magneto – Page 6 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

299 – Toaster Ovens of the Gods

June 28, 2020 Jay 15 comments

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In which some universes are more pleasant than others; Havok is basically a Care Bear; Wolverine is a P.R. nightmare; Nate Grey tries; stealth is not among the Silver Surfer’s strengths; Night Thrasher ascends to godhood; Jay and Miles dive down the What If rabbit hole.

X-PLAINED:

Earth-200500 (again)
Earth-42409
What If? vol. 2 #77
What If? Featuring X-Men: Age of Apocalypse
What If? vol. 2 #81
Earth-77995
Fashion editorials
One of the worse versions of Forge
Superheroes x fashion
Care Bears vs. X-Men
The Hellfire Club of Earth-77995
A surprisingly normal Grey-Summers family
Several uses for the Phoenix Force
Worst-case scenarios
Earth-93074
Savage Land home ec
Bad choices
The Defenders of Earth-93074
How to manipulate Nate Grey
Narrative benefits of omnipotence
A time loop
Earth-9601
A meeting on the moon
What the Watcher watches
Galactus
The Silver Surfer
Grandpa Magneto
Some remarkable technology
A heavy-handed metaphor
Our takes on What If scenarios
The Corbeau-Grey scale of decision making
Storm’s eyes
Our character voices

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Omega

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 296 – Hard Choices

May 31, 2020 Miles Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

“Are you coming too, mysterious hooded stranger? My sister, Carmen Sandiego, would love to have you along!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

Danger Room cold open, Earth-295-style! (Amazing X-Men #1)

“Just a few more hours and a few dozen more cigarettes until Tom Waits karaoke night!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

“For further details, my X-Men, you must buy every other X-comic on the stands. Excelsior!” (Amazing X-Men #1)

As the famous thinker Parappa the Rapper once so wisely said: you gotta believe. (Amazing X-Men #1)

Earth-295 Sentinels may be lacking in toboggan hats and robot one-piece swimsuits, but they’re still pretty impressive. (Amazing X-Men #1)

Half unspooled VHS tape, half Slinky, all nuisance. (Amazing X-Men #2)

“Go easy on ’em, X-Men – they remembered to use our logo font, and that was very considerate of them.” (Amazing X-Men #2)

Banshee’s facial expression speaks for us all. (Amazing X-Men #2)

Okay, that’s legit terrifying. (Amazing X-Men #2)

Quicksilver? More like FRIPsilver! (Amazing X-Men #2)

If the title wasn’t already taken, Magneto’s autobiography would be called The Brood Saga. (Amazing X-Men #3)

It takes a true villain to make “being stretchy” an intimidating superpower. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Mary Poppins: The Snyder Cut. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Shaking Angel down for information is an X-Men rite of passage. (Amazing X-Men #3)

Open wide and say “flashback”! (Amazing X-Men #3)

you guys I think I’m in the wrong church (Amazing X-Men #4)

This may be bad, but at least he doesn’t have to die of a mutant-targeting virus twice in the Age of Apocalypse the way he does in Earth-616… (Amazing X-Men #4)

Generation Next – ripping our hearts out even when it’s someone else’s comic! (Amazing X-Men #4)

I know you’re mad at Gambit, Rogue, but did you really have to punch his legs off? (Amazing X-Men #4)

Aww, damn – he was just one week away from retirement! (Amazing X-Men #4)

*raises lighter* (Amazing X-Men #4)

NEXT EPISODE: This guy.

296 – Hard Choices

May 31, 2020 Jay 8 comments

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In which Magneto doesn’t really do work/live divide; Amazing X-Men is a bit of a misnomer; Exodus is the lawful evil to Fabian Cortez’s chaotic evil; smoking is bad for you; moisture molecular inversion is fairly definitely not a real thing; Earth-295 Quicksilver and Earth-616 Cyclops would probably get along; OSHA would probably like a word with the Madrii; Gambit had ONE JOB; and there are no superheroes in the Age of Apocalypse.

X-PLAINED:

An unlikely team-up
Relative amazingness
Amazing X-Men #1-5
Color separations
Comics credits
The Brotherhood of Mutants and/or Chaos
The Great Human Airlift
Exodus (more) (again)
Best Quicksilver (Earth-295)
Abyss
A dubiously aerodynamic cape
One last job
Several points of semantic distinction
Lone Nanny & Cub
The most punchable man on Earth-295
A difficult choice
What it means to be X-Men
Dick Valentine
Jamie Madrox (Earth-295)
A world without superheroes
Universe numbering

NEXT EPISODE: X-Man!

