Dark Beast – Page 3 – Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

314 – Feelings, Alaska

November 16, 2020 Jay 7 comments

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Haven deserved better; Cyclops and Havok have a lot of feelings in Alaska; X-Factor is the cop team; breaking up with your girlfriend between issues is a massive faux pas; Haven got a bad deal; no one cares about Random’s feelings; Spiral is weird Twitter; and Alex Summers once again fails to finish his dissertation.

X-PLAINED:

Chaos (Daniel Dash)
Pie
Power suits vs. power suits
X-Factor #115-118
Haven (more) (again)
The Adversary (more) (again)
Naze (more) (again)
Several people who may or may not be holograms
One of Jay’s all-time-favorite single issues
Howard Mackie
Wally Wood’s 22 Panels
The Summers Family plane crash
Cyclops and Havok’s relationship
Havok’s Silver Age origins
Trans readings of Alex Summers
Shard (more) (again)
Canadian drama
A trap
The return of Random
Roma (again)
Mojoworlders on social media
Which X-teens should be audience surrogates in a new animated series

NEXT EPISODE: Wolverine & Gambit!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 305 – The Sleep of the Wicked

August 23, 2020 Miles One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

That logo! That art! If this era was as good as the cover that started it, we’d be in great shape. (X-Factor #112)

Half cyborg. Half samurai. All toothy. (X-Factor #112)

Wild Child: like Wolverine, but stylish! (X-Factor #112)

“I walked here all the way from Havok & Wolverine: Meltdown, and boy, are my legs tired! And also very long!” (X-Factor #112)

Aww, Random. (X-Factor #112)

Mystique is actually laughing her ass off three blocks away. (X-Factor #112)

How else is someone in an X-Factor comic supposed to enter a room? Through the door? (X-Factor #112)

Havok’s woozy-bubbles are the best woozy-bubbles. (X-Factor #112)

Speaking of Polaris, did you see what her actress from The Gifted said on Twitter? (X-Factor #113)

As an information technology professional, Miles can confirm that BLAMPF (X-Factor #113)

Seriously, what the hell did Fatale build that thing out of? (X-Factor #113)

Yukio is reminded of her first date with Storm. (X-Factor #113)

Bad cop, worse cop. (X-Factor #113)

Havok is reminded of his first date with Polaris. (X-Factor #113)

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (X-Factor #113)

…and neither will we, because Scarlett hasn’t shown up since this panel. (X-Factor #113)

Mystique is the only one happy about this arrangement. Well, maybe not happy, but smug. (X-Factor #114

It’s like Banshee and Emma Frost if they hated each other way more! (X-Factor #114)

I mean, it’s pretty much Freedom Force with all of the pretense removed. (X-Factor #114)

Dig that panel layout. (X-Factor #114)

What did I mention about smug? (X-Factor #114)

Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, Part Two (X-Factor #114)

And here I thought X-Force was the only comic using romance comic panels in 1995. (X-Factor #114)

Poor bastard doesn’t stand a chance. (X-Factor #114)

Why yes, I do subscribe to World Wide Web! (X-Factor #113)

NEXT TIME: Buckle up.

LINKS & FURTHER BACKSTORY

We covered the Cyburai’s first appearance in Episode 160 – Hank McCoy and the Hickey of Destiny.
You can learn more about Scarlett McKenzie (and Jay’s favorite X-related miniseries) in Episode 114 – Meltdown.

305 – The Sleep of the Wicked

August 23, 2020 Jay 17 comments

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In which X-Factor gets its own roster shakeup; most bartenders will look at you funny if you order a flight of superheroes; Kaboom is a great name for a nightclub; we lack significant feelings about the clone saga; Yukio probably sends love to everyone’s girlfriends; Forge has terrible coping mechanisms; and Jay’s current life is not conducive to consistent acoustics (sorry!).

X-PLAINED:

Mystique’s powers
X-Factor’s new roster
X-Factor #112-114
The word “wreak”
The issue that made Miles stop reading X-Men
Wild Child (Kyle Gibney)
Wolverine as a role
Cyburai (more) (again)
Unethical management practices
One way to be drunk on power(s)
Scarlett McKenzie (again)
Club Kaboom
Yukio (again)
Fatale
Summers Problems(TM)
Marvel’s 1996 reader survey
A bondage harness that may or may not be made out of dryer tubing
Alex Summers vs. his own powers
Sugar Man in the 616
Several potential but unexplored story hooks for Scarlett
An implausible implant
Mystique’s new costume
A deeply dysfunctional but narratively plausible ship
A Random tangent
RPF on Earth-616
Forge vs. Tony Stark

NEXT EPISODE: Things get Uncanny!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

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As Mentioned in Episode 301 – Can’t Beat the Real Thing

