Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: piotr rasputin

235 – Fatal Extractions (Fatal Attractions, Part 2)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Magneto may or may not own a Namor body pillow; Cyclops probably doesn’t color-code his files; Colossus is Not Okay; bats are nature’s flashers; there are a lot of reasons to be mad at Fatal Attractions; Charles Xavier is surprisingly durable; the X-Men know their Aeschylus; Jean Grey goes in through the face; and bringing Wolverine to fight the guy who controls metal was probably not a great idea.

X-PLAINED:

  • Mutant Alpha
  • Uncanny X-Men #304
  • X-Men #25
  • False foreshadowing
  • Costume storage and display
  • Relative moral event horizons
  • The character dehabilitation of Magneto
  • The Magneto Protocols
  • How Cyclops organizes his files
  • An excellent eulogy
  • The complicated legacy of Illyana Rasputin
  • Several noteworthy absences
  • A memorable funeral
  • The ‘behold’ thing
  • A protective mesh of electromagnetic fire
  • A well-played callback
  • A strategically dubious plan
  • Several Prometheus Bound quotations
  • An uncharitable assumption
  • The blood-brain barrier
  • A severe costume injury
  • The definitive scene of Fatal Attractions
  • The root of Onslaught
  • Which X-Men would podcast
  • Our preferred comics formats

NEXT EPISODE: Colossus still can’t catch a break

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 231 – Life Bites

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
I feel like this cover is generally a good metaphor for the 1993 Marvel annuals. (X-Factor Annual #8)
Just once, I want this setup to turn out to be a red herring. (X-Factor Annual #8)
Random is either time displaced or the world’s most precocious gamete. (X-Factor Annual #8)
And that’s why you always leave a note! (X-Factor Annual #8)
Remember that time Strong Guy called out casual ableism and it was AWESOME? (X-Factor Annual #8)
Well, that was an unexpected turn. (X-Factor Annual #8)
The real question is how many of them summon him in order to make fun of his name. (X-Factor Annual #8)
For some value of “deadly,” at least. (X-Factor Annual #8)
Aw, Guido. (X-Factor Annual #8)
Good dog. (X-Factor Annual #8)
Teleports more than walks, really. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)
“Honestly, he really has no idea what the hell he’s doing.” (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)
They even have their own entrance music. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)
Okay. This looks bad. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)
Grey-Summers problems. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)
This seems pretty fundamentally unfair. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)
You’re not wrong. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)
OH, SNAP. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)
He’ll be okay. Kind of. Eventually. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)
“By the way, has anyone ever told you that you have a crayon name? Because you totally have a crayon name. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)
Yep. (Excalibur Annual #1)
Kitty X-Plains your dreams. (Excalibur Annual #1)
When will Excalibur learn that nothing good ever comes from hanging out with wizards. (Excalibur Annual #1)
Nothing good… except for THIS DUDE! (Excalibur Annual #1)
This is Captain Britain’s M.O. in a nutshell. (Excalibur Annual #1)
“Guys, we’re playing Spelljammer now.” (Excalibur Annual #1)
Meanwhile, with Technet. (Excalibur Annual #1)
NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur goes to space!

LINKS & OTHER AMENITIES:

You can make your own Sienna Blaze lipstick!

While it’s setting, why not read more about the 1993 Marvel annuals and Evan Skolnick’s D&D campaign!

Or you could watch The Gamers and develop a deeper understanding of Jay’s joke about Captain Britain at the gaming table.

And there’s always Episode 21 – Kurt Busiek at the Coffee-a-Go-Go, where we delve deep into the wonders of Metoxo the Lava Man!

231 – Life Bites

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which DC is out of our bailiwick; Random gets around; someone finally makes an explicit reference to disability politics; death has not improved the Chalkers; Strong Guy can’t catch a break; we’re all whole other people; Sienna Blaze has a crayon name; we totally want to play D&D with Evan Skolnick; a trading card does not a memorable character make; and we are 100% here for the mutant episode of Sesame Street.

  • X-PLAINED:
  • What happened to Fred Duncan
  • Beastwriting
  • Marvel’s 1993 Annuals
  • The speculator boom
  • X-Factor Annual #8
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #17
  • Excalibur Annual #1
  • Charlie Ronalds (Charon) and his issues
  • A protracted Batman reference
  • How to string pearls
  • A dubious twist on the danger room
  • The pure joy of a child, but twisted and distorted like a shredded butterfly
  • Cloot (Satannish)
  • Howling Mad, by Peter David
  • The greatest enemies of X-Factor (but not really)
  • Cruel and arbitrary moralizing
  • The other X-Cutioner (Carl Denti)
  • A protracted illusion
  • The Amazing Icemaster
  • Metacommentary
  • An accidental trap
  • The death of Jason Wyngarde (Mastermind)
  • Resolution versus forgiveness
  • The other first appearance of Sienna Blaze
  • More wizard stuff
  • Khaos
  • Khaos & Gritty 4 Lyfe
  • Ghath
  • Irth
  • Mutants on Sesame Street
  • Cycling in and out of comics

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur goes to space!

