One of those images that has really, really stuck with us over the years. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
It took a lot of self restraint not to post every single drawing of Emma in Bobby’s body from this issue. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
Those Sienkiewicz inks! (Uncanny X-Men #314)
DAMN, Emma. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
You can almost see Generation X forming between the panels. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
Programming a hologram of his dead sister to harangue him in the Danger Room may be the most Bishop move yet. (Uncanny X-Men #314)
He sewed that cape out of SO MANY cheap vinyl Catwoman costumes. (X-Men Annual #18)
Never take teenagers hostage; they’ll just judge you ’til you let them go out of sheer insecurity. (X-Men Annual #18)
[Insert Jude the Obscure joke here.] (X-Men Annual #18)
Don’t fuck with Jean Grey. (X-Men Annual #18)
WHY IS THERE A GIANT SQUID HERE (X-Men Annual #18)
Aw, Bishop. (X-Men Annual #18)
For more of this beautiful friendship, we’d recommend giving canon a miss and going straight to fellow X-Podling Adam Reck’s delightful Bish & Jubes–and, while you’re at it, supporting the collected edition on Kickstarter!
On Fridays, we wear fuchsia. (Uncanny X-Men #315)
That is one sweet coma beard. (Uncanny X-Men #315)
Yes, this is a good speech; but also, I just realized that given that the whole trial happens in space, it definitely falls under maritime law, AND I FORGOT TO MAKE ANY JOKES ABOUT IT IN THE EPISODE. (Uncanny X-Men #315)
NEXT EPISODE: We’re so close to nearly reaching what’s almost the Phalanx Covenant!
LINKS & FURTHER ACTION POINTS
Here’s where to send your strongly worded letter about why Marvel should give us Earth-441:
Marvel Entertainment, LLC
135 W. 50th Street
New York, NY 10020
You can also tweet at them with the hashtag #EarthXPlain!
In which Emma Frost is a better Iceman than Bobby Drake; Generation X is aggressively foreshadowed; Malcolm and Randall are the Rosencrantz and Guildenstern to Bishop’s Hamlet; and we launch a campaign for our own Multiversal designation.
X-PLAINED:
The first time the X-Men met Emma Frost
Uncanny X-Men 314-315
X-Men Annual #18
A game show nobody should ever under any circumstances actually make
Emma Frost’s recruitment tactics
Previously unexplored ice powers
The direct prelude to Generation X
Caliban (more) (again)
SoftPaws(TM)
The giant squids of New York
The neophyte
A trial, kind of
X-Men power fantasies
Earth-X-Plain
NEXT EPISODE: We’re so close to nearly reaching what’s almost the Phalanx Covenant!
Game show music by MusicManiac301; used with permission.
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
In which Glen Danzig was the most popular Wolverine fancast for a weirdly long time; breasts have physical mass; the Shi’ar empire is not your friend; Deathbird should not be left in charge of anything alive; Jubilee learns about privilege; Sinister is not subtle; plasma is the new magnetism; Scott and Jean return from the future; and Nick Fury probably sews his name into the waistband of all his underpants.
X-PLAINED:
Some guy from Earth-1610
X-Men: Unlimited #5
X-Men #34-35
Shi’ar sexting
A rude awakening (literal)
Rococo Stryfe
Some uncomfortable fashion choices
X-pajamas
Definitely nude Charles Xavier
Breasts
Shi’ar imperial bullshit
A very impressive headdress
Reality TV… in space!
A rude awakening (metaphorical)
Shi’ar childhood
Negotiation
A total dick move
Another total dick move
Beast’s brief tenure as field leader of the X-Men
The return of Threnody
The titles of several sex tapes
High-tech spelunking
Sinister’s secret DNA library
Controversial outfits
Nick Fury’s stuff
Sunset Grace
The racism inherent to Evan Sabahnur’s background
A question we’ve answered before and will probably answer again
NEXT EPISODE: Malice!
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
In which the Phalanx would make pretty fun novelty candy; “B-Plot” implies that we only have 26; nobody will take Jubilee to the movies; Repo Man and Repo: The Genetic Opera are in fact two entirely different films; Storm is a fashion icon; Sabretooth is the monster in the basement; it’s really rough to be the kid on the X-Men; Yuko gives Gambit a shovel talk; and a number of familiar faces return to the page.
X-PLAINED:
One of the many problems with Sentinels
Uncanny X-Men #311-313
Whether the Phalanx is squishy
Robo-Candy
Plotline disambiguation
A cult classic
Carl the X-Cutioner (again)
Creative use of Bishop’s powers
Storm fashion
Technical difficulties
A decision Iceman will come to regret
Bishop vs. Sabretooth
What If Vol. 2 #87
Variations on Iceman’s appearance
Early seeds of Generation X
A night out with Yukio
A heavily euphemized relationship
Xavier’s mutant underground
The Phalanx
A shovel talk
The return of Steven Lang (and some other people)
How Cyclops cries
Cassandra Nova’s signature look
NEXT EPISODE: Additional and Varyingly Literal Blasts from the Past
NOTE: Per our expert source Doctor Internet, what Miles knows as “water weenies” are mostly sold as “water wigglers” or “water snakes.”
