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272 – Children of the Phalanx (the Phalanx Covenant, Part 2 of 3)

November 10, 2019 Jay 19 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Ship was inside Cable all along; Life Signs is the Two Towers of the Phalanx Covenant (but only in the bad ways), it’s lucky that the Phalanx doesn’t have WiFi; Nightcrawler embraces chaos; and we promise the crossover gets better next chapter.

X-PLAINED:

How Cable got his Ship back
Miles’s official stance on candy corn
The Two Towers of the Phalanx Covenant
X-Factor #106
X-Force #38
Excalibur #82
A monastery party
Douglock (more) (again)
Forge-O-Vision
How Steven Lang got mixed up with the Phalanx
Stages of Phalanx development
Babel
Giuseppe Russo, shepherd
The Phalanx, but dogs
Shinar
What you get when you meet a stranger in the Alps
Whom we’d like to see draw the Phalanx
Mindwifery
Adulthood
“Stealth”
Where baby Phalanxes come from
Teamwork
Good stories about Hope Summers
What happened to Paul Bailey

NEXT EPISODE: Rock climbing with the Summers Family

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 266 – They’re Good Dogs, Miles

October 6, 2019 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

Alex Summers, in a nutshell. I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

SEE WHAT THEY DID, THERE? I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

Strong Guy’s family is terrific. I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

That said, this dude is my favorite colorful local. I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

SOMEBODY REMEMBERED! KIND OF! I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

And that’s why you always leave a note. I miss road trips. (X-Factor #103)

Seriously, how is Polaris alive? I miss road trips. (X-Factor #104)

This cannot (and does not) possibly end well. (X-Factor #104)

He sure did that. (X-Factor #104)

And that’s how you supervillain with STYLE. (X-Factor #105)

This arc is almost enough to make us feel bad for Malice, which is a very weird sentence to type. (X-Factor #105)

NEXT EPISODE: Emma Frost goes for a joyride.

LINKS & FURTHER MEMES:

They’re good dogs, Brent.

266 – They’re Good Dogs, Miles

September 29, 2019 Jay 11 comments

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In which Havok goes surfing; Malice eats a poodle; Strong Guy’s ex is a big jerk; Sinister’s gotta Sinister; and Miles learns about a meme.

X-PLAINED:

The Puppet Master
X-Factor #103-105
Comparative Summers brooding
Perks of being a mutant geologist and/or geophysicist
Malice and Polaris’s complicated history
A somewhat convoluted plan
Several reasons to go to Rhinebeck, NY
Friendship
The extended Carosella family
Candy stripers
Mary, who is a big jerk
A Sinister entrance
The Nasty Boys (more) (again)
Karate pants
14-year-old Chris Gethard’s feelings about Jamie Madrox
Ionic vampirism
Misguided vengeance
Pushing back against whitewashing in comics

NEXT EPISODE: Emma Frost takes a joyride

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 255 – Rules of the Game

July 7, 2019 Jay 2 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

On one hand: Yes, it’s still a cool design. On the other hand: Remember when it wasn’t sexualized? (X-Force #32)

Any resemblance to Bill Watterson is entirely incidental, probably, maybe. (X-Force #32)

Oh. THEM. (X-Force #32)

Meanwhile in X-Men #29… (X-Force #32)

Meanwhile in a cameo in X-Men #29… (X-Force #32)

Paige Guthrie, during the two pages when she could briefly turn into a bird. (X-Force #32)

Yeah, that swimsuit is… improbable. (X-Force #32)

Fitzroy, now with knock-off Transformer armor! (X-Force #32)

The Gamesmaster X-Plains the current round. (New Warriors #45)

KARMA! We missed you!! (New Warriors #45)

You… you sure just said that, didn’t you? (New Warriors #45)

OH, SNAP. (New Warriors #45)

It kind of feels like a waste that he didn’t say “Let me slip into something more comfortable.” (X-Force #33)

DON’T PUT HUSK IN A CORNER! (X-Force #33)

Oh, no! Not… an unnecessarily complicated radial containment array! (X-Force #33)

Aw, Shinobi. (X-Force #33)

Bold of you to imply that you ever do otherwise. (New Warriors #46)

I considered zooming waaaay in and seeing if I could recognize anyone in this, but then I decided not to. (New Warriors #46)

Paige Guthrie plays to win. (New Warriors #46)

This is… a really, really big dangling thread. Dangling rope, maybe. (New Warriors #46)

NEXT EPISODE: Mullets of time and space!

LINKS & FURTHER LISTENING

Miles was on Unpacking the Power of the Power Pack, which you can listen to right here!
We were both all over the Internet in June.

255 – Rules of the Game

July 7, 2019 Jay 16 comments

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In which the Upstarts are the worst at Calvinball; Moonstar remains a non-mystery; Speedball gets a new costume; Shinobi Shaw never gets to finish a bath; Gamesmaster comes perilously close to getting context; Cable gets a new superpower; and Rahne Sinclair is too good for your crossover.

