excalibur – Page 8 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

169 – Bad Kansas

October 22, 2017 Jay 30 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Justin Thyme is a forgotten superstar of comics; Nazis should pretty much never be used as a metaphor; Charles Xavier is somehow even worse than usual; Excalibur may lack object permanence; Phoenix defeats Hitler with the power of gayness; we may have hit Peak Nocenti; Brett Blevins should draw Boom Boom forever; and the New Mutants get a taste of media theory.

X-PLAINED:

The exact nature of Shatterstar and Longshot’s relationship
Excalibur: Weird War III
New Mutants Summer Special: A Mutant in Megalopolis
Justin Thyme
Bad Kansas
Nazi Charles Xavier
Kinda-Nazi Moira MacTaggert
The Reichsmen
Lightning Squad (again)
Naked Space Xavier
Largely unsuccessful denouement
The Wobbly Sneaker Gang
Megalopolis
Media theory and several of its anthropomorphic personifications
Socially conscious comics
The Gifted
The New Mutants trailer

NEXT EPISODE: Lockheed X-Plains Excalibur!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 161 – Do You Even Howl, Bro?

August 27, 2017 Jay 6 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

FlameCon Saturday: ABD Squad! (Yes, Tea’s shirt says what you think it does. Yes, Jay’s hands light up. Yes, we think we’re funny.)

FlameCon Party: Billy and Teddy from Young Avengers #15

FlameCon Sunday: Mod Silver Age Emma and Scott.

Excalibur #32

Not unprecedented, until you realize that the whole thing is a fantasy Margaret Thatcher is having in therapy. (Excalibur #32)

YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?! (Excalibur #32)

Don’t mess with Kitty’s crushes. She’ll cut you. (Excalibur #32)

That is PERFECTLY RESPECTABLE penmanship, thank you very much. (Excalibur #32)

Welcome to St. Subtext’s School for Young Ladies. (Excalibur #32)

(Excalibur #33)

“Also, I’m a superhero.” (Excalibur #33)

(Excalibur #34)

“But you can call me… MR. RAD!” (Excalibur #34)

Let the hijinks commence! (Excalibur #34)

Well, that could’a gone worse. (Excalibur #34)

‘Kay. (Excalibur #34)

Seriously, if I had a dollar for every time I’d woken up like this… (Excalibur #32)

TOO SOON, MESMERO. (Excalibur #33)

Do those abs go all the way… wait, no, that doesn’t even make sense. (Excalibur #33)

But if he can hypnotize her just by making eye contact, why bother doing this? Just to mess with her for fun? Total dick move.(Excalibur #33)

[Ron Howard voice]: There were mistakes. (Excalibur #33)

Oh, great. These assholes, again. (Excalibur #34)

AND THAT’S WHY YOU ALWAYS LEAVE A NOTE! (Excalibur #34)

GOOD JOB, EVERYBODY! (Excalibur #34)

Trust me, they’re delightful together. (Excalibur #35)

Well, that escalated quickly. (Excalibur #35)

Aw, kiddo. (Excalibur #35)

Right. That guy. (Excalibur #35)

“But not the one from Alaska. The indefinite article.” (Excalibur #35)

And they all lived grumpily ever after. (Excalibur #35)

Our hero! (Excalibur #36)

It’s a nuanced issue, okay? (Excalibur #36)

This is why we can’t have nice… uncontrolled nuclear things? (Excalibur #36)

Best fight dialogue? Best fight dialogue. And check out that word-balloon cut! (Excalibur #36)

We certainly did not see that coming. (Excalibur #36)

And it DIDN’T ONCE OCCUR TO YOU that this might end badly? (Excalibur #36)

I have no idea what the moral of this story is, but it’s sort of heartwarming anyway. (Excalibur #36)

NEXT EPISODE: The angriest naked man!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

Special thanks to Gavia Baker-Whitelaw for helping us assemble the St. Searle’s marginalia!
Listen to our FlameCon X-Tra Bonus Episode!
The MacDonald Hall books are delightful, and you should read them all immediately.
If you didn’t get Jay’s joke about St. Searle’s, this is for you.
The International Association of Master Penmen, Engrossers, and Teachers of Handwriting is the kind of thing you’ll like, if you like that kind of thing.
We talked about Kitty Pryde and asynchronous social development in Giant-Size Special #1!
D’Spayre last turned up on the podcast in Look Upon My Man-Thing and D’Spayre!

