Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

Tag: colossus

As Mentioned in Episode 163 – Shut Up, Conscience

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!
Soviet Plot is my favorite porn mag. (Marvel Comics Presents #10)
In case you were wondering whether this was an Ann Nocenti story: yes. (Marvel Comics Presents #10)
This picnic is terrible. (Marvel Comics Presents #11)
“Just step out back to the kidnap van!” (Marvel Comics Presents #12)
These fuckers are the worst people in the story. (Marvel Comics Presents #13)
Okay, but seriously, I want a fort like this. (Marvel Comics Presents #11)
“We’ll talk about kyriarchy later, kiddo.” (Marvel Comics Presents #13)
“Okay, but… why did you resign?” (Marvel Comics Presents #14)
Oof. (Marvel Comics Presents #14)
In their defense, this is pretty terrifying. (Marvel Comics Presents #15)
If only they’d given him mongoose blood, he could’a gotten super speed! (Marvel Comics Presents #15)
THESE ASSHOLES, SERIOUSLY. (Marvel Comics Presents #15)
“How did your grandpa die, Zackery?” “Narrative necessity.” (Marvel Comics Presents #16)
And then nothing was ever okay again. The end! (Marvel Comics Presents #17)
Cyclops: Still the worst at vacations. (Marvel Comics Presents #17)
Fun fact: the last time Cyclops was actively hallucinating, he kicked Master Mold’s ass. FORESHADOWING? (Marvel Comics Presents #17)
Moira, this is not an acceptable way to science. Who do you think you are, Charles Xavier? (Marvel Comics Presents #18)
Okay, but did you consider that she might be like one of those cool lizards who can run on water? (Marvel Comics Presents #18)
Cyclops may be a jerk to adults, but he’s canonically pretty decent with little kids. (Marvel Comics Presents #18)
…well, fuck. (Marvel Comics Presents #18)
…well, FUCK. (Marvel Comics Presents #19)
Seriously, Dr. Mustache Guy, what the hell is wrong with you? (Marvel Comics Presents #19)
“I need helper robots. I KNOW, I’LL BUILD LITTLE NAKED ALIENS. THAT’LL BE COOL.” (Marvel Comics Presents #19)
More servitors, because if I have to see this nonsense, you do, too. (Marvel Comics Presents #20)
Shut up, Conscience. (Marvel Comics Presents #20)
“Look, they forgot I even EXISTED for three issues!” (Marvel Comics Presents #20)
“But, like, not the person. The concept. But not really in this story. Anyway, you get the idea, right? Right?” (Marvel Comics Presents #20)
This plan is terrible. (Marvel Comics Presents #21)
Aw. That’s… sort of nice? In an about-to-explode kind of way. (Marvel Comics Presents #24)
NEXT EPISODE: The Mutant Revolution, Live at Rose City Comic Con!

LINKS & FURTHER LISTENING

163 – Shut Up, Conscience

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Art by David Wynne. Wanna buy the original? Drop him a line!

In which Rose City Comic Con was in fact pretty awesome; we return to Marvel Presents; Colossus has a bad day; Ann Nocenti engages in some bipartisan satire; Cyclops has a bad day; Moira MacTaggert gets possessed again; Master Mold is really hard to kill; you should absolutely not send Jay naked leprechaun pictures; sentinels are basically rationalization engines; and that is really not how consciences work.

NOTE: In this episode, we said that the U.S.S.R. dissolved in 1989. That actually happened in 1991.

ADDITIONAL NOTE: THE NYCC PANEL HAS BEEN MOVED. IT IS ON THURSDAY, NOT FRIDAY.

X-PLAINED:

  • Sentinel Aesthetics
  • Prime Sentinels
  • “Colossus: God’s Country”
  • Butt physics
  • The Cold War
  • Colossus’s feelings about porn
  • The Billy Ireland Cartoon Library
  • Some varyingly dubious politics
  • The Cold Warriors
  • Alexander, who is probably not actually either Colonel Sanders or Howard Hughes
  • Bipartisan satire
  • Jay’s grandfather
  • An uncomfortable picnic
  • Limbs
  • Number Six (but not that one)
  • Terrible neighbors
  • “Cyclops: The Retribution Affair”
  • Bobbie and Mary Campbell
  • Master Mold (again)
  • Stephen Lang (again)
  • Servitors
  • A well-honed lobster alert system
  • The Retribution Virus
  • Conscience
  • A terrible party
  • Kitty Pryde’s Gal Pal Squad
  • Community Organizer Magneto

NEXT EPISODE: Live from Rose City Comic Con!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

152 – Ghosts of Future Present

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Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original!

