Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Mystique

As Mentioned in Episode 193 – Sewers of Tomorrow

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
On one hand: These dudes are pretty rad. On the other hand: being able to detect normal humans is a pretty ridiculous mutant power. (Uncanny X-Men #277)
John Romita, Jr. can be hit-or-miss, but he definitely draws some rad miscreants of the future. (Uncanny X-Men #277)
WOMP. (Uncanny X-Men #277)
Compulsory Fitzroy Hair Appreciation Moment(TM). (Uncanny X-Men #277)
The Witness, in all his really creepy glory. (Uncanny X-Men #277)
Can you imagine trying to have a conversation with this dude? (Uncanny X-Men #277)
I don’t understand what’s happening with Cyclops’s torso; and, frankly, I don’t want to. (Uncanny X-Men #278)
“Look! A distraction!” (Uncanny X-Men #278)
The first appearance of the letter… (Uncanny X-Men #278)
…and the second, FROM THE SAME FLIPPIN’ PAGE. (Uncanny X-Men #278)
Thaaaaat’s our Archangel! (Uncanny X-Men #278)
Can confirm. -Jay (Uncanny X-Men #278)
*Today, at least. (Uncanny X-Men #278)
Long Island cops are clearly unfamiliar with Cyburai. (Uncanny X-Men #279)
Mystique is exceptionally bad at helping. (Uncanny X-Men #279)
Damnit, Forge. (Uncanny X-Men #279)
Storm’s reaction is appropriate. (Uncanny X-Men #279)
Bobby. Have you MET your parents? (Uncanny X-Men #279)
Best. Date. Ever. (Uncanny X-Men #279)
Remember that time Mikhail Rasputin turned a random skater into a tree? Because that certainly happened. (Uncanny X-Men #280)
Hanging out naked in the rain? This dude is DEFINITELY learning the ropes from Storm. (Uncanny X-Men #280)
DAMNIT, Forge. (Uncanny X-Men #280)
NEXT EPISODE: Brood trouble in the Big Easy!

LINKS & FURTHER READING

193 – Sewers of Tomorrow

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which we pour one out for Malcolm and Randall; Cyclops is the worst at fun; Storm is better than you and always will be; Bishop forgets his first name; the X-Men can’t tie bow ties; Iceman’s dad is spectacularly awful; Mikhail Rasputin may have some lingering issues; and Doug Ramsey would probably have been pretty entertained by Hackers if he had survived long enough to see it.

X-PLAINED:

  • Whether Professor Xavier is dead
  • Marvel time vs. podcast time
  • Uncanny X-Men #287-290
  • The Wit and Wisdom of Henry McCoy
  • A dance of death and destruction
  • Styglut
  • Future flashbacks
  • Sewers of tomorrow
  • The Witness
  • “Fun”
  • Blood math
  • A mysterious letter
  • A terrible date
  • Several capes
  • The return of the cyburai
  • A theoretical Hackers crossover

NEXT EPISODE: Brood trouble in the Big Easy!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 131 – The Reaver Bunch

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
That cloak! Those Kent Williams inks! (Uncanny X-Men #252)
These are not the foundations of a healthy relationship. (Uncanny X-Men #252)
Ah, yes, the old-fashioned way. With robot dingos. (Uncanny X-Men #252)
Man, Lady Deathstrike is so cool. (Uncanny X-Men #253)
Emergency medicine must be a pretty different field in the Marvel Universe. (Uncanny X-Men #253)
Really? REALLY? (Uncanny X-Men #253)
Never change, Callisto. (Uncanny X-Men #253)
“Wait, what’s this over here? A stack of books. They all say… Complete Handbook of the Marvel Universe?” (Uncanny X-Men #253)
Hope you survive the experience! (Uncanny X-Men #254)
MOIRA THAT IS NOT SAFE LAB WEAR (Uncanny X-Men #254)
Remember that time the Morlocks brought Professor Xavier back from the dead and then dressed him in bondage gear? Good times. (Uncanny X-Men #254)
Well, THAT’S ominous. (Uncanny X-Men #254)
Relationship goals. (Uncanny X-Men #254)
There’s such a thing as trying too hard. (Uncanny X-Men #254)
LOOK AT HIM MUGGING GOOFILY AT THE SECURITY CAMERA (Uncanny X-Men #255)
Aw, man. (Uncanny X-Men #255)
Aw, man. (Uncanny X-Men #255)
NEXT WEEK: Back to Asgard!

