Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: illyana rasputin

46 – Shadows Over Cairo

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 3/8/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 3/8/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which we bid a fond farewell to Bill Sienkiewicz; Secret Wars II continues to ruin everything; the New Mutants end up in an improbable number of gladiatorial arenas; Shadowcat’s secondary mutation is queer subtext; Magik gives no fucks about your crossover event; Warlock transcends storytelling conventions; and Karma rejoins the team.

X-PLAINED:

  • The chronologically inconsistent mobility of Professor Xavier
  • The Shadow King
  • New Mutants #29-34
  • Steve Leialoha
  • The Arena (more) (again)
  • Evil group projects
  • Easter eggs
  • Rachel Summers: butch fashion icon
  • Some major failures of positive size diversity in comics
  • Madripoor
  • Ashake
  • The incredible changing Guthries
  • The wickedest club in Cairo
  • Default X-teams
  • Cypher’s powers

NEXT WEEK: Miles and Elisabeth Allie X-Plain X-Men / Alpha Flight

No visual companion this week, because, reasons.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

39 – Forever Alone Together

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and travel mugs available until 1/11/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and travel mugs available until 1/11/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which Miles and his Doom voice return triumphant; we reach an understanding regarding Lila Cheney; Mob science is pretty shoddy; Magneto has fancy hair; New Mutants Xavier is Best Xavier; no one is more goth than Cloak and Dagger; and you can have Rachel’s Speed Racer references when you pry them from her cold, dead hands.

X-Plained:

  • Spider-Man crossovers
  • Cats
  • Marvel Team-Up Annual #6
  • New Mutants #22-25
  • Phone calls with bears
  • Glam day at the Hellfire Club
  • Rahne’s fairytale
  • Cloak & Dagger
  • Drugs
  • Eldritch curtains
  • A seriously flawed evil plan
  • Harry’s Hideaway
  • The Sam and Dani Show
  • Magneto’s hair
  • Quicksilver and Scarlet Witch’s parentage
  • Waiting for the T
  • Whether Cloak and Dagger are mutants
  • How to buy original art

NEXT WEEK: G. Willow Wilson!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 38 – Welcome to Murderworld

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and travel mugs available until 1/11/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Hope you survive the… oh, wait. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Next Issue: Spider-Man quotes Atlas Shrugged until the Fantastic Four politely ask him to leave. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Cyclops: the worst at dates, or definitely the worst at dates? (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Pause for a moment to take in the glory of this perfect murder truck and its perfect sound effects. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Just for the record, we would TOTALLY read a comic about Cracklin’ Rosa. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Well. That happened. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Arcade: Really good at his job, until he’s not. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
It’s a “Hope you survive the experience!” riff! Take a drink! (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Cyclops, look, we know you were kind of raised by a supervillain, but pro tip: people who kidnap you and drop you into funhouse death traps ARE GENERALLY NOT TO BE TRUSTED. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
The sound effect in the blast, tho. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
COSPLAY THIS MAN COSPLAY HIM RIGHT NOW (Uncanny X-Men #123)
If Arcade ever makes it to the big screen, he damn well better be played by Jim Rash. Just sayin’. (Uncanny X-Men #123)
Who gift-wraps the hostages? Do they just have those boxes sitting around? WE MAY NEVER KNOW. (Uncanny X-Men #124)
Cyclops solves problems with optic blasts and geometry! Take a drink! (Uncanny X-Men #124)
‘Kay, then. (Uncanny X-Men #124)
Starring the Most Reluctant X-Men Ever (after that one team Jean Grey put together when Magneto had Professor X hostage in the Savage Land, or I guess probably any other version of the team involving Sunfire). (Uncanny X-Men #146)
Let’s take a moment of silence for how much more awesome this panel would be if Arcade were toying idly with a HeroQuest set. (Uncanny X-Men #146)
GOD, Arcade! Don’t you know ANYTHING? (Uncanny X-Men #146)
NOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPENOPE (Uncanny X-Men #146)
More festive pudding-cup hostages! Why? Why not? (Uncanny X-Men #146)
No, but, seriously. (Uncanny X-Men #146)
Phil and Tobe are the Harvey and Janet of Doom Minions. (Uncanny X-Men #147)
Aw, Tobe. You’re a stand-up minion. (Uncanny X-Men #147)
The hell whaaaaat? (Uncanny X-Men #197)
This is kind of like when you go to someone’s house and you’re looking for the bathroom and you open a door that you’re pretty sure is the door to the bathroom and it’s actually a room full of robots dressed up like all your mutual friends. I mean, that happens to other people, right? (Uncanny X-Men #197)
‘Kay. (Uncanny X-Men #197)
THIS TRAIN MONSTER IS SO GOOD. (Uncanny X-Men #197)
You know she’s been saving that one up for like a year. (Uncanny X-Men #197)
I kind of love Arcade and Miss Locke’s original dynamic, before it got super screwed up and sex-murdery. (Uncanny X-Men #197)
NEXT WEEK: Miles returns, and Cloak and Dagger meet the New Mutants!

