nightcrawler – Page 19 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

34 – Mordenkainen’s Marvelous Mutants

December 7, 2014 Jay 32 comments

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Warlock The Barbarian — Art by David Wynne. Prints available here through Sunday, December 14!

In which we venture forth into an age undreamed of, there are so many reasons to have Northstar on your team, Selene is the worst guest, Rachel X-Plains Conan, Cyttorak is the Mordenkainen of the Marvel Universe, Miles loves Doctor Strange, we have some fairly serious Captain America feelings, the X-Men completely fail at hide-and-seek, and we make more D&D references in one episode than in the previous 34 combined.

X-Plained

Northstar
Beard privilege
X-Men 189-192
Anachronistic timeline markers
Hounds
The Culture Shock Class
An Age Undreamed of
Conan disambiguation
Red Sonja vs. Red Sonya
Kulan Gath
Marvel Team-Up #79
Barbarian Avengers
Why we love Captain America
Several haircuts
WiFi sorcery
A really good inspirational speech
The inevitable cephalopod revolution
Why Hank Pym is the absolute worst
Claudication
Hide-and-seek
How Rachel Summers actually traveled back in time
Magus
Warlock, Adam Warlock, and their respective Magi
Politics, religion, and Nightcrawler

Edited to Add: In this episode, we answered a question from a listener looking for textual evidence that Nightcrawler isn’t homophobic (we pointed them to Amazing X-Men #13). We also discussed that question from a different angle–and at considerably more length–on the blog.

Next Week: Dazzler: The Movie!

You can find a visual companion to the episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 31 – Chekhov’s Raygun

November 16, 2014 Jay 13 comments

Listen to the episode here!

You can get prints of David Wynne’s “Back to the Future Past” art here, or contact David for the original!

This guy.

We searched for the source for this for like an hour, with no luck. Wherever it comes from, we would very much like to send it back. (Update: It’s from X-Factor #69, with art by Whilce Portacio. Thank you, Breadcrumb!)

Rogue, no! He’s not worth it! He’s not even a Super Doctor Astronaut! (Uncanny X-Men #182)

Rogue’s schtick was–very briefly–throwing silver dollars. It did not last. (Uncanny X-Men #182)

Ooh, moral awakening! (Uncanny X-Men #182)

Aw, Kitty. Also, ace tandem use of speech and thought balloons. (Uncanny X-Men #183)

Remember when artists used to draw Wolverine at the proper height? (Uncanny X-Men #183)

SUNDAY PUNCH. Juggernaut, you delightful scamp. (Uncanny X-Men #183)

Wolverine is full of valuable life lessons, a remarkable number of which involve massive real-estate damage. (Uncanny X-Men #183)

Forge’s sweet, sweet pad. (Uncanny X-Men #184)

LOOK AT THIS DELIGHTFUL GENTLEMAN AND HIS DELIGHTFUL SHORTS (Uncanny X-Men #184)

Fun fact: Wolverine and the X-Men Forge is an unsettlingly accurate Miles doppelgänger.

He’s a nice dude. Too bad he’s SUPER DOOMED. (Uncanny X-Men #184)

Pro tip: the better Storm’s haircut, the better the general state of the timeline. (Uncanny X-Men #184)

Rachel Summers: THE SADDEST TIME TRAVELER. (Uncanny X-Men #185)

“What would Dracula do?” (Uncanny X-Men #185)

Well, then. (Uncanny X-Men #185)

And that’s why you always leave a note. (Uncanny X-Men #185)

And now, Barry Windsor Smith! (Uncanny X-Men #186)

God, that opening. (Uncanny X-Men #186)

Storm does not need superpowers to be more badass than you. (Uncanny X-Men #186)

Straight talk. (Uncanny X-Men #186)

In a lot of ways, Storm’s arc over the last twenty or so issues has equipped her with the tools to get through this. (Uncanny X-Men #186)

Straight talk, part two. Love that “Lifedeath” is veyr much a love story that very much doesn’t resolve as such. (Uncanny X-Men #186)

Let’s take a moment to consider the logistics of this kick, shake our heads, and weep quietly. (Uncanny X-Men #187)

SHADOW PTEROSAURS (Uncanny X-Men #187)

Yukio callback! (Uncanny X-Men #187)

The best part is that he dressed up as a pilot, like that will somehow make this less conspicuous. (Uncanny X-Men #187)

Colossus: Terrible boyfriend, pretty great brother. (Uncanny X-Men #187)

As it happens, Magneto’s asteroid got knocked out of orbit by THE BEST SPACE-ROBOT TEENAGER EVER, but we’ll get to that next episode. (Uncanny X-Men #187)

Seriously. Saddest time traveler. (Uncanny X-Men #187)

Next episode: Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.