131 – The Reaver Bunch

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which Jubilee is the sassiest Xenomorph; Lady Deathstrike is way too good for the Reavers; Wolverine gets a sidekick; Forge arm wrestles the Shadow King; Moira takes a cavalier approach lab safety; Magneto’s motives get kind of reconciled; Legion is a chaos gamer; Mystique and Destiny break our hearts; queer erasure in fiction reflects erasure in life; and the Shadow King is not even a little bit subtle.

X-PLAINED:

  • That one time Donald Pierce pretended to be Cyclops for like a year
  • The post X-Men X-Men
  • What may be our deepest cut yet
  • Uncanny X-Men #252-255
  • Where’s Wolverine?
  • The Reaver Bunch
  • Major-League lumpoids
  • Robot dingoes
  • A prescient vision
  • Trouble at sea
  • Several significant deaths
  • Subtext and queer erasure
  • The key of agony
  • Smile noises
  • Non-mutants we’d team up with the X-Men

NEXT WEEK: Back to Asgard!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

Jay Recaps X-Men: Evolution
S1E10: Shadowed Past

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Ever heard of something called “The Draco”?

No, not the blonde guy from Harry Potter. The “Draco” I’m talking about is an Uncanny X-Men arc where Chuck Austen retconned Nightcrawler’s origin story to involve a father from an ancient race of demon-looking mutants long exiled to a hell dimension by a bunch of quasi-angelic counterparts.1

The Draco is one of the worst arcs of Austen’s already fairly shaky 2 run; and generally considered to be one of the worst X-Men stories ever. It’s the continuity equivalent of awkward makeouts at your company Christmas party: everyone does their best to politely pretend that it never happened, and if anyone brings it up, everyone familiar with the story gets acutely embarrassed by proxy.

I am telling you about The Draco not because it has any relevance whatsoever to X-Men: Evolution–it doesn’t–but so that you will understand where the bar sits when I tell you that “Shadowed Past” is my least favorite take on Nightcrawler’s origin story.

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As Mentioned in Episode 110 – Lights, Camera, Apocalypse!

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
We saw X-Men in the middle of a road trip the summer after our senior year of high school. Terrible vacation; fun movie.
X2: X-Men United is a very loose adaptation of one of our favorite X-Men stories: the Marvel Graphic Novel God Loves, Man Kills.
The less said about X-Men: The Last Stand, the better.
Jay can’t look at this X-Men: First Class poster without thinking of the Buckaroo Banzai end credits. It’s a blessing and a curse.
X-Men: Days of Future Past is one of the more ambitious retcons ever to grace the big screen.
X-Men: Apocalypse opens in the U.S. on May 27; and everywhere else at some point in the surrounding weeks.
Apocalypse’s on-panel debut… (X-Factor #5)
…and the first time we saw his signature costume. (X-Factor #6)
“Let’s adopt him and, I dunno, feed him scarab blood? Look, man, I’m making this up as I go along.” (Rise of Apocalypse #1)
Apocalypse’s true, diabolical plan, as realized in “The Twelve”: To capture a bunch of mutants and I guess put them in little terrariums? Apocalypse is a complicated guy. (Uncanny X-Men #377)
Apocalypse: Somehow actually more progressive than Doctor Who. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #1)
The mechanics of Apocalypse’s body–and relative immortality–vary wildly from series to series. (The Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix #2)
In the Age of Apocalypse, Apocalypse takes over Earth ahead of schedule and makes everything super glam. (X-Men: Alpha)
Deadpool may not be an X-Man, but his movie did feature the best version of the X-Men costumes to show up so far on screen.
NEXT WEEK: Excalibur joins Inferno!

LINKS & FURTHER READING

110 – Lights, Camera, Apocalypse!

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which the X-Men cinematic universe is a really mixed bag; Kang the Conqueror ruins everything; everyone wants a Sphinx hovercraft; Elle was right; and we bring you up to speed on all things En Sabah Nur–just in time for X-Men: Apocalypse!

