miniseries – Page 2 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

361 – The World’s Densest Eagle

January 31, 2022 Jay 10 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the 1990s were full of miniseries; Mystique and Sabretooth take a sabbatical from X-Factor; Mystique’s powers are wildly inconsistent; we meet a second Cypher; most secret agents are Mystique; and you should never tell Sabretooth about your girlfriend.

X-PLAINED:

Sabretooth’s ambitions
Sabretooth and Mystique #1-4
A Helicarrier heist
Hydra
AIM
The sounds of autopsies
How Mystique’s powers work, sometimes, kind of
Commander Cypher
Technosassins vs. Cyburai
Catalyst
Complimentary types of awful
Caption colors
Access
Gender dimorphism of monsters
The Comics Code Collar
Dismember and Corrosion
The time Cyclops offered to help Cable steal a spaceship
The Black Womb Project

NEXT EPISODE: bits ‘n’ bobs

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As Mentioned in Episode 335 – Bone Town

June 12, 2021 Jay One comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Aaaaand here we go! (X-Men/ClanDestine #1)

In which Professor Xavier should probably leave caves alone. (X-Men/ClanDestine #1)

“Sam, we hate to tell you this, but Bernard the Poet is actually awful.” (X-Men/ClanDestine #1)

Gracie Fuckin’ Gamble, y’all. (X-Men/ClanDestine #1)

Meet the Destines! (X-Men/ClanDestine #1)

If I had a dollar… (X-Men/ClanDestine #1)

This dimension sucks. (X-Men/ClanDestine #1)

ONWAAAAARD! (X-Men/ClanDestine #2)

Meanwhile, in the crossover… (X-Men/ClanDestine #2)

But wait! There’s more! (X-Men/ClanDestine #2)

Uh-oh… (X-Men/ClanDestine #2)

Don’t worry, it’s just an illusion. (X-Men/ClanDestine #2)

The plot thickens! (X-Men/ClanDestine #2)

Well… have fun, I guess. (X-Men/ClanDestine #2)

NEXT EPISODE: Way of Si Spurrier!

335 – Bone Town

June 6, 2021 Jay 13 comments

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In which we cover somewhat peculiar content under somewhat peculiar circumstances; nobody does it like Alan Davis; in this house, we appreciate Gracie Gamble; Bernard the Poet makes a comeback; nominal errors are not what they appear; and you should probably not leave your children with most of the X-Men.

X-PLAINED:

Ravencroft vs. Ravenscroft
Unusual recording circumstances
ClanDestine #1-8
X-Men/ClanDestine #1-2
Destines including but not limited to:
- Rory (Crimson Crusader)
- Pandora (Imp)
- Adam
- Walter
- Kay (Cuckoo)
- Dominic (Hex)
- Samantha (Argent)
- Newton
- Gracie Gamble
Elalyth
The Relative Stranger Protocol
Lenz
Dr. Hywel Griffin
GRYPHON
Earth-95710
Synraith
How normal people unwind
A dimensional rift and affiliated tentacles
How to draw sexy ladies without wrecking your comic
A big fight
X-sitters
The evolution of Hank McCoy’s personality

NEXT EPISODE: The Way of Si Spurrier

LISTENER CHALLENGE: Send your takes on the ’90s stylings of Bernard the Poet to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com, and we’ll publish ’em all in a deeply dubious poetic extravaganza!