31 – Chekhov’s Raygun

November 16, 2014 Jay 22 comments

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In which there is a whole, whole lot going on; we continue to have no use for Michael Rossi; Wolverine should be an advice columnist; Forge makes bold fashion choices; the health of a timeline is directly tied to the awesomeness of Storm’s hair; and the X-Men get their first dark-future refugee.

X-Plained:

Dire Wraiths
ROM
Tailoring
Uncanny X-Men #182-188
Just how much story can be shoehorned into seven issues
A dubious Silent Hill metaphor
The people in Rogue’s head
Inexorable momentum
Several profoundly uncomfortable conversations
Parallel narrative in comics
Being friends with Wolverine
Casual enmity
Forge
Miles’s X-doppelganger
Tiny shorts
Chekhov’s Raygun
Rachel Summers (again)
Timeline disambiguation
Rachel disambiguation
“Lifedeath: A Love Story”
Feelings
Storm, powers, and identity
X-Men Mad-Libs
Hound marks
X-Men: The End

Next Week: THE DEMON BEAR SAGA!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – as well as links to recommended reading and the winners of the stealth / plainclothes cosplay contest – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Rachel and Miles Review the X-Men, Episode 13

November 14, 2014 Jay 7 comments

Week of November 12, 2014

In which we are pleasantly surprised by Logan Legacy.

Reviewed:

Axis #5 (0:28)
*Logan Legacy #4 (2:53)
Nightcrawler #8 (5:00)
Captain Marvel #9 (6:27)

*Pick of the week (8:10)

Video reviews are made possible by the support of our Patreon subscribers. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

As Mentioned in Episode 29 – Mutant in a Box

November 2, 2014 Jay 27 comments

Listen to the podcast here!

We’re having a stealth / plainclothes cosplay contest, with guest X-Pert judge Kris Anka, and prizes from TVStoreOnline! Submissions are open ’til November 7. JOIN US.

Yep, that’s our Fantomex.

This ridiculous motherfucker who is now THREE PEOPLE. What the hell, Fantomex?

This isn’t Cyclops’s worst vacation. Hell, it’s not even his worst honeymoon. (X-Men #176)

Wolverine and Mariko: dealing with relationship issues like grown-ups. We choose to believe that wearing a mask that looks like your hair is a prerogative of adulthood. (X-Men #176)

You’d REALLY THINK Scott would know what an octopus looks like by now, but I guess he was blindfolded for a lot of his time in Octopusheim. (X-Men #176)

Scott! The sea’s a lovely lady when you play in her. But if you play with her, she’s a BITCH! Play in the sea, yes, but never play with her. You’re lucky to be here! You’re lucky to be ALIVE! (X-Men #176, with sincere apologies to the late, great Spalding Gray. Seriously, go watch Swimming to Cambodia. And Monster in a Box. And Gray’s Anatomy. Now.)

Yeah, good luck with that, Sparky. (X-Men #176)

Val Cooper: Definitely the sister of Special Agent Dale Cooper.

The early ’80s: A more innocent time, when all a hero needed was coke and epic shoulder pads, and you could kill Wolverine by slitting his throat. (X-Men #177)

Why is Alex dressed like an elf? (X-Men #177)

As diversions go, that’s a pretty impressively orchestrated one. Go, Brotherhood! (X-Men #177)

CYCLOPS WHAT THE HELL IS EVEN WRONG WITN YOU (X-Men #178)

“Get the asprin, Rogue. I feel a crossover event coming on.” (X-Men #178)

Awyeah. (X-Men #178)

Why is Kitty wearing an unbranded Fantastic 4 costume? Who the hell knows? Do we even need a reason, at this point? (X-Men #178)

99% sure Cyndi Lauper wrote a song about this. (X-Men #179)

This is innocuous in context, until you realize he’s sniffing a dead teenager in a morgue. (X-Men #179)

Aw, Leech. (X-Men #179)

LOOK AT THIS FUCKING WIZARD LOOK AT HIS HAT LOOK AT HOW HE CLEARLY BELONGS ON THE SET OF FLASH GORDON (X-Men #179)

Professor Xavier engages in a rare moment of being absolutely delightful. (X-Men #178)

I like to imagine that Kitty and Doug’s side adventures are the subject of a mid-’80s feature film starring Jenny Lewis. (X-Men #180)

Sky closure is the best closure. (X-Men #180)

Literally the only worthwhile panel in all twelve issues of Secret Wars. (Secret Wars #1)

“I’ll see she’s raised as if she were my own. HOPE SHE LIKES BEING DROWNED IN PUDDLES.” (X-Men #181)

Oh. That guy. Again. (X-Men #181)

This Erica Henderson drawing of Warlock and Cypher doing Troy and Abed in the Morning may be the single nerdiest thing Rachel owns, and that’s saying something.

