Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Perfect cover is perfect. (Uncanny X-Men #239)
Hey, kids! Can you count the OSHA violations on this page? (Uncanny X-Men #239)
Does it get more Mr. Sinister than sitting on a giant crystal throne playing with X-Men action figures and expositing dramatically to himself? No. No, it does not. (Uncanny X-Men #239)
This moment is so good, and so chilling. (Uncanny X-Men #239)
Sometimes you eat the bar, and sometimes the bar eats you. (Uncanny X-Men #239)
ABORT ABORT BAD IDEA ABORT (Uncanny X-Men #239)
“Also, apparently they were really into Pinterest.” (Uncanny X-Men #239)
I am pretty sure I have seen this exact image on the front cover of at least one VHS tape. (Uncanny X-Men #239)
Here’s every panel of Madelyne’s black dress, in order. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
Hi, M-Squad. Bye, M-Squad. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
This whole scene is so exquisitely unsettling. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
Rogue, that is… quite an outfit. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
Meanwhile, in a completely different comic book. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
“Mr. Weatherbee didn’t really go into the details of this exchange program.” (Uncanny X-Men #240)
I don’t know why I find Scrambler so endlessly hilarious, but, GOD, I do. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
Silvestri doesn’t get to do nearly as much as Blevins or Simonson with possessed objects; but he’ll make up for it with the amazing demonic cityscapes in #242. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
Close Encounters with the Fourth Wall, Colossus Edition. (Nah, they’re clones. BUT STILL.) (Uncanny X-Men #241)
I swear this police-car demon is a reference to SOMETHING, but I can’t for the life of me remember what. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
“Fuck this. I’m gonna go hang out in New Mutants.” (Uncanny X-Men #241)
This cannot POSSIBLY end well. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
“Also, I liked that scene way more when Paul Smith drew it.” (Uncanny X-Men #240)
The Greys really never catch a break. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
Nebraska: Definitely the worst state. (Uncanny X-Men #240)
And you thought your family holidays were awkward. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
Oh, damn. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
There’s at least one alternate universe in which Mister Sinister founded the X-men; but the only detail I remember is that their costumes are WAY fancier. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
This detail makes Madelyne’s story infinitely sadder. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
In which Mister Sinister effectively seals the fate of the world. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
That’s. My. Girl. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
Oh, snap. (Uncanny X-Men #241)
And then a hot dog stand ate Calvin and Hobbes. (X-Factor #36)
Awwww. (X-Factor #36)
Cool scene; dumb hats. (X-Factor #36)
In a just world, every time you looked at this panel, heroic music would start playing. (X-Factor #36)
Let’s all just take a moment to admire the composition of this splash page. (X-Factor #37)
The amazing BelleChere cosplays a phenomenal page-accurate Goblin Queen, sometimes alongside either Rule-63 or original-flavor Sinister! (Madelyne is only one of a ton of really terrific X-Men cosplay BelleChere has done over the years; we highly recommend clicking through her galleries to see the rest!)
Amanda Lafrenais draws awesome comics and has rats named after soup! (Link may not be work-safe–contains some cartoon nudity.)
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
In which we recap nearly 200 issues in under three minutes; Madelyne Pryor is the Medea of X-Men; Mister Sinister takes the stage; Dazzler is basically an ’80s movie refugee; Scrambler may or may not be an exchange student from the Riverdale Marauders; Marc Silvestri is excellent at some things and less so at others; nothing good happens in Nebraska; Trish Tilby is the April O’Neil of X-Factor; and we swear that it was a total coincidence that this episode went up on Mother’s Day.
X-PLAINED:
One solution to the existential conundrum of the Carol Danvers who is also kind of part of Rogue
Pretty much everything that’s happened since the Dark Phoenix Saga
The structure of Inferno
Uncanny X-Men #239-241
X-Factor #36-37
The rise of the Goblin Queen
Several deaths in elevators
Mister Sinister and his amazing action-figure collection
The evolution of Mark Silvestri
Madelyne and Alex
A very symbolic dress
The Rainbow Room
M-Squad
That damn costume
1989 in outfit form
Jay’s favorite Marauder
Rats-R-Us
Wolverine vs. a mail box
The X-Men, but evil
The secret origin of Madelyne Pryor
A long-anticipated reunion
Objects we’d demonically animate
Which X-Man should do your taxes
NEXT WEEK: The Passion of Madelyne Pryor
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
In Episode 104, we challenged you to submit your versions of the Noodle Incident: whatever Big, Terrible Thing Cyclops did to earn the enmity of most of the post-Secret Wars Marvel Universe.