Places Where You can Find Chris Sims on the Internets:

38 – Welcome to Murderworld (Feat. Chris Sims)

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and travel mugs available until 1/11/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and travel mugs available until 1/11/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which we welcome back Emergency Backup Co-Host Chris Sims; comics writers are basically supervillains; Cyclops is not here to have fun; Spider-Man flirts with objectivism; Murderworld is probably not financially sustainable; you should totally cosplay the Proletarian; Arcade may or may not secretly be the Archie Andrews of Earth-616; and Doctor Doom remains absolutely delightful.

X-Plained

  • Captain Britain
  • Arcade
  • Francisco Scaramanga
  • The vastly inferior Arcade of Earth-1610
  • Uncanny X-Men #123-124, 146-147, 197
  • Chris’s first X-Men
  • A really sweet truck
  • Spider-Man’s brief flirtation with objectivism
  • What the X-Men do on their night off
  • Hella nipples
  • Murderworld
  • Miss Locke
  • Mr. Chambers
  • Marvel comics in the Marvel Universe
  • A large number of elaborate deathtraps
  • Soviet Nick Fury
  • The Proletarian
  • Hostage-wrapping
  • Phil and Tobe
  • One way to celebrate your birthday
  • Avengers Arena
  • Miss Coriander
  • The best non-X Arcade stories
  • The end of Axis Sixis
  • Arcade at the Arcade

NEXT WEEK: Cloak and Dagger!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 37 – Giant-Size Special #1

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints available until 1/15 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Well, that’s a hell of an opening. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Remember when Kitty Pryde was scrappy as hell? (God Loves, Man Kills)
We just really love this dialogue. (God Loves, Man Kills)
In which Xavier and Stryker do their best Carter/Reagan. (God Loves, Man Kills)
TEAMWORK! (God Loves, Man Kills)
Whoa. (God Loves, Man Kills)
OH, HELL, YES. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Classic. (God Loves, Man Kills)
If only this had involved his magnetic personality. But no. Just slightly different torture. (God Loves, Man Kills)
WELL, THAT ESCALATED QUICKLY. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Stryker is such a Bond villain. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Um. Wow. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Magneto is so awesome in this story. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Can we talk about how Brent Anderson is one of the all-time great unsung X-artists? Because he really is. (God Loves, Man Kills)
CHARLES, NOOOOOO (God Loves, Man Kills)
Nightcrawler, you lovable scamp. (God Loves, Man Kills)
“It’s okay! He put it back!” (God Loves, Man Kills)
Damn, Stryker. That’s cold.
Cyclops solves problems with ricochets! Take a drink! (God Loves, Man Kills)
He’s not wrong, but damn. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Even if you’ve not read the book, you’ve probably seen this moment referenced at least once. (God Loves, Man Kills)
We have fairly different feelings about the strengths and weaknesses of this layout, but we agree that it is damn stylish. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Didn’t mention this in the episode, but it’s kind of amazing how directly this penultimate scene visually echoes Xavier’s earlier mid-brainwashing encounter with Stryker. (God Loves, Man Kills)
Next Week: Rachel and Chris Sims X-Plain Arcade!

