pietro maximoff – Page 4 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

As Mentioned in Episode 231 – Life Bites

January 20, 2019 Jay 3 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

I feel like this cover is generally a good metaphor for the 1993 Marvel annuals. (X-Factor Annual #8)

Just once, I want this setup to turn out to be a red herring. (X-Factor Annual #8)

Random is either time displaced or the world’s most precocious gamete. (X-Factor Annual #8)

And that’s why you always leave a note! (X-Factor Annual #8)

Remember that time Strong Guy called out casual ableism and it was AWESOME? (X-Factor Annual #8)

Well, that was an unexpected turn. (X-Factor Annual #8)

The real question is how many of them summon him in order to make fun of his name. (X-Factor Annual #8)

For some value of “deadly,” at least. (X-Factor Annual #8)

Aw, Guido. (X-Factor Annual #8)

Good dog. (X-Factor Annual #8)

Teleports more than walks, really. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)

“Honestly, he really has no idea what the hell he’s doing.” (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)

They even have their own entrance music. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)

Okay. This looks bad. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)

Grey-Summers problems. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)

This seems pretty fundamentally unfair. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)

You’re not wrong. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)

OH, SNAP. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)

He’ll be okay. Kind of. Eventually. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)

“By the way, has anyone ever told you that you have a crayon name? Because you totally have a crayon name. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #17)

Yep. (Excalibur Annual #1)

Kitty X-Plains your dreams. (Excalibur Annual #1)

When will Excalibur learn that nothing good ever comes from hanging out with wizards. (Excalibur Annual #1)

Nothing good… except for THIS DUDE! (Excalibur Annual #1)

This is Captain Britain’s M.O. in a nutshell. (Excalibur Annual #1)

“Guys, we’re playing Spelljammer now.” (Excalibur Annual #1)

Meanwhile, with Technet. (Excalibur Annual #1)

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur goes to space!

LINKS & OTHER AMENITIES:

You can make your own Sienna Blaze lipstick!

While it’s setting, why not read more about the 1993 Marvel annuals and Evan Skolnick’s D&D campaign!

Or you could watch The Gamers and develop a deeper understanding of Jay’s joke about Captain Britain at the gaming table.

And there’s always Episode 21 – Kurt Busiek at the Coffee-a-Go-Go, where we delve deep into the wonders of Metoxo the Lava Man!

231 – Life Bites

January 20, 2019 Jay 28 comments

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In which DC is out of our bailiwick; Random gets around; someone finally makes an explicit reference to disability politics; death has not improved the Chalkers; Strong Guy can’t catch a break; we’re all whole other people; Sienna Blaze has a crayon name; we totally want to play D&D with Evan Skolnick; a trading card does not a memorable character make; and we are 100% here for the mutant episode of Sesame Street.

X-PLAINED:
What happened to Fred Duncan
Beastwriting
Marvel’s 1993 Annuals
The speculator boom
X-Factor Annual #8
Uncanny X-Men Annual #17
Excalibur Annual #1
Charlie Ronalds (Charon) and his issues
A protracted Batman reference
How to string pearls
A dubious twist on the danger room
The pure joy of a child, but twisted and distorted like a shredded butterfly
Cloot (Satannish)
Howling Mad, by Peter David
The greatest enemies of X-Factor (but not really)
Cruel and arbitrary moralizing
The other X-Cutioner (Carl Denti)
A protracted illusion
The Amazing Icemaster
Metacommentary
An accidental trap
The death of Jason Wyngarde (Mastermind)
Resolution versus forgiveness
The other first appearance of Sienna Blaze
More wizard stuff
Khaos
Khaos & Gritty 4 Lyfe
Ghath
Irth
Mutants on Sesame Street
Cycling in and out of comics

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur goes to space!

CORRECTION: Chris Claremont did not in fact write Dragonlance comics.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

At the End of the Fight

December 12, 2018 Jay 3 comments

Do you wish Les Miserables were about X-Men? TODAY YOU ARE IN LUCK: Here is a downloadable version of the parody of “At the End of the Day” that closed Episode 226!

lyrics &c.

