Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: Externals

As Mentioned in Episode 375 – One Thousand Kicks to the Face

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So many textures! (X-Men #60)
Ororo, you’re a good enough thief that you could probably afford clothes without holes in them… or is that a style thing? (X-Men #60)
I mean, this is definitely implying that Storm ran around the bronze age with Candra’s Heart as a fashion accessory, right? (X-Men #60)
“Dammit Ororo, did you learn nothing from my brother?!” (X-Men #60)
Candra as shibari lobster once more, now with ear-mandibles! (X-Men #60)
Remember that one Punisher movie where Frank set a bunch of cars on fire in the shape of a big skull? That was kinda cool. (X-Men #60)
Tiny mustache or shadow – you be the judge! (X-Men #60)
I know the Shadow King is supposed to be dead at this point, but that has to be him! Look at the speech bubble borders! (X-Men #60)
Suddenly, ninjas. (X-Men #61)
Ooh, nice visual flow. (X-Men #61)
“As opposed to that time I had kidney stones, which was only about three hundred kicks to the face!” (X-Men #61)
Logan is tasting the air like a snake! (X-Men #61)
Storm gets Candra’s hopes up… (X-Men #61)
…before Cyclops ZARKs them upon the rocks. That’s cold, guys. (X-Men #61)
Is it, though? (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Matching nightshirts! (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Whoa. Nicely done, Jim Cheung. (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Idyllic! (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Never change, Artie. (X-Men Unlimited #14)
Ever see Children of the Corn, Joe? (X-Men Unlimited #14)
I wish everyone had a dad this supportive. (X-Men Unlimited #14)
No moppet should moppet alone! (X-Men Unlimited #14)
NEXT TIME: Back to Asgard!

 

375 – One Thousand Kicks to the Face

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In which there is definitely a wrong way to enjoy your comics; Storm could probably use a more secure storage system; the Externals need more camp; and Joseph makes some valid points.

X-PLAINED

  • What Storm’s up to
  • X-Men Unlimited #7 (again) (briefly)
  • X-Men #60-61
  • X-Men Unlimited #14
  • Karima
  • Jamil
  • Candra (again)
  • A surprising absence of Howard Mackie
  • Candra’s heart
  • Some excessively complex psychic powers
  • Phylacteries
  • The origin of Storm’s romance with T’Challa
  • Kicks to the face as a unit of pain
  • Undercloaks
  • The alternate universe where the McCoys live in Indiana
  • The moppet squad (again)
  • Dunfee, IN
  • Yet another angry mob
  • Multiverse-variable powers
  • Favorite X-relationships

Correction: The Brandalorian let us know that “Phylacteries (tefillin) are not Chasidic; they’re a ritual object mentioned by the Torah, used by Jews of all sorts.” Apologies for our error, and we appreciate the correction!

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force goes to Asgard!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 332 – Gideon Falls

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Domino is extremely dedicated to her stretching routine, I guess? (X-Force #52)
Not someone you want to fight. (X-Force #52)
I like to think he fell straight out of a board meeting in that outfit. (X-Force #52)
Um, I think you mean “Crule Rules!” (X-Force #53)
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN ABOUT THAT CIRCULAR MOTIF? (X-Force #53)
None of these are Keyser Soze. (X-Force #54)
She’s evil, yeah; but she’s very good at swooping. (X-Force #54)
The coolest guy in junior high. (X-Force #54)
OH NO (X-Force #54)
NEXT EPISODE: Just the usual Wednesday on the PATH.

332 – Gideon Falls

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Swimsuit Catalog is not an actual style of martial arts; Onslaught dabbles in vandalism; Crule is a special guy; we identify briefly with X-Force; and Charles Xavier is the Keyser Soze of Onslaught.

X-PLAINED:

  • Externals on Krakoa
  • Relative levels of violence in X-books
  • X-Force #52-54
  • Camp Hayden, KY
  • Onslaught-facilitated power-ups
  • Gideon (again)
  • At least one apparent death
  • How it feels to be us
  • Businesswear
  • Whether Cannonball is an external
  • Nazis in the Captain Britain Corps
  • Doop

NEXT EPISODE: Sinister vs. Public Transit

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As Mentioned in Episode 277 – Hedgehogs of Cairo

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Sauron has hella abs… (X-Men Unlimited #6)
…and apparently a come-hither gaze? (X-Men Unlimited #6)
Sauron’s backstory is a wild ride even by Silver Age standards. (X-Men Unlimited #6)
“Also, I get three mana of any color.” (X-Men Unlimited #6)
That’s our Sauron! (X-Men Unlimited #6)
Karl Lykos is a cheerful guy. (X-Men Unlimited #6)
They say it’s the smell, but I bet the other pterosaurs are actually judging him for his jorts. (X-Men Unlimited #6)
Meanwhile in Cairo… (X-Men Unlimited #7)
It really doesn’t seem like Candra should be able to bend her arms and legs. (X-Men Unlimited #7)
Truly, a fancy beard. (X-Men Unlimited #7)
Urchins: 1, Gambit: 0. (X-Men Unlimited #7)
Later, this kid will be retconned to have been imaginary. Don’t think too hard about it. (X-Men Unlimited #7)
STEALTH! (X-Men Unlimited #7)
X-Men vs. Urchins. (X-Men Unlimited #7)
Seriously, Candra, Storm will stab you in a sewer and not even care. (X-Men Unlimited #7)
NEXT EPISODE: Sex?

LINKS & FURTHER DINOSAURS

277 – Hedgehogs of Cairo

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Sauron is a huge nerd; the Savage Land is where Marvel stores the weird stuff; an etymology detour does not come from the X-Pert you’d expect; and Storm will straight-up stab you.