161 – Do You Even Howl, Bro?

August 27, 2017 Jay 22 comments

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In which we return to Excalibur, and Excalibur returns to form; “Girls’ School from Heck” is way better than we remembered; Jay has strong feelings about penmanship; we examine the semantics of field hockey; the band gets back together; Dai Thomas has no time for your comic-book bullshit; and you should never, ever install a good/evil switch in your technological abominations.

X-PLAINED

The first appearances of Colonel Vazhin
Perks of home recording
FlameCon 2017
Jay & Miles at Rose City Comic Con
Excalibur #32-36
“Girls’ School from Heck!”
St. Searle’s School for Young Ladies
St. Trinian’s and a large number of references thereto
Regional variations in boarding school hijinks
Miss Rutherford
A poorly staged panel
Phoebe Huntsman
Kitty Pryde’s penmanship
Margaret Thatcher’s weirdly wholesome fantasies
The kinda-reformation of Mesmero
The end of Chris Claremont’s run on Excalibur
Some complicated contradictions related to the ethics of consumption
An abduction
The ethics of psychic interrogation (kinda)
Mariner disambiguation
A rescue
An unlikely partnership
Darkmoor Research Center
Dr. Walshe
A somewhat convoluted plot
Whether the Danger Room could function as a bathroom
The physics of Asteroid M

NEXT EPISODE: Weapon X!

You can find the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

Special thanks to Gavia Baker-Whitelaw for helping us assemble the St. Searle’s marginalia!

As Mentioned in Episode 153 – Mermaid Parade

April 3, 2017 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original!

These two have their moments. (Excalibur #28)

Aw. (Excalibur #28)

“I’m Brian’s significantly more fashion-forward brother.” (Excalibur #28)

…’kay. (Excalibur #28)

Well, then. (Excalibur #28)

I don’t know what you do in fights, but… (Excalibur #28)

Man, these Sweet Valley High novels are getting weird. (Excalibur #28)

The Excalibur #29 wall of shame.

Not every day. Just, y’know, most days. (Excalibur #29)

HEY, KIDS! COMICS! (Excalibur #29)

I just. Wow. (Excalibur #29)

Okay, so, that’s a pretty cool layout.

NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE (Excalibur #29)

Breakfast with Excalibur is aggressively informal. (Excalibur #29)

Alysande “I knew I’d have been better off staying home and drinking” Stuart. (Excalibur #30)

Not mentioning W.H.O. here was kind of a waste. (Excalibur #30)

And then Captain Britain got his ass kicked by the elderly. (Excalibur #30)

Good dog. (Excalibur #30)

These delightful scamps! (Excalibur #30)

[Insert Second Coming joke here.] (Excalibur #31)

I really hope they never stop bringing that up, because it never stops being funny. (Excalibur #31)

Um. Can we… maybe not? (Excalibur #31)

LOOK AT THIS GOOFY TURTLE-LOOKING DUDE (Excalibur #31)

They’re about as effective as they look. (Excalibur #31)

NEXT EPISODE: Talking Iceman with Sina Grace!

153 – Mermaid Parade

April 3, 2017 Jay 13 comments

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In which Miles gets an etymology lesson; Nightcrawler is the most dateable guy in the X-Universe; Meggan is basically all the cryptids; Michael Higgins must be stopped; Alistair Stuart is terrible at adulting; we really hope Brian wasn’t too attached to that airplane; and in retrospect, there probably should have been a Spalding Gray joke in there somewhere.

X-PLAINED:

The Montesi Formula
Excalibur #28-31
The Gilded Lady
The quintessential post-college experience
The word “cooter”
Relative gullibility
A generally unacceptable issue
Loungewear
Vampires, kind of
Some uncomfortably colonial imagery
Krakoa, Jr.
The Vega Men
The aftermath of Axis
Colossus’s probable politics

NEXT EPISODE: Talking Iceman with Sina Grace!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 146 – Asshole Factor

February 16, 2017 Jay 2 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Buy prints at Redbubble, or contact David to purchase the original!