CORRECTION: The line about fence-straddling that Jay attributed to Wonder Woman was in fact spoken by Hawkgirl.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 295 – The Nuclear Naked

May 17, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Hey, ‘dere. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

This, but with a hawk. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

Seriously, why the visor? (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

He pulls this look off alarmingly well. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

SUPER DOCTOR ASTRONAUT PETER CORBEAU IS HERE TO SAVE THE UNIVERSE (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

“Just a sec, I gotta go find the Power Glove.” (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

This torso is unacceptable. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #1)

In an homage, obviously. Dang, Jubes. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)

BUT, WAIT! THERE’S MORE! (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)

“Just us, and a bunch of chickens. It got weird fast.” (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)

Y E S (Gambit and the X-Ternals #2)

I maintain that everything is better if his name is pronounced “Jeff.” (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)

Jeff has no patience for events. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)

Oh, c’mon. I bet he’s got a ton of cool stolen stuff, too. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #3)

Welcome to the Hall of Tautology. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #4)

It’s okay, but it’s no X-Men #41… (Gambit and the X-Ternals #4)

Well, fuck. (Gambit and the X-Ternals #4)

The Nuclear Naked (reconstruction).

NEXT EPISODE: “Amazing” may be a bit of a stretch.

LINKS & FURTHER INVENTIONS:

Read the comments. No, seriously–they’re really interesting and hella civil.
Star Trek: Voyager was quite a show.

295 – The Nuclear Naked

May 17, 2020 Jay 18 comments

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In which this episode may or may not be a temporal aberration; Gambit is bad at marketing; Jubilee’s sixth birthday was probably worse than yours; Earth-295’s chronology doesn’t make that much more sense than 616’s; Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau wears this timeline well; Rictor makes a terrible Javert; Jubilee has no time for your makeouts; superheroes are basically preschoolers; there is only one Jahf; babies are bad at stealing; and Apocalypse is not a tactician.

X-PLAINED:

How Magneto got his own country
A numerical convergence
Earth-295
Gambit and the X-Ternals #1-4
X-Ternals
The human resistance
The Temple of Human Redress
A terrible way to celebrate your birthday
Lila Cheney of Earth-295
The Nuclear Naked
Super Doctor Astronaut (mermaid) Peter Corbeau of Earth-295
Julio Richter (Earth-295)
Mudir
Homage
Cross-timeline vocabulary
Cosmic peril
The state of the Shi’ar Empire in Earth-295
The Starjammers of Earth-295
Varyingly versatile energy absorption
Jahf
An exchange
Some fancy sewers
Guido Carosella’s devil’s bargains
Earth-295… IN SPACE
The nominal justification for Apocalypse’s society
Which Apocalypse is currently running around Earth-616

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk!

NEXT EPISODE: “Amazing” might be pushing it.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 290 – The Obvious, the Silly, and the True

April 5, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Magneto is definitely bowling in this picture, right? (Astonishing X-Men #1)

I dunno if I’d call them astonishing, but they’ll do. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

Magneto’s X-Men are AT LEAST 50% more dramatic than Xavier’s, and I’m okay with that. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

We would x-plain Rex; but he’s honestly just some guy. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

The first thing Apocalypse did upon seizing power was dissolve OSHA. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

Okay, he’s got his moments. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

This is just incandescently delightful. (Astonishing X-Men #1)

Best character design in the AoA. (Astonishing X-Men #2)

Is the lake of blood literal, metaphorical, or both? You be the judge! (Astonishing X-Men #2)

THIS. PERFECT. TWIST. (Astonishing X-Men #2)

Spoiler: No, and no. (Astonishing X-Men #2)

Kinda disappointed that we never got to see this play. (Astonishing X-Men #3)

kyle no (Astonishing X-Men #3)

Is.. is Sabretooth not allowed to say “Hell”? (Astonishing X-Men #3)

Still not as weird as force-feeding superheroes baby food. (Astonishing X-Men #3)

Sure, why not? (Astonishing X-Men #3)

Now you’re thinking with portals! (Astonishing X-Men #4)

And he didn’t even quit the team once! (Astonishing X-Men #4)

Morph is a goof, but he’s also by far the most emotionally literate of the X-Men. (Astonishing X-Men #4)

Rogue is DONE with this event. (Astonishing X-Men #4)

NEXT EPISODE: The beginning of a descent into madness!

