Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: High Evolutionary

As Mentioned in Episode 472 – Leave Room for Magneto (The Twelve, Part Two)

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Intense emotion, fiddly gadgets, and dramatic narration. What more do you need? (Wolverine #146)
Gravity be damned, Nightcrawler’s going to punch some bricks and stomp some turtles. (Wolverine #146)
Generation Blue, Generation Red. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #211. (Wolverine #146)
Warren Kenneth Worthington III, you give that tiny caveman back his club! (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #170. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #179. (Wolverine #146)
Now that is a fight scene. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #153. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #169. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #148. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Uncanny X-Men #242. (Wolverine #146)
Referencing Wolverine #74. (Wolverine #146)
Neat, they’re (psychically) wearing their outfits from that time they were partners in Madripoor! (Wolverine #146)
Angel’s darkness looks like light? You know, that actually makes a lot of sense. (Wolverine #147)
Flechettes! (Wolverine #147)
Referencing… oh, wait, this one actually has a caption. (Wolverine #147)
Poor kid… (Wolverine #147)
United by trauma. (Wolverine #147)
Everyone is just so sharp on this page… (Wolverine #147)
Silhouettes: climax! (Wolverine #147)
Silhouettes: denouement! (Wolverine #147)
“Do I have to call your parents, children?” (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
Heh. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
I wish we saw more of these two together. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
Damaging currency is a federal crime, Wolverine! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
This page has earned its Kirby Krackle. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
“You see, I have to be extra spooky to even out everyone else’s happiness. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
Like a hairy little astromech droid at a scomp port. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
Science! (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
And they died miserably ever after. (Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999)
NEXT TIME: The Twelve concludes!

LINKS & FURTHER FELINES:

472 – Leave Room for Magneto (The Twelve, Part Two)

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In which the Twelve should really be twelve chapters long; Archangel has issues; we continue to bemoan the absence of captions; the X-Men ditch their crossover event for a side quest; Magneto is Genosha’s official chaperone; and we would absolutely elect Emma Frost to a school board.

X-PLAINED:

  • What Cable does next
  • The event so far
  • Wolverine #146-147
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999
  • Whether the Shadow King is moist
  • Why tiny cavemen can’t have nice things
  • Numerous flashbacks and allusions
  • Archangel’s third-stage evolution
  • The Philharmonic Gets Dressed
  • Abraham Kieros (again)
  • Apocalypse as a self-help guru
  • Fully nude Wolverine
  • X-51 #8 (briefly)
  • Fabian Cortez (more) (again)
  • A miracle of magnetism
  • Scomp linking
  • A big fancy machine
  • Exodus (more) (again)
  • Mutants we’d like to see in public office
  • The (theoretical) Essex administration

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve concludes!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 452 – Hot Nothing

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Listen to the podcast here.

That can’t be comfortable. (Magneto Rex #1)
One way to put a fire out. (Magneto Rex #1)
Phillip Moreau and Jenny Ransome. (Magneto Rex #1)
This freakin’ loser. (Magneto Rex #1)
The Zealot. (Magneto Rex #1)
Uncool, dude. (Magneto Rex #1)
Ferris endures. (Magneto Rex #2)
“You may have the Legacy Virus, but the L is still for ‘loser.'” (Magneto Rex #2)
This would have been way more dramatic if he’d been naked, right? (Magneto Rex #2)
That’s certainly one way to deal with your problems. (Magneto Rex #3)
That is in fact exactly what he means. (Magneto Rex #3)
NEXT EPISODE: X-Men ’97!

LINKS & OTHER ACADEMIA:

452 – Hot Nothing

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In which Magneto is not full of mirth; nobody real or fictional likes Fabian Cortez; when you’re a speedster, every problem is a metaphorical nail; The Zealot makes some valid points; and when Quicksilver declares himself your conscience, it’s time to examine your life.

X-PLAINED:

  • How Magneto got his powers back
  • Morally ambiguous hair
  • Genosha (more) (again)
  • Magneto Rex #1-3
  • Magneto vs. Conan
  • Trish Tilby
  • Omniscient narrative condemnation
  • Magneto’s true archfoe
  • Magistrates (more) (again)
  • Mutates (more) (again)
  • Dr. Alda Huxley
  • Phillip Moreau (more) (again)
  • Jenny Ransome (more) (again)
  • Pipeline (Cormac Grimshaw)
  • Teleportational nudity
  • The Zealot
  • Fabian Cortez (more) (again)
  • Amelia Voght (more) (again)
  • Several of Magneto’s on-again-off-again children
  • The Bastille (but not that one)
  • Mutant numbering
  • When to use full frontal nudity in your comic
  • The X-books we’re not covering
  • The Amulet of Right vs the Sword of Might