As Mentioned in Episode 226 – Les Mutants

December 9, 2018 Jay One comment

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Meet Random. (X-Factor #88)
Quesada ribbons: totally a thing! (X-Factor #88)
Look, if it works, it works. (X-Factor #88)
Well, THAT can’t be good. (X-Factor #88)
Who Wore It Better, Garden of Earthly Delights Edition! Genosha, or… (X-Factor #89)
…Hieronymus Bosch? (Bosh. Definitely Bosch.)
Oh, kiddo. (X-Factor #89)
Romance! (X-Factor #88)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Factor #89)
Big mood. (X-Factor #90)
Remember when Alex Summers was actually pretty awesome? (X-Factor #90)
GENOSHA WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU (so much) (X-Factor #90)
Harsh but valid. (X-Factor #90)
Meet Mutate #24601, whose mutant power is probably painfully complex internal rhymes. (X-Factor #90)
Aw, these goofballs. (X-Factor #90)
Genosha’s sanitation system is ridiculous. (X-Factor #91)
A+ lurking, Rahne! (X-Factor #91)
This definitely won’t come back to haunt Jamie. (It definitely will.) (X-Factor #91)
NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. Everything!

At the End of the Fight

Lyrics by Jay Edidin, with apologies to Herbert Kretzmer

Performed by *Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young.
*Soloists

[X-FACTOR]
At the end of the fight you’re another page older
And that’s all you can say for the X-Factor life
It’s a struggle, it’s a war
And just when you think that you’re winning
You find yourself stuck on the moon, facing down Stryfe
And the fight’s just beginning

At the end of the fight you’re another fight older
And the X on your jacket won’t keep out the chill
And the readers all hurry past
To the six other X-books they’re buying
As the Legacy Virus spreads fast, ready to kill
One fight nearer to dying

[COMPANY]
A tthe end of the fight there’s another fight coming
A crossover next week, an annual soon
Like a storm that’ll break any second
Foreshadowing Fatal Attractions
There’s a reckoning still to be reckoned
Plus the critics’ hot takes and reactions
And the future is not looking bright
At the end of the fight

[VAL COOPER]
At the end of the fight there will be a debriefing
You don’t get to slack in a government job

[STRONG GUY]
We’ve got better things to do
And this system doesn’t seem fair
After all, we threw all the punches

[POLARIS]
Plus, we don’t care

[STRONG GUY+ WOLFSBANE]
And we need a vacation.

[MULTIPLEMAN]
Have you seen how Val Cooper is fuming today

[QUICKSILVER]
She might be possessed, she seems so out of sorts

[VAL]
Step it up Summers, there’s paperwork waiting–
They’re not dissertations, just mission reports

[COMPANY]
At the end of the fight it’s another fight over
To whatever extent superhero fights end
Fight Magneto, fight the Blob
Fight some guy we just met in a sewer
What the hell, at least it’s a job
Just find us the next evildoer
‘Cause there’s no resolution in sight
At the end of the fight

LINKS & FURTHER NONSENSE:

David Dinkins was New York City’s first Black mayor and a pretty interesting dude.
The Lindbergh baby was not in fact safely returned. Sorry, Rahne.
If you want to know more about Genosha, check out Episode 99 – Those Who Walk Away From Genosha.
You can hear about Havok’s short career as a magistrate in Episode 156 – Genosha Strikes Back.
For Val Cooper’s unfortunate encounter with a tentacle monster, listen to Episode 216 – X-Amining X-Factor.

226 – Les Mutants

December 9, 2018 Jay 15 comments

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In which Havok actually used to be pretty great; there are at least four attorneys in the Marvel Universe; Genosha continues to be wildly problematic; Hieronymus Bosch was not Comics Code-compliant; Quicksilver goes on vacation; Polaris has no time for your love triangle; Wolfsbane can maul as many magistrates as she wants; and Multiple Man makes a choice.

X-PLAINED:
• Damian Tryp
• An unconventional staffing practice
• Genosha (more) (again)
• The devolution of Alex Summers’ personality
• Several attorneys in the Marvel Universe
• X-Factor #88-91
• Random (Marshall Stone III)
• Joe Quesada’s signature ribbons
• Checkbook heroism
• Kids these days
• Genoshan reconstruction
• Several gardens of earthly delights
• Puberty
• A mercifully abandoned plan
• A conspiracy
• A significant tonal shift
• Mutate #24601
• RoboJean
• Genosha’s sanitation system
• Dick Chalker
• Magneto Rex
• Humans in Magneto’s Genosha

NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. everything

Thanks to everyone who helped bring Jay’s weird musical dream to life:

*Luz Bianca, Greg Black, Jeremy Borders, Lucas Brown, Kitty Byrne, *Tina Carelton, *Finn Carter, Everett Christensen, Veryan Croggan, Chris Eddleman, *Christina Eddleman, edibleflowers, Sol Foster, Emily Freville, Matt Gardner, Eric Michael Gray, Pete Gresser, Becky Hawkins, Andrew Hill, Jeff Holland, Al Kennedy, Steve Lacey, Kevin Lanigan, Elana Levin, *Alex Lundquist, Dan McMahon, William Mason, Steve Neal, notwhelmedyet (Lynn), Duck Orsino, Shannon Pack, Erin Pence, *Steve Pence, Philthy, Mariana Poole, rainproof, Samantha Riedel, Scott Sharplin, Adam Slevison, Richaundra Thursday, Dave Tomaine, Devin Toohey, and Grace Young.

*Soloists

Special thanks to Juliana Finch, Christian Lipski, and Laser Webber for technical advice; Christina Eddleman for recording the demo track; and Matt Gardner and Peter Gresser for [Easter egg description redacted].

Check out the visual companion to this episode–as well as the full lyrics to “At the End of the Fight”–on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 208 – The X-Patriots

August 5, 2018 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Prodigal Was Right. (X-Factor #81)

No matter how many times I look at this, I still imagine this dude moving like tumbleweed. (X-Factor #82)

HEY, LOOK, MARVEL GOT A NEW LICENSE! (X-Factor #82)

Havok: Actually a reasonably good boss! (X-Factor #82)

I spent a LOT of time googling jaw injuries to try to figure out what the hell the hardware on Lorna’s face is supposed to be. Verdict: IT’S A MYSTERY. (X-Factor #82)

Live your best life, Toad. (X-Factor #82)

The fastest withering insults in the West. (X-Factor #82)

The new Phantazia.

THIS IS A VALID CONCERN. (X-Factor #82)

(It’s okay; Sam’s fine and possibly immortal.) (X-Factor #82)

Remember like five pages ago when it was a big deal that Lorna’s jaw was wired shut? (X-Factor #82)

I feel you, Lukas. (X-Factor #83)

Oh, this is gonna be awkward. (X-Factor #83)

WELL THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (X-Factor #83)

They’re going to bond over how much they hate everyone else. (X-Factor #83)

I’m still trying to figure this out. Maybe mutate children are artificially physically matured as part of the mutate process? (X-Factor #83)

Stairs are funny. (X-Factor #83)

Sure, why not? (X-Factor #83)

Aw, they’re best friends now. Because they’re both jerks. (X-Factor #83)

Poor Zachary. (X-Factor #83)

He’ll be okay, but this storyline is not going to get resolved until after X-Cutioner’s Song. (X-Factor #83)

Rick Chalker, on the other hand, will definitely not be okay. (X-Factor #83)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Editor Jordan D. White!

LINKS & FURTHER ENRICHMENT:

FLAMECON IS ONLY TWO WEEKS AWAY! COME SEE US! WE ARE DELIGHTFUL!
As Jay mentioned in this episode, The Ren & Stimpy Show was created by a really fucking terrible person. (CW: child abuse, predatory grooming, and a whole bunch of other horrific stuff.)
You can get the skinny on Jenny Ransome and Philip Moreau in Episode 99 – Those Who Walk Away from Genosha.

208 – The X-Patriots

August 5, 2018 Jay 16 comments

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In which nobody wears the pants in the X-Plain family; Havok is a remarkably okay boss; Polaris may want to find a new doctor; Quicksilver has no time for your nonsense; we are very conditionally okay with resurrections; and if you spoil Season 5 of Steven Universe for Miles, we will never ever ever forgive you.

X-PLAINED:

Jay & Miles at FlameCon
Advantages of recording remotely
X-Factor #81-83
What Genosha’s been up to
Prodigal
An impassioned speech
An unfortunate accident
Yet another return(ish) of Sauron
Chain of command
Lukas
Pirouette
Yet another justification for the name of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
Phantazia (again)
Immovable vs. unstoppable
What you do on a boat
Taylor
When Havok still cared
“The Mutant Rap”
Adventures in New York
How to bond with Quicksilver
An angry mob
A derailed storyline
The ignominious death of Rick Chalker
Our opinions on the revolving door of death
X-Men vs. electronics
Superheroes from the Balkans
Theoretical X-Men and Steven Universe team-ups