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As Mentioned in Episode 313 – Iguanafall

November 8, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Not even close, but go on. (Storm #1)

Spoiler: no. (Storm #1)

That is some weird-ass product placement. (Storm #1)

This is the worst panel. I hate it and everything it stands for. (Storm #1)

SERIOUSLY LOOK AT THOSE TEETH THIS IS NOT OKAY (Storm #1)

You’d think that context might salvage it. You would be wrong. (Storm #1)

The best character in this miniseries. (Storm #2)

Coooool. (Storm #2)

Misdirection or mistake? YOU BE THE JUDGE! (Storm #1)

I guess this counts as a malicious pose, but I feel like its main victims are her spine and ribcage. (Storm #2)

Hi, Callisto! Bye, Callisto! (Storm #2)

I refuse to accept this as “Daddy.” (Storm #2)

ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew (Storm #3)

Yeah, I don’t quite get it, either. (Storm #3)

“And I TRIPLE-DARE YOU!” (Storm #4)

Somewhere in the multiverse, there’s a timeline where Aidan Quinn was cast as Cable, and I want to go there. (Storm #4)

THIS IS NOT A GOOD WAY TO DISPOSE OF A BOMB WHOSE CONTENTS YOU DO NOT KNOW. (Storm #4)

Damn, Storm. Harsh. (Storm #4)

SURE WHY NOT LET’S JUST GO WITH THAT (Storm #4)

Really? You’re going to end your miniseries HERE? (Storm #4)

NEXT EPISODE: Jay has a lot of feelings about this issue of X-Factor

LINKS & FURTHER REPTILES:

This dress was weirdly central to the Internet Discourse of 2015.
We covered Lifedeath II in Episode 45 – A Woman Who Could Fly.
Here’s where you can find some of the more obscure stories we’ve X-Plained:

313 – Iguanafall

November 8, 2020 Jay 12 comments

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In which sky pirates are the best pirates; Wolverine eats chicken in the woods; Xavier’s area loses its status as our least favorite panel; Cable is suspiciously credulous; we search in vain for a consistent metaphor; Storm has a thing or two to learn about restorative justice; and this entire miniseries should probably just have been an annual.

X-PLAINED:

Storm’s pirate adventures
Storm #1-4
Mark Trail
The Morlocks (more) (again)
Unacceptable gradients
Butt murder
Fashion
Several memes of yesteryear
Product placement
The new Worst Panel
Several variations on the Ceremony of Light
How not to identify a body
The Hill (Limbo)
“Daddy”
The inconsistent portrayals of Mikhail Rasputin
Still more members of Gene Nation
A new costume
The most obscure stories we’ve covered
That time Wolverine at his own arm

NEXT EPISODE: Jay’s favorite issue of X-Factor (and some others)!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 280 – Business-Casual Basilisk

January 12, 2020 Jay One comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Agent Coulson of Earth-1218 is mostly in it for the belly rubs.

What you see is what you get; and what you get is a large man with large guns and large feelings. (Bishop #1)

The gravitas of the X.S.E. is somewhat undercut by the fact that Bishop’s gun very clearly uses Nerf ammo. (Bishop #1)

You see what I mean about the shirt, right? (Bishop #1)

Do you think the other future criminals made fun of Mountjoy for not wearing a bunch of neon or having a mullet? (Bishop #1)

Bishop X-plains Mountjoy. (Bishop #1)

This effect is so creepy! (Bishop #1)

It’s okay, buddy. We’ve all been there. Sort of. Not really. (Bishop #2)

The utter disconnect between the expressions in this one is such a good detail. (Bishop #2)

TFW your holographic sister will not sit like a normal person on your futuristic bladed motorcycle. (Bishop #2)

Additional evidence against Hancock being Cyclops: he probably wouldn’t imply that his optic blasts generate heat. (Bishop #3)

Mountjoy is everyone! (Bishop #4)

NEXT EPISODE: Callasantos family reunion!

280 – Business-Casual Basilisk

January 12, 2020 Jay 10 comments

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In which the future is not great at codenames; spot foil is cool as hell; Mountjoy is bafflingly business-themed; Bishop goes full Point Break; Jean Grey and Lorna Dane should absolutely be friends; and Jay & Miles are heading to ECCC 2020!

