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317 – Acquaintances of Humanity

December 14, 2020 Jay 12 comments

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In which Nicholas Cage is more of a concept than a human being; Rogue’s angst-fueled road trip continues; Gambit and Sinister have complementary aesthetics; there are a lot of Guthries; the Trasks are never up to any good; and whether or not it is canon, Ghost Rider has definitely teamed up with Johnny Cash.

X-PLAINED:

Ghost Rider (film)
Nicholas Cage
Rogue and Gambit
X-Men #45
Uncanny X-Men #326
Uncanny X-Men Annual 1995
A gratuitous gatefold
Alliteration vs. consonance
Osmium
Fancy captions
Aesthetics
Shorts
Gambit vs. Sabretooth
Questionable medical policy
AIDS and the Legacy Virus, revisited
Humanity’s Last Stand
Guthries
Preacher
The evolution of killer robots
Superhero-musician team-ups
Otherworld vs. the M’Kraan crystal

NEXT EPISODE: THE LEPRECHAUNS RETURN

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 315 – Theater Is Dead

November 22, 2020 Jay One comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

That Wolverine shadow looming over the title has a serious Maurice Sendak vibe. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #1)

I know the whole point is for the shadow to be menacing, but how funny would it be if Wolverine were just freakin’ huge in this series, for no reason? (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #1)

Don’t smoke in the Danger Room, Gambit. It’s not supposed to be THAT kind of danger! (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #1)

This is a good version of Gambit; I will give the series and Sale that much. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #1)

I dunno; the exploding cards might make that difficult. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #1)

SEE WHAT I MEAN?! (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #2)

Viper called; she wants to know what you did with her entire look. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #2)

YES, LOGAN, IT MATTERS VERY MUCH. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #2)

Well, then. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #2)

I’m pretty sure the subtext here is that Gambit’s gonna do a sex with that painting. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #3)

The end. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #3)

X-Men ’92 did it better. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #4)

Mastermind X-Plains the plot. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #4)

Dudes, man. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #4)

That’s certainly one take on Sarte. (Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #4)

NEXT EPISODE: Hawk Talk!

LINKS & FURTHER CRIMES:

315 – Theater Is Dead

November 22, 2020 Jay 6 comments

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In which Jay and/or patriarchy ruin everything; Archangel is dubiously aspirational; we need a moratorium on Jack the Ripper stories; there are a lot of Masterminds; and Arcade is a whole bundle of psychosexual weirdness.

X-PLAINED:

Tom Malverne (Jack the Ripper)
Lunch
Wolverine and Gambit: Victims #1-4
Loeb & Sale
Jack the Ripper in fiction
Alexandra Davies
Fun on international flights
That one time Jay thought the NSA was going to come for him
Martinique Wyngarde (Mastermind II)
Mastermind, Mastermind, and Lady Mastermind disambiguation
Collateral damage
Various Dies Hard
Several heists
Several hallucinations
Variations on the death of Miss Locke
Problematic third brothers

NEXT EPISODE: Hawk Talk!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 311 – Love Makes a Super Team

October 25, 2020 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This friendship really never gets old. (X-Men Annual 1995)

Freakin’ Genesis, man. (X-Men Annual 1995)

The Nasty Boys, they are not. (X-Men Annual 1995)

Nathaniel Essex: The Hollywood Dracula Years. (X-Men Annual 1995)

The ladies love the cape. (X-Men Annual 1995)

In all fairness, I’m not sure I’d want to be naked in Teen Hank and Bobby’s makeouts cabin without cleaning first, either. (X-Men Annual 1995)

Meanwhile in the UK, a dramatic man and his dramatic ponytail! (X-Men Annual 1995)

I still think the photos were a bit much. (X-Men Annual 1995)

Anniversary or no, this image does not justify a double gatefold. (Uncanny X-Men #325)

Jean Grey: thirsty on main. (Uncanny X-Men #325)

Me, too, Monet. Me, too/ (Uncanny X-Men #325)

Damn, Piotr. (Uncanny X-Men #325)

“Non, mon ami, I do not have Prince Albert in a can.” (Uncanny X-Men #325)

Marrow may be bloodthirsty, but she’s also inclusive! (Uncanny X-Men #325)

What. (Uncanny X-Men #325)

Ew. (Uncanny X-Men #325)

This is why we can’t have nice things and/or organs. (Uncanny X-Men #325)

NEXT EPISODE: The Nobody People, with author Bob Proehl!