X-PLAINED:

  • Responsible weapon storage
  • X-Men Unlimited #6-7
  • A very large creative team
  • Sauron (more) (again)
  • Blood-derived powers
  • The Mutates
  • A pterosaur glow-up
  • Achmed El-Gibar
  • Street urchins (and the etymology thereof)
  • How to get a t’ieve mentor
  • Style vs. taste
  • The proportional relationship between knife skills and leadership potential
  • Tattoos vs. healing factors

NEXT EPISODE: Sex?

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
This looks like a “Sexy Spider-Woman” costume from Party City. (X-Force #34)
IT’S FOR FLIRTING, RICTOR. (X-Force #34)
I guess this is just his thing now. (X-Force #34)
These guys. <3 (X-Force #34)
At least one person on this art team clearly thought Rictor was Gambit. (X-Force #34)
Seriously, though, why did they come along? (X-Force #34)
Who even sits like that while they’re thinking? (X-Force #34)
Starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton. (X-Force #35)
The. Worst. Security. System. (X-Force #35)
X-Force kind of needs a team counselor. (X-Force #35)
I want a whole side story about the two of them raising some hell. (X-Force #35)
Okay, but for the record, atomic bombs are also bad. (X-Force #35)
Cable, have you even read this comic? (X-Force #35)
That’s our boy. (X-Force #36)
Sucks to be Nimrod, I guess? (X-Force #36)
I’m really uncomfortable with the concept of “hot Apocalypse.” (X-Force #37)
Later, S’mores. (X-Force #37)
I don’t know why this panel is so funny to me, but IT’S SO FUNNY. (X-Force #37)
That’s not how you coffin, guys. (X-Force #37)
Right there with you, Sam. (X-Force #37)
“Also, you’re big jerks.” (X-Force #37)
NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!

263 – The Oldest Teens of Them All

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Cable and Domino may or may not be very old teenagers; disguises are not Dani Moonstar’s strong suit; Empath remains awful; Shatterstar probably talks exactly like a telenovela; X-Force needs an office manager; Mothra is larger than most things; and if you get to choose between being an External or a Guthrie, always be a Guthrie.

X-PLAINED:

  • Bastion, to some extent
  • X-Force #34-37
  • Optical disambiguation
  • Moonstar
  • Face tentacle semantics
  • Sandwiches (again)
  • The Richter family
  • An entirely avoidable fight
  • Some time-travel bullshit
  • Hannigan Electronics
  • An insecurity system
  • Nimrods
  • Things neural networks would probably do instead of murdering you
  • Defining traits of the Externals
  • Adoption, X-Factor style
  • Wolverine: The Long Night

NEXT EPISODE: Douglock!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 245 – Natural Causes

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
I love this cover, and I love this series. (Rogue #1)
I wonder if she just kisses planes every once in a while just in case one turns out to be a Transformer. (Rogue #1)
And that’s how we deal with street harassers. (Rogue #1)
Rogue’s backstory has stayed remarkably consistent over the years, especially by X-Men standards. (Rogue #1)
Gambit’s awkward facial expressions in this series are absolutely delightful. (Rogue #1)
Oh. THIS guy. (Rogue #1)
Meanwhile in a late ’80s music video… (Rogue #1)
The Assassins’ guild has the weirdest cell phone plans. (Rogue #1)
Gambit gets a lot more interesting when you realize his flirting is largely performative. (Rogue #2)
The uncontested champions of Pairs’ Punching! (Rogue #2)
Oh, hell, yeah. (Rogue #2)
As a responsible teacher, Wolverine makes sure to brief all his students about Inverse Ninja Law. (Rogue #3)
“I WAS coming up with new cheers, but den you showed up on dat motorcycle.” (Rogue #3)
I didn’t notice this my first time through, but what the HELL is going on with Lapin’s facial hair? (Rogue #3)
Oh. Hell. Yeah. (Rogue #3)
OH HELL YEAH (Rogue #4)
Seriously, why is Cody eight years old? (Rogue #4)
NEXT EPISODE: Pointy boys, yelling!

LINKS & FURTHER ADVENTURES:

245 – Natural Causes

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Rogue flouts air traffic regulations; Jay is very sorry for how badly he butchers Gambit’s accent; stealth is directly proportionate to how loudly you dress; Rogue and Gambit win the gold in Pairs Punchin’; Candra is a big jerk; you should ABSOLUTELY NOT remove an impaled object; Rogue busts through some tropes; and we have complicated feelings about the Ultimate universe.

X-PLAINED:

  • Rogue’s biological parents
  • Marvel New Orleans
  • Brood Trouble in the Big Easy
  • Rogue/rogue disambiguation
  • Rogue #1-4
  • Bella Donna Boudreaux
  • What may or may not happen if Rogue kisses a Transformer
  • Cody Robbins (again)
  • Natural causes
  • Supervillain funeral crashers (again)
  • Inverse Ninja Law (Law of Conservation of Ninjutsu)
  • The Bill the Pony incident
  • Relative culpability
  • Nature vs. nurture
  • Tante Mattie (Mattie Baptiste)
  • Candra’s new threads
  • How long it takes to drive from Westchester, NY, to Caledcott, MI
  • How Jay learned to love Gambit (but not to stop worrying)
  • Gris-Gris
  • Lapin
  • Fifolet
  • Punching hallucinations
  • Questa
  • Knives as superpowers
  • Inversions of several gendered superhero tropes
  • Closure
  • The limits of intent
  • Magnetos’ (sometimes) kids’ hair
  • Whether we’ll cover Ultimate X-Men

NEXT EPISODE: Spiky boys, yelling!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!