HI, LISTENERS! Some of you have been asking us to write an X-Men holiday gift guide. We think it’s very thoughtful of you to consider purchasing gifts for fictional characters, and to help you out, we have created this handy last-minute guide! Click through for our picks for Beast, Shadowcat, and six more…
THE COMPLETE GUMBY
.
FOR: Beast. We already know Hank McCoy is a fan of Art Clokey’s weird green guy–in fact, back in his Defenders days, he used to collect and trade bootleg Gumby VHSs (seriously–it’s canon). Modern Beast has been having a rough time; give him an excuse to unwind with seven disks’ worth of psychedelic claymation, and maybe a plate of pot brownies.
(And now we’re imagining a stoner comedy starring Hank McCoy and Abigail Brand. MARVEL. CALL US.)
.
WHAT HE’D PREFER: Moral certitude.
.
BACKUP GIFT:Dr. Strange: A Separate Reality, by Steve Englehart and Frank Brunner, because you know Beast would be super into a comic about a buddy of his that two dudes literally wrote while wandering around Central Park tripping balls in the middle of the night.
RIP IT: HOW TO DECONSTRUCT AND RECONSTRUCT THE CLOTHES OF YOUR DREAMS, BY ELISSA MYRICH
.
FOR: Shadowcat. The X-Men’s most die-hard superfashionista can always use another tool in her arsenal–after all, you never know when you’ll find yourself hankering for a new costume with no Shi’ar tech in sight.
.
WHAT SHE’D PREFER: A canonical girlfriend.
.
BACKUP GIFT: The Complete Elfquest, vol. 1.
MAGNUM, P.I.’S SIGNATURE HAWAIIAN SHIRT
.
FOR: Sunspot. I mean, Bobby da Costa probably already owns one of these, or six, but you can really never have too many backup Magnum, P.I. shirts, right?
.
WHAT HE’D PREFER: To actually be Magnum, P.I.
.
BACKUP GIFT: A signed pinup of Tom Selleck.
THE REQUISITE UGLY HOLIDAY SWEATER
.
FOR: Cyclops. Left to his own devices, Scott Summers basically dresses like a six-year-old and has a long tradition of happily sporting really, really horrible sweaters; so you know he’ll at least get some use from it. (Plus, if he hates it, he’ll probably be too polite to say anything.)
.
WHAT HE’D PREFER: A world in which he’s functionally irrelevant.
.
BACKUP GIFT: Socks.
ERROL FLYNN FILM COLLECTION
.
FOR: Nightcrawler. Kurt Wagner is a huge Errol Flynn fan, to the point of modifying his image inducer to reproduce the visage of the classic swashbuckler; so he’s sure to enjoy a boxed set of Flynn’s most famous films.
.
WHAT HE’D PREFER: A soul.
.
BACKUP GIFT: A collection of John Donne sonnets.
LOCAS: THE MAGGIE AND HOPIE STORIES, BY JAIME HERNANDEZ
.
FOR: Magik. I have no actual narrative justification for this. I just think Magik would really dig some Love & Rockets.
.
WHAT SHE’D PREFER: Nothing your fragile mortal mind can grasp, kid.
.
BACKUP GIFT: A iPod preloaded with pop-culture nostalgia podcasts. For someone who runs with the unusually pop-savvy New Mutants, Illyana has spent relatively little of her life with any kind of media access.
CLASSIC X-MEN PVC SET
.
FOR: Iceman. Bobby Drake is all about original-five nostalgia, and he’s kind of a goofball, so he would probably enjoy the hell out of this X-Men PVC set, featuring the original team, Professor X, and Magneto (and one of the better Iceman sculpts out there).
.
WHAT HE’D PREFER: For Professor X to still be alive and everyone to be friends again.
.
BACKUP GIFT: An Elsa tiara.
ALL SEVEN SEASONS OF DESIGNING WOMEN
.
FOR: Rogue. Look, Rogue does not need another pair of fancy gloves. What Rogue needs is seven seasons of the most badass, progressive, Bechdel-test-acing Southern-lady sitcom of all time.
.
WHAT SHE’D PREFER: A three-day bender with Julia Sugarbaker, and maybe conscious control over her powers.
.
BACKUP GIFT: Another pair of fancy gloves.
