Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

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As Mentioned in Episode 379 – Stardate: Today

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
FAO Schwarz, allegedly. (Uncanny X-Men #341)
Gladiator is not great at diplomacy. (Uncanny X-Men #341)
I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT THIS POOR MAN AND HIS HORSE (Uncanny X-Men #341)
New Outfits: Trish (Uncanny X-Men #342)
New Outfits: Bishop and Rogue (Uncanny X-Men #342)
New Outfits: Gambit, Joseph, and Beast (Uncanny X-Men #342)
Well, that’s a new look for the Phalanx. (Uncanny X-Men #343)
One for your reaction files. (Uncanny X-Men #343)
Word balloons on the cover are an underrated gimmick. (Uncanny X-Men #344)
Where babies come from! (Uncanny X-Men #344)
NEXT EPISODE: Generation X vs. Black Tom Cassidy!

379 – Stardate: Today

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which what happens in space stays in space; a horse is imperiled; Joseph does some dubious science; Gladiator’s name is absolutely not Gary; everybody gets new costumes; and we learn where babies come from.

X-PLAINED:

  • Shi’ar taxonomy, sort of
  • The Shi’ar (again)
  • The Phalanx (again)
  • Uncanny X-Men #341-344
  • A whole bunch of callbacks to X-Men #98
  • A carriage ride
  • The Z’noxx chamber (again)
  • One way to have safer sex
  • FAO Schwarz
  • The Shi’ar Imerial Guard (again)
  • Diplomacy, kind of
  • Space outfits
  • Trademarks
  • Pure Phalanx
  • Dinosaur Kingdom 2
  • Where Shi’ar babies come from
  • Flirting
  • The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl vs. Isca the Unbeaten
  • Characters we would happily voice if invited to do so

NEXT WEEK: Hawk Talk

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X vs. Black Tom Cassidy!

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As Mentioned in Episode 375 – One Thousand Kicks to the Face

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So many textures! (X-Men #60)
Ororo, you’re a good enough thief that you could probably afford clothes without holes in them… or is that a style thing? (X-Men #60)
I mean, this is definitely implying that Storm ran around the bronze age with Candra’s Heart as a fashion accessory, right? (X-Men #60)
“Dammit Ororo, did you learn nothing from my brother?!” (X-Men #60)
Candra as shibari lobster once more, now with ear-mandibles! (X-Men #60)
Remember that one Punisher movie where Frank set a bunch of cars on fire in the shape of a big skull? That was kinda cool. (X-Men #60)
Tiny mustache or shadow – you be the judge! (X-Men #60)
I know the Shadow King is supposed to be dead at this point, but that has to be him! Look at the speech bubble borders! (X-Men #60)
Suddenly, ninjas. (X-Men #61)
Ooh, nice visual flow. (X-Men #61)
“As opposed to that time I had kidney stones, which was only about three hundred kicks to the face!” (X-Men #61)
Logan is tasting the air like a snake! (X-Men #61)
Storm gets Candra’s hopes up… (X-Men #61)
…before Cyclops ZARKs them upon the rocks. That’s cold, guys. (X-Men #61)
Is it, though? (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Matching nightshirts! (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Whoa. Nicely done, Jim Cheung. (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Idyllic! (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Never change, Artie. (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Ever see Children of the Corn, Joe? (X-Men Unlimited #14)
I wish everyone had a dad this supportive. (X-Men Unlimited #14)
No moppet should moppet alone! (X-Men Unlimited #14)
NEXT TIME: Back to Asgard!

 

375 – One Thousand Kicks to the Face

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In which there is definitely a wrong way to enjoy your comics; Storm could probably use a more secure storage system; the Externals need more camp; and Joseph makes some valid points.

X-PLAINED

  • What Storm’s up to
  • X-Men Unlimited #7 (again) (briefly)
  • X-Men #60-61
  • X-Men Unlimited #14
  • Karima
  • Jamil
  • Candra (again)
  • A surprising absence of Howard Mackie
  • Candra’s heart
  • Some excessively complex psychic powers
  • Phylacteries
  • The origin of Storm’s romance with T’Challa
  • Kicks to the face as a unit of pain
  • Undercloaks
  • The alternate universe where the McCoys live in Indiana
  • The moppet squad (again)
  • Dunfee, IN
  • Yet another angry mob
  • Multiverse-variable powers
  • Favorite X-relationships

Correction: The Brandalorian let us know that “Phylacteries (tefillin) are not Chasidic; they’re a ritual object mentioned by the Torah, used by Jews of all sorts.” Apologies for our error, and we appreciate the correction!