We got a lot of awesome entries, but in the end, the standouts were clear. It is therefore out great pleasure to announce the official winner of the 2016 Noodle Incident Contest:
We also decided to go ahead and expand the winners’ circle to include a runner-up, because any shaggy-dog joke that makes us laugh as hard as Zachary SP’s deserves a prize of its own:
Following SECRET WARS, Cyclops ended up more-or-less where he was before, leading the outlaw X-Men. But incubating in his head was a surviving ember of the Phoenix Force from when he merged with it during the incursion from Earth-1616. As a primal force of rebirth, the power of the Phoenix didn’t stay dormant for long. When it flared back to life, it brought with it memories of Battleworld up until Cyclops’ death at the hands of Doom.
Realizing the artificial nature of this new reality, Cyclops became resentful. Someone rebuilt the entire world and didn’t bother to try and make things any better for mutants? And – even worse – they rebuilt Cyclops-the-terrorist without necessarily replicating the decisions he made that got him to that point. Someone else was responsible for him being where he was.
Cyclops being Cyclops, he could not accept this as easy absolution for his mistakes. He wouldn’t even undo those mistakes, given the opportunity. He wanted to take full responsibility for his actions. He wanted to be sure that he was in control of – if nothing else – himself. To that end, he started building a device.
The press was calling him “terrorist” and “supervillain” anyway. Why not live up to it?
Time travel wasn’t the answer. Hank tried to give Scott the kind of perspective he needed when he brought forward the original five X-Men, but, for once, Hank didn’t go far enough. Cyclops felt the need to extend his perception to all points on his personal timeline at once. If he succeeded at his goal, maybe he could make different decisions along that timeline. Maybe not. It didn’t matter. Scott had seen enough time travel to know that “going back and fixing things” never makes anything better. He just had to know that all the Cyclopses that make up the Cyclops of today were Cyclops. He had to relive all those moments, all at the same time, to be sure.
He had the means to do this at his disposal all along. After all, what he was searching for was unimpeded vision. He needed to take off the visor for the last time.
One set of scavenged Hank McCoy marginalia, one jury-rigged Cerebro, one hijacked particle accelerator, and four truckloads of ruby quartz later, the Psioptic Gene-Force Accumulator was ready. Having learned supervillainy from the best, he took the time to broadcast his manifesto to the world before he activated his machine. After finishing his speech, he took off his visor and stared down eternity.
The tidal effects of Cyclops’ amplified, contained, and compounded optic blasts registered on seismographs worldwide. No one noticed, though, because the psychic effects hit first. Cyclops’ machine didn’t only affect him; its ripples spread to everyone on Earth. In an instant, everyone’s perceptions stretched forward and backward to encompass every conscious moment of their lives. The effect of suddenly being aware of every decision one has ever made was too much to bear for the vast majority of the world’s population. The world’s population was paralyzed with existential fear and guilt. And yet, Cyclops poured more and more power into the machine.
The superheroes stopped him, of course. It turns out the superhero community has a disproportionate number of people who are accustomed to agonizing over past tragedies 24/7. Spider-Man rallied the troops. Kitty Pryde got them inside. Magneto put Cyclops down. Squirrel Girl was also there, and also she was totally fine because Squirrel Girl has no regrets.
Once the world’s perceptions de-stretched back to their usual 4-D capabilities, they associated Cyclops with the near-lethal dose of guilt they all just suffered. Everyone had unpleasant memories they’d rather have forgotten dredged up by Cyclops’s machine. Mentioning the event tended to dredge those memories back up, so no one discussed any specifics about the incident ever again.