This Sidney Poitier movie has taken an unexpected turn. (Excalibur #25)

Chris Wozniak is not Alan Davis; but then, few are. (Excalibur #25)

Death, Death, Death, and Death. (Excalibur #25)

This cannot possibly end badly, right? (Excalibur #26)

Dark Phoenix Saga callback! (Excalibur #26)

Days of Future Past callback! We’re hitting all the classics this issue! (Excalibur #26)

The best ruse. (Excalibur #26)

“…you asshole.” (Excalibur #26)

Oh, man. Barry Windsor-Smith and Bill Sienkiewicz should draw all the reality warpers. (Excalibur #27)

Nigel is just incredibly persistently awful. (Excalibur #27)

Even odds that they’ll be legitimately intimidated by Vixen’s killer abs. (Excalibur #27)

Meanwhile in Nth Man… (Excalibur #27)

Excalibur in a nutshell. (Excalibur #27)

‘Kay. (Excalibur #27)

I appreciate the de facto citation. (Excalibur #27)

NEXT EPISODE: Yep.

146 – Asshole Factor (feat. Elisabeth Allie)

February 13, 2017 Jay 12 comments

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In which Elisabeth plans for her reign as Omniversal Majestrix; Hulks and moons are two great tastes that go great together; Nightcrawler takes the lead; Alastair gets a new gadget; it’s just not a cosmic event without Alan Davis; Mastermind is still the absolute worst; Excalibur fixes problems by playing dress-up; Moira MacTaggert desperately needs to hire some staff; and Jamie Braddock is legitimately terrifying.

X-PLAINED:

M’gubgub
Nth Man
Excalibur #25-27
Nova (Frankie Raye)
The continually poor decisions of Brian Braddock
A convergence of cosmic forces
Lumberjack Death
Character growth both literal and metaphorical
A cosmic snit
Asshole Factor
A villainous ruse
Several rounds of reality warping
Definitive incarnations of characters

NEXT EPISODE: Rictor has issues!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on the blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 143 – Seduction of the Innocent

January 21, 2017 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

Illustration by David Wynne

Crusader X has a somewhat expanded power set. (Excalibur #21)

Whatthewho, now? (Excalibur #21)

Okay, but that’s actually a pretty rad outfit. (Excalibur #21)

Or any of a large number of other supervillains, but, y’know. (Excalibur #21)

Okay, this Earth’s Hellfire Club is WAY creepier than the one on 616. (Excalibur #21)

So close, and yet so far… (Excalibur #21)

Well, damn. (Excalibur #21)

More X-analogues from Earth-2122. (Excalibur #22)

Well, no, but… (Excalibur #22)

The personification of a dropped plot thread. (Excalibur #22)

Aw, these wacky kids. (Excalibur #22)

ALAN DAVIS! WE MISSED YOU! (Excalibur #23)

The evil trinity. I would totally read an ongoing comic about these three. (Excalibur #23)

One more evil Illyana, just for fun. (Excalibur #23)

Justicer Bull! (Excalibur #23)

That last word balloon, tho. (Excalibur #23)

This is the last Evil Illyana panel. We promise. BUT IT’S SO AWESOME. (Excalibur #23)

Well. That’s… unambiguous. (Excalibur #24)

Meanwhile… (Excalibur #24)

THOSE MATCHING HAIR SWOOPS! (Excalibur #24)

It’s okay. She just sends ’em home. (Excalibur #24)

“I got just what I wanted! SUBTEXT!” (Excalibur #24)

NEXT EPISODE: 2017 Winter Special, featuring Kid Apocalypse and (hopefully) Dennis Hopeless!

143 – Seduction of the Innocent

January 16, 2017 Jay 38 comments

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In which the Cross-Time Caper has finally outstayed its welcome; we bid a reluctant farewell to Alan Davis; Inferno may or may not finally actually be over; Evil Doug Ramsey rocks our socks; the Shadow King is not a particularly nuanced villain; Kitty Pryde celebrates a birthday; and Courtney Ross represents an awful lot of dangling plot threads.

X-PLAINED:

Nocturne
Excalibur #21-24
The end of the Cross-Time Caper
Post-Alan Davis Excalibur
Chris Wozniak
Crusader X
Earth-2122
How to track Excalibur
Phoenix-related telepathic idiosyncracies
Our general indifference to the Shadow King
An alternate history of Earth-811
Earth-23238
An extended Judge Dredd riff
Puberty
Another John Byrne cameo
Several variations on Courtney Ross
Kitty Pryde’s 15^th birthday
Nightcrawler’s beard
The Siege Courageous

NEXT EPISODE: Giant-Size Winter Special, featuring Kid Apocalypse & Dennis Hopeless!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)