Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Lorna Dane

202 – Rhapsody in Blue (and Gold)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which music is dangerous and confusing, Jamie Madrox has a weakness for femmes fatale, the term “f-holes” makes Miles turn 12, and we bid a fond farewell to Larry Stroman.

X-PLAINED:

  • That time Havok was the nexus of all realities
  • How to get to Florida, Magneto style
  • X-Factor #79-81
  • Lesser-used applications of super-speed
  • Rhapsody (Rachel Argosy)
  • Mutant late bloomers
  • The surprising convenience and safety of fictional shop windows
  • Excalibur-weird vs. X-Factor-weird
  • Tiny cellos
  • The worst kid in the neighborhood
  • A creative use of mutant powers
  • Whether Madrox creates duplicates during sex (again)
  • Astral wheat fields
  • Musical manslaughter
  • Sean Young (who is decidedly not Catwoman)
  • Hell’s Belles
  • Rahne’s World
  • Polaris’s body image issues
  • Beefiness disambiguation
  • Wolfsbane’s conditional poker face
  • Cyber (Silas Burr)
  • Strong Guy, who just works here, man
  • Alex Summers, inspiring and/or deceptive authority figure
  • Bringing back the classics (and when not to)
  • The surprisingly homogenous Multiverse

NEXT EPISODE: Mikhail Rasputin ruins everything.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 199 – Space, Geeks, and Gaveedra Seven

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
It’s weird, but it could be SO MUCH WEIRDER. (X-Men Annual #1)
These two really have their battle banter down to a science. (X-Men Annual #1)
Well, this is awkward in retrospect. (X-Men Annual #1)
Hi, Retrieval Team. (X-Men Annual #1)
Again: I want these characters to be SO MUCH WEIRDER. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #16)
Stop trying to make “bohunk” happen. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #16)
GOOD LORD JOE QUESADA DRAWS A TERRIFYING MOJO (Uncanny X-Men Annual #16)
This comic does not include a countdown of enemies, but if it did, #1 would definitely be condiments. (X-Factor Annual #7)
This actually explains a depressing lot about Mojoworld. (X-Factor Annual #7)
SPIRAL IS SO COOL. (X-Factor Annual #7)
Spiral X-Plains Spiral, Part 1. (X-Factor Annual #7)
Spiral X-Plains Spiral, Part 2. (X-Factor Annual #7)
Okay, getting marginally weirder, but still not quite there. (X-Force Annual #1)
You can tell he’s a big deal now because he wears his hair down. (X-Force Annual #1)
I just realized that the good Spineless Ones are named after Borscht Belt comedians. (X-Force Annual #1)
Behind every Facebook meme about positivity is this panel. (X-Force Annual #1)
Powerpax! (X-Force Annual #1)
Darkchild! (X-Force Annual #1)
Banshee! (X-Force Annual #1)
Cyberlock! (X-Force Annual #1)
Sunspot, but with a mullet! (X-Force Annual #1)
You’d think a guy who grew up on a media-saturated world would know better than to trust an administrator in a fancy hat. (X-Force Annual #1)
Kill your television. (X-Force Annual #1)
I feel really good about the fact that Longshot aged into Estelle Getty. (X-Force Annual #1)
Ignore these blueprints; they will never be followed consistently. (X-Men Annual #1)
SELF-FRIEND (X-Men Annual #1)
Remember the good ol’ days, when comics NEVER dabbled in politics or even direct allegory? *snort* (X-Men Annual #1)
“I can also cross over with DC properties, but that’s not really gonna be on the table for a while.” (Uncanny X-Men Annual #16)
Val Cooper’s subconscious is an appropriately frightening place. (X-Factor Annual #7)
NOPE. (X-Factor Annual #7)
Taki! We missed you! (X-Force Annual #1)
We’re only posting one of the many pin-ups; but DANG, it’s a good one. (X-Force Annual #1)
NEXT EPISODE: Louise Simonson!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

199 – Space, Geeks, and Gaveedra Seven

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Shattershot is definitely better than the Cold War; Beast X-plains the X-teams; Cyclops is a tired babysitter; sustenance is not frivolous; Jim Henson is the hero that Mojoworld needs; Shatterstar is not a great head of state; it’s hard to be Val Cooper; and Cable has definitely figured out how to take you (yes, YOU) out.