July 19, 2020 Jay One comment

Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

This is in fact an ENTIRELY REASONABLE position under the circumstances. (X-Men Prime #1)

Dennis is his own disparaging narrator. (X-Men Prime #1)

I don’t know why John Constantine is here to question Trish Tilby’s ethics, but SOMEONE needs to. (X-Men Prime #1)

Why is Val here? WHO KNOWS? (X-Men Prime #1)

Pretty sure this is supposed to be Onslaught, but it’s not going to be confirmed, so… (X-Men Prime #1)

“I repurposed all the brain parts that would normally go to fashion sense. On one hand, I can keep track of every team in play. On the other hand, this is how I dress myself.” (X-Men Prime #1)

Mondays, amirite? (X-Men Prime #1)

That’s… exactly what a chaperone is, though. (X-Men Prime #1)

GUYS SOMETIMES PEOPLE ARE JUST IN A HURRY (X-Men Prime #1)

Just wait ’til Age of X-Man. (X-Men Prime #1)

Emplate: still exceptionally creepy. (X-Men Prime #1)

nopenopenopenopenope (X-Men Prime #1)

I’ve seen at least three horror movies that basically start this way. (X-Men Prime #1)

NEXT EPISODE: The fall of Avalon, and some related situation comedy.

LINKS & FURTHER HOMECOMINGS:

301 – Can’t Beat the Real Thing

July 19, 2020 Jay 19 comments

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In which we enter our fourth century of podcasting with brand new theme music; we have both Wolverine questions and wolverine questions; it is extremely rough to be Bishop; the creator of Garfield may or may not live in a sewer on Earth-616; Rogue needs better coping mechanisms; bigotry is depressingly timeless; and everything is Onslaught now.

X-PLAINED:

Joseph’s Brotherhood of Evil Mutants
Our new theme music
X-Men Prime #1
A genuinely cool cover gimmick
What happened after the end of the world
Boundaries
War crimes vs. fashion crimes
Destruction of real landmarks in fiction
A mysterious assailant
Actual embodied chaos god Jim Davis and his Earth-616 namesake
Several memorable Garfield stories
Marrow (Sarah Rushman)
The secret origin of the Morlocks
A friendship we miss
Unhealthy coping mechanisms
The perennially dubious journalistic ethics of Trish Tilby
Dennis
The death of Dennis
Flaws of the mutant metaphor (more) (again)
Several refugees from Earth-295
Mr. Summers and Mr. Summers
The secret origin of the Genoshan mutates
The Acolytes
The continuing relevance of the mutant metaphor (more) (again)
Cross-universe characterization

NEXT EPISODE: The fall of Avalon!

NOTE: The Garfield strips Jay mentions appeared in newspapers, on purpose, in October 1989.

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 292 – Weekend at Sinister’s

April 19, 2020 Jay Leave a comment

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

It still really, really looks like the cover of a Star Trek novel to me. (Factor X #1)

Wow, Alex, you’re the worst. Second-worst, after Gabriel, but he doesn’t exist in this universe; so, yeah, you’re the worst. (Factor X #1)

Meanwhile, in Sinister’s secret hideout IN THE HEAD OF THE BIG APOCALYPSE STATUE… (Factor X #1)

Damnit, Sam! You’re better than this! (Factor X #1)

The Bedlam Brothers are way too wholesome to be working for Apocalypse. (Factor X #1)

HOLY SHIT SOMEONE REMEMBERS MELTDOWN (Factor X #1)

That costume. =( (Factor X #2)

See, this is why you’re never going to be Sinister’s favorite. This, and your DNA. (Factor X #2)

Every time, Alex. Every time. (Factor X #2)

If only he hadn’t learned dramatic reveals so well from Sinister, he might never have been found out. (Factor X #2)

It’s like the Silver Age, but different. (Factor X #3)

Ew, but also kind of cool. (Factor X #3)

Aw, Rahne. (Factor X #3)

‘Kay. (Factor X #3)

In Scott’s dubious defense, that’s also just a really poorly thought-out test. (Factor X #3)

Damnit, why’d you have to go and pull on my X-Men #137 heartstrings? (Factor X #3)

This will definitely end well. (Factor X #4)

In case you were wondering whether Alex is still horrible this issue: yes. (Factor X #4)

I KNEW IT! I KNEW THEY WERE TOO GOOD FOR THIS LIFE! (Factor X #4)

DON’T TALK TO ME OR MY BAR EVER AGAIN (Factor X #4)

If only they’d gotten to eat him. (Factor X #4)

NEXT EPISODE: Children are our future!

LINKS & FURTHER VIRTUES

YOU CAN BID ON OUR #CREATORS4COMICS AUCTIONS UNTIL MONDAY, APRIL 20, AT NOON EST:
- A custom voicemail greeting from Jay and Miles!
- A private (remote) screening of X-Men Origins: Wolverine with Jay–at an intoxication level of your choice–along with a custom cocktail recipe, a very tasteful poster, and–goal just unlocked–Jay’s mother-in-law, a retired school principal who has never seen the film!
Learn more about the original Scarlett McKenzie in Episode 114 – Meltdown.

