Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 3/22/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
X-Men! (X-Men Annual #9)
New Mutants! (X-Men Annual #9)
Check out the gorgeous John R. Neill homage going on in that title card. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Karma, transformed. Adams draws her very differently–both more realistically and more recognizably–than Sienkiewicz or Leialoha; and it would be awesome to see a superhero with this as their default shape. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Marvel Asgard is basically the land of metal album covers. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Aw, Doug. No one appreciates you. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Asgardian Wars is chock full of pop-culture cameos and references. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
GET IT? Not if you weren’t reading Longshot as it was coming out! (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Warlock in a nutshell. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Bobby has found his element. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
AMARA, WHAT IS THE FIRST RULE OF DEALING WITH FAIRIES? (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
The hands-down most awesome variation on the Darkchylde design. If only this had stuck around. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
No, seriously, Shan is literally on Arrakis. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
THE WARRIORS THREE ARE THE BEST AND ANYONE WHO TELLS YOU OTHERWISE IS FULL OF WRONG. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Fire-elf Magma. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Throughout the nine realms, skalds sing of the masterwork fire extinguishers of Nidavellir. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
The Dani-becomes-a-Valkyrie arc reminds me of the thing where literally everyone else realizes you’re queer before you do. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Another Darkchylde panel, because this costume is just so damn good. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
IT’S STORM AND SHE’S A HAWK AND SHE HAS A TEENY MOHAWK. That’s all. Carry on with your business. (New Mutants Special Edition #1)
Those title cards, though. (X-Men Annual #9)
What, don’t you have a psychic link with your “roommate”? (X-Men Annual #9)
‘Kay. (X-Men Annual #9)
TOO SOON, RACHEL. TOO SOON. (X-Men Annual #9)
Because I was raised by bleeding-heart feminists in the ’80s, I now have “Free to Be… You and Me” stuck in my head. THANKS, CLAREMONT. (X-Men Annual #9)
Aw, man. (X-Men Annual #9)
I want to see a “What If” splinter story where Sam is an epic hero and also basically Carrot from Discworld. I mean, there kind of is one–“What if the New Mutants Had Stayed in Asgard”–but still. MORE. (X-Men Annual #9)
DANI LITERALLY NO ONE IN THIS ROOM HAS PHYSICAL POWERS. (X-Men Annual #9)
Art Adams draws awesome Warlock. (X-Men Annual #9)
WOLF MAKEOUTS! (X-Men Annual #9)
Subtext: Not just for the ladies! (X-Men Annual #9)
This isn’t directly relevant to the episode. It’s just awesome. (X-Men Annual #9)
NOW LET’S GO DEFEAT THE FRENCH! (X-Men Annual #9)
It’s no KRAKADOOM, but I guess it’ll do. (X-Men Annual #9)
Dani is THE BEST VALKYRIE. (X-Men Annual #9)
“Well, at least I have this 1/6-scale statuette to keep me company.” (X-Men Annual #9)
NEXT WEEK: Rachel and Miles get lucky.
LINKS AND FURTHER READING:
The Mighty Thor #362 is one of the best issues of one of the best runs in Marvel history.
For craft wonks, we recommend the hell out of the Thor Artist’s Edition, if you can get your hands on a copy.
Actually, you know what? Just go read the whole Simonson run, right now. It’s collected and available in a bunch of forms. You won’t regret it. we promise.
Once you’re done reading Thor, go watch Leverage, because it is wonderful.
In which Asgardian Wars occupies the precise intersection of Miles’s favorite things; Marvel Asgard is your favorite metal album; no one appreciates Cypher; Wolfsbane gets some action; Warlock gets meta; Cannonball is a catch; Rachel Summers gets a new costume; Loki does Shakespeare; and Rachel overthinks Leverage.
X-PLAINED:
Various Mjolnirs and their attendant powers
Asgardian Wars
New Mutants Special Edition #1
X-Men Annual #9
The Surtwar
Art Adams
Amora the Enchantress
Lorelei
Several pop culture cameos
A really dubious beach party
The Viking Sorceress Asgardian Portrait of Dorian Grey
Ed Grimley
Hrimhari
Wolf makeouts
The Marvel version of Norse mythology
The Warriors Three
Rule #1 of dealing with fairies
A hawk ‘hawk
Valkyries
Einherjar
A costume in somewhat questionable taste
Interdimensional lightning-bolt mixology
Our favorite Thor story, ever
How to get your friends and neighbors into comics
Asgardian mutants (or lack thereof)
X-Leverage cross-casting
NEXT WEEK: Longshot!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
In which we bid a fond farewell to Bill Sienkiewicz; Secret Wars II continues to ruin everything; the New Mutants end up in an improbable number of gladiatorial arenas; Shadowcat’s secondary mutation is queer subtext; Magik gives no fucks about your crossover event; Warlock transcends storytelling conventions; and Karma rejoins the team.
