Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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As Mentioned in Episode 317 – Acquaintances of Humanity

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Oh, c’mon, you did NOT need a double gatefold for that. (X-Men #45)
OW.
(Not a metaphor.) (X-Men #45)
Included to showcase some really damn good use of balloon and caption placement. (X-Men #45)
Aw, Rogue. (X-Men #45)
Damn, that’s good composition. (X-Men #45)
Just here to rub salt in the wound by out-glamming you. (X-Men #45)
It’s true: there’s something extra sad about brooding in shorts. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
IT SURE IS 1995 IN HERE. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
Seriously, Boomer, don’t be friends with Sabretooth. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
To those of you who get reaction images from these: You’re welcome. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
Gambit clearly subscribes to the Rory Campbell school of rehabilitation. (Uncanny X-Men #326)
Well, WE certainly recognize it! (Uncanny X-Men #326)
Now, that’s a wraparound cover! (X-Men Annual 1995)
Somebody’s been reading Age of Apocalypse. (X-Men Annual 1995)
“They’re never sure how many of them they are, and the uncertainty is difficult to live with.” (X-Men Annual 1995)
These three look like time travelers dressed in what each is certain everyone was wearing in 1995. (X-Men Annual 1995)
At least they’re stylish? I guess? (X-Men Annual 1995)
“I see hair more glam than any in this universe.” (X-Men Annual 1995)
“Several, at this point.” (X-Men Annual 1995)
Well, kinda. (X-Men Annual 1995)
Also, they all, um, teleported away. To a farm. Where they can run and play with the other villains. (X-Men Annual 1995)
NEXT: Leprechauns, obviously.

317 – Acquaintances of Humanity

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In which Nicholas Cage is more of a concept than a human being; Rogue’s angst-fueled road trip continues; Gambit and Sinister have complementary aesthetics; there are a lot of Guthries; the Trasks are never up to any good; and whether or not it is canon, Ghost Rider has definitely teamed up with Johnny Cash.

X-PLAINED:

  • Ghost Rider (film)
  • Nicholas Cage
  • Rogue and Gambit
  • X-Men #45
  • Uncanny X-Men #326
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual 1995
  • A gratuitous gatefold
  • Alliteration vs. consonance
  • Osmium
  • Fancy captions
  • Aesthetics
  • Shorts
  • Gambit vs. Sabretooth
  • Questionable medical policy
  • AIDS and the Legacy Virus, revisited
  • Humanity’s Last Stand
  • Guthries
  • Preacher
  • The evolution of killer robots
  • Superhero-musician team-ups
  • Otherworld vs. the M’Kraan crystal

NEXT EPISODE: THE LEPRECHAUNS RETURN

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As Mentioned in Episode 313 – Iguanafall

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Not even close, but go on. (Storm #1)
Spoiler: no. (Storm #1)
That is some weird-ass product placement. (Storm #1)
This is the worst panel. I hate it and everything it stands for. (Storm #1)
SERIOUSLY LOOK AT THOSE TEETH THIS IS NOT OKAY (Storm #1)
You’d think that context might salvage it. You would be wrong. (Storm #1)
The best character in this miniseries. (Storm #2)
Coooool. (Storm #2)
Misdirection or mistake? YOU BE THE JUDGE! (Storm #1)
I guess this counts as a malicious pose, but I feel like its main victims are her spine and ribcage. (Storm #2)
Hi, Callisto! Bye, Callisto! (Storm #2)
I refuse to accept this as “Daddy.” (Storm #2)
ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew (Storm #3)
Yeah, I don’t quite get it, either. (Storm #3)
“And I TRIPLE-DARE YOU!” (Storm #4)
Somewhere in the multiverse, there’s a timeline where Aidan Quinn was cast as Cable, and I want to go there. (Storm #4)
THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO DISPOSE OF A BOMB WHOSE CONTENTS YOU DO NOT KNOW. (Storm #4)
Damn, Storm. Harsh. (Storm #4)
SURE WHY NOT LET’S JUST GO WITH THAT (Storm #4)
Really? You’re going to end your miniseries HERE? (Storm #4)
NEXT EPISODE: Jay has a lot of feelings about this issue of X-Factor

LINKS & FURTHER REPTILES:

313 – Iguanafall

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which sky pirates are the best pirates; Wolverine eats chicken in the woods; Xavier’s area loses its status as our least favorite panel; Cable is suspiciously credulous; we search in vain for a consistent metaphor; Storm has a thing or two to learn about restorative justice; and this entire miniseries should probably just have been an annual.