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force goes to Asgard!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 370 – The Sound of Evil

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
So sad… but so colorful! (Uncanny X-Men #46)
(M – Jean’s yellow plaid garment is what we fashionistas call a “coat.” -J)
There’s a reason the Juggernaut’s armor makes him look kinda like a mushroom. (Uncanny X-Men #46)
Angel’s normally better than his teammates at dodging, but he’s weighed down by his fashion choices. Well, Jean’s, I guess. She made his costume. Possibly out of spite. (Uncanny X-Men #46)
JEAN GREY YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS (Uncanny X-Men #46)
That’s more like it! (Continuity aside.) (Uncanny X-Men #46)
Cheer up, kids. You’ll be back together in just a few issues. (Uncanny X-Men #46)
This is pretty much how Drag Race works, right? (Uncanny X-Men #52)
Shortest cold open ever. (Uncanny X-Men #52)
“Scott, you wore that out? I just made that for you for Bedroom Time! (Uncanny X-Men #52)
I appreciate how very 60s this pair of panels is. (Uncanny X-Men #52)
More 60s! (Uncanny X-Men #52)
It’s… it’s way more complicated than that, Lorna. (Uncanny X-Men #52)
Now that is how you start an issue! (Uncanny X-Men #60)
SCOTT SUMMERS YOU ARE BETTER THAN THIS (Uncanny X-Men #60)
I wish we got to see more of Jean and Lorna as buds. (Uncanny X-Men #60)
We didn’t talk about this in the episode, but I love the story the Brotherhood’s body language is telling in the foreground. (Uncanny X-Men #60)
Miles’s favorite two-page spread. (Uncanny X-Men #60)
How can something so ridiculous be so genuinely tense? (Uncanny X-Men #60)
Aww Jager (Uncanny X-Men #60)
Name a better origin story – we dare you. (Uncanny X-Men #60)
Well, it beats the costume with the suspenders. (Uncanny X-Men #60)
NEXT TIME: Kitty makes some choices.

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

 

370 – The Sound of Evil (feat. Max Carleton)

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Max Carleton and Miles take a trip back to the Silver Age, the origins of Marvel Girl’s telepathy are questionable, the nature of Polaris’s parentage is also questionable, and the quality of Sauron’s origin story shall never be questioned.

X-PLAINED:

  • The Locust (Dr. August Hopper)
  • Uncanny X-Men #46, 52, and 60
  • Genuine tragedy
  • Funereal fashion
  • Frederick “Amos” Duncan
  • The Juggernaut (Cain Marko) (again)
  • The Crimson Cosmos
  • Energy globules
  • Charles Xavier’s telepathy lending library
  • Jean Grey, spiteful seamstress
  • Erik the Red (the first one) (Scott Summers)
  • Lorna Dane, fashion icon
  • Filially-obligated villainy
  • Psychic-delia
  • The sadly short-lived Roy Thomas / Neal Adams run
  • Suspension of disbelief
  • Pteranodons
  • Sauron (Karl Lykos, fantasy nerd)
  • Alex Summers, perpetual captive and/or villain battery
  • Miles’s favorite two-page spread
  • How to choose the perfect supervillain name
  • X-Men: The Animated Series, 1960s Edition
  • Our Silver Age X-creator wish list
  • Magnetism

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur!

