463 – The Fart Ghost That Walks Like a Manhattan

September 22, 2024 Jay 5 comments

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In which Gambit is fundamentally goofy; t’ieves love research; Magneto was ripped; Professor Xavier remains a jerk; Miles attempts to convey something very fundamentally visual in an audio format; Marrow is adorable; the X-Men pretty much disband (again); and a miniseries is the opposite of a vacation.

X-PLAINED:

Where Wolverine went
Gambit Annual 1999
Uncanny X-Men #372
X-Men #92
A lot of backstory
A very cute plastic goose
What Gambit does in his free time
Those weird fluid-filled tubes they put people in all the time for some reason
Gambit’s abs
The fart ghost (Mary Purcell)
Manhattan, Indiana
A very minor continuity error
Fart ghost metaphysics
A very bad idea
A muppetworthy death
Dream’s various ends
X-pajamas
Professional dinosaurs
Thinkers
Theoretical Cyclops-Daredevil team-ups
X-characters recognizable as civilians

NEXT EPISODE: The return of the Damocles Foundation!

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461 – Things to Do in Denver When You’re X-Force

September 1, 2024 Jay 8 comments

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In which Magneto may be right but is also wildly impractical; X-Force goes on a sneaking mission; Magneto isn’t mad, he’s just disappointed; Rictor and Shatterstar return; Strong is not a common surname in the Marvel universe; and being a mutant on TV doesn’t mean you’re one in the comics.

X-PLAINED:

How Jubilee became a vampire
The most X-treme youth of them all
X-Force 94-95
X-Force Annual 1999
Genosha
Butler disambiguation
Clown jobs
A team-up predicated on an awkward breakup
Hammer Town
Delphi
Memory boxes
Several potential continuity error
Names
Genoshan robots
Archie
A hierarchy of potential fates
Vershiagen Industries and/or Vershlagen Industries
V2
Hanrancha
Stronghold
Martin Strong
Freddie
Michelle Balters (Neurotap) (more) (again)
Communication with X-teams
A sudden and depressing resolution
Continuity across media
Why Gambit doesn’t (usually) throw tarot cards

NEXT EPISODE: The Return of the Hellions (kinda)

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454 – X-Men ’97, Part 2

June 30, 2024 Miles 13 comments

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SPOILER WARNING: ALL OF THEM, NONSTOP

In which Barry Windsor-Smith is too sexy for television; we know what happens when unstable molecules get struck by lightning; X-Men gets political and does it spectacularly; this Captain America would not sew the cape; Magneto continues to throw things into space; and they kissed and we missed it.

X-PLAINED:

Fabian Cortez’s name
X-Men ’97 episodes 6-10
Lifedeath I & II: a surprising adaptation
Varying levels of going in blind
A somewhat different and possibly better Forge
The Adversary vs. the Owl Queen
Stormiest and least-Stormy costumes
Professor Charles Xavier, Official Space Boyfriend
Colonialism vs. Identity
Delayed catharsis
The narrative power of altered opening credits
What makes allyship effective (and not)
Justified mutant anger
The worst version of Nina DaCosta
What makes Prime Sentinels scary
Summers family feels
The best damned fight scenes out there
Bastion, robo-avatar of conservative white patriarchy
Simultaneous crossovers
A psychic gay bar
A last boss arena
Acolyte equivalencies
Phoenix Ex Machina
Crying
Whether Magneto was right
Apoca-futures and Apoca-pasts
A bulletin board and our hopes for its contents
Soft Serve
Kitty Pryde’s coffee shop AU
X-Men ’97 as the perfect gateway

NEXT EPISODE: Skrulls!

LINKS AND FURTHER READING:

The Judgment of Magneto by Asher Elbein

No visual companion this week!

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As Mentioned in Episode 452 – Hot Nothing

June 9, 2024 Jay 2 comments

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That can’t be comfortable. (Magneto Rex #1)

One way to put a fire out. (Magneto Rex #1)

Phillip Moreau and Jenny Ransome. (Magneto Rex #1)

This freakin’ loser. (Magneto Rex #1)

The Zealot. (Magneto Rex #1)

Uncool, dude. (Magneto Rex #1)

Ferris endures. (Magneto Rex #2)

“You may have the Legacy Virus, but the L is still for ‘loser.'” (Magneto Rex #2)

This would have been way more dramatic if he’d been naked, right? (Magneto Rex #2)

That’s certainly one way to deal with your problems. (Magneto Rex #3)

That is in fact exactly what he means. (Magneto Rex #3)

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men ’97!

LINKS & OTHER ACADEMIA:

The book Jay mentioned is The Metaphysics of Fiction, by Amie L. Thomasson
Star Trek: Into Darkness was not a very good movie.