X-PLAINED:

  • Storm’s pirate adventures
  • Storm #1-4
  • Mark Trail
  • The Morlocks (more) (again)
  • Unacceptable gradients
  • Butt murder
  • Fashion
  • Several memes of yesteryear
  • Product placement
  • The new Worst Panel
  • Several variations on the Ceremony of Light
  • How not to identify a body
  • The Hill (Limbo)
  • “Daddy”
  • The inconsistent portrayals of Mikhail Rasputin
  • Still more members of Gene Nation
  • A new costume
  • The most obscure stories we’ve covered
  • That time Wolverine at his own arm

NEXT EPISODE: Jay’s favorite issue of X-Factor (and some others)!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 311 – Love Makes a Super Team

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
This friendship really never gets old. (X-Men Annual 1995)
Freakin’ Genesis, man. (X-Men Annual 1995)
The Nasty Boys, they are not. (X-Men Annual 1995)
Nathaniel Essex: The Hollywood Dracula Years. (X-Men Annual 1995)
The ladies love the cape. (X-Men Annual 1995)
In all fairness, I’m not sure I’d want to be naked in Teen Hank and Bobby’s makeouts cabin without cleaning first, either. (X-Men Annual 1995)
Meanwhile in the UK, a dramatic man and his dramatic ponytail! (X-Men Annual 1995)
I still think the photos were a bit much. (X-Men Annual 1995)
Anniversary or no, this image does not justify a double gatefold. (Uncanny X-Men #325)
Jean Grey: thirsty on main. (Uncanny X-Men #325)
Me, too, Monet. Me, too/ (Uncanny X-Men #325)
Damn, Piotr. (Uncanny X-Men #325)
“Non, mon ami, I do not have Prince Albert in a can.” (Uncanny X-Men #325)
Marrow may be bloodthirsty, but she’s also inclusive! (Uncanny X-Men #325)
What. (Uncanny X-Men #325)
Ew. (Uncanny X-Men #325)
This is why we can’t have nice things and/or organs. (Uncanny X-Men #325)
NEXT EPISODE: The Nobody People, with author Bob Proehl!

311 – Love Makes a Super-Team

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we decide to stop recognizing the nominal difference between X-Men and Uncanny X-Men; time travel may or may not wait for you; Mister Sinister has probably appeared in at least one Ed Wood film; we are a pro-Tingle podcast; X-Men is about family; the Braddock twins catch up; Sailor Moon > Shinobi Shaw; Generation X is inducted into the baseball tradition; and Storm does what she does with Morlocks in sewers.

X-PLAINED:

  • Franklin Richards’ impressive lineage
  • 311
  • Yet another structure for annuals
  • X-Men Annual 1995
  • Uncanny X-Men #325
  • Serious academic discussions
  • Faye Livingstone
  • Mister Sinister’s Hollywood adventures
  • Tyler Dayspring / Tolliver / Genesis (again)
  • Teenage optimism
  • An absolutely nonsensical villainous plot
  • A Hank McCoy that might have been
  • Friendship
  • Fraternal correspondence
  • Romance
  • Morlocks
  • The first time Storm stabbed a Morlock leader in the heart
  • Gene Nation
  • A really excessive cover
  • An intergenerational baseball game
  • Another fairly nonsensical villainous plot
  • The second time Storm stabbed a Morlock leader in the heart
  • X-horror
  • Other media X-fans may enjoy reading, playing, or watching

NEXT EPISODE: Bob Proehl X-Plains the Resonant Duology!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 306 – Between Here and There

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Listen to the episode here.


Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Kids, send in your answers for a prize! (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Pink was IN for pretty much all projectiles in 1995. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Jeez, Warren, get over it. Everyone has to wear a mask these days. It’s not that hard. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Now I want to see what Bishop would think of Mandy. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
I really like Jean’s family. Shame what Claremont did to them in 2006. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Getting punched by the Juggernaut is a way quicker method of depilation than waxing or electrolysis. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Uncanny X-Men #12-13 could’ve been cut down to about a page and a half if Psylocke had been around. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
Sigh. (Uncanny X-Men #322)
This page was very important to young Miles. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
Okay, who spiked the Danger Room? (Uncanny X-Men #323)
X-Force’s former leader, folks. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
Low blow, Trish. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
On one hand, Iceman is a loyal and caring friend. On the other hand, he calls himself The Bobster. It kind of evens out. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
Logan, this is how we got banned from Denny’s, remember? (Uncanny X-Men #323)
The Container Crew. (Uncanny X-Men #323)
DC’s Azrael only wishes he could look this cool. (Uncanny X-Men #324)
Look at my teeth! LOOK AT THEM! (Uncanny X-Men #324)
Would’ve been funnier if it was a vampire bar. (Uncanny X-Men #324)
You said it, Logan. (Uncanny X-Men #324)
1.5 stars in Yelp’s morgue section (Uncanny X-Men #324)
This Fall on CBS! (Uncanny X-Men #324)
Letting Bobby’s call go to voicemail? Jeez, this is almost as bad as that time she blew up a pony! (Uncanny X-Men #324)
NEXT TIME: Hey, it’s these kids!