Next week: These delightful scamps.

29 – Mutant in a Box

November 2, 2014 Jay 8 comments

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In which Cyclops is the worst at vacations, Mystique is your favorite MurderMom™, Havok is eternally ABD, Kitty Pryde does science, Callisto doesn’t give a damn about her bad reputation, Xavier has a Troy Barnes moment, Miles may be the only person with fond memories of Secret Wars, and Rachel finally gets to make Spalding Gray references.

X-Plained:

Fantomex
Uncanny X-Men #176-181
Reset issues
Scott Summers’s second-worst honeymoon
Cephalopod disambiguation
Project Wideawake (more) (again)
Valerie Cooper
Foreshadowing
Public displays of affection
Leech
How X-Men age
A sewer wizard
Doug Ramsey
Secret Wars
Japan
Mystique’s kids
Douglock
Mystique’s powers
The other X-Men Forever

Next Week: The New Mutants gets weird!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Send us your submissions to the Stealth / Plainclothes Cosplay Contest until the end of the day on Friday, November 7!

Rachel and Miles Review the X-men, Episode 10

October 17, 2014 Jay 14 comments

Weeks of October 8 and October 15, 2014

In which we catch up after New York Comic Con, and Wolverine finally dies. (Also, Rachel reorganized her office. YAY!)

Reviewed:

Axis #1
Axis #2
Magneto #11
Death of Wolverine #4
Logan Legacy #1
Nightcrawler #7
Wolverine and the X-Men #10
Storm #4
X-Force #10*
Uncanny X-Men #27**

*Pick of the week of October 8

**Pick of the week of October 15

Video reviews are made possible by the support of our Patreon subscribers. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

As Mentioned in Episode 25 – The Best at What He Does

October 6, 2014 Jay 4 comments

Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne, after Katsushika Hokusai. Prints available until 10/12; or contact David to purchase the original.

Because you demanded it: Probably a Summers Brother t-shirts (light or dark backgrounds) and other gear are now a thing that exist, and which you can purchase using moneydollars!

Welcome to the Wolverine comic that will forever set the bar for Wolverine comics.

Shingen: Totally a dick. (Wolverine #1)

Seriously. This asshole. (Wolverine #1)

Things that never get old: Frank Miller drawing Wolverine beating up on Ninja. (Wolverine #2)

Other things that never get old: Our favorite lady, Yukio! (Wolverine #2)

Okay, look, like 2/3 of this gallery is just going to be us drooling over these amazing Frank Miller fight scenes. Deal with it. (Wolverine #2)

Mariko is less impressed with Miller’s stylish portrayal of gruesome violence. (Wolverine #2)

MORE NINJA! (Wolverine #3)

Yukio, ladies and gentlemen. (Wolverine #3)

Taking a break from drooling over stylish fight scenes to drool over a stylish chase scene. (Wolverine #3)

If you’re not hearing the narration in Steve Blum’s voice, you’re doing Wolverine wrong. (Wolverine #4)

LOOK AT THAT NARRATIVE SYMMETRY. (Wolverine #4)

We were going to choose one or two panels from this fight scene, but, nope, it’s perfect. Deal. (Wolverine #4)

HOLY BALLS FRANK MILLER (Wolverine #4)

The X-Men show up to congratulate Wolverine on the completion of his first solo miniseries. (Uncanny X-Men #172)

Look at that adorable Ninja meet-cute! Also: Pretty sure Smith is taking a cue from Miller with the sudden influx of vertical panels and silhouetted buildings. (Uncanny X-Men #172)

Yeah, look, remember how we said this was gonna all be Miller fight scenes? There will also be a lot of Storm and Yukio, because, Storm and Yukio. (Uncanny X-Men #172)

In which Kitty Pryde realizes that Wolverine has been moonlighting in a significantly less code-sensitive series. (Uncanny X-Men #172)

There is literally nothing that you can tell us that will convince us that these two ladies are not Totally Doin’ It. (Uncanny X-Men #172)

Meanwhile, Rogue and Wolverine bond over casual violence. (Uncanny X-Men #173)

Seriously. (Uncanny X-Men #173)

Totally Doin’ It. (Uncanny X-Men #173)

They should really just hand out little warning pamphlets about Mastermind. What a dick. (Uncanny X-Men #173)

Remember when Madelyne Pryor was AWESOME? Sigh. (Uncanny X-Men #173)

Ooh, burn. (Uncanny X-Men #173)

THAT SINGLE TEAR. (Uncanny X-Men #173)

John Byrne’s original concept for what Wolverine would look like under the mask. He ended up using this design for Sabretooth instead.

