Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Gabrielle Haller

As Mentioned in Episode 300 – Götterdämmerung

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Trust us–it looks better on foil. (X-Men: Omega)
Those skulls can’t be stable. (X-Men: Omega)
The gang’s mostly here! (X-Men: Omega)
[Cries in Dark Phoenix Saga] (X-Men: Omega)
Truly, he has been preparing for this moment for his entire life.
It’s cute how Nate assumes that it’s possible to talk Magneto out of fighting anybody, ever. (X-Men: Omega)
I’d like to imagine that the M’Kraan crystal made the conscious choice not to show her Onslaught. (X-Men: Omega)
YES! (X-Men: Omega)
Just, um, imagine that he’s holding a gun and also using his powers out of… enthusiasm? For the gun? I guess? (X-Men: Omega)
“Wait, are you the angry Claremontean narrator?!” (X-Men: Omega)
It’s okay. He’ll be back in about 14 years. (X-Men: Omega)
Nobody expects an ongoing series! (X-Men: Omega)
And that, as they say, is that. (X-Men: Omega)
NEXT EPISODE: Back in the 616!

LINKS & FURTHER EPICS:

300 – Götterdämmerung

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which the Age of Apocalypse comes to an end; Angel briefly lives up to his potential; Bishop was sometimes right; It’s not a climactic ending without an X-Men #137 reference; Colossus breaks our hearts; X-Men: Marvels Snapshot will be out in September; and somehow we have made 300 of these things.

X-PLAINED:

  • Beast vs. Dark Beast
  • X-Men: Omega
  • The entirety of the (first) Age of Apocalypse
  • Potpourri vs. incense
  • Dramatic hair
  • Many, many errors
  • Unforeseen consequences
  • A long-anticipated team-up
  • Many deaths
  • Art as artifact
  • Narration that has haunted Jay for 20 years
  • One of the more persistent deaths of David Haller
  • Blast Attack
  • The end of a world
  • Refugees from the Age of Apocalypse
  • Our favorite X-milestone issues
  • Theoretical teams
  • Orphans
  • When X-Men: Marvels Snapshot is actually coming out
  • Our favorite show bits
  • How Jay’s chickens-in-law are doing

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Prime

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 285 – Immediately if Not Sooner

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Wait, what if Bobby just misuses slang all the time to mess with Bishop? (Uncanny X-Men #320)
What the hell, Legion? (Uncanny X-Men #320)
So, that happened. (Uncanny X-Men #320)
Have fairly normal toes ever seemed as creepy as they do on this cover? I would argue that they have not. (X-Men #40)
If this were fanfic they would immediately have to fake being married to, I dunno, something. (X-Men #40)
Seriously, did ANY readers who didn’t already know recognize this dude as Legion? (X-Men #40)
That shadow! THAT ANGST! (X-Men #40)
“I had always hoped I might find others like us, but I never imagined the continuity would be this impenetrable!” (X-Men #40)
Meanwhile in a sitcom… (X-Men #40)
Tower of Telepaths never really caught on as a board game. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Just kiss already. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Greatest caption, or GREATEST CAPTION? (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Wait, has Bishop DISGUISED HIMSELF AS A PIRATE? If the answer is no, I don’t want to know; let me keep this dream. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
JUST KISS ALREADY (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Oh, no. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
Legion, NO. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
You’ve made it to Bishop’s ill-fitting trousers, Cable: just where you needed to be. (Uncanny X-Men #321)
“I knew that someday our future son would travel back in time to kill my best friend.” (X-Men #41)
AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE (X-Men #41)
Ouch. (X-Men #41)
Jubilee gives good advice. (X-Men #41)
The best kiss in X-Men. (X-Men #41)
Okay, but, that first panel. (X-Men #41)
NEXT EPISODE: The end of the world, more, again.

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

 

 

 

285 – Immediately if Not Sooner

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Goldballs is still a better name than Egg; we continue our progress towards Earth-295; Legion pulls a Stryfe; we’re still pretty shaky on how to pronounce “M’Kraan”; Xavier and Magneto were absolutely and unquestionably doing sex in the 1970s; it’s time time; the Watcher is watching you masturbate; and what happens immediately before the end of the world is often as important as what happens immediately after.