LINKS & FURTHER ATROCITIES:

306 – Between Here and There

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we continue our ongoing tour of the post-Age of Apocalypse X-Universe; Onslaught gets a name; nobody’s sure what Noah Dubois is doing there; Iceman gets to be the practical one, for once; T&A should not generally appear on the same visual plane; someone needs to talk to Cannonball about kink safety; and Emma Frost lets a call go to voicemail.

X-PLAINED:

  • Tarzan fandom
  • X-Man, summarized
  • Uncanny X-Men #322-324
  • Color as a narrative tool
  • The evolution of Storm’s shower etiquette
  • How not to relax with Lucas Bishop
  • Seat-of-the-pants plotting
  • Parenting
  • Noah Dubois, sort of
  • A road trip
  • Sexiness vs. sexualization
  • Emma Frost as Caprica Six
  • How not to walk a supervillain
  • Cannonball’s uniform
  • Sack
  • Vessel
  • Greycrow (more) (again)
  • The worst morgue and/or disco ever
  • Edna and Norton McCoy
  • Times Rogue has absorbed Colossus’s powers
  • X-Men: Marvels Snapshot

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 296 – Hard Choices

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
“Are you coming too, mysterious hooded stranger? My sister, Carmen Sandiego, would love to have you along!” (Amazing X-Men #1)
Danger Room cold open, Earth-295-style! (Amazing X-Men #1)
“Just a few more hours and a few dozen more cigarettes until Tom Waits karaoke night!” (Amazing X-Men #1)
“For further details, my X-Men, you must buy every other X-comic on the stands. Excelsior!” (Amazing X-Men #1)
As the famous thinker Parappa the Rapper once so wisely said: you gotta believe. (Amazing X-Men #1)
Earth-295 Sentinels may be lacking in toboggan hats and robot one-piece swimsuits, but they’re still pretty impressive. (Amazing X-Men #1)
Half unspooled VHS tape, half Slinky, all nuisance. (Amazing X-Men #2)
“Go easy on ’em, X-Men – they remembered to use our logo font, and that was very considerate of them.” (Amazing X-Men #2)
Banshee’s facial expression speaks for us all. (Amazing X-Men #2)
Okay, that’s legit terrifying. (Amazing X-Men #2)
Quicksilver? More like FRIPsilver! (Amazing X-Men #2)
If the title wasn’t already taken, Magneto’s autobiography would be called The Brood Saga. (Amazing X-Men #3)
It takes a true villain to make “being stretchy” an intimidating superpower. (Amazing X-Men #3)
Mary Poppins: The Snyder Cut. (Amazing X-Men #3)
Shaking Angel down for information is an X-Men rite of passage. (Amazing X-Men #3)
Open wide and say “flashback”! (Amazing X-Men #3)
you guys I think I’m in the wrong church (Amazing X-Men #4)
This may be bad, but at least he doesn’t have to die of a mutant-targeting virus twice in the Age of Apocalypse the way he does in Earth-616… (Amazing X-Men #4)
Generation Next – ripping our hearts out even when it’s someone else’s comic! (Amazing X-Men #4)
I know you’re mad at Gambit, Rogue, but did you really have to punch his legs off? (Amazing X-Men #4)
Aww, damn – he was just one week away from retirement! (Amazing X-Men #4)
*raises lighter* (Amazing X-Men #4)
NEXT EPISODE: This guy.

296 – Hard Choices

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Magneto doesn’t really do work/live divide; Amazing X-Men is a bit of a misnomer; Exodus is the lawful evil to Fabian Cortez’s chaotic evil; smoking is bad for you; moisture molecular inversion is fairly definitely not a real thing; Earth-295 Quicksilver and Earth-616 Cyclops would probably get along; OSHA would probably like a word with the Madrii; Gambit had ONE JOB; and there are no superheroes in the Age of Apocalypse.

X-PLAINED:

  • An unlikely team-up
  • Relative amazingness
  • Amazing X-Men #1-5
  • Color separations
  • Comics credits
  • The Brotherhood of Mutants and/or Chaos
  • The Great Human Airlift
  • Exodus (more) (again)
  • Best Quicksilver (Earth-295)
  • Abyss
  • A dubiously aerodynamic cape
  • One last job
  • Several points of semantic distinction
  • Lone Nanny & Cub
  • The most punchable man on Earth-295
  • A difficult choice
  • What it means to be X-Men
  • Dick Valentine
  • Jamie Madrox (Earth-295)
  • A world without superheroes
  • Universe numbering

NEXT EPISODE: X-Man!

CORRECTION: The line about fence-straddling that Jay attributed to Wonder Woman was in fact spoken by Hawkgirl.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop! This June, we’ll be donating all of the profits to Trans Lifeline!