In which we actually kind of like a Sabretooth story; we’re not asking for viscera, here; all pants on Earth-616 are tearaway pants; we’d like to see more Wolverine stories about bodily autonomy; Gambit’s hallucinations have hallucinations; and there are probably too many X-books.
X-PLAINED:
Punch-clock villains
Hydro-Man’s secret weakness
411
‘90s fashion
X-Men Unlimited #17-18
X-Men Unlimited vs. annuals
A difficult casting decision
Forge’s neutralizer gun
Costume injuries
Color symbolism? Kinda? I guess?
Mrs. Hoo
Saberine & Wolvertooth
Warren Kenneth Worthington III vs. shirts
How to dress for Earth-616
Hot buttered whatever
Boob foliage
Clones
Very tenacious blood stains
The return of the Angry Claremontean Narrator
Lots of hallucinations
Oscar the Fixer
Hydro-Man
Redemption, symbolic and otherwise
The evolution of Magneto’s name
Our ideal X-line
NEXT EPISODE: Back to the core!
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In which the M-Plate Saga continues; Jay gets into the spirit of the day; we briefly give up on our primary mission; the story is coordinated if not coherent; Miles is not allowed to continuity-shame about Tolkein; Gaia is extra chill; Dirt Nap discovers altruism; and Jubilee should absolutely not have eaten that.
X-PLAINED:
Vampires vs. Marrow (again)
Whether Marrow is a mutant
Drugs
X-Plaining the inexplicable
Generation X #37-39
M-Plate (more) (again)
A Boojum
How to correctly identify a snark
The Universal Amalgamator (more) (again)
A door
Moria, kind of, I guess?
Mysterious topiary
An equally mysterious train
The Citadel of the Universal Amalgamator
Gaia
How to make a deal with a Token
Orange milk
A network of interdimensional water closets
The Bill the Pony Effect
An attempted murder
Monet vs. Northstar
Characters we’d like to see come out of the subtext
NEXT EPISODE: The Angry Claremontean Narrator Returns
CORRECTION: Miles said that the previous episode was #410. This episode is in fact #410; the previous episode is #409.
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In which we disagree about the value of Stan Lee intros; everybody wants Wolverine; Mister Sinister lurks; Haley Blanding deserves better; Thunderbird fights a tiger; and Xavier and Magneto do their usual thing.
X-PLAINED:
The Circus of Crime
Stan Lee intros
Wolverine #-1
X-Factor #-1
X-Force #-1
X-Men #-1
Proust vs. Sartre
How Logan joined Alpha Flight
The secret origin of the word “canucklehead.”
USDA, Annex B
Myron MacLain
Logan’s cigars
Yet more continuity errors
Sabretooth’s ridiculous car
The balance of scary and silly
Wolverine’s cowboy hat
Summers family bullshit
The Blandings and/or Masterses
Vince
The Proudstar family
One or more cats named Coyote
The origin of Thunderbird’s totem
Edwin Martynec (again)
Chondu the Magician
Ringmaster
Yet more Xavier and Magneto flashback drama
The bottom of the resurrection queue
Good car-trip episodes
NEXT EPISODE: X-Factor continues to make poor decisions
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Marauders to the left of me, X-Men to the right, and I’m stuck in the middle with you… (Uncanny X-Men #350)
Listen, Gambit, it was either this or a Tupperware(TM) for that chunk of your brain. (Uncanny X-Men #350)
Their relationship seems healthy. (Uncanny X-Men #350)
Eh, it’s still in better shape than the car Miles drove in high school. (Uncanny X-Men #350)
Where? Oh, there. (Uncanny X-Men #350)
“He’s here again, Professor.” (Uncanny X-Men #350)
Speaking of different eras of the X-Men – check out Julian Totino Tedesco’s decade variant covers! Here’s the 60s… (All-New X-Men #18)
The 70s… (All-New X-Men #18)
The 80s… (All-New X-Men #18)
The 90s… (All-New X-Men #18)
…and the 2000s. (All-New X-Men #18)
After this, it’s off to the Justice Exhibit through the Justice Hall and then to the Justice Shop. If anyone needs the Little Justice’s Room, it’s on the left. (Uncanny X-Men #350)
Thunderbird, sure… but a version of Blink from an alternate universe? (Uncanny X-Men #350)
NOOOOORM! (Uncanny X-Men #350)
I’ve never been picked during jury selection, but I’m pretty sure this is how trials work, right? (Uncanny X-Men #350)
Rogue x-plains Gambit’s dark secret. (Uncanny X-Men #350)
As little sense as Rogue’s decision makes, damn if Joe Madureira (or Andy Smith?) doesn’t make it work anyway. (Uncanny X-Men #350)
Erik the Red was really Erik the Red and Purple! (Uncanny X-Men #350)
Okay, okay – they’re no Cyclops, Wolverine, Storm, Colossus, Nightcrawler, and Thunderbird, but I like them anyway. (X-Men #70)
Dig that speech bubble transition. (X-Men #70)
Cecilia Reyes and Marrow, best of friends. (X-Men #70)
Why don’t more artists work in the telekinetic Phoenix flare? (X-Men #70)
Cecilia takes charge. (X-Men #70)
And you know Sam will 100% pay them back later. (X-Men #70)
I love these three. (X-Men #70)
The cavalry arrives. (X-Men #70)
For once, too much dialogue is a good thing. (X-Men #70)
Gross mutant powers are the best mutant powers. (X-Men #70)
Maggott 2.0, courtesy Joe Kelly. (X-Men #70)
The X-Men: often at their best when their lives are at their worst. (X-Men #70)
In which legacy numbering is best left alone; all roads lead to the Antarctic; we finally learn Gambit’s big secret; Erik the Red gets yet a third identity; no one soils the Juggernaut; Maggott saves the day; and we have somehow made (technically more than) 400 of these things.
X-PLAINED
Spat
The tragic loss of the Cyber Comics
How not to back up your work
Uncanny X-Men #350
X-Men #70
A shambles
What’s been happening since Operation Zero Tolerance
A very fancy cover
Insufficient outerwear
Senses
Justice as a decorating theme
Baffling statuary
The return of Erik the Red
Erik the Red (again)
Ferris
Gambit’s big secret
A large number of continuity errors
A total dick move
De-icing
Untitled Marrow Game
A big fight
Living room surgery
Legal documents
Favorite anniversary issues
Dangling plot threads
NEXT EPISODE: Generation X vs. Christmas
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In which we spend too long trying to place a time-travel miniseries in continuity, Al Kennedy does us a solid, Bernard Chang draws some excellent New Mutants young and old, Al Ewing x-plains X-Men: Red, Forearm and Random play Nintendo, and we reveal the winners of The Ninth Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence at X-Cellence!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