X-PLAINED:

  • Astra
  • Content-to-story ratio
  • The Mojoverse (more) (again)
  • Longshot
  • Shatterstar (Gaveedra Seven)
  • Spiral (Ricochet Rita)
  • Arize
  • X-Men Annual #1
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #16
  • X-Factor Annual #10
  • X-Force Annual #1
  • A pivotal battle
  • Mujahideen
  • A callback
  • Several denizens of Mojoworld
  • X-Team disambiguation
  • The Death Sponsors
  • A dubious solution to the Kobayashi Maru scenario
  • Whether Arize is a mutant
  • Telepathic favoritism
  • Spiral’s origin story
  • A new regime
  • Earth-84309
  • Powerpax (Frankie Power)
  • Darkchild
  • Cyberlock
  • A metasingularity
  • A large number of back-up features
  • The X-Men’s top ten enemies
  • Amalgam (but not that one)
  • Darick Robertson’s juvenilia
  • The return of Taki
  • The Cable Protocols
  • Brazilian Marvel characters
  • Our feelings about Laura Kinney’s backstory

NEXT EPISODE: Louise Simonson

CORRECTION: BonziBuddy was not released until 1999. We regret the error.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 184 – Sweetcakes

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For all its flaws, this arc has its moments. Here is one of them. (The Incredible Hulk #390)
Also, let’s all take a moment to admire Rick Jones’s impeccable early-’90s fashion sense. (The Incredible Hulk #390)
And good times were had by all. (The Incredible Hulk #391)
One more Rick Jones fashion moment for the road. (The Incredible Hulk #391)
That’s kind of ingenious, actually. (The Incredible Hulk #391)
Welcome to the deeply depressing main event. (X-Factor #76)
“You can tell, because of his mustache.” (X-Factor #76)
You’d think gods would have less generic armor. (X-Factor #76)
And then Rahne did some killing. (X-Factor #76)
There is literally no good reason to have this in the story; but then, there’s literally no good reason for most of this story. (The Incredible Hulk #391)
“Good talk! So, back to paternalistic interference?” (The Incredible Hulk #392)
How does that… Why would you even… (The Incredible Hulk #392)
That panel in the middle, tho. (The Incredible Hulk #392)
Larry Stroman is back, and everything will be okay, except I guess for a lot of things, because this is a superhero comic. But still! Larry Stroman is back! (X-Factor #77)
Remember that time the Mutant Liberation Front looked legitimately and ironically awesome? Because that happened. (X-Factor #77)
At least Vic Chalker died as he lived: in a large robot suit. (X-Factor #77)
Not technically the most dangerous game, but definitely not recommended. (X-Factor #77)
RAHNE’S HAIR IS SO COOL (X-Factor #77)
X-Factor’s modular uniforms are really rad. Good job, Val. (X-Factor #78)
Know what else is rad? Tempo. Tempo is rad as hell and deserves so much better than the MLF. (X-Factor #78)
Maybe this is the explanation for everyone’s weird eye spots? (X-Factor #78)
[Insert canned laughter here.] (X-Factor #78)
Ouch. (X-Factor #78)
NEXT EPISODE: Tom Taylor and the true meaning of friendship!

184 – Sweetcakes

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David is still on vacation. Please enjoy this reasonable gentleman and his fancy accoutrements!

In which the 616 was inside Age of X all along; everyone is very sassy; an attempt at political commentary falls very flat; Wolfsbane kills a straw man; everything is better with Larry Stroman; the Rule of Cool is not transitive; X-Factor Quicksilver is the best Quicksilver; and some allegories are subtler than others.