CORRECTION: Chris Claremont did not in fact write Dragonlance comics.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 223 – Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
We went to Vegas Valley Comic Book Fest!
Possibly the grooviest Dracula-related cover ever published. (X-Men Annual #6)
HELL, YEAH, IT’S DRACULA! (X-Men Annual #6)
Kitty is having SO MANY FEELINGS, and you will NEVER UNDERSTAND! (X-Men Annual #6)
Check out Cyclops and Nightcrawler exchanging a look, like, “Parents? What the hell are those?” (X-Men Annual #6)
This panel is actually a pretty good encapsulation of what I remember about being 13. (X-Men Annual #6)
TBH, a lot of Kitty’s dreams probably start like this. (X-Men Annual #6)
THAT’S NOT A BAT. (X-Men Annual #6)
Dracula is probably the only person who looked at a bright green catsuit and yellow pouches and thought “stealth.” He’s mysterious like that. (X-Men Annual #6)
Ah, 13: that tender age when a young girl’s heart turns to eldritch summonings. (X-Men Annual #6)
Dracula, that’s really the kind of thing you should be keeping track of. (X-Men Annual #6)
[Eliot Spencer voice] “It’s a very distinctive sound effect.” (X-Men Annual #6)
How does Nightcrawler know the Montesi Formula? Who knows? Who cares? He’s a good pal. (X-Men Annual #6)
OH, SNAP. (X-Men Annual #6)
That’s our Wolvie! (X-Men Annual #6)
Lilith really looks like she’s visiting from an Archie comic. (X-Men Annual #6)
Skids and Northstar!
NEXT EPISODE: Fix the future!

And here’s a bonus gallery of Jay’s convention sketches:

Quentin Quire is indisputably the Nancy of the X-Men.
Warlock!
Smol Magneto.
Iceman assures you that he is rad.

LINKS & FURTHER GAMBLES:

223 – Live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Dracula probably doesn’t drink his blood from a World’s Greatest Dad mug; Miles massively underestimates the cultural ubiquity of Sexy Dracula; Bill Sienkiewicz may or may not have ever seen a bat; Kitty gets possessed; and Dazzler is singularly well suited to a Vegas residency.

X-PLAINED:

  • Dracula’s ungrateful children
  • Marvel Dracula
  • A fortuitously named writer
  • Rachel Van Helsing
  • X-Men #159 (again) (briefly)
  • Sexy Dracula
  • The secret origin of sexy Draculas
  • Fastball Special body mechanics
  • X-Men Annual #6
  • A nightmare
  • “Bats”
  • Yet another Castle Dracula
  • The Montesi Formula
  • Sound effects, spoken or otherwise
  • Lilith
  • Chairs
  • The relative efficacy of holy symbols against Dracula
  • X-Vegas
  • Characters we have grown to love as a result of the podcast

NEXT EPISODE: Fix the future!

Check out the visual companion to this episode–along with Jay’s convention sketches–on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 222 – A Tale of Two Betsys

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Spoiler: It’s Betsy Braddock’s original body. (X-Men #20)
Does it seem weird to anyone else that Jubilee is putting her skates on in Professor X’s news den? Is there even room for that? (X-Men #20)
That’s not how gravity OR abs work. (X-Men #20)
BETSY NO (X-Men #20)
We have reached peak Scott Summers. (X-Men #20)
This stuff will be a running backbeat to the remainder of Scott and Jean’s relationship. (X-Men #20)
WHAT?! (X-Men #20)
These reaction faces are priceless. (X-Men #20)
Sure, that’s what you CLAIM, but so far Colossus has not thrown Devil Dinosaur at anybody, so I’m suspicious. (X-Men #21)
Kwannon seems to like posing for pictures about as much as Jay does. (X-Men #21)
Same face, same hair–who wore it better?! (X-Men #21)
This guy, AGAIN. (X-Men #21)
At this point, Matsuo’s hair may actually be more aggressively styled than Wolverine’s. (X-Men #22)
Betsy and/or Kwannon X-Plains Betsy and/or Kwannon. (X-Men #22)
Betsy and/or Kwannon X-Plains Betsy and/or Kwannon. (X-Men #22)
Betsy and/or Kwannon X-Plains Betsy and/or Kwannon. (X-Men #22)
“As completely as I understand what happens when two people like each other very much.” (X-Men #23)
And so forth. (X-Men #23)
And you thought that conversations with YOUR grandparents were awkward. (X-Men #22)
The creepiest thing about Sinister is the moments of profound disconnect when it’s clearly Sinister, but everyone reacts to him like he’s just a regular dude. (X-Men #22)
In which Scott Summers continues to never under any circumstances be allowed to take an actual vacation. (X-Men #22)
Seriously. (X-Men #23)
Heralding several decades of nonsense. (X-Men #23)
NEXT EPISODE: Dracula, live at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival!

LINKS & FURTHER SORROWS

222 – A Tale of Two Betsys

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which it has been a pretty intense month; there is a lot to unpack about Psylocke; we are confused by hip teen lingo; Cyclops definitively lacks game; organized crime is anything but; and the mystery of the third Summers brother officially begins.

