Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Jason Wyngarde

As Mentioned in Episode 24 – Ororo, Queen of the Galaxy

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ORORO, QUEEN OF THE GALAXY, by David Wynne. (Prints available here until October 5.)
Lockheed vs. Pete Wisdom. (Excalibur #97)
Ironically, the thing she’s mad about might be the one time he actually isn’t, but the point stands in general. (X-Men #168)
Lockheed lurks. (X-Men #168)
This isn’t really relevant to the episode–we’re just hoping someone will use it as the basis for a Kitty Pryde magical-girl transformation sequence. (X-Men #168)
Scott and Lee: STILL AWESOME. (X-Men #168)
Before that one Hawkeye thing, there was this. (X-Men #168)
AWESOME TEAM-UP OF AWESOME. (X-Men #168)
But I think we all know the REAL point of X-Men #168. (We’re reviving this for this week’s art challenge – send your Kitty Pryde costume redesigns to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com!)
Very Nude Nightcrawler. (X-Men #169)
Dragon-sitting is basically the X-Men girlfriend test. (X-Men #169)
Remember that time X-Men straight-up did Barbarella? (Also the time Angel got pinned up by his wings in the Morlock tunnels. No, not that time. The other time.) (X-Men #169)
This cover is slashy in every sense of the word. (X-Men #170)
Well, then. (X-Men #170)
Remember that time Storm straight-up stabbed someone through the heart? BECAUSE THAT DEFINITELY HAPPENED. (X-Men #170)
And then Walt Simonson drew Storm, and we had Feelings. (X-Men #171)
Rogue also has feelings, but they’re less about the transcendent perfection of Simonson’s art than about her out-of-control powers. Sorry, Rogue. (X-Men #171)
Well, that escalated quickly. (X-Men #171)
This might be the most Rogue moment ever. (X-Men #171)
Remember that time Professor X was actually pretty fucking awesome? (X-Men #171)
For full effect, you have to imagine Wolverine’s lines in Steven Blum’s voice. I mean, you should really be doing that anyway. (X-Men #172)
YUKIO. Much, much more about her next week, but she’s the best. (X-Men #172)
For real, there is literally nothing you can say that will convince Rachel that these two are not TOTALLY DOING IT. (X-Men #173)
They really can’t kick her off the team after that. (X-Men #173)
BRB HAVING FEELINGS. (X-Men #173)
Oh. THAT asshole. (X-Men #173)
Meanwhile in Alaska, the most awkward meet-cute ever. (X-Men #168)
Here’s the thing about Scott and Madelyne: they’re actually kind of awesome together. Doomed, but awesome. (X-Men #170)
As a character who’s spent most of his life in a Claremont-written world, Scott is unfamiliar with the concept of coincidence. (X-Men #171)
Then, again, having spent years reading stories set in a Claremont-written world, we find it difficult to believe that this was actually just supposed to have been a coincidence. (X-Men #172)
Lilandra agrees. (X-Men #173)
HEPZIBAH, NEVER CHANGE. (X-Men #174)
This is funny because both of these relationships are super doomed. (X-Men #174)
A brief interlude of adorability from these goofy kids. (X-Men #174)
REMEMBER THAT PRIEST? Yeah. Totally Mastermind. God damnit, Mastermind. (X-Men #174)
Look, it’s a reasonable question under the circumstances. (X-Men #174)
Oh. (X-Men #174)
WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (X-Men #175)
Okay. This looks bad. (X-Men #175)
Really bad. (X-Men #175)
Really, really bad. (X-Men #175)
Cyclops-gritting-his-teeth-and-being-brilliant-in-the-face-of-impossible-odds is the best Cyclops. (X-Men #175)
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh. (X-Men #175)
Not elegant, but efficient. (X-Men #175)
This is a really good speech, as such things go, but it’s also really funny that he went to the graveyard in his tux. (X-Men #175)
And then they lived happily ever… oh. (X-Men #175)
Next week: Wolverine demonstrates the Inverse Ninja Law.

24 – Ororo, Queen of the Galaxy

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Stormerella print
Art by David Wynne.

In which Professor X is (canonically!) a jerk, Miles has Sidrian Hunter feelings, Kitty Pryde is Clarissa Darling with a dragon, we introduce a drinking game, the X-Men do Barbarella, Rachel has a ‘shipper moment, Rogue joins the team, Storm gets a haircut, Mastermind is still the worst, and Madelyne Pryor is underrated.

X-Plained:

  • Lockheed
  • Uncanny X-Men #168-175
  • Reset issues
  • A one-sided rivalry
  • The lowest-drama X-romance
  • The Cream of Wheat box as a metaphor for infinity
  • Kitty’s Kostume Korner
  • Rachel’s questionably-canon ships
  • The Morlocks
  • Class privilege and the mutant metaphor
  • Callisto
  • Caliban
  • Sunder
  • Plague
  • Masque
  • A dubbing error
  • Gender dimorphism in superhero media
  • Storm’s first major character arc
  • Our single favorite superhero artist
  • Rogue
  • Rogue’s accent
  • A Charles Xavier we can believe in
  • Yukio
  • Punk Storm
  • Madelyne Pryor
  • Closure
  • Cyclops vs. formalwear

Art Challenge: Send us your Kitty Pryde costume redesigns–any era, any codename–to xplainthexmen(at)gmail(dot)com

Next Week: Claremont and Miller’s Wolverine!