452 – Hot Nothing

June 9, 2024 Jay 9 comments

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In which Magneto is not full of mirth; nobody real or fictional likes Fabian Cortez; when you’re a speedster, every problem is a metaphorical nail; The Zealot makes some valid points; and when Quicksilver declares himself your conscience, it’s time to examine your life.

X-PLAINED:

How Magneto got his powers back
Morally ambiguous hair
Genosha (more) (again)
Magneto Rex #1-3
Magneto vs. Conan
Trish Tilby
Omniscient narrative condemnation
Magneto’s true archfoe
Magistrates (more) (again)
Mutates (more) (again)
Dr. Alda Huxley
Phillip Moreau (more) (again)
Jenny Ransome (more) (again)
Pipeline (Cormac Grimshaw)
Teleportational nudity
The Zealot
Fabian Cortez (more) (again)
Amelia Voght (more) (again)
Several of Magneto’s on-again-off-again children
The Bastille (but not that one)
Mutant numbering
When to use full frontal nudity in your comic
The X-books we’re not covering
The Amulet of Right vs the Sword of Might

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men ’97!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 451 – Meanwhile in Another Dimension

June 2, 2024 Jay Leave a comment

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Spoiler: No. (Uncanny X-Men #368)

I need a black-and-white numbered legend for this panel. (Uncanny X-Men #368)

HAMMER PANTS (Uncanny X-Men #368)

And now, for something completely different. (Uncanny X-Men #368)

Specifically, this. (Uncanny X-Men #368)

Well, then. (X-Men #88)

“Good lord!” (X-Men #88)

The Trion. (X-Men #88)

Alan Davis’s Black Tom Cassidy is a looker. (X-Men #88)

Coooooool (X-Men #88)

Storm and Ororo. (Uncanny X-Men #369)

Tentacles from the tentacle dimension. (Uncanny X-Men #369)

THEY WENT IN THROUGH THE FACE (Uncanny X-Men #369)

The Trion, revisited. (Uncanny X-Men #369)

I fuckin’ love it when anyone carries Wolverine like this. (Uncanny X-Men #369)

Juggernaut vs. Jugger-not. (Uncanny X-Men #369)

Whoops. (Uncanny X-Men #369)

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto Rex!

451 – Meanwhile in Another Dimension

June 2, 2024 Jay 2 comments

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In which we remain fascinated by Magneto’s robot butler; murder is Logan’s love language; the Juggernaut punches a hole in reality; Professor Xavier makes it weird; and Storm lectures several gods.

X-PLAINED:

Silly mutant powers
Uncanny X-Men #368-369
X-Men #88
Alan Davis’s X-Men run
Magneto’s robot butler
Joseph’s funeral
Nun-sense
A voyage to another dimension
Eyebrow power
Ejulp
The Trion
The other Gem of Cyttorak that’s like the first one but somehow worse
Several comas
Juggernaut vs. Juggernaut
Evil, kind of
Vacationing with X-Men characters
Illyana Rasputin and Rachel Summers

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto Rex

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As Mentioned in Episode 445 – Dick War

April 7, 2024 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the episode here.

This cover, man. (X-Men: The Magneto War #1)

Rogue’s dream bikini. (X-Men: The Magneto War #1)

His powers are just icky. (X-Men: The Magneto War #1)

Please enjoy Nightcrawler’s adorable pajamas. (X-Men: The Magneto War #1)

That’s… that’s not Trish Tilby. (Uncanny X-Men #366)

…what… (Uncanny X-Men #366)

Magneto knows from villainous lairs. (Uncanny X-Men #366)

Ferris is a cutie. (Uncanny X-Men #366)

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto wins.

LINKS & FURTHER ADVICE

Birthday shenanigans! Be there, or be… somewhere else, I guess.
The Harkness Test is the gold standard for ethical monsterfucking.
Waiting for the Trade is the gold standard for Suburban Magneto.

445 – Dick War

April 7, 2024 Jay 10 comments

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In which not every story needs to be an event; Alan Davis returns to the X-line; X-mansion security is not what it once was; Rogue needs some new fantasies; and Magneto wants a country.

X-PLAINED:

A poor governance decision
X-Men: The Magneto War #1
Uncanny X-Men #366
Astral demerits
A very dramatic dream
The yolk of oppression
Several Acolytes
Nightcrawler’s nightcap
Our standards for advertisers
Suburban Magneto
Ferris
Magnet problems
Forged DNA
Mutants from Georgia, Florida, and Indiana
Flying with Storm

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto wins.

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RSVP to our birthday shenanigans!

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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