X-PLAINED:

  • How to hide a universe
  • Bees
  • “War and Pieces”
  • X-Factor #76-78
  • The Incredible Hulk #390-392
  • Open-ended vs. trade pacing
  • Rick Jones, professional tag-along
  • Trans-Sabal
  • The Eisenhower Doctrine
  • The Reagan Doctrine
  • The ethics of cannibalism
  • Fictional pigeon aficionados
  • As story that isn’t about abortion but is definitely about abortion
  • X-Factor vs. due process
  • A very hazardous game of tug-of-war
  • Gratuitous X-planation
  • An unnecessary but well-intended rescue attempt
  • The death of Vic Chalker
  • Irresponsible parenting
  • The second generation of mutants

NEXT EPISODE: Tom Taylor talks X-Men Red and All-New Wolverine!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 179 – Sincerely, An Evil Individual

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
This really should have been a #1. (X-Factor #71)
If ever a first page set the tone… (X-Factor #71)
I made a list of people who draw Polaris’s hair better than Larry Stroman, and there were no names on it, because no one draws Polaris’s hair better than Larry Stroman. (X-Factor #71)
Cursive! (X-Factor #71)
Team dossiers, and some Twin Peaks name-dropping! (X-Factor #71)
Well, shit. (X-Factor #71)
This gag was pretty much inevitable. (X-Factor #72)
The extremely doomed Professor Vic Chalker. (X-Factor #72)
Poor guy. (X-Factor #72)
THAT CROWD, THO (X-Factor #72)
Aw, Madrox. (X-Factor #72)
So, that happened. (X-Factor #73)
Seriously, there’s just a page and a half, mid-fight, dedicated to gratuitous Rocketeer references. (X-Factor #73)
(Including the plane. Which, yes, is later confirmed to be wood.) (X-Factor #73)
And yet, somehow, it’s STILL better than Alex’s M-Word speech 25 years later. (X-Factor #73)
Remember when Alex Summers had principles? SIGH. (X-Factor #73)
B.D.? I dunno if I see it… (X-Factor #73)
Oh. Yeah, never mind. I see it.
Rahne really looks like she’s here to offer you your heart’s desire in exchange for your heart, or something equally creepy and folklorish. (X-Factor #74)
Meet Slab. He’s a Nasty Boy. (X-Factor #74)
Write your own dick joke. (X-Factor #74)
Man, Evil Madrox is so creepy! (X-Factor #74)
Meet the Nasty Boys! Also Senator Shaffran, but he’s going to die soon, so, whatever. (X-Factor #75)
OKAY BUT HOW DO THE CLOTHES WORK?! (X-Factor #75)
It’s not common knowledge, but actually, all U.S. senators can do this. (X-Factor #75)
It’s funny ’cause his name’s Ricochet. (X-Factor #75)
NEXT EPISODE: Time Cops and Time Bandits!

179 – Sincerely, An Evil Individual

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which X-Factor gets a revamp; Larry Stroman is the best part of 1991; Havok used to have principles; Multiple Man is his own worst enemy; Jay’s Doonesbury knowledge finally becomes relevant; Strong Guy breaks the Washington Monument; and Val Cooper may or may not have married Mister Sinister.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Madrox who got away
  • Alan Disambiguation
  • The X-Factor that might have been
  • X-Factor #71-75
  • Banter™
  • A small selection of a gratuitously large volume of pop-culture references
  • An evil individual
  • One of the many deaths of Multiple Man
  • Larry Stroman extras
  • Professor Vic Chalker
  • A Sinister scheme
  • The iteration of X-Factor most likely to end up naked on television
  • Your real-life Jamie Madrox reference
  • GeeCees
  • A canonical Doonesbury reference
  • One way to get out of writing a term paper
  • The proper plural of Madrox
  • Ricochet
  • The Nasty Boys
  • Death by irony
  • The evolution of Magik’s Soul Sword
  • Why female superheroes rarely date civilian men

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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173 – The Muir Island Saga, Part 2

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Abs-lantis will not be denied; “slightly traumatized” is basically the default state of Xavier’s original students; we pick up the slack for Nicieza; Banshee and Moira MacTaggert probably have an active and varied love life; Xavier miscounts the X-Men; we look back over the Claremont/Simonson era of the X-Universe; and Jay makes a case for the re-resurrection of Jean Grey.