THE 2014 SUPER DOCTOR ASTRONAUT PETER CORBEAU AWARDS FOR EXCELLENCE IN X-CELLENCE

corbeau

  • Best X-Writer – Brian Michael Bendis, for Uncanny X-Men, All-New X-Men, and general line architecture
  • Best X-Artist – Kris Anka, for Uncanny X-Men and general visual and costuming impact
  • Best X-Colorist – Chris Sotomayor, for Cyclops
  • Best X-Letterer (Now and Forever) – Tom Orzechowski, for everything ever forever
  • Jean Grey Award for Creative Resurrection – Nightcrawler (Amazing X-Men)
  • Best New Character – Forget-Me-Not (X-Men Legacy #300)
  • Best Complete Arc – Cyclops #1-5, by Greg Rucka, Russell Dauterman, Chris Sotomayor, Carmen Carnero, et. al.
  • Best Soap Opera – All-New X-Men, by Brian Michael Bendis et. al.
  • Silver Lining Award – Death of Wolverine: The Logan Legacy #4, by Marguerite Bennett, Juan Doe, et. al.
  • Golden Retcon – X-Men: Days of Future Past
  • Irene Adler Award for Most Anticipated Future Run – G. Willow Wilson on X-Men
  • About Damn Time – Storm, by Greg Pak et. al.
  • Cyclops Has a Good Day Award – Wolverine and the X-Men #40, by Jason Aaron, Pepe Larraz, et. al.
  • Best Listeners of Any Podcast Ever – YOU*

*Details of the Corbeau Coloring Contest will go up on Monday, because Rachel’s parents are visiting this weekend. We appreciate your patience.

 

CLASSIC CORBEAUS (for older X-material covered in the podcast during 2014)

  • Harvey and Janet Award for Best Walk-On – The staff and guests of the Heartbreak Hotel
  • Lost Treasure – Beauty and the Beast, by Ann Nocenti, Don Perlin, et. al.
  • Sure, Why Not? – The Leprechauns of Cassidy Keep
  • Still the Best Issue After All These Years – Uncanny X-Men vol. 1 #137

LINKS AND ADDITIONAL READING

37 – Giant-Size Special #1

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Art by David Wynne. Prints available until 1/15 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints available until 1/15 in the shop, or contact David for the original.

In which we launch our first-ever giant-size special; God Loves, Man Kills is the definitive X-Men story; Bobby makes his R&MXtXM on-air debut; we repopulate the world with X-writers; Rachel is really excited about x-plaining X-Cutioner’s Song; Miles takes a strong stance on Wolverine’s mask; we award some awards; and it’s all your fault.

 

X-Plained

  • God Loves, Man Kills (Marvel Graphic Novel #5)
  • William Stryker
  • An inappropriate analogy
  • Keeping it interesting
  • Favorite episodes
  • Bridging the fan/critic divide
  • Our ongoing obsession with bit characters
  • The challenge of keeping Charles Xavier relevant
  • X-Planation Curation
  • Several stories we’re really looking forward to covering
  • X-Writers on a desert island
  • Internet fights
  • Favorite stories vs. best stories
  • Stupid hats of the Marvel Universe
  • Dr. Doom as Tim Gunn
  • Havok vs. ceiling fans
  • Educational standards of the Marvel Universe
  • The First Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence in X-Cellence

NEXT WEEK: Rachel and Chris Sims X-Plain Arcade

CORRECTION: In this episode, Rachel claims that there is only one Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau in the Marvel Multiverse. This is patently untrue. There are numerous versions of Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau in the Marvel Multiverse, who may or may not be able to combine Voltron-style into a giant Corbeau Singularity.

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

Because You Demanded It: X-Men Last-Minute Gift Guide

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Art by Sal Buscema and Karl Bollers, Marvel Holiday Special 1994 one-shot (1994)
Art by Sal Buscema and Karl Bollers, Marvel Holiday Special 1994 one-shot (1994)

HI, LISTENERS! Some of you have been asking us to write an X-Men holiday gift guide. We think it’s very thoughtful of you to consider purchasing gifts for fictional characters, and to help you out, we have created this handy last-minute guide! Click through for our picks for Beast, Shadowcat, and six more…

THE COMPLETE GUMBY

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FOR: Beast. We already know Hank McCoy is a fan of Art Clokey’s weird green guy–in fact, back in his Defenders days, he used to collect and trade bootleg Gumby VHSs (seriously–it’s canon). Modern Beast has been having a rough time; give him an excuse to unwind with seven disks’ worth of psychedelic claymation, and maybe a plate of pot brownies.

(And now we’re imagining a stoner comedy starring Hank McCoy and Abigail Brand. MARVEL. CALL US.)

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WHAT HE’D PREFER: Moral certitude.

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BACKUP GIFT:Dr. Strange: A Separate Reality, by Steve Englehart and Frank Brunner, because you know Beast would be super into a comic about a buddy of his that two dudes literally wrote while wandering around Central Park tripping balls in the middle of the night.