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

As Mentioned in Episode 12 – Inner Circle Jerk

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“What’s up, Jean?”

“Oh, y’know, idyllic ancestral memories about an 18th-Century Jean Grey who hunted humans for sport.” (X-Men #126)

You know that thing where you visit your parents and they still try to ground you after you stay out late, even though you’re 30? (X-Men #129)
“Professor, this is the Claremont era, not the Silver Age. We evolve dynamically now.” (X-Men #129)
Someday, we’re going to do an entire episode about Emma Frost and the subtle but important difference between weaponized femininity and pandering to the male gaze, and it will be so rad. (X-Men #129)
Jamie McKelvie’s completely badass Emma Frost redesign.
Jean and Scott are not disco people. (X-Men #130)
“What’s up, Jean?”

“Oh, y’know, idyllic ancestral memories about getting married in a cemetery, in fetishwear.” (X-Men #130)

AWKWARD. (X-Men #130)
Ladies and gentlemen, Alison Blaire. (X-Men #130)
People tend to forget that Emma Frost, however briefly, actually managed to holder her own against the Phoenix Force. Daaaamn, Frost. (X-Men #131)
Warren Worthington and his shorts. (X-Men #132)
This scene will be referenced over and over and over until the end of time. (X-Men #132)
“About fucking time you caught on,” says the audience. (X-Men #132)
Aw, Wolverine. We remember when you were cool. (X-Men #132)
In X-men #33, we hit Peak Awesome Wolverine. It’s all downhill from here, kids.
Mostly here for the hat detail, which is pretty clever; and the tiger line, which is not. (X-Men #133)
Beast is a good bro. (X-Men #133)
Sebastian Shaw is legit fairly awesome. (X-Men #134)
Yo, Mastermind, let’s talk about manipulating omnipotent cosmic forces and natural consequences. (X-Men #134)
Oh, shit. (X-Men #134)
Next week: Epic Showdown on the Moon, and what might be the best issue of X-Men ever.

Links and further reading:

The Dark Phoenix Saga has been collected roughly a million times. Here is one such collection. Seriously. You need to just straight-up read these comics. They are very good.

Cameron Harris on Sebastian Shaw (the quote Rachel referenced in the episode but didn’t have on hand):

“So, I was all set up to haaaaaaaaate the HFC and yaaaaaaaaaay Jean and the X-Men. But I didn’t, and it was pretty much because of Shaw. His entrance, his presentation, his presence was all big, bold confidence. He wore those eighteenth-century-dandy duds with complete aplomb, and I could tell almost immediately that he was in charge of everything he wanted to be in charge of. Okay, so a good villain type. This X-fight will be great!

“But he had something I hadn’t expected. I had thought we’d get another (bigger, better, eviller) Mastermind, or a Magneto: grandiloquent (Miles’s word!) and charismatic, would-be king of all he surveys, but not a mano a mano fighter, you know? I’d been reading so many villains whose attacks came from a distance or through non-physical means–and then Shaw is taking a punch from Colossus and laughing about it and taking off his fancy coat to duke it out with the X-Men, and I thought, Holy shit. This guy is the real deal. He’s going to fight them on their terms, not hide behind robots or tele-powers. In fact, the more you beat him up, the stronger he gets! How do you even stop that? (Besides pulling a Hercules-with-Antaeus move, I thought, and was kinda hoping to see that.)
“So. I was into Shaw for that combination: immediate confidence and social control + physical prowess and willingness to fight his own fights. The capper was that when everything at the HFC goes to hell, he hops into a car and leaves. I love a canny opponent who not only isn’t afraid to retreat but doesn’t care how it looks. I commend such priorities.”

12 – Inner Circle Jerk

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In which we wade into the first arc of the Dark Phoenix Saga, Rachel does not like Sage, the Hellfire Club are the mean girls of the Marvel Universe, Cyclops and Phoenix have a Moment, Mastermind ruins everything, Emma Frost is a force to be reckoned with, Wolverine gets awesome, and we meet the Dark Phoenix.

X-Plained:

  • Sage
  • The Hellfire Club
  • The Inner Circle
  • Jason Wyngarde (again)
  • Sebastian Shaw
  • Harry Leland
  • Emma Frost
  • Donald Pierce
  • Hegemony and social politics of the Hellfire Club
  • 18th Century bondage cosplay
  • Kitty Pryde
  • The worst disco ever
  • Alison Blaire
  • Tiny shorts
  • How to make Wolverine work
  • Sexual politics of the Dark Phoenix
  • Why Magneto’s powers are broken post-AvX
  • The P.E.N.I.S. five

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Next week: Showdown on the Moon