X-PLAINED:

  • How Chamber got his torso back (and then lost it again)(twice)
  • Several ways to count X-Men movies
  • X-Men
  • X2: X-Men United
  • X-Men: The Last Stand
  • X-Men: First Class
  • X-Men: Days of Future Past
  • Adaptation anxiety
  • Distillation vs. dilution
  • Apocalypse (En Sabah Nur)
  • Rise of Apocalypse #1-4
  • Akkaba
  • Dubious survival tips
  • Fantastic Four #19
  • Doctor Strange #53
  • Ozymandias
  • Various horsemen of Apocalypse
  • Age of Apocalypse (Earth-295)
  • The Twelve
  • Cinematic X-costumes
  • Cast Party

NEXT WEEK: Excalibur joins Inferno!

CORRECTION: In this episode, Jay states that Kieran Shiach explained Kang in the Secret Convergence on Infinite Podcasts. It was, in fact, the amazing Paul O’Brien. Mea culpa.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Google Play, or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

Jay Recaps X-Men: Evolution
S1E9: Survival of the Fittest

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I can summarize most episodes of X-Men: Evolution from memory, in a fair degree of detail; so it surprised me when, in reviewing the Season 1 roster, I realized I recalled almost nothing of “Survival of the Fittest” beyond the fact that it involved some kind of summer camp scenario. When I started to watch, I realized why: in a season where even the bad episodes are usually entertaining, this one is just boring as all hell.

On my first pass, I stopped taking notes five minutes in, because nothing was happening. By the halfway mark, I was actively fantasizing about watching paint dry.1 But I am nothing if not committed, readers. I promised you a recap, and a recap you would have, come hell or high water.

Ah, well. At least I get to judge cartoon teenagers for their fashion choices.

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93 – The Discreet Charm of the Brood

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which airplanes are really dangerous if you’re a mutant, Magik remembers that time she dreamed about remembering a dream, those who live by mystically bad judgment die by mystically bad judgment, It’s Always Mystique (TM), and everything leads to Inferno.

 

X-PLAINED:

  • Forge’s moral compass
  • New Mutants #62-63 and #65-66
  • Empath and irredeemable vs. sympathetic villains
  • Magical postal eagles
  • Nova Roma
  • Jag-u-ars
  • Art as era signifier
  • Time travel nightmare logic
  • Sharpiemancy
  • The “last” Brood
  • Jerk headmasters who won’t even let you commit murder
  • A long-awaited roomie reunion
  • Bret Blevins’s mad Limbo skillz
  • Claremont / Simonson character maturity equilibrium
  • Astrally furry pants
  • Loyalty to the living versus loyalty to the dead
  • The Ultimate Darkchilde
  • Wolverine’s surprisingly non-metallic teeth
  • Partying with the New Mutants

NEXT WEEK: Pryde of the X-Men.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 86 – Legends

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Fall of the Mutants promotional ad.
Piotr Rasputin’s run as penciller on Uncanny X-Men was brief but critically lauded. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
Featuring what we assume to be the disgruntled letterhacks of 1987. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
If I had a dollar for every time a stranger had given me an uncannily precise palm reading and then a tiny chess piece of myself… (Uncanny X-Men #225)
The players and the board. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
SFX as panel borders? Yes, please. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
It’s worth noting that at this point, the Spiral / Ricochet Rita retcon had yet to be conceived. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
Destiny wrestles with the awareness that she’s trapped in a crossover event. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
A moment of slapstick in the midst of the high-stakes drama. (Uncanny X-Men #225)
Repping the fourth estate, Neal Conan and Manoli Wetherell. (Uncanny X-Men #226)
It’s cool. It’s not a real knife. (Uncanny X-Men #226)
You’re a good dude, Colossus. (Uncanny X-Men #226)
She comes back a year later, and Forge has cannibalized his bionic parts to make a sweet Freddie Mercury costume. (Uncanny X-Men #226)
Those halcyon days when Havok’s impromptu diatribes didn’t suck. (Uncanny X-Men #226)
That’s one hell of a kiss. (Uncanny X-Men #226)
That cover. (Uncanny X-Men #227)
What. (Uncanny X-Men #227)
Well, that was unexpectedly graphic. (Uncanny X-Men #227)
“I mean, c’mon, dude. We’re in a superhero comic. You really think this is gonna last?” (Uncanny X-Men #227)
Somewhere in the multiverse, the X-Men were like, “Fuck it. Let’s just go to Disneyland.” (Uncanny X-Men #227)
Say what you will about Claremont, but he is damn good at epic ending beats. (Uncanny X-Men #227)
NEXT WEEK: It’s always darkest…