RIP IT: HOW TO DECONSTRUCT AND RECONSTRUCT THE CLOTHES OF YOUR DREAMS, BY ELISSA MYRICH

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FOR: Shadowcat. The X-Men’s most die-hard superfashionista can always use another tool in her arsenal–after all, you never know when you’ll find yourself hankering for a new costume with no Shi’ar tech in sight.

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WHAT SHE’D PREFER: A canonical girlfriend.

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BACKUP GIFT: The Complete Elfquest, vol. 1.

MAGNUM, P.I.’S SIGNATURE HAWAIIAN SHIRT

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FOR: Sunspot. I mean, Bobby da Costa probably already owns one of these, or six, but you can really never have too many backup Magnum, P.I. shirts, right?

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WHAT HE’D PREFER: To actually be Magnum, P.I.

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BACKUP GIFT: A signed pinup of Tom Selleck.

THE REQUISITE UGLY HOLIDAY SWEATER

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FOR: Cyclops. Left to his own devices, Scott Summers basically dresses like a six-year-old and has a long tradition of happily sporting really, really horrible sweaters; so you know he’ll at least get some use from it. (Plus, if he hates it, he’ll probably be too polite to say anything.)

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WHAT HE’D PREFER: A world in which he’s functionally irrelevant.

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BACKUP GIFT: Socks.

ERROL FLYNN FILM COLLECTION

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FOR: Nightcrawler. Kurt Wagner is a huge Errol Flynn fan, to the point of modifying his image inducer to reproduce the visage of the classic swashbuckler; so he’s sure to enjoy a boxed set of Flynn’s most famous films.

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WHAT HE’D PREFER: A soul.

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BACKUP GIFT: A collection of John Donne sonnets.

LOCAS: THE MAGGIE AND HOPIE STORIES, BY JAIME HERNANDEZ

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FOR: Magik. I have no actual narrative justification for this. I just think Magik would really dig some Love & Rockets.

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WHAT SHE’D PREFER: Nothing your fragile mortal mind can grasp, kid.

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BACKUP GIFT: A iPod preloaded with pop-culture nostalgia podcasts. For someone who runs with the unusually pop-savvy New Mutants, Illyana has spent relatively little of her life with any kind of media access.

CLASSIC X-MEN PVC SET

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FOR: Iceman. Bobby Drake is all about original-five nostalgia, and he’s kind of a goofball, so he would probably enjoy the hell out of this X-Men PVC set, featuring the original team, Professor X, and Magneto (and one of the better Iceman sculpts out there).

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WHAT HE’D PREFER: For Professor X to still be alive and everyone to be friends again.

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BACKUP GIFT: An Elsa tiara.

ALL SEVEN SEASONS OF DESIGNING WOMEN

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FOR: Rogue. Look, Rogue does not need another pair of fancy gloves. What Rogue needs is seven seasons of the most badass, progressive, Bechdel-test-acing Southern-lady sitcom of all time.

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WHAT SHE’D PREFER: A three-day bender with Julia Sugarbaker, and maybe conscious control over her powers.

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BACKUP GIFT: Another pair of fancy gloves.

As Mentioned in Episode 36 – Steal This Podcast

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints available in the shop until 12/28, or contact David for the original!
We would really like this cover as a wall-size mural in hour home. ( #1)
Look, dude, you don’t have to like the music, but show some respect. ( #1)
OH HELL YES ( #1)
Lila Motherfuckin’ Cheney. ( #1)
Sam Guthrie is not only the politest minion, he’s the politest superhero. ( #1)
Teleportation by rockin’ guitar solo? YES, PLEASE. ( #1)
Let’s just go ahead and add Larry Niven references to the drinking game, shall we? ( #1)
Warlock takes cosplay really seriously. ( #1)
We’re not entirely sure how Lila Cheney is not a supervillain, but we’ll run with it. ( #1)
AW ( #1)
Remember Kitty’s Fairy Tale? Welcome to Illyana’s Space Opera! ( #8)
It’s s’mores-and-thinly-veiled-allegories night at the X-mansion! ( #8)
That’s a pretty sweet title page, there. ( #8)
Can we talk about Nightcrawler’s amazing disco pirate outfit? ( #8)
Montage! ( #8)
You know what to do. ( #8)
In case there was any doubt that Illyana is basically just mashing up every piece of pop culture she’s encountered… ( #8)
DRAGON SEX. ( #8)
Well, that got weird fast. ( #8)
Some long-awaited resolution. ( #8)
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE ( #8)
Not actually episode-relevant, but we’re gonna take a moment to indulge Rachel’s lettering-geek need to drool over this gorgeous credits bar. ( #8)
Next Week: Giant-Size Special #1–and, at long last, God Loves, Man Kills!