How did Cyclops know his machine would work? There is a principle in physics where objects falling into massive gravity wells stretch out, becoming longer and thinner as they are pulled in. He simply replicated this principle with the combination of force and vision inherent to his optic blasts instead of mass.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
In which continuity has its eyes on you; the multiverse is so complex that we have to drag Al Ewing out of the audience to X-plain it; the X-Men mean a lot of different (but mostly compatible) things to all of us; we will accept any retcons necessary to maintain Magneto’s history as a Holocaust survivor; and ECCC rocks our world.
X-PLAINED:
Secret Wars
Alternate universes vs. alternate timelines
Multiversal problem-solving
New Arcadia
Definitive alternate-timeline X-Men
The weird joy of reading comics out of order
That one alternate timeline where Storm has a leather jacket and is hooking up with Wolverine
The only happy Cyclops in the multiverse
What makes the X-Men the X-Men
Intersections we’d like to see explored in canon
The appeal of universe-hopping
Relative ratios of metaphors to punching
Proof of concept in comics publishing
Battleworld characters we’d like to import into the 616.1
Which X-Men should get solo series
NEXT WEEK: X-Terminators!
CORRECTION: During the panel, Jay claimed that Spider-Man had been married for their entire life. Jay was in fact five years old when Spider-Man got married. We regret the error, but maintain our stance that Spider-Man is totally married.
You can find links to all our ECCC coverage–as well as a live video of the Hamilton cold open, from the Phoenix Comics party–on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Jay here! Because a handful of people have asked for them all in one place, here are the full current contents of the Cyclops Has a Good Day sketchbook, in chronological order.
(In the name of being precise about these kinds of things, I should note that these are not all of the Cyclops Has a Good Day drawings that I have–there are a good 6-10ish that are free-floating or digital–just the ones in the official sketchbook. I may add the others later, but they’re somewhat more scattered at the moment.)
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
In which Beast’s DNA is basically held together with spit and baling wire; Boom Boom wins MVP; Angel goes full goth; Cameron Hodge loses his head; Cyclops is basically a Silent Hill protagonist; and the Nebraska Department of Social Services is probably not adequately equipped to deal with Mister Sinister.
X-PLAINED:
The Horsemen of Death
X-Factor #32-35
Xartans
Superheroic triage
A vague prophecy
Fake Avengers
Fake-band disambiguation
KiLLeR DWaRfS
Crippled Puppies
Audiophile Apocalypse
Shopping
Dubiously zealous trademark protection
Acronym disambiguation
The death of Candy Southern
The not-exactly death of Cameron Hodge
Nanny
Orphan-Maker
Baby Race 2000
An orphanage that is also a metaphor
Unreliable narration
The dubious partnership of Mister Sinister and Apocalypse
Best iterations of Boom Boom
NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur goes ongoing!
InfernoWatch
Malicious inanimate objects
Early signs of Marvel Girl’s returning telepathy
First clues of Cyclops’s connection to Sinister
First mention of Goblin Queen by name
You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
In which Miles follows his heart; subtext becomes text; and we celebrate a very special milestone with a very special guest.
NEXT EPISODE: Gossamyr
For a comprehensive visual companion to this episode, we recommend reading Uncanny X-Men #94-279, 381-389, and 444-473; X-Men vol. 1 #59; X-Men vol. 2 #1-3, 100-109, and 165; New Mutants #1-54, 63, and 81; Excalibur vol. 1 #1-19, 21-25, 27, and 32-34; X-Treme X-Men #1-46; X-Men Forever #1-25; and dozens of additional annuals, miniseries, ongoings, one-shots, graphic novels, and more.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
I can summarize most episodes of X-Men: Evolution from memory, in a fair degree of detail; so it surprised me when, in reviewing the Season 1 roster, I realized I recalled almost nothing of “Survival of the Fittest” beyond the fact that it involved some kind of summer camp scenario. When I started to watch, I realized why: in a season where even the bad episodes are usually entertaining, this one is just boring as all hell.
On my first pass, I stopped taking notes five minutes in, because nothing was happening. By the halfway mark, I was actively fantasizing about watching paint dry.1But I am nothing if not committed, readers. I promised you a recap, and a recap you would have, come hell or high water.
Ah, well. At least I get to judge cartoon teenagers for their fashion choices.