292 – Weekend at Sinister’s

April 19, 2020 Jay 14 comments

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In which it is probably not actually possible to be too nasty for Earth-295; Sinister is on nobody’s side but his own; Vulcan is still the worst Summers in the multiverse; the Bedlam Brothers are too delightful for the EMF; Heaven is just straight-up Rick’s Bar now; Polaris of Earth-295 is the saddest Polaris; Scott Summers and Jean Grey make a good team in most universes; and the metaphors of 1995 read very differently in 2020.

X-PLAINED:

Nathaniel Essex of Earth-1610
A regrettable tattoo
#Creators4Comics
Scott Summers (Cyclops) of Earth-295
Alex Summers (Havok) of Earth-295
Factor X #1-4
Working for the Man
Costume design as narrative
The EMF (Elite Mutant Force)
Northstar and Aurora of Earth-295
Sam and Elizabeth Guthrie (Cannonball and Amazon) of Earth-295
Jesse and Terrence Aaronson (Bedlam Brothers) of Earth-295
Heaven (the bar)
Scarlett McKenzie of Earth-295
Someone who is not Magneto
The Brain Trust
Lorna Dane (Polaris) of Earth-295
An obscene monument
Innuendo of several sorts
That time Jean Grey got captured
Resistance of various sorts
Poetic almost-kinda justice
One more fallen angel
Villains of the Age of Apocalypse

NEXT EPISODE: Generation Next!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!

As Mentioned in Episode 289 – Unsolved Mysteries

March 22, 2020 Jay 7 comments

Listen to the podcast here.

Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

A ToS Trek novel, specifically, I think. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

This statue sucks. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Sinister is a terrible parent. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Okay, but why are the guys they’re fighting wearing bondage harnesses? (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

We were so baffled by the abs that we did not consider that they had been dressing him in skintight jeans and pirate boots for five years. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Robbie flippin’ Robertson: a badass in any universe. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

“Is it me, or do these briefings get weirder every time?” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

It would be more depressing when Sinister told him he was the worse brother, though. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

These assholes work for a genocidal nightmare regime and yet call a graveyard “the ghost lands.” (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

A familiar story, except where it’s not. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

OH, SHIT. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

If you didn’t know Corsair was doomed before, Havok’s last line definitely clinches it. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

There’s probably a Gatecrasher joke to be found somewhere, but honestly, after this week, I’m fresh out. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

Still not the most awkward conversation they’ve had in a comic, for what it’s worth. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines)

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT! (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Yeah, Death, you’re not gonna impress Cyclops with that. He was raised by Sinister; he’s effectively immune to Extra. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Sweatertown: Population, Blink. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Aw, Ship. =( (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

He really is. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

I bet when people tell AoA Nightcrawler “Your Mom” jokes, he just kinda sighs and acknowledges that they’re probably right. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

BLACKAGAR BOLTAGON YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

Look, I’m just saying: it’s no telling Dracula to follow his heart. (Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light)

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men

LINKS & FURTHER CATASTROPHES:

If you haven’t yet, check out our rad new cover art, along with a time-lapse video from artist Peter Nguyen!

289 – Unsolved Mysteries

March 22, 2020 Jay 15 comments

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In which this episode is way more topical than it was when we recorded it; Apocalypse makes a terrible Statue of Liberty; there are no reliable narrators; Robbie Robertson and Carmen Sandiego are your new OTP; Emplate is creepy in any universe; lawful evil is still evil; and partial universe reboots come with some fairly silly problems.

X-PLAINED:

Awkward intersections of fiction and reality
Pandemic (Dr. Richard Palance)
Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: Sinister Bloodlines
Tales from the Age of Apocalypse: By the Light
Brooding in multiple ways at once.
Corsair (Christopher Summers) (Earth-295)
Reconciling cross-universe timelines
The Shi’ar (Earth-295)
Comparative Summers Backstory
Robbie Robertson (Earth-295)
Northstar and Aurora (Earth-295)
Emplate and the Monets (Earth-295)
The Bedlam Brothers (Earth-295)
Brood problems
The most awkward Summers family reunion to date
The Absorbing Man (Earth-295)
Diablo (Earth-295)
Senator Robert Kelly (Earth-295)
The fall of the Guthrie family
An early era of Magneto’s X-Men
A trip to the moon
Death (Maximus Boltagon)
Whether the Beyonder of Earth-295 knows how to poop
Listening to this podcast with kids

NEXT EPISODE: Astonishing X-Men!

Check out the visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy rad swag at our TeePublic shop!