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men ’97!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on Apple Podcasts or Spotify!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 387 – You’ve Got Vid-Mail

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Colossus is a good friend and will call you on your bullshit. (Excalibur #111)
Rory Campbell, now with two legs and excessive foreshortening. (Excalibur #111)
I hate this party. (Excalibur #111)
Daaaaaamn, Kurt. (Excalibur #111)
Welcome to the CITADEL OF SCIENCE! (Excalibur #112)
Now we are bros. (Excalibur #113)
Meet the Knights of Wundagore! They are delightful. (Excalibur #113)
NEVER LET THIS MAN BABYSIT YOUR CHILD (Excalibur #113)
Doug, no. Letterer, NO. (Excalibur #112)
Moira’s hair got LONG. (Excalibur #113)
AW! (Excalibur #113)
They just don’t make dens of sin and iniquity like they used to. (Excalibur #112)
Je suis un chic type / Qui joue la guitare. (Excalibur #113)
Shades of Transmetropolitan.(Excalibur #113)
NEXT EPISODE: Shang-Chi!

LINKS & FURTHER MISUNDERSTANDINGS:

387 – You’ve Got Vid-Mail

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Colossus is good at friendship; nobody notices when Amanda Sefton disappears; evil peaked in the disco era; and Pete Wisdom had hot claws before it was cool.

X-PLAINED:

  • Fun times on Mount Wundagore
  • Excalibur #111-113
  • Rob Stotz
  • Brooding
  • Friendship
  • Rory Campbell (again)
  • The return of Sebastian Shaw
  • MIS departments
  • Two versions of the same conversation
  • A palette-swapped wardrobe
  • Invincible Head Technique
  • A polite murderer
  • Ogun, again
  • A brief possession
  • Mount Wundagore
  • Bova
  • Sir Ram
  • Ursula
  • Lord Gator
  • The Knights of Wundagore
  • Ace Duck
  • The High Evolutionary
  • Artistic turnover
  • A kiss
  • Were-girlfriends
  • A sin-filled and disreputable club
  • “Je Suis Rick Springfield”
  • Storylines we’d like to see from bystanders’ perspectives
  • Professor X’s crush on Marvel Girl

NEXT EPISODE: Shang-Chi!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

Write Your Own High Evolutionary Origin! (Also, You Made Art!)

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Apparently we’re all about the High Evolutionary today, starting with this great piece of fan art–riffing on our Very Sound Theory on the actual implications of his name–from artist Kyle Latino:

 

The High Evolutionary, by Kyle Latino
The High Evolutionary, by Kyle Latino

 

We had so much fun writing the High Evolutionary Mad-Libs for the Episode 96 cold open that we decided to make a playable version! Try your hand at concocting a new secret origin for the only supervillain so bad at his job that Apocalypse had to stage an intervention–and share your horrifying new canons in the comments!

Mad:)Takes - free online Mad Libs™

Mad:)Take

JOB
LOCATION
BAD ROLE MODEL
SCIENTIFIC ACHIEVEMENT
NON-HUMAN SENTIENT SPECIES (SINGULAR)
SCIENTIFIC ACHIEVEMENT
JOB
LOCATION
NON-HUMAN SENTIENT SPECIES (PLURAL)
ENVIRONMENTAL HAZARD
ENVIRONMENTAL HAZARD
NUMBER
JOB
DISEASE
ANIMAL
GARMENT
MONSTER
UNCONVENTIONAL HOBBY

As Mentioned in Episode 96 – Horsemen of the Playground

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Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
How you know a psychic event is a big deal: the cross-franchise reaction montage! (X-Factor Annual #3)
Well, that’s certainly one way to stage an intervention. (X-Factor Annual #3)
These delightful scamps. (X-Factor Annual #3)
Warlock, never change. (New Mutants Annual #4)
Can we have a moment of rapt silence for how well June Brigman draws body language? (New Mutants Annual #4)
The High Evolutionary’s head scientist, Stack, appears to be dual-wielding a cane and a staple gun. Because, evolution. (New Mutants Annual #4)
“On Wednesdays, we wear pink.” (New Mutants Annual #4)
Hell, yeah, equal-opportunity battle lingerie! (Well, except for Magneto, but he marches to the beat of his own fuchsia drum.) (New Mutants Annual #4)
Horses: totally the worst. (New Mutants Annual #4)
The scene that blew tiny Miles’s tiny mind. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
Man, if we had a dollar for every time that happened… (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
POIT: Definitely the cutest sound effect. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
In which Alex comes *this close* to the realization that Charles Xavier is totally a supervillain. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
SURE, WHY NOT? (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
Remember the time Storm had adventures on pirate space city on the back of a flying wolf? Because that was definitely a thing that actually happened. (Classic X-Men #22)
Oh, THAT guy. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
I’m not actually certain they ever followed up on this. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
It’s kind of a shame this logo didn’t stick around, because it’s pretty sweet. (Uncanny X-Men Annual #12)
NEXT EPISODE: Captain Britain!