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Does this remind anyone else of the choreography of “Glory” from Pippin? To those two of you now imagining these three soft-shoeing through a battlefield: you’re welcome. (X-Men #31)
Spiral X-Plains a thing or three. (X-Men #31)
The eye fairy left you a present! (X-Men #31)
One of those important relationship talks. (X-Men #31)
“Also, I brought you some eyes.” (X-Men #31)
See what we meant about the alternating forms? (X-Men #31)
While Kwannon’s story leaves a lot to be desired, I’m glad she at least got to die closer to its center. (X-Men #31)
Chekhov’s battle banter! (X-Men #32)
Man, fuck Nyorin. (X-Men #32)
Epitath by Claremont. (X-Men #32)
Someday a very confused student is going to fish those out of the lake. (X-Men #32)
In case you were wondering whether Gambit was cool as a teenager: No. (X-Men #33)
WHY WOULD YOU GIVE SABRETOOTH THIS ABILITY WHY (X-Men #33)
In this house we appreciate Henri LeBeau and Henri LeBeau’s mustache. (X-Men #33)
“So, I’ve been reading Spider-Man…” (X-Men #33)
Obviously not, Gambit, or you’d be in Antarctica right now. (X-Men #33)
NEXT EPISODE: Havok once again fails to complete his dissertation.
In which fix-it fic goes canon (or vice versa); Psylocke is a complicated individual and/or individuals; assassins have complicated personal lives; it is probably ethical to tell your teammates about your camera eyes; Beast takes over Blue Team; we get our first tease of Generation X; Sabretooth is a surprisingly fun narrator; that Hickman fellow seems to know what he’s doing; and you should totally come see us at FlameCon!
X-PLAINED:
X-Men #31-33
What Forge does in his downtime
Several retcons, including a metaretcon
Psylocke (Betsy Braddock)
Revanche (Kwannon)
What we are not wearing
Hawks
Digital Chameleon
Assassin romance
What actually (probably) (mostly) happened to Betsy and Kwannon
The Eye Fairy
The death of Kwannon
The future of the Xavier School
The last will and testament of Emma Grace Frost
Rogue and Gambit’s breakfast-cereal habits
All the eyes you’ve been given
Nyorin’s “diary”
A murder cliché
Genevieve Darceneaux
BabyGoth Gambit
Henri LeBeau and his majestic mustache
Our (very early) thoughts on HoX/PoX
NEXT EPISODE: Havok once again fails to complete his dissertation.
Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
All these years, Miles thought he was quoting Jean Grey, but it turned out to be Oscar Wilde. AS USUAL. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
“Dammit, Logan never made me talk about feelings!” (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Green ain’t your color anyway, kid. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
I love every aspect of this segment except for every aspect of its format. Except the Jubilee silhouette at the top, that part’s pretty cool. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Ian Churchill, please draw more things. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Jean’s had tentacles for arms, so I guess legs like that aren’t that weird. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
At last, indeed. (X-Men #30)
“I’m the best there is at what I do, and what I do is write real pretty.” (X-Men #30)
Oh god Excalibur #75 comes right after this (X-Men #30)
Aww, these guys. (X-Men #30)
Keep this panel in case you ever need to tie a bow tie! (X-Men #30)
Everyone. (X-Men #30)
These two. (X-Men #30)
Perfect vows, part 1. (X-Men #30)
Perfect vows, part 2. (With bonus second-best-kiss-ever.) (X-Men #30)
See? It is wholly appropriate, Bono. (X-Men #30)
Let’s just not think about how Logan wrote that. (X-Men #30)
Family. (X-Men #30)
Dammit, Rogue! (X-Men #30)
Double dammit, Gambit! (X-Men #30)
Tears every time. (X-Men #30)
Scott’s only been married a few hours and he’s already so much better at feelings! (X-Men #30)
You’re right, Kitty! Reality does bite! (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Warren Kenneth Worthington III, this is not the time or place! At all! (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Shatterstar tries. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Sean Cassidy: banned from every karaoke bar on the east coast. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Kurt’s still got it. Obviously. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
In which Nicole Miller is fashion designer to Earth-1218 and Earth-616, Jay rejects the word “bestest”, we kind of want to just read every word of X-Men #30 aloud, One is a perfect wedding song for Scott and Jean, and you save the last dance for who brought you.
X-PLAINED:
The perils of animated weddings
X-Men: The Wedding Album
Nonstandard trim sizes
Misattributed Oscar Wilde quotes
Shatterstar’s favorite Olympic event
Jean Grey’s short-lived modeling career
Computo, Commander of the Robot Hive
A most excellent wedding dress
Cursive fonts in comics
Jean Grey and Jubilation Lee, ambiguously excellent chosen family
X-Men #30
An event decades in the making
Wolverine, Master of Penmanship
Charles Xavier, reader stand-in
The largely forgotten Madelyne Pryor
The understandably tentative Rachel Summers
The bow-tie scene
A phenomenal two-page spread
A set of perfect vows
A bittersweet song for a bittersweet couple
Victor Creed, vengeful kitty-cat
Rogue and Gambit, best worst wedding guests
Video albums vs. Instagram
Beast and Banshee, jazz combo
Scott and Jean as a couple vs. individuals
The necessity of Scott and Jean’s relationship context
NEXT EPISODE: Goodbye, Phoenix. Hello, Britanic.
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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!