In which Franklin Richards makes everything more complicated; Reed Richards is a terrible parent; Days of Future Present is a surprisingly good ghost story; Valeria Richards is awesome (but does not appear in this crossover); everyone’s got hounds these days; Banshee is your sad cyborg dad; Phoenix has a lot of feelings; and X-Factor once again manages to up the ante for child endangerment.

X-PLAINED:

  • Nightcrawler’s brief clerical career
  • Days of Future Present
  • Annuals, in general
  • Some extraordinarily specific Namor headcanon
  • Fantastic Four Annual #23
  • New Mutants Annual #6
  • X-Factor Annual #5
  • Uncanny X-Men Annual #14
  • Franklin Richards
  • Several statuses quo
  • The reproductive potential of Doombots
  • Ms. Marvel (Sharon Ventura)
  • Ahab
  • A Code Red Time Emergency
  • One of Jay’s dream pitches
  • Your sad cyborg dad
  • The worst tea party
  • One hell of a kiss
  • Robocop vs. Terminator

NEXT EPISODE: Excalibur gets eclectic!

The visual companion to this episode will be up later this week.

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 151 – Czars of Kung Fu

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original!
WELL, THEN. (Uncanny X-Men #264)
“Also, we think they might be slightly evil.” (Uncanny X-Men #264)
Seriously, though, THEY ARE NEVER GOING TO MENTION THE TENTACLES AGAIN. (Uncanny X-Men #264)
But can it teach aerobics? I DON’T THINK SO. (Uncanny X-Men #264)
Wolverine WWII flashbacks are usually pretty fun. (Uncanny X-Men #268)
No, YOU ship it. (Uncanny X-Men #268)
Her hair is so great, though. (Uncanny X-Men #268)
How can one character be so awesome? It seems kind of unfair. (Uncanny X-Men #268)
Don’t fuck with Seraph. She’ll kick your ass and leave you with a blood debt to Viper. (Uncanny X-Men #268)
“Look, it was this or leather pants.” (Uncanny X-Men #268)
It’s fair to assume that whatever Jubilee is doing in the background is roughly a million times more entertaining than whatever’s going on in the A-plot. (Uncanny X-Men #268)
Jim Lee cocktail dresses, topped off with Jim Lee hair. (Uncanny X-Men #268)
It was REALLY HARD to not make this whole visual companion nothing but Jubilee. I hope you appreciate my restraint. (Uncanny X-Men #268)
Remember that time Cap made an awkward pass at Wolverine? (Uncanny X-Men #268)
Come for the broken spine; stay for spoiling the surprise twist! (And yet, somehow, we still love this cover.) (Uncanny X-Men #269)
If I had a dollar for every day I’ve woken up like this… (Uncanny X-Men #269)
In which Jim Lee does a pretty solid Barry Windsor Smith. (Uncanny X-Men #269)
“Now put on some damn pants and fight me!” (Uncanny X-Men #269)
“But you’re… you’re so evil! And sexy!” (Uncanny X-Men #269)
Well, that explains a thing or two. (Uncanny X-Men #269)
It’s really not the Savage Land without a sexy montage. (Uncanny X-Men #269)
Okay. This looks bad. (Uncanny X-Men #269)
It’s easy to make fun of this page, but at the same time, it’s really damn cool. (Uncanny X-Men #269)
Lila Cheney: falls into the heart of a sun, comes back more stylin’ than ever! (Uncanny X-Men #269)
NEXT EPISODE: Days of Future Present!

LINKS & FURTHER READING

151 – Czars of Kung Fu

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original!

In which Laura easily is worth a dozen Old Mans Logan; Charlotte Jones is the EveryCop; Genosha remains a fairly versatile allegory; Hydra are totally Nazis; Jubilee gets the best sound effects; Rogue has a bad day; and it’ll take more than a sun to stop Lila Cheney.

X-PLAINED:

  • Graydon Creed
  • Logan oversaturation (more) (again)
  • Uncanny X-Men #264, 268, 269
  • A somewhat convoluted status quo
  • Death by Derrida
  • New York’s sewers (kind of) (maybe)
  • The Misty Knight rule
  • Jackets of the ’90s
  • Cap’s cape
  • Mustache metaphysics
  • The Press Gang (again)
  • VR.5
  • The Doctrine of Hot Pursuit
  • Dazzler, in handy grenade form
  • A prescient scenario
  • Jim Lee signature cocktail dresses
  • A dubious approach to first aid
  • Wolverine’s sexy friends
  • Nazi ducks
  • Seraph
  • Ivan Petrovitch
  • Sexy subversion
  • Rogue vs. Carol Danvers
  • Mutants vs. the Terrigen Mists
  • TaXonomy of ambiguously X-characters

NEXT EPISODE: Days of Future Present!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 148 – That’s So Ravens

