In which Professor is too cool for the Phalanx; fatphobia is significantly more dangerous than Fred Dukes; Strong Guy catches a plane; Emma Frost will not let you coast; Jubilee says goodbye to the X-Men; and it’s probably for the best that we have avoided corporate advertisers.
X-PLAINED:
Mr. M
Thor: Metal Gods
Ship (more) (again)
The Phalanx vs. the Borg
Several cover homages
X-Force #39
X-Factor #107
Uncanny X-Men #318
Prosh
The myriad delights of embodiment
A complex theory about Leprechauns
Benefits of single-issue stories
Strong Guy vs. the Blob
Strong Guy vs. Gravity
Strong Guy vs. an airplane
Strong Guy vs. biology
Several explosions
The kids of Generation X
Deluxe-format comics
The Xavier Institute for Higher Learning
Goodbyes
Dazzler’s relative immortality
Jay’s X-Men Happy Meal Toy wish list
How to make a page-accurate Warlock toy
NEXT EPISODE: The Soul Sword Trilogy
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In which Chris Eddleman joins us for a close look at House of X and Powers of X; Doug Ramsey is highly relevant; resurrection is problematic in a universe with a documented afterlife; there is no reasonable in-continuity justification for the lack of trans Marvel characters; and your OT3 is canon.
X-PLAINED:
The Phalanx (more) (again) (retconned)
House of X
Powers of X
Krakoa (more) (again) (retconned)
Moira MacTaggert (retconned)
Bar Sinister
Sinister Secrets
Portentous red shoes
The Man-Machine Ascendancy
Chimeras
North
Cardinal
Rasputin
Homo Novissima
Transhumanism in the Marvel Universe
The metaphysics of Krakoan resurrection
The Five
The true nature of Goldballs’ powers
Trans representation and its absence
Retroactive foreshadowing
NEXT EPISODE: Still not quite Generation X
CORRECTION: The story Jay referred to as “Everything Burns” is in fact titled “Time Runs Out,” although a good many things do burn over its course.
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In which we have been on All the Podcasts; Full Shred Thrash is easier to say that it sounds; the Phalanx uses dial-up; Cable is a very large man; Larry Hama writes excellent banter; Cyclops has been progressively desensitized to plane crashes; Cameron Hodge is never graceful in defeat; and Final Sanction is actually about family.
X-PLAINED:
Mithras
A large number of guest appearances
Thor: Metal Gods
The Phalanx Covenant so far
Full Shred Thrash
Adam Kubert
Wolverine #85
Cable #16
Gorp, Waldo, and Apache
Popping silk
A Summers family reunion
Jean and Nathan
Jean Grey’s astral form
Genetics
Several airplanes
Mountain climbing
Gelatinous yahoos
Several impermanent deaths
Pregnant X-team members
Outside references to the X-Men
NEXT EPISODE: House of X, feat. Chris Eddleman
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In which Glen Danzig was the most popular Wolverine fancast for a weirdly long time; breasts have physical mass; the Shi’ar empire is not your friend; Deathbird should not be left in charge of anything alive; Jubilee learns about privilege; Sinister is not subtle; plasma is the new magnetism; Scott and Jean return from the future; and Nick Fury probably sews his name into the waistband of all his underpants.
X-PLAINED:
Some guy from Earth-1610
X-Men: Unlimited #5
X-Men #34-35
Shi’ar sexting
A rude awakening (literal)
Rococo Stryfe
Some uncomfortable fashion choices
X-pajamas
Definitely nude Charles Xavier
Breasts
Shi’ar imperial bullshit
A very impressive headdress
Reality TV… in space!
A rude awakening (metaphorical)
Shi’ar childhood
Negotiation
A total dick move
Another total dick move
Beast’s brief tenure as field leader of the X-Men
The return of Threnody
The titles of several sex tapes
High-tech spelunking
Sinister’s secret DNA library
Controversial outfits
Nick Fury’s stuff
Sunset Grace
The racism inherent to Evan Sabahnur’s background
A question we’ve answered before and will probably answer again
NEXT EPISODE: Malice!
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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!
All these years, Miles thought he was quoting Jean Grey, but it turned out to be Oscar Wilde. AS USUAL. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
“Dammit, Logan never made me talk about feelings!” (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Green ain’t your color anyway, kid. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
I love every aspect of this segment except for every aspect of its format. Except the Jubilee silhouette at the top, that part’s pretty cool. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Ian Churchill, please draw more things. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Jean’s had tentacles for arms, so I guess legs like that aren’t that weird. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
At last, indeed. (X-Men #30)
“I’m the best there is at what I do, and what I do is write real pretty.” (X-Men #30)
Oh god Excalibur #75 comes right after this (X-Men #30)
Aww, these guys. (X-Men #30)
Keep this panel in case you ever need to tie a bow tie! (X-Men #30)
Everyone. (X-Men #30)
These two. (X-Men #30)
Perfect vows, part 1. (X-Men #30)
Perfect vows, part 2. (With bonus second-best-kiss-ever.) (X-Men #30)
See? It is wholly appropriate, Bono. (X-Men #30)
Let’s just not think about how Logan wrote that. (X-Men #30)
Family. (X-Men #30)
Dammit, Rogue! (X-Men #30)
Double dammit, Gambit! (X-Men #30)
Tears every time. (X-Men #30)
Scott’s only been married a few hours and he’s already so much better at feelings! (X-Men #30)
You’re right, Kitty! Reality does bite! (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Warren Kenneth Worthington III, this is not the time or place! At all! (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Shatterstar tries. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Sean Cassidy: banned from every karaoke bar on the east coast. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
Kurt’s still got it. Obviously. (X-Men: The Wedding Album)
In which Nicole Miller is fashion designer to Earth-1218 and Earth-616, Jay rejects the word “bestest”, we kind of want to just read every word of X-Men #30 aloud, One is a perfect wedding song for Scott and Jean, and you save the last dance for who brought you.
X-PLAINED:
The perils of animated weddings
X-Men: The Wedding Album
Nonstandard trim sizes
Misattributed Oscar Wilde quotes
Shatterstar’s favorite Olympic event
Jean Grey’s short-lived modeling career
Computo, Commander of the Robot Hive
A most excellent wedding dress
Cursive fonts in comics
Jean Grey and Jubilation Lee, ambiguously excellent chosen family
X-Men #30
An event decades in the making
Wolverine, Master of Penmanship
Charles Xavier, reader stand-in
The largely forgotten Madelyne Pryor
The understandably tentative Rachel Summers
The bow-tie scene
A phenomenal two-page spread
A set of perfect vows
A bittersweet song for a bittersweet couple
Victor Creed, vengeful kitty-cat
Rogue and Gambit, best worst wedding guests
Video albums vs. Instagram
Beast and Banshee, jazz combo
Scott and Jean as a couple vs. individuals
The necessity of Scott and Jean’s relationship context
NEXT EPISODE: Goodbye, Phoenix. Hello, Britanic.
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Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!