96 – Horsemen of the Playground

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Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints, cards, and travel mugs available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

 

In which we play Evolutionary War Mad-Libs; it’s probably a bad sign when Apocalypse decides you need an intervention; Dani is (briefly) the new Doug; horses are jerks; it’s probably really dangerous to be Longshot; Storm has the coolest friends; the High Evolutionary is very high indeed; and we make a (very token) nod to Valentine’s Day.

X-PLAINED:

  • Secret Origins of the High Evolutionary
  • Evolutionary War
  • The actual history of eugenics in America
  • X-Factor Annual #3
  • New Mutants Annual #4
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #12
  • Classic X-Men #22
  • Purifiers (but not those purifiers)
  • Stack
  • Purge
  • How to tell when an event has major psychic repercussions
  • A Silver-Age callback
  • An Apocalypse-style intervention
  • Toga Steve (Val-Or)
  • The return of Bulk and Glow Worm
  • Equal-opportunity Hellfire lingerie
  • Mirage’s power upgrade
  • Miles vs. puberty vs. Uncanny X-Men
  • The coolest civilization ever
  • Colossus’s illegitimate kid
  • The cutest sound effect
  • Origins of the Scott/Jean/Logan love triangle
  • Stuff Jay likes and Miles doesn’t
  • The Elle Collins Theory of Podcast Roles

NEXT EPISODE: Captain Britain!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Rachel and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints (or travel mugs) of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!

As Mentioned in Episode 64 – Ski Lodge of Apocalypse

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Listen to the episode here!

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available until 7/12/2015 in the shop, or contact David for the original.
A very happy 4th birthday to the Littlest Consulting X-Pert, Kestrel!
Because she is AWESOME, Kes decided that she wanted a party with all her kid friends and all her grown-up friends as superheroes. Here’s Rachel as slightly off-brand O5 Cyclops, and Miles as DIY Thor.
Full O5 group: Rachel as Cyclops, Dave Proctor as Beast, Douglas Wolk as Iceman, Jesse Miller as Angel, and Katie Proctor as Marvel Girl.
Come for the superheroics, stay for the soap opera! (X-Factor #6)
“Sorry I burned down your village. Here’s some gold.” (X-Factor #6)
Oh, THERE’S the Apocalypse we know and love! (X-Factor #6)
Even your villains are fed up with your angst, X-Factor. (X-Factor #6)
Ladies and gentlemen: the world’s oldest and most powerful mutant. (X-Factor #6)
Phoenix flare or pareidolia? YOU BE THE JUDGE! (X-Factor #6)
The Saddest Mutants (TM). (X-Factor #7)
“Look! A distraction!” Cyclops, we love you, but sometimes you really are the worst. (X-Factor #7)
These guys. (X-Factor #7)
SERIOUSLY WHY ARE YOU NOT ALREADY COSPLAYING SKIDS GO COSPLAY SKIDS (X-Factor #7)
Valid. (X-Factor #7)
This is almost embarrassing to read. (X-Factor #7)
X-Factor: fighting themselves metaphorically AND literally! Side note: This scene is funny until you realize X-Factor is turning Bulk and Glow Worm’s last desperate attempt to make a difference before their inevitable death into a farce. (X-Factor #7)
What. (X-Factor #8)
Aw, man. Right in the feels. (X-Factor #8)
Jean Was Right. (X-Factor #8)
VERA. (X-Factor #8)
Freedom Force briefings are so weird. (X-Factor #8)
“An invitation to a crossover? Hot dog!” (X-Factor #8)
I don’t know why I find Spiral just taking off mid-fight for a different comic so funny, but GOD, I do. (X-Factor #8)
“Come with me if you want to be FABULOUS!” (X-Factor #8)
NEXT WEEK: The Mutant Massacre begins!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

  • We’ve linked before to Chris Claremont’s X-Men, but we’re doing it again, because it’s fascinating and you should all go watch it.
  • If you are fond of loving snark and deep dives into Marvel continuity, you should really already be reading Max Carleton’s Waiting for the Trade. (If you’re not fond of those things, why are you here?)