311 – Love Makes a Super-Team

October 18, 2020 Jay 16 comments

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In which we decide to stop recognizing the nominal difference between X-Men and Uncanny X-Men; time travel may or may not wait for you; Mister Sinister has probably appeared in at least one Ed Wood film; we are a pro-Tingle podcast; X-Men is about family; the Braddock twins catch up; Sailor Moon > Shinobi Shaw; Generation X is inducted into the baseball tradition; and Storm does what she does with Morlocks in sewers.

X-PLAINED:

Franklin Richards’ impressive lineage
311
Yet another structure for annuals
X-Men Annual 1995
Uncanny X-Men #325
Serious academic discussions
Faye Livingstone
Mister Sinister’s Hollywood adventures
Tyler Dayspring / Tolliver / Genesis (again)
Teenage optimism
An absolutely nonsensical villainous plot
A Hank McCoy that might have been
Friendship
Fraternal correspondence
Romance
Morlocks
The first time Storm stabbed a Morlock leader in the heart
Gene Nation
A really excessive cover
An intergenerational baseball game
Another fairly nonsensical villainous plot
The second time Storm stabbed a Morlock leader in the heart
X-horror
Other media X-fans may enjoy reading, playing, or watching

NEXT EPISODE: Bob Proehl X-Plains the Resonant Duology!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 301 – Can’t Beat the Real Thing

July 19, 2020 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This is in fact an ENTIRELY REASONABLE position under the circumstances. (X-Men Prime #1)

Dennis is his own disparaging narrator. (X-Men Prime #1)

I don’t know why John Constantine is here to question Trish Tilby’s ethics, but SOMEONE needs to. (X-Men Prime #1)

Why is Val here? WHO KNOWS? (X-Men Prime #1)

Pretty sure this is supposed to be Onslaught, but it’s not going to be confirmed, so… (X-Men Prime #1)

“I repurposed all the brain parts that would normally go to fashion sense. On one hand, I can keep track of every team in play. On the other hand, this is how I dress myself.” (X-Men Prime #1)

Mondays, amirite? (X-Men Prime #1)

That’s… exactly what a chaperone is, though. (X-Men Prime #1)

GUYS SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE JUST IN A HURRY (X-Men Prime #1)

Just wait ’til Age of X-Man. (X-Men Prime #1)

Emplate: still exceptionally creepy. (X-Men Prime #1)

nopenopenopenopenope (X-Men Prime #1)

I’ve seen at least three horror movies that basically start this way. (X-Men Prime #1)

NEXT EPISODE: The fall of Avalon, and some related situation comedy.

LINKS & FURTHER HOMECOMINGS:

301 – Can’t Beat the Real Thing

July 19, 2020 Jay 19 comments

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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In which we enter our fourth century of podcasting with brand new theme music; we have both Wolverine questions and wolverine questions; it is extremely rough to be Bishop; the creator of Garfield may or may not live in a sewer on Earth-616; Rogue needs better coping mechanisms; bigotry is depressingly timeless; and everything is Onslaught now.

X-PLAINED:

Joseph’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
Our new theme music
X-Men Prime #1
A genuinely cool cover gimmick
What happened after the end of the world
Boundaries
War crimes vs. fashion crimes
Destruction of real landmarks in fiction
A mysterious assailant
Actual embodied chaos god Jim Davis and his Earth-616 namesake
Several memorable Garfield stories
Marrow (Sarah Rushman)
The secret origin of the Morlocks
A friendship we miss
Unhealthy coping mechanisms
The perennially dubious journalistic ethics of Trish Tilby
Dennis
The death of Dennis
Flaws of the mutant metaphor (more) (again)
Several refugees from Earth-295
Mr. Summers and Mr. Summers
The secret origin of the Genoshan mutates
The Acolytes
The continuing relevance of the mutant metaphor (more) (again)
Cross-universe characterization

NEXT EPISODE: The fall of Avalon!

