In which you can now listen to a unique episode of Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men every day for a year; Shi’ar tech support leaves something to be desired; Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau does not appear in a story; it’s Deathbird, not Dueprocessbird; Zenn-La gets destroyed a lot; and we shall never speak of this incident again.
X-PLAINED:
Where babies come from
The Shi’ar (again)
Cable/X-Force Annual 1996
X-Men Unlimited #13
Organs
Shi’ar ship names
Pulse
Unconventional use of the Danger Room
Butt-first framing
Interplanetary extradition
The word “contemplative”
Binary (again)
More Shi’ar ship names
Zenn-La
Silver Surfer (Norrin Radd)
The Inciters
A giant metal space skull
Junction, NY
A metaphor for America
Marie Cavendish
Mutants with synthetics-based powers
Literary intersections
NEXT EPISODE: Beast!
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In which standing in fields looking confused is a way of life; Psylocke gets a new superpower; when you gotta confess you gotta confess; Iceman’s dad stands up for justice; we mourn a Sentinel; and it’s probably a good thing that most companies don’t do mind melds as a team-building exercise.
X-PLAINED:
Levels of mutant power
Omicron-level mutations
Miles’s brief baseball career
Uncanny X-Men #338
X-Men #58
X-Men Annual 1996
Archangel’s wings
Joseph vs. Holographic Magneto
Shadow teleportation
The errand theory of confession
Graydon Creed (more) (again)
“Drake Roberts” and “Samson Guthry”
Several ways to memorialize the Mutant Massacre
Onslaught, but an anteater
A fight
Several JJJ cameos
X-baseball games
A highly atypical Sentinel
Several oblique warnings
X-Men ‘97
Media inspired by the X-Men
NEXT EPISODE: Pryde & Wisdom
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The 90s-est Rogue in the 90s-est crossover. (X-Men #56)
“Who but I could pose so impressively?” (X-Men #56)
“SENTINEL TZ-031 REPORTING TO HELP YOU MAKE YOUR POINT, SIR” (X-Men #56)
This Onslaught-form may mostly be a retcon to justify past artistic inconsistency – but damn it looks awesome. (X-Men #56)
“And not even one of them told me the actually-important parts of AoA’s whole deal.” (X-Men #56)
Kubert gets so much credit for making a quiet conversation this visually riveting. (X-Men #56)
“You may be a hybrid monstrosity composed of the worst parts of both myself and my greatest frenemy, but at least you seem to have excellent dental hygiene.” (X-Men #56)
This cover kinda sums it up. And that’s not a bad thing. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Well shit. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Scott Summers, master tactician. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Goosebumps. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
The world’s greatest heroes versus a bright orange glow to the right of the two-page spread. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Hope, thy name is Moppet. Despair, thy name is x-treme teen. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
“And on that day, the heroes channeled their collective courage and dedication into a single blast of punching and yelling.” (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
BTOOM (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
I’m not crying you’re crying (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
*heavy metal horns* (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Thor, that’s not how it… oh, I guess it is. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Man, these two (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
Nothing I can say will add to these panels. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
This shouldn’t work, but damn, it does. (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
“In the meantime, I guess you could grab that universe-in-a-ball and learn contact juggling?” (Onslaught: Marvel Universe)
In which it’s hard to be Joseph; we do our best to explain the inexplicable; Miles is full of feelings; Hulk smashes; and Onslaught finally (mostly) ends.
X-PLAINED:
Heroes Reborn Return
Wild times with the Dreaming Celestial
Onslaught so far
X-Men #56
Onslaught: Marvel Universe
Jay’s definitive Bond
Joseph (more)
The physical evolution of Onslaught
Sense of scale
Hawkeye (TV series)
Onslaught’s goals, to what extent they exist
The three genders
A really big fight
A miracle of magnetism
The (nominal) end of the Age of Heroes
Beast’s scientific career
Chamber’s voice
NEXT EPISODE: Several epilogues
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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!Variant cover by Dylan Meconis!And a real, live, downloadable sketch variant!
In which we celebrate a milestone with a special collectible episode; there may already be a Charles Xavier in your basement; Onslaught lacks subtlety; Bill Watterson may or may not have changed his licensing policy on Earth-616; guns should not have hair; and Jay once again exercises his questionable lyrical skills.
X-PLAINED:
Excalibur #100
Fantastic Four #415
X-Factor #125
X-Men #55
Onslaught (more) (again)
The Xavier Protocols
The many secret subbasements of Charles Francis Xavier
The Xavier Protocols
An extremely poor file-retrieval system
Onslaught vs. the Fantastic Four
Li’l Charlie
A circus, kind of
Lang disambiguation
Onslaught’s new look
Onslaught vs. several Avengers
An unlicensed rug
The only thing Bill Watterson loves
Metaphorical Turkish delight
The Brand Corporation (more) (again)
Dark Descendents
Hairy guns
Caps for Sale
A really big fight
A very dramatic EMP
Why Onslaught looks like that
NEXT EPISODE: Yep, more Onslaught!
“Magneto’s Cape” lyrics by Jay Edidin, with apologies to Marsha Norman. Performed by Steve Pence and Adam Faruqi and produced by Adam Faruqi.
CORRECTION: There are only three variant covers to this episode, not four; Jen Vaughn had to bow out due to other commitments.
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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