290 – The Obvious, the Silly, and the True

April 5, 2020 Jay 9 comments

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In which it’s kind of a relief to be talking about a fictional apocalypse right now; Joe Madureira defines the look of the mid-late 1990s; Sunfire is less cheesecake than crepes Suzette; it all comes back to capes; Wild Child is more than he seems; Holocaust sucks about as much as you’d expect of someone who picked that code name; Jay has surprisingly strong feelings about Morph; Miles is all about judging some babies; resistance is fundamental to the X-Men’s identity within a superhero-universe paradigm; nobody deserves to be quarantined with Quentin Quire; and our two-week lead is making proofing these podcasts an increasingly surreal experience.

X-PLAINED:

Several things Blink might have done but did not.
The status quo as of mid-March, 2020
Earth-295 (more) (again)
Astonishing X-Men #1-4
Our coverage of the core Age of Apocalypse series
Age of Apocalypse as proof of concept
The best character design of Earth-295
Some guy named Rex
A lake of blood which may or may not be figurative
Sabretooth’s last-ish stand
The revolutionary value of silliness
Jay’s favorite Orwell quote
The Infinite Processing Plant
DefCon Armageddon
A very cool fight scene
Catharsis
Mutants without the metaphor
Best and worst X-Men to be quarantined with

NEXT EPISODE: Weapon X!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 289 – Unsolved Mysteries

March 22, 2020 Jay 7 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

A ToS Trek novel, specifically, I think. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

This statue sucks. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Sinister is a terrible parent. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Okay, but why are the guys they’re fighting wearing bondage harnesses? (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

We were so baffled by the abs that we did not consider that they had been dressing him in skintight jeans and pirate boots for five years. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Robbie flippin’ Robertson: a badass in any universe. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

“Is it me, or do these briefings get weirder every time?” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

It would be more depressing when Sinister told him he was the worse brother, though. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

These assholes work for a genocidal nightmare regime and yet call a graveyard “the ghost lands.” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

A familiar story, except where it’s not. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

OH, SHIT. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

If you didn’t know Corsair was doomed before, Havok’s last line definitely clinches it. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

There’s probably a Gatecrasher joke to be found somewhere, but honestly, after this week, I’m fresh out. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Still not the most awkward conversation they’ve had in a comic, for what it’s worth. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Yeah, Death, you’re not gonna impress Cyclops with that. He was raised by Sinister; he’s effectively immune to Extra. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Sweatertown: Population, Blink. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Aw, Ship. =( (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

He really is. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

I bet when people tell AoA Nightcrawler “Your Mom” jokes, he just kinda sighs and acknowledges that they’re probably right. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

BLACKAGAR BOLTAGON YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Look, I’m just saying: it’s no telling Dracula to follow his heart. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men

LINKS & FURTHER CATASTROPHES:

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289 – Unsolved Mysteries

March 22, 2020 Jay 15 comments

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In which this episode is way more topical than it was when we recorded it; Apocalypse makes a terrible Statue of Liberty; there are no reliable narrators; Robbie Robertson and Carmen Sandiego are your new OTP; Emplate is creepy in any universe; lawful evil is still evil; and partial universe reboots come with some fairly silly problems.

X-PLAINED:

Awkward intersections of fiction and reality
Pandemic (Dr. Richard Palance)
Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines
Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light
Brooding in multiple ways at once.
Corsair (Christopher Summers) (Earth-295)
Reconciling cross-universe timelines
The Shi’ar (Earth-295)
Comparative Summers Backstory
Robbie Robertson (Earth-295)
Northstar and Aurora (Earth-295)
Emplate and the Monets (Earth-295)
The Bedlam Brothers (Earth-295)
Brood problems
The most awkward Summers family reunion to date
The Absorbing Man (Earth-295)
Diablo (Earth-295)
Senator Robert Kelly (Earth-295)
The fall of the Guthrie family
An early era of Magneto’s X-Men
A trip to the moon
Death (Maximus Boltagon)
Whether the Beyonder of Earth-295 knows how to poop
Listening to this podcast with kids

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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