NOTE: The Garfield strips Jay mentions appeared in newspapers, on purpose, in October 1989.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 300 – Götterdämmerung

July 5, 2020 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Trust us–it looks better on foil. (X-Men: Omega)

Those skulls can’t be stable. (X-Men: Omega)

The gang’s mostly here! (X-Men: Omega)

[Cries in Dark Phoenix Saga] (X-Men: Omega)

Truly, he has been preparing for this moment for his entire life.

It’s cute how Nate assumes that it’s possible to talk Magneto out of fighting anybody, ever. (X-Men: Omega)

I’d like to imagine that the M’Kraan crystal made the conscious choice not to show her Onslaught. (X-Men: Omega)

YES! (X-Men: Omega)

Just, um, imagine that he’s holding a gun and also using his powers out of… enthusiasm? For the gun? I guess? (X-Men: Omega)

“Wait, are you the angry Claremontean narrator?!” (X-Men: Omega)

It’s okay. He’ll be back in about 14 years. (X-Men: Omega)

Nobody expects an ongoing series! (X-Men: Omega)

And that, as they say, is that. (X-Men: Omega)

NEXT EPISODE: Back in the 616!

LINKS & FURTHER EPICS:

Janet K. Lee makes really, really gorgeous comics and other art.
A lot of the episodes we mentioned are in the roundup from our 5th anniversary episode.
You can hear more about Jay’s chickens-in-law in Hawk Talk: Florida Mans

300 – Götterdämmerung

July 5, 2020 Jay 11 comments

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In which the Age of Apocalypse comes to an end; Angel briefly lives up to his potential; Bishop was sometimes right; It’s not a climactic ending without an X-Men #137 reference; Colossus breaks our hearts; X-Men: Marvels Snapshot will be out in September; and somehow we have made 300 of these things.

X-PLAINED:

Beast vs. Dark Beast
X-Men: Omega
The entirety of the (first) Age of Apocalypse
Potpourri vs. incense
Dramatic hair
Many, many errors
Unforeseen consequences
A long-anticipated team-up
Many deaths
Art as artifact
Narration that has haunted Jay for 20 years
One of the more persistent deaths of David Haller
Blast Attack
The end of a world
Refugees from the Age of Apocalypse
Our favorite X-milestone issues
Theoretical teams
Orphans
When X-Men: Marvels Snapshot is actually coming out
Our favorite show bits
How Jay’s chickens-in-law are doing

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Prime

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 291 – Eat Malarkey and Die

April 12, 2020 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Logan just straight-up has a mane in this timeline. (Weapon X #1)

Seriously, this has to be the worst mode of transportation. (Weapon X #1)

“I’ll finish you, just like I finished my disserta– ohhhh, shit.” (Weapon X #1)

NEVER NOT FUNNY. (Weapon X #1)

Is… is Logan saying that he hopes Havok gets teleported into somebody’s butt? (Weapon X #1)

Snnnnrk. (Weapon X #1)

He spends hours thinking ’em up. (Weapon X #1)

Seriously, if it weren’t for that damn pose, this page would be SO cool. (Weapon X #1)

Logan subscribes to the Dan McNinja school of tactics. (Weapon X #2)

To his credit, I’d be pretty nonplussed if this fell through my ceiling. (Weapon X #2)

The setup… (Weapon X #2)

…and the punchline. (Weapon X #2)

I see what you did, there. (Weapon X #3)

She doesn’t seem to have a sash, so I’m just going to go ahead and assume that Carol-295 just carries rhythmic gymnastic ribbons to make her leaps look more dramatic. (Weapon X #3)