Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: dick jokes

As Mentioned in Episode 437 – Dismember the Titans

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“Hot Topic Rennfaire” was a somewhat controversial choice for X-Force’s prom theme. (X-Force #85)
I’m impressed Pandemonia is so well put-together after 600 years in captivity! I was wearing pajama pants by day three of the pandemic. (X-Force #85)
“I’ll never forget that day… Rusty was inexplicably blonde, I was in a costume I wouldn’t have for months, and all was right in the world.” (X-Force #85)
You can tell Sam and Dani are in great shape: they’re having a conversation about feelings and continuity during a run while most of us couldn’t manage more than “*wheeze* *cough*” (X-Force #85)
“This place seems different! Did somebody replace a lamp or something?” (X-Force #85)
…How long have they been posing like that? (X-Force #85)
Nice fight scene, Angel Unzueta! (X-Force #85)
As distinct from prolific video game voice actress Jennifer Hale! (X-Force #85)
Say it, Dani! Focused totality… you know the next part… (X-Force #85)
“We’re here to cast glamours and rock out for Satan, and we’re all out of glamours!” (X-Force #85)
Pictured: Hades in disguise, Hades’s girlfriend, and Hades’s surprisingly detailed and colorful statue of Hades. (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)
It’s no Larry Stroman crowd scene, but still, pretty great! (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)
Cannonball wants to axe Meltdown what she was thinking. (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)
“Well, at least it’s not a, you know.” (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)
To Meltdown’s credit, that lady does seem like she’s about to take a bite out of Cannonball. (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)
“Why were we the members of this team? Well, we happened to all be free on a Tuesday.” (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)
Magic! Flirtation! Fonts! (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)
“Happy tenth high school reunion, everybody!” (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)
Now THAT’S playing the long game. (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)
Don’t feel bad, I always mix them up with the Defenders too. (X-Force & Champions Annual 1998)
NEXT TIME: A very Wolverine Wolverine story.

437 – Dismember the Titans

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“Hot Topic Rennfaire” was a somewhat controversial choice for X-Force’s prom theme. (X-Force #85)

In which the overlap between Rocky Horror and ‘90s X-Force fans is probably pretty significant; Pandemonia has priorities; the warehouse gets an evil, sexy glowup; swears are great; Johnny Blaze’s motorcycle probably shouldn’t still be on fire; and there is no single definitive X-Men experience.

X-PLAINED:

  • Master Pandemonium
  • X-Force #85
  • X-Force/Champions Annual 1998
  • What X-Force has been up to lately
  • The regrettable absence of Doctor Doom
  • Possession
  • Community
  • Cougars (euphemistic)
  • The thrift cycle
  • Rusty Collins on Krakoa
  • Fashion
  • An eons-old accord between the Houses of Chaos and the Lord of Valhalla
  • Jennifer Kale
  • The list
  • Swears
  • A statue of Hades
  • Various appendages sticking out of the earth
  • Hercules
  • The mystic power of sarcasm
  • The greatest fear of a Titan
  • Monet St. Croix vs. the Count of Monte Cristo
  • Good X-books for your fifteen-year-old niece

NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine vs. Vampires (again)!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 292 – Weekend at Sinister’s

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
It still really, really looks like the cover of a Star Trek novel to me. (Factor X #1)
Wow, Alex, you’re the worst. Second-worst, after Gabriel, but he doesn’t exist in this universe; so, yeah, you’re the worst. (Factor X #1)
Meanwhile, in Sinister’s secret hideout IN THE HEAD OF THE BIG APOCALYPSE STATUE… (Factor X #1)
Damnit, Sam! You’re better than this! (Factor X #1)
The Bedlam Brothers are way too wholesome to be working for Apocalypse. (Factor X #1)
HOLY SHIT SOMEONE REMEMBERS MELTDOWN (Factor X #1)
That costume. =( (Factor X #2)
See, this is why you’re never going to be Sinister’s favorite. This, and your DNA. (Factor X #2)
Every time, Alex. Every time. (Factor X #2)
If only he hadn’t learned dramatic reveals so well from Sinister, he might never have been found out. (Factor X #2)
It’s like the Silver Age, but different. (Factor X #3)
Ew, but also kind of cool. (Factor X #3)
Aw, Rahne. (Factor X #3)
‘Kay. (Factor X #3)
In Scott’s dubious defense, that’s also just a really poorly thought-out test. (Factor X #3)
Damnit, why’d you have to go and pull on my X-Men #137 heartstrings? (Factor X #3)
This will definitely end well. (Factor X #4)
In case you were wondering whether Alex is still horrible this issue: yes. (Factor X #4)
I KNEW IT! I KNEW THEY WERE TOO GOOD FOR THIS LIFE! (Factor X #4)
DON’T TALK TO ME OR MY BAR EVER AGAIN (Factor X #4)
If only they’d gotten to eat him. (Factor X #4)
NEXT EPISODE: Children are our future!