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As Mentioned in Episode 369 – Carly Askani

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
“This ought to give you” *POW* “a new perspective” *BIFF* “on things, Alex!” (Uncanny X-Men #339)
Head trauma for Lucas BIshop! (Uncanny X-Men #339)
I mean, she’s not wrong. (Uncanny X-Men #339)
“You think I just fell off the turnip truck, McCoy? No one pulls a fast one on J. Jonah Jameson!” (Uncanny X-Men #339)
“I’m Ororo Munroe, and I’m here to x-plain the X-Men… because it’s about time someone did.” (Uncanny X-Men #339)
Never trust a Summers when he tells you he’s fine. (Uncanny X-Men #339)
Well, if they can print it, I guess we can post it. (X-Men #59)
Head trauma for Lucas Bishop! Again! (X-Men #59)
Hell of a Wolverine you’ve got there, Mr. Kubert. (X-Men #59)
JOSEPH I AM CALLING THE POLICE (X-Men #59)
Not quite as good as the Rogue/Gambit kiss from #41, but still… whoa. (X-Men #59)
I’M HUGE (X-Men #59)
“For instance, I can see through this utterly massive chin.” (Wolverine Annual 1996)
Josef Stalin..? (Wolverine Annual 1996)
Up… (Wolverine Annual 1996)
…and up… (Wolverine Annual 1996)
…and up. (Wolverine Annual 1996)
“General Grievious, sir, it’s the Jedi!” (Wolverine Annual 1996)
You know, I think this might be Sunfire’s best non-Age of Apocalypse look! (Wolverine Annual 1996)
*Pacific Rim music plays* (and now it’s in your head too) (Wolverine Annual 1996)
Logan, that… that was there before. Maybe you need to adjust your bandana. (Wolverine Annual 1996)
NEXT TIME: The Silver Age with Max Carleton!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING

369 – Carly Askani

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Storm & Joseph X-Plain the X-Men, Alex Summers is not brainwashed this time, he promises, Scott Lobdell writes better moments than stories, Ed McGuinness draws very large chins, and it’s Denver the Last Dinosaur, not Denver the Lost Dinosaur

X-PLAINED:

  • Uncanny X-Men #339
  • Spider-Man disambiguation
  • A. Kubert disambiguation
  • J. Jonah Jameson (again) (hooray!)
  • Sneaking songs
  • The history of smoking regulation on airlines
  • Creed disambiguation
  • Havok’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
  • Bonding while falling out of planes
  • X-Men #59
  • The copyright status of Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
  • Well-drawn Wolverines
  • Hercules vs The Tick
  • Wolverine Annual 1996
  • The tragic death of Mariko Yashida
  • Silver Samurai (Kuniuchio Harada)
  • Sunfire (Shiro Yoshida) and what he’s been up to since Fatal Attractions
  • Josef Stalin, apparently?
  • Red Ronin and its nemesis, a time-lost dinosaur who we assure you is not Godzilla
  • Jedi and/or samurai vs. doors
  • Our logo fonts
  • James Howlett, guidance counselor
  • Onslaught but not evil
  • Whether Magneto could wield Mjolnir

NEXT EPISODE: The Silver Age with Max Carleton!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 366 – Nine-Tenths of the Law

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
The first issue of a cleverly disguised Karma series. (Beast #1)
Arms! (Beast #1)
Sam Guthrie as played by Sean Cassidy. (Beast #1)
The twins, post-Body Shop. (Beast #2)
I love their weird creepy powers. (Beast #2)
Seriously what the hell. (Beast #2)
SERIOUSLY WHAT THE HELL. (Beast #2)
Big Silver Age energy. (Beast #3)
NEXT EPISODE: Jay and Conner X-Plain X-Casting!

366 – Nine-Tenths of the Law

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Beast miniseries is actually a cleverly disguised Karma miniseries; Gateway’s moral alignment remains a mystery; Cannonball rocks some sideburns; there are many reasons to dislike Viper; and every #1 is somebody’s first.

X-PLAINED:

  • An off-panel death
  • X-Force #62
  • Beast #1-3
  • Karma’s family and backstory (again)
  • Twin absorption
  • MacGuffins and/or children
  • Clearcut and Mindmeld
  • Unconsciousness
  • Spiral (again)
  • Marios
  • What to do (visually) with six arms
  • Spiral’s mutates
  • Some very impressive body horror
  • MId-fight stalling
  • Misplaced revenge
  • Hank McCoy’s multiversal offspring
  • The history of Karma’s sexual orientation

NEXT EPISODE: Jay and Connor Goldsmith X-Plain X-Plaining!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!