X-PLAINED:

Lola vs. L.O.L.A.
A very good cat
Bishop #1-4
Lucas Bishop
Earth-1191
X.S.E.
A surprising convergence
Guilt
Bantam
Mountjoy
Some terrible banter
Several nontraditional modes of possession
Shard Bishop
How the kids talk these days
Hancock
Fashion of the future
A complex ethical struggle

NEXT EPISODE: More Cats references.

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As Mentioned in Episode 247 – The Butt-Kick Scale

May 12, 2019 Jay 5 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In French, Sabretooth’s name is “Dents du Sabre,” and it’s not nearly as menacing. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

“Fetch the pestridder, Birdy–We’ve got ninjas in the rutabagas.” (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

As seen in Marvel vs. Capcom !(Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Sabretooth is a terrible boss, but marginally better than the Hand, maybe, I guess. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Ah, yes, the sound of telepathic soothing: PHOOOOOO. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Note the arms and the axe. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

TURBO-SABRETOOTH! (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

Tribune: Banker. Politician. Pundit. Supervillain. Definitely about to go to BotCon cosplaying his OC. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1)

This series has consistently excellent covers. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

I was going to make an Elements of Style joke based on that sound effect, but it seemed like kind of a stretch. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

HI, MYSTIQUE! (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

Do you think Mystique spends an inordinate amount of time researching who from the pasts of people she knows will make them the most uncomfortable? Probably. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

I’m not saying this is peak Mystique; but I’m also not saying it’s not. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #2)

Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3: Large Angry Men Yelling!

TEETH. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

I appreciate this panel so damn much. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

“Look at us: just a pair of stone cold badasses doing stone-cold badass stuff.” (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

‘Kay. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

HOW DID HE FIT THE PAULDRONS UNDER THE TUXEDO? (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

I love that Mystique still has her cigarette holder. (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #3)

rghrargh (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

OKAY THEN (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

YEP THIS SURE IS HAPPENING (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

AND SO IS THIS (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

SURE WHY NOT (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

AND THEY ALL LIVED HAPPILY EVER AFTER PROBABLY (Sabretooth: Death Hunt #4)

NEXT EPISODE: There should be leprechauns, and there aren’t, and I’m still angry about it.

And now, for your edutainment, a selection of Mark Trail panels, presented in no particular order:

marktrail_a_little_something_about_wildlife

LINKS & FURTHER WOODLAND CREATURES:

Experience the magic of Mark Trail for yourself.
If Jay wrote a Mark Trail parody Twitter account–which we’re certainly not admitting that he does–it would probably read exactly like this one.
The D- Poems of Jeremy Bloom is one of many delightful novels by Gordon Korman, who was a mainstay of Jay’s childhood. (It’s so weird that there are Bruno & Boots movies now!)

247 – The Butt-Kick Scale

May 12, 2019 Jay 17 comments

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In which the Hand probably doesn’t even offer dental; literally everyone is less creepy than the Joker and Harley Quinn; toxic masculinity is Sabretooth’s adamantium; Mark Trail is a wild ride; Wolverine trashes the dress code and gets funky; Larry Hama is your god now; and Sabretooth: Death Hunt scores a solid six on the butt-kick scale.

X-PLAINED:

Mark Trail vs. X-Men
Sabretooth (Victor Creed)
Clones of Sabretooth
Birthday traditions
Sabretooth: Death Hunt #1-4
Ps[i don’t remember; that one guy]
Low-context ninjas
A somewhat tasteful omission, I guess
The glow (and its counterintuitive sound effect)
Turbo Sabretooth
Tribune (Graydon Creed)
Mark Trail
Affirmations with Sabretooth
“Leni Zauber”
Dress codes
The butt-kick scale
A tearaway tuxedo
Dubious grenade handling
Parenting with Mystique
One thing Wolverine knows
The CHK-LIT gun
Comics bankers
A very qualified recommendation
Our preferred versions of Sabretooth’s origin
Relative redeemability

NEXT EPISODE: Siena Blaze and the Mystery of the Missing Leprechauns!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!