X-PLAINED:

  • Balls
  • Legion (more) (again)
  • Uncanny X-Men 320-321
  • X-Men #40
  • Establishing stakes
  • Slang of the mid-1990s
  • Time travel as a dick move
  • Issues vs. episodes
  • The M’Kraan Crystal (more) (again)
  • Hebrew vowels
  • Latent time travel abilities
  • Charles Xavier’s “first” bar fight
  • An exceptional caption
  • A very bad narrative choice
  • The death of Charles Francis Xavier
  • A load-bearing moment in time
  • Jahf the Guardian
  • Waiting for the end of the world
  • The best-drawn kiss in X-Men, ever
  • The many Krakoas
  • Integrating Legion into Dawn of X

NEXT EPISODE: More Legion Quest!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 283 – Legion Quest Quest

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
So, that’s happening.
This cover has me thinking again about where she gets the skulls for her belt. (X-Factor #108)
No man has ever looked more like an action figure than Nick Fury does in this panel. (X-Factor #108)
The best Looney Toons reference in a superhero comic remains Animal Man #5, but this’ll do for now. (X-Factor #108)
Val X-Plains Legion. (X-Factor #108)
Hey, Forge? Fuck you. (X-Factor #108)
I mean, kinda. (X-Factor #109)
And yet, somehow, I’m not reassured. (X-Factor #109)
Dang, this would be a useful skill. (X-Factor #109)
And now for something completely different! (X-Factor #110)
IS it a mustache? Or does his nose just end in some kind of fibrous feelers or baleen? (X-Factor #110)
LILA 4-EVER (X-Factor #110)
I love that she just has a massive freaking treasure vault full of loose doubloons. WHO DOES THAT? (X-Factor #110)
They’re jerks, but they’re well-dressed jerks. (X-Factor #111)
Live your dreams, happy sloth man from space. (X-Factor #111)
He’ll be fine! (X-Factor #111)
…wait, no, belay that. (X-Factor #111)
But it’s okay, because the universe is ending! (X-Factor #111)
NEXT EPISODE: Chip Zdarsky!

LINKS & FURTHER SPIN-OFFS

  • WHOA DANG JAY IS WRITING A CYCLOPS ONE-SHOT! It is called X-Men Marvels Snapshot #1, or possibly Marvel Snapshots: X-Men #1; but either way, you can read more about it here and find preorder information here.
  • Speaking of things Jay writes, if you didn’t get enough Lila Cheney in this week’s episode, she’s stealing hearts and valuables all over Episode 8 of Thor: Metal Gods!
  • We talked a lot about Legion and the ways his powers intersect with mental illness in Episode 44 – Assembling Legion, feat. Si Spurrier.
  • Here is some context for Jay’s joke about Autism Speaks. (If you’re looking for an organization to support that actually helps and amplifies the voices of Autistic folks, we like the Autistic Self Advocacy Network.)

283 – Legion Quest Quest

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Jay is writing a Cyclops one-shot; It is honestly truly almost Legion Quest; Mystique plays the long game; sometimes filler is a good thing; Havok is a geophysicist, not a geographer; Lila definitely stole it; and more stories should be set in space junkyards.

X-PLAINED:

  • How Betsy Braddock got her original body back
  • Marvel Snapshots: X-Men
  • The lead-up to Legion Quest
  • X-Factor #108-111
  • Mystique’s skill set
  • Legion (David Haller) (more) (again)
  • Freedom Force
  • The most powerful of devices
  • A dream about a dream
  • An intersection of unreliable narrators
  • The narrative justification for Legion Quest
  • A rock monster
  • Jornick
  • Lila Cheney (more) (again)
  • A Kurt Vonnegut reference
  • The K’Lanti
  • A space junkyard
  • The end of X-Factor’s second iconic era
  • Our favorite male/female X-friendships
  • Pros and cons of line cohesiveness

NEXT EPISODE: Chip Zdarsky!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 253 – Autumn in the Uncanny Valley

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Aw, these kids. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
THEY’RE SO BAD AT BEING PEOPLE AND I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
I also love them. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
Really, this is one of those issues that just makes me want the X-Men to always be happy and never have to do any superhero stuff. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
Fucking hawks, always poaching passes on the gridiron. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
Jean “Grab fate by the throat and hold on until it stops moving” Grey. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
What do YOU think Jean is saying here? Fill in her word balloon for a chance to, I dunno, I guess we could publish a gallery of them? (Uncanny X-Men #208)
The second scariest face in this issue. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (Uncanny X-Men #208)
Excellent use of ironic juxtaposition, there. (Uncanny X-Men #208)
It’s very text-heavy in Charles Xavier’s brain. (Uncanny X-Men #209)
“Now, let’s talk about my silvery mane.” (Uncanny X-Men #209)
I bet he wouldn’t be so depressed if he knew how good his depression beard looked! (Uncanny X-Men #209)
WHY DOES NOBODY IN THIS UNIVERSE HAVE APPROPRIATE PROFESSIONAL BOUNDARIES?! (Uncanny X-Men #209)
Version 1. (Uncanny X-Men #209)
Version 2. (Uncanny X-Men #209)
Ah, there it is. (Uncanny X-Men #209)
“Funny, I don’t remember that day being quite so caption-heavy.” (Uncanny X-Men #210)
“Later, we’re all going to go break into the zoo and flash the zebras. Trust us. It’s TRADITION.” (Uncanny X-Men #210)
Not a lot, Carl. Not a lot. (Uncanny X-Men #210)
“Look, Nathan, this is basically how we bond in my family.” (Uncanny X-Men #210)
He just hangs out in that position. (Uncanny X-Men #210)
“Let’s see. I went after a man in hospice care and got my ass kicked. What’s even lower-hanging fruit?” (Uncanny X-Men #210)
I can’t stop imagining them having to bat those captions out of the way as they run forward. (Uncanny X-Men #210)
He looks so mad about it! (Uncanny X-Men #210)
NEXT EPISODE: Obviously.