Next Week: The New Mutants meet Team America!

25 – The Best at What He Does

October 6, 2014 Jay 16 comments

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Art by David Wynne, after Katsushika Hokusai.

In which Wolverine gets his first miniseries, Yukio is still (and forever) the best, we categorically reject the classification “manic pixie dreamgirl,” everything is noir as hell, Wolverine gets an Iron Giant moment, Storm is too cool for your dress code, and we finally made “Probably a Summers Brother” t-shirts.

X-Plained:

X-23
The 1982 Wolverine miniseries
Uncanny X-Men #172-173
Rachel’s Wolverine feelings
An auspicious road trip
Early Frank Miller
A really epic team-up
Plug’n’play storytelling
How to tell a good Wolverine story
Mariko Yashida
Honor
Shingen Yashida
Yukio
The Inverse Law of Ninjas
The Forty-Seven Ronin
Silver Samurai
Viper
A Ninja meet-cute
The Cyclops / Wolverine double standard
The secret origins of Wolverine’s mask and hair

Next Week: The New Mutants meet Team America!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

As Mentioned in Episode 24 – Ororo, Queen of the Galaxy

September 28, 2014 Jay 18 comments

Listen to the episode here!

ORORO, QUEEN OF THE GALAXY, by David Wynne. (Prints available here until October 5.)

Lockheed vs. Pete Wisdom. (Excalibur #97)

Ironically, the thing she’s mad about might be the one time he actually isn’t, but the point stands in general. (X-Men #168)

Lockheed lurks. (X-Men #168)

This isn’t really relevant to the episode–we’re just hoping someone will use it as the basis for a Kitty Pryde magical-girl transformation sequence. (X-Men #168)

Scott and Lee: STILL AWESOME. (X-Men #168)

Before that one Hawkeye thing, there was this. (X-Men #168)

AWESOME TEAM-UP OF AWESOME. (X-Men #168)

But I think we all know the REAL point of X-Men #168. (We’re reviving this for this week’s art challenge – send your Kitty Pryde costume redesigns to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com!)

Very Nude Nightcrawler. (X-Men #169)

Dragon-sitting is basically the X-Men girlfriend test. (X-Men #169)

Remember that time X-Men straight-up did Barbarella? (Also the time Angel got pinned up by his wings in the Morlock tunnels. No, not that time. The other time.) (X-Men #169)

This cover is slashy in every sense of the word. (X-Men #170)

Well, then. (X-Men #170)

Remember that time Storm straight-up stabbed someone through the heart? BECAUSE THAT DEFINITELY HAPPENED. (X-Men #170)

And then Walt Simonson drew Storm, and we had Feelings. (X-Men #171)

Rogue also has feelings, but they’re less about the transcendent perfection of Simonson’s art than about her out-of-control powers. Sorry, Rogue. (X-Men #171)

Well, that escalated quickly. (X-Men #171)

This might be the most Rogue moment ever. (X-Men #171)

Remember that time Professor X was actually pretty fucking awesome? (X-Men #171)

For full effect, you have to imagine Wolverine’s lines in Steven Blum’s voice. I mean, you should really be doing that anyway. (X-Men #172)

YUKIO. Much, much more about her next week, but she’s the best. (X-Men #172)

For real, there is literally nothing you can say that will convince Rachel that these two are not TOTALLY DOING IT. (X-Men #173)

They really can’t kick her off the team after that. (X-Men #173)

BRB HAVING FEELINGS. (X-Men #173)

Oh. THAT asshole. (X-Men #173)

Meanwhile in Alaska, the most awkward meet-cute ever. (X-Men #168)

Here’s the thing about Scott and Madelyne: they’re actually kind of awesome together. Doomed, but awesome. (X-Men #170)

As a character who’s spent most of his life in a Claremont-written world, Scott is unfamiliar with the concept of coincidence. (X-Men #171)

Then, again, having spent years reading stories set in a Claremont-written world, we find it difficult to believe that this was actually just supposed to have been a coincidence. (X-Men #172)