Links:

36 – Steal This Podcast

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Lila Cheney Wembley 84
Art by David Wynne. Prints available in the shop until 12/28, or contact David for the original!

In which we play Six Degrees of Lila Cheney; Cannonball gets a makeover; Earth does not in fact blow up; the X-Men like their s’mores with thinly veiled allegories; and Magik dabbles in erotic friend fiction.

X-Plained:

  • Strong Guy
  • Annuals
  • New Mutants Annual #1 (Steal This Planet)
  • Lila Cheney
  • Both versions of Cats Laughing
  • The Vrakanain
  • Chris Claremont Book Club
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #8 (The Adventures of Lockheed the Space Dragon and His Pet Girl Kitty)
  • Some dubious campfire games
  • Illyana’s Space Opera
  • Space pirate X-Men
  • Some long-awaited resolution

NEXT WEEK: Rachel and Miles’s Giant-Size Special #1, featuring God Loves, Man Kills!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Support us on Patreon!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

 

As Mentioned in Episode 34 – Mordenkainen’s Marvelous Mutants

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints available here through Sunday, December 14!
Remember when missing twin towers always signified a horrible post-apocalyptic future? (Uncanny X-Men #189)
Rachel Summers, in her Hound uniform. (Uncanny X-Men #189)
Kids, if a necklace you find in a fish talks to you, DON’T LISTEN. (Uncanny X-Men #189)
Oh. You, again. (Uncanny X-Men #189)
Moments when the Hellfire Club and the X-Men just really want to not talk about this and go back to whatever they were doing are pretty much the best X-Men/Hellfire Club moments. (Uncanny X-Men #189)
Lookit all those temporal references! (Uncanny X-Men #189)
Imagining Kid Miles diving into X-Men with this issue: never not funny. (Uncanny X-Men #190)
Well, then. (Uncanny X-Men #190)
But.. isn’t that basically what Vision normally wears? (Uncanny X-Men #190)
Callisto: Pure awesome in any universe. (Uncanny X-Men #190)
What. (Uncanny X-Men #190)
CAPTAIN AMERICA WE LOVE YOU (Uncanny X-Men #190)
This fucking recap page. (Uncanny X-Men #191)
Warlock-o-Vision! (Uncanny X-Men #191)
Remember that time Spider-Man got actually literally crucified in a CCA-approved comic? Because that definitely happened. (Uncanny X-Men #191)
Warlock is not only the best friendly space teenager, but also the best jetpack. (Uncanny X-Men #191)
Oh. That guy. (Uncanny X-Men #191)
LOOK AT THIS ANGRY SPACE ROBOT AND HIS AMAZING TECHNOORGANIC BEARD (Uncanny X-Men #192)
In which the X-Men absolutely fail at hide-and-seek in just about every possible way. (Uncanny X-Men #192)
Not only is Illyana a badass demon sorceress and teleporter, but her taste in movies is impeccable. (Uncanny X-Men #192)
HERE HAVE SOME MORE TECHNOORGANIC SPACE BEARD (Uncanny X-Men #192)
Rogue goes Technarch, is adorable. (Uncanny X-Men #192)
SPAAAAAAAAACE BEEEEEEEEEEEEEARD (Uncanny X-Men #192)
He’s such a parent. (Uncanny X-Men #192)
Don’t worry. Later, the Morlocks find him, fix him up, and dress him in elaborate bondage gear. (Uncanny X-Men #192)
MERRY CHRISTMAS, X-MEN! (Uncanny X-Men #192)
Next week: Welcome to the Heartbreak Hotel.

Links and Further Reading:

  • In Episode 34, we answered a question from a listener looking for textual evidence that Nightcrawler isn’t homophobic (we pointed them to Amazing X-Men #13). Rachel also discussed that question from a different angle–and at considerably more length–on the blog.
  • Diana: Warrior Princess is both an incredibly fun game setting and a brilliant piece of cultural satire.
  • We are big fans of both the Gamers movies and the humans responsible for them.
  • Rachel and Elle talk a lot of shit about Hank Pym in Episode 4 of Into It.