a big deal that Lorna’s jaw was wired shut? (X-Factor #82)

I feel you, Lukas. (X-Factor #83)

Oh, this is gonna be awkward. (X-Factor #83)

WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (X-Factor #83)

They’re going to bond over how much they hate everyone else. (X-Factor #83)

I’m still trying to figure this out. Maybe mutate children are artificially physically matured as part of the mutate process? (X-Factor #83)

Stairs are funny. (X-Factor #83)

Sure, why not? (X-Factor #83)

Aw, they’re best friends now. Because they’re both jerks. (X-Factor #83)

Poor Zachary. (X-Factor #83)

He’ll be okay, but this storyline is not going to get resolved until after X-Cutioner’s Song. (X-Factor #83)

Rick Chalker, on the other hand, will definitely not be okay. (X-Factor #83)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Editor Jordan D. White!

LINKS & FURTHER ENRICHMENT:

FLAMECON IS ONLY TWO WEEKS AWAY! COME SEE US! WE ARE DELIGHTFUL!
As Jay mentioned in this episode, The Ren & Stimpy Show was created by a really fucking terrible person. (CW: child abuse, predatory grooming, and a whole bunch of other horrific stuff.)
You can get the skinny on Jenny Ransome and Philip Moreau in Episode 99 – Those Who Walk Away from Genosha.

208 – The X-Patriots

August 5, 2018 Jay 16 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

In which nobody wears the pants in the X-Plain family; Havok is a remarkably okay boss; Polaris may want to find a new doctor; Quicksilver has no time for your nonsense; we are very conditionally okay with resurrections; and if you spoil Season 5 of Steven Universe for Miles, we will never ever ever forgive you.

X-PLAINED:

Jay & Miles at FlameCon
Advantages of recording remotely
X-Factor #81-83
What Genosha’s been up to
Prodigal
An impassioned speech
An unfortunate accident
Yet another return(ish) of Sauron
Chain of command
Lukas
Pirouette
Yet another justification for the name of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
Phantazia (again)
Immovable vs. unstoppable
What you do on a boat
Taylor
When Havok still cared
“The Mutant Rap”
Adventures in New York
How to bond with Quicksilver
An angry mob
A derailed storyline
The ignominious death of Rick Chalker
Our opinions on the revolving door of death
X-Men vs. electronics
Superheroes from the Balkans
Theoretical X-Men and Steven Universe team-ups

NEXT EPISODE: X-Editor Jordan D. White!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 202 – Rhapsody in Blue (and Gold)

June 24, 2018 Miles 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Man, that cover. (X-Factor #79)

Learning at super-speed! It doesn’t work… (X-Factor #79)

…until it does. (X-Factor #79)

Pietro Maximoff: not just a jerk, but a smart jerk. (X-Factor #79)

Only in X-Factor. (X-Factor #79)

I had the same dream! (X-Factor #79)

You got your 90s in my 90s! (Did you ever feel like a page was written and drawn especially for 10-year-old you?) (X-Factor #80)

Those Stroman crowd scenes, though. (X-Factor #80)

I’m pretty sure that’s not how you fix a broken jaw. Then again, in a universe where Jack Kirby designed most early technology, I guess all bets are off. (X-Factor #80)

And sometimes, when I’m feeling frisky… (X-Factor #80)

This is pretty much what happened the one time I tried to play a harmonica. (X-Factor #80)

Not only did the Genegineer lock Rahne into her transitional wolf form and genetically bond her to a guy she’d barely met, but he made her really bad at poker! Dammit, dude. (X-Factor #80)