X-PLAINED:

  • How the Maximoffs joined the Avengers
  • X-Cutioner’s Song fallout
  • An X-ceptionally convoluted set of retcons
  • X-Men #20-23
  • How not to repair an airplane
  • One way to get out of an awkward conversation
  • Several Betsys Braddock
  • Revanche
  • Dubiously organized crime
  • Kwannon
  • Nyorin’s diary
  • Awkward family conversations
  • Mike Milbury
  • Twin Peaks Season 3
  • Akira Yoshida

NEXT EPISODE: Dracula in Vegas!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 218 – Careful What You Lick

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
They are very excited to be here. (Uncanny X-Men #298)
This is exactly how we dress to watch TV, too. (Uncanny X-Men #298)
Ugh, THESE jerks. (Uncanny X-Men #298)
I mean, they were living there anyway, and it’s probably just as well that you saved them from being murdered, but you do you. (Uncanny X-Men #298)
Forge, you have never been reassuring in your life. (Uncanny X-Men #299)
Somewhere, a damp Magneto is skittering around waiting for his new carapace to harden. (Uncanny X-Men #299)
While I get that Warren’s intentions are probably good here, breaking into schools and holding the children while they sleep is generally frowned upon by LITERALLY EVERYONE. (Uncanny X-Men #299)
Look at him evade like a pro. (Uncanny X-Men #299)
BECAUSE WE WERE TOO MENNY (Uncanny X-Men #299)
Hank McCoy for President. (Uncanny X-Men #299)
I wish they just lied continually to Bishop about the modern world. (Uncanny X-Men #299)
Look at all those Xs! (Uncanny X-Men #300)
Forge, settle down, buddy. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
Iceman speaks for us all, here. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
PROFESSOR XAVIER IS KIND OF CREEPY. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
A good hug. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
And that’s why you always leave a note! Or don’t murder Magneto! One of those, probably! (Uncanny X-Men #300)
These villains are not wildly memorable. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
A rematch that’s been a long time coming. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
Even ’90s Cyclops has his moments. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
There’s the mutant metaphor, and then there’s the Jean Grey metaphor, which is related but not identical. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
“Magnets… I’ve had a few…” (Uncanny X-Men #300)
GLOWER. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
And then nobody was ever happy again. (Uncanny X-Men #300)
NEXT EPISODE: The Emma Frost Appreciation Society (feat. Seanan McGuire, Leah Williams, et. al.)

LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:

 

218 – Careful What You Lick

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which X-Cutioner’s Song may be over, but its repercussions continue; Uncanny X-Men hits a major milestone; superhero comics are and always have been political; Bishop learns to banter; the X-Men gain an unlikely ally; and Magneto remains exceptionally difficult to kill.

X-PLAINED:

  • Jay & Miles at VVCBF
  • Uncanny X-Men #298-300
  • The Acolytes (more) (again)
  • The Upstarts (more) (again)
  • Several important lessons
  • A very fancy room
  • A very fancy brain
  • The unpleasant fate of Sharon Friedlander
  • The all-new, all-different Acolytes
  • Carmella Unuscione
  • The return of one of our favorite antagonists
  • A sick burn
  • The fate of Asteroid M
  • Molting
  • A debate
  • Graydon Creed (more) (again)
  • The tentative redemption of Robert Kelly
  • How to lose a debate with Joe Biden
  • A large number of prescient political references
  • Friends of Humanity
  • How to engage with a fascist in a televised debate
  • Noah DuBois
  • Fatale
  • A generic rural mob
  • Milan
  • A narratively convenient superpower
  • Amelia Voght
  • Seamus Mellencamp
  • Neophyte
  • The gospel of Magneto
  • A joyous reunion
  • The helmet that wouldn’t die
  • Ponytail ethics
  • Timelust
  • Several accents
  • The current state of Rogue’s powers

NEXT EPISODE: All Emma All Episode (feat. Seanan McGuire, Leah Williams, and more)!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

217 – Piotr the Obscure

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which it sucks to be a Rasputin; X-Men and Uncanny X-Men muddy the waters; Cyclops and Psylocke’s weird flirtation somehow manages to get even more awkward; Colossus has a long series of bad days; and you should totally come see us at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival.

X-PLAINED:

  • An atypical curriculum
  • Jay & Miles at Vegas Valley Comic Book Festival
  • X-Men #17-19
  • What Colossus and Magik have been up to
  • X-Men title disambiguation
  • The terrible fate of the town of Neftelensk
  • Blind Faith (Alexi Garnov)
  • Darkstar (Laynia Petrovna)
  • Darkstar
  • Beard auras
  • Cathartic interdimensional landscaping
  • Flagwatch 113
  • Red Flag 113
  • An awkward encounter
  • The Soul Skinner
  • The tactical value of cute little ears
  • Dubious cold-weather apparel
  • Jude the Obscure
  • Weaponized angst
  • An inopportune coloring error
  • Lack of pants
  • Whether Pyro could control Jubilee’s “fireworks”
  • How to enjoy dated comics

NEXT EPISODE: Uncanny X-Men hits a major milestone!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)