X-PLAINED:

  • X-Men: Red
  • Namor’s beard
  • The conclusion of the Muir Island Saga
  • Uncanny X-Men #280
  • X-Factor #70.
  • Cool orange spacesuits that make you immune to telepathy
  • Off-brand Magneto hats
  • Literary terrors of our childhoods
  • Agents DeMarco & Heacock (R.I.P.)
  • Casual use of nuclear weaponry
  • The cavalry
  • The end of the Shadow King
  • The most dysfunctional timeline
  • Uncanny X-Men #200-278
  • The case for an eclectic X-Universe
  • X-Campus
  • Resurrections, and when they do and don’t work

NEXT EPISODE: Ed Piskor’s Grand Design

The visual companion to this episode will be up sometime before the end of 2017, by which point Jay’s lungs will hopefully be working again. Yay?

(Seriously, though, fuck this cold. Fuck this cold so much.)

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 172 – The Muir Island Saga, Part 1

One comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
But what if his dialogue also had its OWN tiny captions? (Uncanny X-Men #278)
“And that one dude from Final Fight will help me!” (Uncanny X-Men #278)
But whom could this mysterious stranger be? (Uncanny X-Men #278)
LOOK AT THIS EVIL FASHION QUEEN (Uncanny X-Men #278)
There is nothing okay happening here. (Uncanny X-Men #278)
Here, on the other hand, everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. (Uncanny X-Men #278)
That’s not… I mean… you know what? Never mind. (Uncanny X-Men #278)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE! (Uncanny X-Men #278)
Honestly, there are so many answers to that question. (Uncanny X-Men #279)
His other power is flashbacks. (Uncanny X-Men #279)
And with that, Chris Claremont flew off into space, to explore new horizons. (Uncanny X-Men #279)
Say what you want about her morals; Evil Rogue has a pretty rad costume. (Uncanny X-Men #279)
OH, HELL, YEAH! (Uncanny X-Men #279)
X-Factor’s New Wave era was brief but distinctive. (X-Factor #69)
It really never gets any more okay, does it? (No.) (X-Factor #69)
Why does Reisz suddenly have red hair? WHO KNOWS? IT’S A MYSTERY! (X-Factor #69)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE. (X-Factor #69)
The Art of War involves some remarkably specific ruminations on spandex. (X-Factor #69)
Wait for it… (X-Factor #69)
YES! (X-Factor #69)
Also 2017 in a nutshell. (X-Factor #69)
WELL, THAT CAN’T BE GOOD. (X-Factor #69)
NEXT EPISODE: Don’t smoke, kids. (Also, the Muir Island Saga concludes.)

LINKS & FURTHER READING

 

172 – The Muir Island Saga, Part 1

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which you are probably more familiar with this show than Jay and Miles are; Paul Smith makes good art; the Shadow King is so extra that his narration has its own narration; Evil Sexy Moira is a fashion queen; there are absolutely no circumstances in which it is appropriate to use the phrase “fist-o-rama”; Legion gets possessed; and we know absolutely nothing about Pokémon.

 

X-PLAINED:

  • Universes where people are other people
  • What Miles thought of Thor: Ragnorok (spoiler-free)
  • The Muir Island Saga (Part 1)
  • Uncanny X-Men #278-279
  • X-Factor #69
  • Teflon continuity
  • Our (lack of) favorite episodes of Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men
  • The Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men wiki
  • An alternate timeline
  • Corpse telepathy
  • A diabolical plan, sort of
  • Topicality
  • Theft
  • Sci-Fi Warlord Moira MacTaggert
  • Improbable aerodynamics
  • The greatest thing
  • The death of Peter Nicholas
  • The uncanny genital valley
  • Interesting ways to expand Cyclops’s powers
  • X-Pokémon

NEXT EPISODE: The Muir Island Saga concludes!

ART CHALLENGE: Send us your horrifying X-Pokémon! (Note: We were not kidding when we said that we know absolutely nothing about Pokémon, which means that we will probably believe anything you tell us about canon. Have fun!)

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)