LINKS & FURTHER VIRTUES

 

292 – Weekend at Sinister’s

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which it is probably not actually possible to be too nasty for Earth-295; Sinister is on nobody’s side but his own; Vulcan is still the worst Summers in the multiverse; the Bedlam Brothers are too delightful for the EMF; Heaven is just straight-up Rick’s Bar now; Polaris of Earth-295 is the saddest Polaris; Scott Summers and Jean Grey make a good team in most universes; and the metaphors of 1995 read very differently in 2020.

X-PLAINED:

  • Nathaniel Essex of Earth-1610
  • A regrettable tattoo
  • #Creators4Comics
  • Scott Summers (Cyclops) of Earth-295
  • Alex Summers (Havok) of Earth-295
  • Factor X #1-4
  • Working for the Man
  • Costume design as narrative
  • The EMF (Elite Mutant Force)
  • Northstar and Aurora of Earth-295
  • Sam and Elizabeth Guthrie (Cannonball and Amazon) of Earth-295
  • Jesse and Terrence Aaronson (Bedlam Brothers) of Earth-295
  • Heaven (the bar)
  • Scarlett McKenzie of Earth-295
  • Someone who is not Magneto
  • The Brain Trust
  • Lorna Dane (Polaris) of Earth-295
  • An obscene monument
  • Innuendo of several sorts
  • That time Jean Grey got captured
  • Resistance of various sorts
  • Poetic almost-kinda justice
  • One more fallen angel
  • Villains of the Age of Apocalypse

NEXT EPISODE: Generation Next!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

Rachel Recaps X-Men: Evolution
S1E5: Speed and Spyke

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Before we jump into this one, let me tell you kids a story.

Once upon a time, there was a gentleman by the name of Dwayne McDuffie. McDuffie was an incredibly important figure in comics: these days, he’s best known as the creator of Static Shock and the co-founder of Milestone Media; for his work across the DCAU; and as a tireless and outspoken advocate for black representation in superhero comics.

In 1989, when McDuffie was an editor at Marvel Comics, he wrote a biting, satirical pitch that has since become industry legend. In his pitch, McDuffie points out that 25% of African-American superheroes appearing in the Marvel Universe over the last year have had skateboard-based superpowers or fighting styles, and proposes a new team to take advantage of this and other equivalently exciting trends, featuring four black guys on skateboards:

McDuffie

Twelve years later, the fifth episode of X-Men: Evolution would introduce the Xavier Institute’s sole black student and the show’s first original character, Evan “Spyke” Daniels:

A black guy on a skateboard.

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As Mentioned in Episode 14 – Look Upon My Man-Thing and D’Spayre

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Oh, hey, it’s another cover people will be riffing on until the end of time! They were flying fast and furious in these days. (X-Men #139)
This happens to us pretty regularly with college friends. (X-Men #139)
Shoulda listened to the Leprechauns, Kurt. (X-Men #139)
This isn’t plot-relevant, We just think Nightcrawler’s Scooby Doo moment is great. (X-Men #139)
The beginning of the end of Byrne on X-Men. (X-Men #140)
Storm vs. street harassment. (X-Men #140)
Storm is a somewhat possessive mama cat. (X-Men #140)
BERSERKER! (X-Men #140)
We’re really happy for you, and we’re gonna let you finish, but Daryl is the best Wendigo in comics. (B.P.R.D.: The Universal Machine #4)
Wolverine reaffirming his humanity by helping other characters find theirs remains a running motif. (X-Men #140)
Canadians, weigh in. Is this a real thing? Do your laws actually account for Wendigos? (X-Men #140)
For X-Men #141 and 142, see Episode 6, “Days of Future Whatever.”
This cover accurately reflects Rachel’s feelings about Christmas. (X-Men #143)
TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH, WOLVEIRNE. (X-Men #143)
Lee “Better Enjoy This Arc Because She’ll Never Be Written Very Well Again” Forrester. (X-Men #143)
“Not an Alien homage!” (X-Men #143)
The fact that he straight-up cheats at pool is a pretty legit charming Cyclops detail. (X-Men #144)
X-Men #144 is, structurally and thematically, a Creepy story. Still can’t believe this was CCA-compliant.
Outside of a few moments of the Dark Phoenix Saga, there’s probably no scene in X-Men that’s been redrawn as much as this one (but never retconned). (X-Men #144)
[Insert joke about Man-Thing and erections here.] (X-Men #144)
Aw. (X-Men #144)
Rachel and Doctor Doom are bros.
“This is why we can’t have nice things or tenure-track positions.” (X-Men #145)
AHAHAHAHWHAT (X-Men #145)
Toadworld. Think about that for a minute. (X-Men #145)
And thus began a long tradition of supervillains falling for Storm. (X-Men #145)
Well, that’ll end well. (X-Men #145)
Arcade! (X-Men #146)
Doom and Arcade have some fundamental differences over the proper execution of deathtraps. (X-Men #146)
Angel, you had ONE JOB. (X-Men #146)
Storm’s secondary mutation is weaponized claustrophobia. (X-Men #146)
Seriously. Don’t piss off Storm. (X-Men #146)
Fuckin’ Murderworld, man. (X-Men #146)
She is, of course, a robot, because if there’s anything Arcade and Doom can bond over, it’s their mutual love of making robot duplicates of EVERYONE THEY HAVE EVER MET. (X-Men #146)
But not that Rogue. (X-Men #147)
Recap! (X-Men #147)
You can tell it’s bad news because she’s got special balloon borders. (X-Men #147)
Aw. (X-Men #147)
I like to imagine that both of them have, in fact, had worse first dates. (X-Men #147)
YAYBO! New stuff! Go buy some!