X-PLAINED:
The chronologically inconsistent mobility of Professor Xavier
The Shadow King
New Mutants #29-34
Steve Leialoha
The Arena (more) (again)
Evil group projects
Easter eggs
Rachel Summers: butch fashion icon
Some major failures of positive size diversity in comics
Madripoor
Ashake
The incredible changing Guthries
The wickedest club in Cairo
Default X-teams
Cypher’s powers
NEXT WEEK: Miles and Elisabeth Allie X-Plain X-Men / Alpha Flight
In which Miles and his Doom voice return triumphant; we reach an understanding regarding Lila Cheney; Mob science is pretty shoddy; Magneto has fancy hair; New Mutants Xavier is Best Xavier; no one is more goth than Cloak and Dagger; and you can have Rachel’s Speed Racer references when you pry them from her cold, dead hands.
X-Plained:
Spider-Man crossovers
Cats
Marvel Team-Up Annual #6
New Mutants #22-25
Phone calls with bears
Glam day at the Hellfire Club
Rahne’s fairytale
Cloak & Dagger
Drugs
Eldritch curtains
A seriously flawed evil plan
Harry’s Hideaway
The Sam and Dani Show
Magneto’s hair
Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch’s parentage
Waiting for the T
Whether Cloak and Dagger are mutants
How to buy original art
NEXT WEEK: G. Willow Wilson!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Well, that’s a hell of an opening. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Remember when Kitty Pryde was scrappy as hell? (God Loves, Man Kills)
We just really love this dialogue. (God Loves, Man Kills)
In which Xavier and Stryker do their best Carter/Reagan. (God Loves, Man Kills)
TEAMWORK! (God Loves, Man Kills)
Whoa. (God Loves, Man Kills)
OH, HELL, YES. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Classic. (God Loves, Man Kills)
If only this had involved his magnetic personality. But no. Just slightly different torture. (God Loves, Man Kills)
WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Stryker is such a Bond villain. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Um. Wow. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Magneto is so awesome in this story. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Can we talk about how Brent Anderson is one of the all-time great unsung X-artists? Because he really is. (God Loves, Man Kills)
CHARLES, NOOOOOO (God Loves, Man Kills)
Nightcrawler, you lovable scamp. (God Loves, Man Kills)
“It’s okay! He put it back!” (God Loves, Man Kills)
Damn, Stryker. That’s cold.
Cyclops solves problems with ricochets! Take a drink! (God Loves, Man Kills)
He’s not wrong, but damn. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Even if you’ve not read the book, you’ve probably seen this moment referenced at least once. (God Loves, Man Kills)
We have fairly different feelings about the strengths and weaknesses of this layout, but we agree that it is damn stylish. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Didn’t mention this in the episode, but it’s kind of amazing how directly this penultimate scene visually echoes Xavier’s earlier mid-brainwashing encounter with Stryker. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Next Week: Rachel and Chris Sims X-Plain Arcade!
THE 2014 SUPER DOCTOR ASTRONAUT PETER CORBEAU AWARDS FOR EXCELLENCE IN X-CELLENCE
Best X-Writer – Brian Michael Bendis, for Uncanny X-Men, All-New X-Men, and general line architecture
Best X-Artist – Kris Anka, for Uncanny X-Men and general visual and costuming impact
Best X-Colorist – Chris Sotomayor, for Cyclops
Best X-Letterer (Now and Forever) – Tom Orzechowski, for everything ever forever
Jean Grey Award for Creative Resurrection – Nightcrawler (Amazing X-Men)
Best New Character – Forget-Me-Not (X-Men Legacy #300)
Best Complete Arc – Cyclops #1-5, by Greg Rucka, Russell Dauterman, Chris Sotomayor, Carmen Carnero, et. al.
Best Soap Opera – All-New X-Men, by Brian Michael Bendis et. al.
Silver Lining Award – Death of Wolverine: The Logan Legacy #4, by Marguerite Bennett, Juan Doe, et. al.
Golden Retcon – X-Men: Days of Future Past
Irene Adler Award for Most Anticipated Future Run – G. Willow Wilson on X-Men
About Damn Time – Storm, by Greg Pak et. al.
Cyclops Has a Good Day Award – Wolverine and the X-Men #40, by Jason Aaron, Pepe Larraz, et. al.
Best Listeners of Any Podcast Ever – YOU*
*Details of the Corbeau Coloring Contest will go up on Monday, because Rachel’s parents are visiting this weekend. We appreciate your patience.