LINKS & FURTHER HEADLINES

253 – Autumn in the Uncanny Valley

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which an engagement begins; Jean Grey’s Walden Puddle counterpart is definitely Nicole; Cyclops is the telepathic equivalent of a pit trap with spikes at the bottom; Charles Xavier’s subconscious is very dialogue-heavy; nobody ever has appropriate professional boundaries; Cable dabbles in passive aggression; and the best is yet to come.

X-PLAINED:

  • Some of Blaquesmith’s recent activities
  • Uncanny X-Men #308-310
  • A very sweet retcon
  • Thanksgiving “traditions”
  • How to scare crows
  • Emplates
  • Feelings and telepathy
  • A proposal
  • A misprint
  • Thanksgiving at the Xavier School
  • A somewhat alarming manifestation of a conscience
  • The lies Charles Xavier tells himself
  • Xavier’s depression beard
  • The evolution of Amelia Voght
  • Angry Claremontean Narrator: The Movie
  • The anticlimactic return of Carl “X-Cutioner” Denti
  • An unexpected resolution
  • Foreshadowing
  • Trans voices in the larger comics conversation

NEXT EPISODE: The wedding!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, or your favorite podcatcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

HAPPY PRIDE! This month, we’re donating all of the proceeds from our TeePublic shopto Trans Lifeline!

As Mentioned in Episode 233 – Electromagnetism Unlimited

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X-Men Unlimited.
“Scott! Ororo! Why are you blasting in opposite directions? Siena Blaze is RIGHT THERE! Look where I’m pointing!” -Charles Xavier (X-Men Unlimited #1)
We’re not sure if Cyclops’s eyes actually do that when they’re closed, but damn if it doesn’t look cool. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
Alan Davis has his hair. Chris Bachalo has his eyeballs. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
Bachalo’s characters are just so expressive! (X-Men Unlimited #1)
That visual pacing, though. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
How many ways are there to say “we just really like Chris Bachalo’s art”? (X-Men Unlimited #1)
After this awkward exchange, Cyclops blurts out “Stand down, Wolverine!” for reasons he can’t quite explain. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
Cyclops and Storm: still one of my favorite, and one of the most under-appreciated, friendships in the Marvel Universe. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
This is why Miles’s parents moved from Michigan to Florida. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
Siena, you jerk. Go to your room! Or the Malibu Universe. (X-Men Unlimited #1)
Awwwww (X-Men Unlimited #1)
Hell of a cover, that. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
Not many artists can do awe-inspiring. Jan Duursema can. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
What Happened To Ute, version 1. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
So maybe it’s not so weird that Magneto’s middle name is (supposedly) Magnus. (Daredevil vol. 4 #10)
This is the roughest PowerPoint presentation I’ve ever seen. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
Gabrielle Haller’s facial expression is its own set of speech bubbles. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
Work buds! (X-Men Unlimited #2)
I mean, I know some of them are pretty evil, but I feel really bad for everyone here. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
Adrian Eiskalt X-Plains Magneto. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
Magneto: flesh and bone, and that only makes him more impressive. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
A good writer knows when to let the art speak. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
What Happened To Ute, version 2. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
Not for nothing does Magneto’s cape resemble wings. (X-Men Unlimited #2)
NEXT TIME: Guess who’s back?

233 – Electromagnetism Unlimited

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X-Men Unlimited.

In which X-Men Unlimited begins; Cyclops’s powers remain wildly inconsistent; electromagnetic fields are the gamma rays of the early ‘90s; Siena Blaze should probably take some science courses; Magneto is a complex dude; and the Marvel Universe could really use adequate mental healthcare.

X-PLAINED:

  • Tradeoffs
  • X-Men Unlimited
  • Several other Unlimited series
  • The Gregorian calendar
  • Chris Bachalo
  • Storm’s-eye view
  • Electromagnetic fields
  • Diverse approaches to problem-solving
  • One of Cyclops’s many issues
  • An unfortunate encounter with Magneto
  • A memorial
  • Magneto, his origins, and his many pseudonyms
  • The Victor Von Doom paradox
  • A terrible plan
  • Physical mannerisms in comics
  • An unfortunate encounter with Magneto, revisited
  • Mental healthcare in the Marvel Universe
  • What happened to the Soul Sword

NEXT EPISODE: FATAL ATTRACTIONS

Special thanks to consulting X-Pert @beccastareyes!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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