X-PLAINED:

The time Husk went evil
An anniversary
A guest appearance
X-Force #32-33
New Warriors #45-46
A crossover
A game
Younghunt
The semi-debut of Paige Guthrie
Deeply uncomfortable bathing-suit choices
A toy that never actually existed
The New Warriors
Justice (Vance Astrovik)
Night Thrasher (Dwayne Taylor)
Nova (Rich Rider)
Silhouette (Sil Chord)
Kymaera
Speedball (Robbie Baldwin)
Rage (Elvin Haliday)
Firestar (Angelica Jones) (more) (again)
A plan
Bantam
A lot of mind control
A very ambiguous game and its potential implications
Favorite ads
The narrative economy of resurrection

NEXT EPISODE: Mullets of time & space!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 248 – Destructo Woman

May 19, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Sure! Why not? What could POSSIBLY go wrong? (Excalibur #72)

‘Kay. (Excalibur #73)

Damnit, Siena Blaze. (Excalibur #73)

Phoenix demands proportionate arms! (Excalibur #73)

I don’t know why the fact that Moira kept Proteus’s entire genome on CD-ROM strikes me as hilarious; but it really, really does. (Excalibur #73)

Yelling in the Timestream: The Brian Braddock and Rachel Summers Story. (Excalibur #74)

You see the eyes, right? (Excalibur #74)

The odds that Mr. Sinister got that knife at a mall kiosk are basically 100%. (Excalibur #74)

You’re a good kid, Jubilee. (Excalibur #74)

I like to think they’re both just yelling. (X-Force #31)

The garden is a metaphor that is also a real garden. (X-Force #31)

Why is this random blonde dude so hung up on the Cassidy family? We’ll never know. (X-Force #31)

I just really love those yelling pages. (X-Force #31)

“And yet, despite all those years of gardening, I’m still not sure how to hold a rake.” (X-Force #31)

He’s an angry tree, but he’s an angry tree who cares. (X-Force #31)

NEXT EPISODE: More family fun!

248 – Destructo Woman

May 19, 2019 Jay 10 comments

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In which Tom Cassidy and Cain Marko may be the most stable couple in the Marvel Universe; Rory Campbell is no Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau; Siena Blaze remains a big jerk; the Cassidy family has some issues; and we are dismayed by an inexplicable dearth of leprechauns.

X-PLAINED:

Birthday presents
What Excalibur has been up to
Excalibur #72-74
X-Force #31
How to be mysterious
The Proteus Room
The continually terrible choices of Moira MacTaggert
Porridge ghosts
An unnatural disaster
Chekhov’s solid rock
Rory Campbell
Destructo Woman
Limitations of CD-ROMs
Siryn (Theresa Cassidy)
The Cassidy family
How not to treat a gunshot wound
Kelvin Donaghann and his fancy hair
An intervention
The future of the New Mutants feature film
Underwear

NEXT EPISODE: Family Reunion!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 246 – Foreshadow Puppets

May 5, 2019 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

Four arms–and a conscience. (X-Force #27)

Does he just live in Gyrich’s garage? Or, like, under the lawn? (X-Force #27)

Too many muscles for one panel: The X-Force Story. (X-Force #27)

Who’s that? SURELY not Danielle Moonstar! (X-Force #27)

‘Kay. (X-Force #28)

And that’s the last we’ll see of Sunspot for a while. (X-Force #28)

Sometimes it’s like that. (X-Force #28)

Confirmed canonical: Shatterstar’s hair is independently mobile. (X-Force #29)

What happened to Sam, and who is this alarmingly beefy stranger? (X-Force #29)

Cable is leaning full into the Dad thing these days; and I, for one, am here for it. (X-Force #29)

I’m fairly sure that I saw this movie in an 8th-grade assembly. (X-Force #29)

Kids these days, amirite? (X-Force #29)

Based on her facial expression, I imagine her delivering this line in roughly the style of Aubrey Plaza as April Ludgate. (X-Force #29)

Sure thing, buddy. (X-Force #29)

Look at these angry, pointy boys. (X-Force #30)

So angry. So pointy. (X-Force #30)

Angry but not pointy. (X-Force #30)

“You’ll probably do okay; you’re not a major character.” (X-Force #30)

How much better would this issue have been if they’d done a skate-off? (X-Force #30)

Don’t worry, he’ll be fine. (X-Force #30)

Aw, look at him learning to person! (X-Force #30)

NEXT EPISODE: More spiky people yelling!

LINKS & FURTHER CONSUMABLES:

Mandy may be the quintessential Nic Cage movie.
We first washed up on the shores of Octopusheim in Episode 19 – Acorns & Swords!

246 – Foreshadow Puppets

May 5, 2019 Jay 12 comments

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In which Danielle Moonstar is not a master of disguise; the MLF are bad enough dudes to kidnap a guy who works near the president; Tempo wasn’t even supposed to be here today; Reignfire is no Magneto; we now desperately want X-Force matryoshka dolls; Feral quits the team; Henry Peter Gyrich fails to learn from experience (or anything else); small children are bad at everything; Shatterstar gets a tagline; Sam Guthrie REALLY needs a vacation; and it’s surprisingly difficult to choose a favorite resurrection.

X-PLAINED:

Cortex
The kinder, gentler Cable
Several matters related to Nicholas Cage
X-Force #27-30
Broome jaws
The Area jar
The Mutant Liberation Front
Reignfire (again)
Hardaway
A cyborg asshole
Locus
Moonstar
“Of Faith and Fable”
Foreshadow puppets
Bobby da Costa’s greatest fear
Dad jokes with Cable
X-Force’s day off
Shatterstar vs. Adam X the X-Treme
Windsong
An inevitable team-up
A Very Special Episode moment
The return of Wine Mom Domino
The return of Jean Grey’s telepathy
Our favorite resurrections

NEXT EPISODE: Sabretooth

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 234 – Magnetic Feels

February 10, 2019 Jay Leave a comment

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WHOA DANG! This is David Wynne’s 200th illustration for our show! Wanna buy one of David’s original illustrations, or commission a new piece? Drop him a line!