CLASSIC CORBEAUS (for older X-material covered in the podcast during 2014)
Harvey and Janet Award for Best Walk-On – The staff and guests of the Heartbreak Hotel
Lost Treasure – Beauty and the Beast, by Ann Nocenti, Don Perlin, et. al.
Sure, Why Not? – The Leprechauns of Cassidy Keep
Still the Best Issue After All These Years – Uncanny X-Men vol. 1 #137
LINKS AND ADDITIONAL READING
We are an entirely listener-supported podcast, and features like this Giant-Size episode are made possible by our kickass Patreon subscribers. You can become one of those here.
In which we launch our first-ever giant-size special; God Loves, Man Kills is the definitive X-Men story; Bobby makes his R&MXtXM on-air debut; we repopulate the world with X-writers; Rachel is really excited about x-plaining X-Cutioner’s Song; Miles takes a strong stance on Wolverine’s mask; we award some awards; and it’s all your fault.
X-Plained
God Loves, Man Kills (Marvel Graphic Novel #5)
William Stryker
An inappropriate analogy
Keeping it interesting
Favorite episodes
Bridging the fan/critic divide
Our ongoing obsession with bit characters
The challenge of keeping Charles Xavier relevant
X-Planation Curation
Several stories we’re really looking forward to covering
X-Writers on a desert island
Internet fights
Favorite stories vs. best stories
Stupid hats of the Marvel Universe
Dr. Doom as Tim Gunn
Havok vs. ceiling fans
Educational standards of the Marvel Universe
The First Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence in X-Cellence
NEXT WEEK: Rachel and Chris Sims X-Plain Arcade
CORRECTION: In this episode, Rachel claims that there is only one Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau in the Marvel Multiverse. This is patently untrue. There are numerous versions of Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau in the Marvel Multiverse, who may or may not be able to combine Voltron-style into a giant Corbeau Singularity.
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
HI, LISTENERS! Some of you have been asking us to write an X-Men holiday gift guide. We think it’s very thoughtful of you to consider purchasing gifts for fictional characters, and to help you out, we have created this handy last-minute guide! Click through for our picks for Beast, Shadowcat, and six more…
THE COMPLETE GUMBY
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FOR: Beast. We already know Hank McCoy is a fan of Art Clokey’s weird green guy–in fact, back in his Defenders days, he used to collect and trade bootleg Gumby VHSs (seriously–it’s canon). Modern Beast has been having a rough time; give him an excuse to unwind with seven disks’ worth of psychedelic claymation, and maybe a plate of pot brownies.
(And now we’re imagining a stoner comedy starring Hank McCoy and Abigail Brand. MARVEL. CALL US.)
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WHAT HE’D PREFER: Moral certitude.
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BACKUP GIFT:Dr. Strange: A Separate Reality, by Steve Englehart and Frank Brunner, because you know Beast would be super into a comic about a buddy of his that two dudes literally wrote while wandering around Central Park tripping balls in the middle of the night.
RIP IT: HOW TO DECONSTRUCT AND RECONSTRUCT THE CLOTHES OF YOUR DREAMS, BY ELISSA MYRICH
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FOR: Shadowcat. The X-Men’s most die-hard superfashionista can always use another tool in her arsenal–after all, you never know when you’ll find yourself hankering for a new costume with no Shi’ar tech in sight.
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WHAT SHE’D PREFER: A canonical girlfriend.
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BACKUP GIFT:The Complete Elfquest, vol. 1.
MAGNUM, P.I.’S SIGNATURE HAWAIIAN SHIRT
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FOR: Sunspot. I mean, Bobby da Costa probably already owns one of these, or six, but you can really never have too many backup Magnum, P.I. shirts, right?
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WHAT HE’D PREFER: To actually be Magnum, P.I.
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BACKUP GIFT: A signed pinup of Tom Selleck.
THE REQUISITE UGLY HOLIDAY SWEATER
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FOR: Cyclops. Left to his own devices, Scott Summers basically dresses like a six-year-old and has a long tradition of happily sporting really, really horrible sweaters; so you know he’ll at least get some use from it. (Plus, if he hates it, he’ll probably be too polite to say anything.)
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WHAT HE’D PREFER: A world in which he’s functionally irrelevant.
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BACKUP GIFT: Socks.
ERROL FLYNN FILM COLLECTION
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FOR: Nightcrawler. Kurt Wagner is a huge Errol Flynn fan, to the point of modifying his image inducer to reproduce the visage of the classic swashbuckler; so he’s sure to enjoy a boxed set of Flynn’s most famous films.
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WHAT HE’D PREFER: A soul.
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BACKUP GIFT: A collection of John Donne sonnets.
LOCAS: THE MAGGIE AND HOPIE STORIES, BY JAIME HERNANDEZ
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FOR: Magik. I have no actual narrative justification for this. I just think Magik would really dig some Love & Rockets.