Links and Further Reading:

YAYBO! WE’RE ON TWITTER!

The Death-Defying Doctor Mirage

Savage Wolverine #21

All Those Signature Moves We Listed Off (We’ll Do a Visual Directory Eventually, We Promise):

FASTBALL SPECIAL VARIATIONS:

  • Fastball Special: Colossus throws Wolveine at something.
  • Phaseball Special*: Someone throws Kitty through robots

OTHER MOVES:

  • The Most Comics-Code-Adherent at What He Does*:  The thing where Wolverine has his claws out during a fight but doesn’t cut anyone.
  • Cue-ball Special*: The thing where Cyclops takes out like six bad guys with ricochets from one optic blast.
  • Slippery Slope*: The thing where Iceman tries to be awesome and ends up beating up his teammates by accident.
  • Blue-Plate Special Special*: The thing where an X-man uses their powers to prepare lunch.
  • The thing where Kitty wrecks everything by accident phasing through it.
  • The thing where everyone switches opponents mid-fight, and that’s what turns the tide.
  • The thing where Nightcrawler is awfully dashing about beating people up.
  • The thing where Storm’s claustrophobia saves the day.
  • The thing where Angel just dodges shit for like an hour instead of participating in the fight.
  • The thing where Xavier fakes his own death.
  • The thing where Cypher and/or Kitty and/or Illyana and/or Wolverine do the “Ain’t I a stinker?” thing from the control booth of the Danger Room.
  • The thing where Cyclops uses his optic blasts to slow or stop inertia or a fall.
  • The thing where Storm has no powers and STILL kicks someone’s ass into next week.
  • The thing where Colossus and Wolverine throw themselves at Magneto every goddamn time despite being made of metal.

*We made these names up. They are not official canon, but we live in hope.

14 – Look Upon My Man-Thing and D’Spayre

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In which Canada is complicated, the X-Perts join Twitter, Rachel cares about a Wolverine story, Angel had one job, Kitty Pryde is pretty cool, Cyclops gets a hat, neither of us knows how to pronounce “Aleytys,” Doctor Doom is a terrible date, and the X-Men have an awful lot of signature moves.

X-Plained:

  • Department H
  • Department K
  • Director X
  • The Weapon Plus Program
  • Weapon P.R.I.M.E.
  • Weapons I-XVI
  • The Death-Defying Doctor Mirage
  • The new normal
  • Stevie Hunter
  • The Wendigo
  • Berserker rage
  • Yard work
  • Wolverines
  • Angel’s one move
  • The N’Garai (again)
  • Lee Forrester
  • D’Spayre
  • Magic-Feather villains
  • Man-Thing
  • Doctor Doom
  • Arcade
  • Why it sucks to be Havok
  • The X-Perts’ relative areas of X-pertise
  • Cyclops vs. Storm
  • Signature moves

CORRECTIONS: Lee’s dad’s house is in Florida, not Louisiana; Doctor Doom is not in Europe but in New England, where has taken over Toad’s theme park, because that was definitely a thing.

If you’re looking for our coverage of X-Men 141 and 142—”Days of Future Past”—you can find that in Episode 6, “Days of Future Whatever.”

You can find a visual companion to the episode – and links to recommended reading – on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!