NEXT EPISODE: X-Editor Jordan D. White!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 202 – Rhapsody in Blue (and Gold)

June 24, 2018 Miles 3 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Man, that cover. (X-Factor #79)

Learning at super-speed! It doesn’t work… (X-Factor #79)

…until it does. (X-Factor #79)

Pietro Maximoff: not just a jerk, but a smart jerk. (X-Factor #79)

Only in X-Factor. (X-Factor #79)

I had the same dream! (X-Factor #79)

You got your 90s in my 90s! (Did you ever feel like a page was written and drawn especially for 10-year-old you?) (X-Factor #80)

Those Stroman crowd scenes, though. (X-Factor #80)

I’m pretty sure that’s not how you fix a broken jaw. Then again, in a universe where Jack Kirby designed most early technology, I guess all bets are off. (X-Factor #80)

And sometimes, when I’m feeling frisky… (X-Factor #80)

This is pretty much what happened the one time I tried to play a harmonica. (X-Factor #80)

Not only did the Genegineer lock Rahne into her transitional wolf form and genetically bond her to a guy she’d barely met, but he made her really bad at poker! Dammit, dude. (X-Factor #80)

“And after this fight, Archangel and I have a shopping date!” (X-Factor #80)

Yep, totally a Sam Keith design. (X-Factor #80)

There are so many ways to make Havok’s powers look cool. (X-Factor #81)

I feel pretty bad for everyone here. Well, not Pietro. (X-Factor #81)

When Guido isn’t busy referencing Murphy Brown, dude can be pretty scary. (X-Factor #81)

Most people think the ubiquity of cell phones was responsible for the death of the pay phone. Nope: it was this guy. (X-Factor #81)

Respect, man. Wait… it was all a trick? Okay, different respect.(X-Factor #81)

To be honest, I’m just including this one for Titan Up the Defense listeners. (X-Factor #81)

NEXT TIME: Man, screw you, Mikhail.

202 – Rhapsody in Blue (and Gold)

June 24, 2018 Miles 18 comments

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In which music is dangerous and confusing, Jamie Madrox has a weakness for femmes fatale, the term “f-holes” makes Miles turn 12, and we bid a fond farewell to Larry Stroman.

X-PLAINED:

That time Havok was the nexus of all realities
How to get to Florida, Magneto style
X-Factor #79-81
Lesser-used applications of super-speed
Rhapsody (Rachel Argosy)
Mutant late bloomers
The surprising convenience and safety of fictional shop windows
Excalibur-weird vs. X-Factor-weird
Tiny cellos
The worst kid in the neighborhood
A creative use of mutant powers
Whether Madrox creates duplicates during sex (again)
Astral wheat fields
Musical manslaughter
Sean Young (who is decidedly not Catwoman)
Hell’s Belles
Rahne’s World
Polaris’s body image issues
Beefiness disambiguation
Wolfsbane’s conditional poker face
Cyber (Silas Burr)
Strong Guy, who just works here, man
Alex Summers, inspiring and/or deceptive authority figure
Bringing back the classics (and when not to)
The surprisingly homogenous Multiverse

NEXT EPISODE: Mikhail Rasputin ruins everything.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 184 – Sweetcakes

February 11, 2018 Jay 3 comments

Listen to the episode here!

For all its flaws, this arc has its moments. Here is one of them. (The Incredible Hulk #390)

Also, let’s all take a moment to admire Rick Jones’s impeccable early-’90s fashion sense. (The Incredible Hulk #390)

And good times were had by all. (The Incredible Hulk #391)

One more Rick Jones fashion moment for the road. (The Incredible Hulk #391)

That’s kind of ingenious, actually. (The Incredible Hulk #391)

Welcome to the deeply depressing main event. (X-Factor #76)

“You can tell, because of his mustache.” (X-Factor #76)

You’d think gods would have less generic armor. (X-Factor #76)

And then Rahne did some killing. (X-Factor #76)

There is literally no good reason to have this in the story; but then, there’s literally no good reason for most of this story. (The Incredible Hulk #391)

“Good talk! So, back to paternalistic interference?” (The Incredible Hulk #392)

How does that… Why would you even… (The Incredible Hulk #392)

That panel in the middle, tho. (The Incredible Hulk #392)

Larry Stroman is back, and everything will be okay, except I guess for a lot of things, because this is a superhero comic. But still! Larry Stroman is back! (X-Factor #77)