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WHAT SHE’D PREFER: Nothing your fragile mortal mind can grasp, kid.
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BACKUP GIFT: A iPod preloaded with pop-culture nostalgia podcasts. For someone who runs with the unusually pop-savvy New Mutants, Illyana has spent relatively little of her life with any kind of media access.
CLASSIC X-MEN PVC SET
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FOR: Iceman. Bobby Drake is all about original-five nostalgia, and he’s kind of a goofball, so he would probably enjoy the hell out of this X-Men PVC set, featuring the original team, Professor X, and Magneto (and one of the better Iceman sculpts out there).
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WHAT HE’D PREFER: For Professor X to still be alive and everyone to be friends again.
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BACKUP GIFT: An Elsa tiara.
ALL SEVEN SEASONS OF DESIGNING WOMEN
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FOR: Rogue. Look, Rogue does not need another pair of fancy gloves. What Rogue needs is seven seasons of the most badass, progressive, Bechdel-test-acing Southern-lady sitcom of all time.
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WHAT SHE’D PREFER: A three-day bender with Julia Sugarbaker, and maybe conscious control over her powers.
In which we play Six Degrees of Lila Cheney; Cannonball gets a makeover; Earth does not in fact blow up; the X-Men like their s’mores with thinly veiled allegories; and Magik dabbles in erotic friend fiction.
X-Plained:
Strong Guy
Annuals
New Mutants Annual #1 (Steal This Planet)
Lila Cheney
Both versions of Cats Laughing
The Vrakanain
Chris Claremont Book Club
Uncanny X-Men Annual #8 (The Adventures of Lockheed the Space Dragon and His Pet Girl Kitty)
Some dubious campfire games
Illyana’s Space Opera
Space pirate X-Men
Some long-awaited resolution
NEXT WEEK: Rachel and Miles’s Giant-Size Special #1, featuring God Loves, Man Kills!
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Art by David Wynne. Prints available here through Sunday, December 14!
Remember when missing twin towers always signified a horrible post-apocalyptic future? (Uncanny X-Men #189)
Rachel Summers, in her Hound uniform. (Uncanny X-Men #189)
Kids, if a necklace you find in a fish talks to you, DON’T LISTEN. (Uncanny X-Men #189)
Oh. You, again. (Uncanny X-Men #189)
Moments when the Hellfire Club and the X-Men just really want to not talk about this and go back to whatever they were doing are pretty much the best X-Men/Hellfire Club moments. (Uncanny X-Men #189)
Lookit all those temporal references! (Uncanny X-Men #189)
Imagining Kid Miles diving into X-Men with this issue: never not funny. (Uncanny X-Men #190)
Well, then. (Uncanny X-Men #190)
But.. isn’t that basically what Vision normally wears? (Uncanny X-Men #190)
Callisto: Pure awesome in any universe. (Uncanny X-Men #190)
What. (Uncanny X-Men #190)
CAPTAIN AMERICA WE LOVE YOU (Uncanny X-Men #190)
This fucking recap page. (Uncanny X-Men #191)
Warlock-o-Vision! (Uncanny X-Men #191)
Remember that time Spider-Man got actually literally crucified in a CCA-approved comic? Because that definitely happened. (Uncanny X-Men #191)
Warlock is not only the best friendly space teenager, but also the best jetpack. (Uncanny X-Men #191)
Oh. That guy. (Uncanny X-Men #191)
LOOK AT THIS ANGRY SPACE ROBOT AND HIS AMAZING TECHNOORGANIC BEARD (Uncanny X-Men #192)
In which the X-Men absolutely fail at hide-and-seek in just about every possible way. (Uncanny X-Men #192)
Not only is Illyana a badass demon sorceress and teleporter, but her taste in movies is impeccable. (Uncanny X-Men #192)
HERE HAVE SOME MORE TECHNOORGANIC SPACE BEARD (Uncanny X-Men #192)
Rogue goes Technarch, is adorable. (Uncanny X-Men #192)
Don’t worry. Later, the Morlocks find him, fix him up, and dress him in elaborate bondage gear. (Uncanny X-Men #192)
MERRY CHRISTMAS, X-MEN! (Uncanny X-Men #192)
Next week: Welcome to the Heartbreak Hotel.
Links and Further Reading:
In Episode 34, we answered a question from a listener looking for textual evidence that Nightcrawler isn’t homophobic (we pointed them to Amazing X-Men #13). Rachel also discussed that question from a different angle–and at considerably more length–on the blog.
Diana: Warrior Princess is both an incredibly fun game setting and a brilliant piece of cultural satire.
We are big fans of both the Gamers movies and the humans responsible for them.