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Bernard the Poet, you’ve changed! And we’re terrified! (X-Factor #54)
“Warren, be a good boy and you’ll get a prize after the appointment!” (X-Factor #54)
This image really shouldn’t work as well as it does. (X-Factor #54)
It’s a vampire dress! You know, for vampires! (X-Factor #54)
X-Factor in a single panel. (X-Factor #54)
Jeez, devouring people’s souls isn’t enough – you have to be all mean-girls about it too? (X-Factor #56)
The phrase ‘costume drama’ has never been quite so literal. (X-Factor #56)
Miles has never been hospitalized and is pretty sure this right here is just sort of how it goes. (X-Factor #56)
This is basically what that Azrael guy from 90s Batman was hoping to be, right? (X-Factor #56)
“We just got back from our aerobics class and didn’t have time to change. So, what’s up?” (X-Factor #56)
Suddenly, green guys! Nice work, Andy Kubert. (X-Factor #57)
I wish Crimson wore this costume more in this arc. (X-Factor #57)
Accidental bank robbery: one of Jay’s favorite tropes. Also, the whole mirror thing is drawn really nicely. (X-Factor #57)
WELL THAT’S LEGITIMATELY TERRIFYING (X-Factor #57)
“Illusion, Michael.” (X-Factor #57)
“Vampire dress, dilapidated theater, occult trappings – check. Let’s get this LARP night started!” (X-Factor #58)
Surprise, kid! Your mom’s a liar and also kidnapped! (X-Factor #58)
Man, nobody ever invites us to these parties. (X-Factor #58)
So much is happening in this panel! (X-Factor #58)
Charlotte Jones is the hero we need. (X-Factor #58)
Jeez, guys! Knock first! (X-Factor #59)
Charlotte’s mother-in-law is basically the greatest. (X-Factor #59)
“This… this is how parenting works, right?” (X-Factor #59)
God, that last panel. Perfect. (X-Factor #59)
WOOOOO SPRING BREAK (X-Factor #59)
Next time: Old Man Logan.

148 – That’s So Ravens

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original!

In which Archangel falls in with the LARP crowd; all yuppies are (probably) vampires; Beast is kind of a jerk; there are a lot of reasons to be mad at Forge; and you should totally come hang out with us at ECCC!

X-PLAINED:

  • A peculiar scheme
  • X-Factor #54, 56-59
  • Crimson
  • The Ravens
  • A gallery opening
  • Several varyingly tortured souls
  • Charlotte Jones (more)
  • Archangel vs. Archangel’s wings
  • Ethical reporting
  • An accidental bank robbery
  • The return of a long-lost villain
  • Timmy Jones

NEXT EPISODE: Old Man Logan!

Special thanks to Lillian Cohen-Moore!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

We’re in the process of migrating our official shop to TeePublic! Click over to check it out! (You can still find the designs we haven’t moved yet at Redbubble.)

As Mentioned in Episode 138 – What Would Dazzler Do?

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Contact David to purchase the original.
Naked Man, you are the man! (Uncanny X-Men #259)
Freddie Stanacheck is back! From a background character to the real deal – just like Boba Feet! EXACTLY LIKE BOBA FETT. (Uncanny X-Men #259)
Starring Jack Nance as Strong Guy and Sheryl Lee as Dazzler. (Uncanny X-Men #259)
I love you, gruff-but-kindhearted-Eastern-European-guy! (Uncanny X-Men #259)
Chris Claremont, please narrate my life. (Uncanny X-Men #259)
SO MUCH COCAINE! (Uncanny X-Men #260)
This issue of Uncanny X-Men has been brought to you by Body Glove. Anywave, Anywhere! (Uncanny X-Men #260)
That’s some dedication to theme right there. Are these guys from The Warriors? (Uncanny X-Men #260)
From stalking and attempted murder to slapstick comedy: Eric Beale, ladies and gents! (Uncanny X-Men #260)
Andrea and Andreas von Strucker: the best at being the worst. (Uncanny X-Men #260)
A real American herooooooooo (Uncanny X-Men #261)
Marc Silvestri, please draw everyone’s face forever. (Uncanny X-Men #261)
I mean, geez! No eye protection in the lab? (Uncanny X-Men #261)
Hey, this wasn’t in my horoscope for today! (Uncanny X-Men #261)
Jubilation Lee: forever the best for always. (Uncanny X-Men #261)
Jean speaks for us all. Better get used to these costumes – they’ll be around for a while. (Uncanny X-Men #262)
Genosha gets scarier every time it shows up – and we ain’t seen nothin’ yet. (Uncanny X-Men #262)
Baby Forge hasn’t even started thinking about Dire Wraiths or Adversaries or mustaches. (Uncanny X-Men #262)
HEY THIS WASN’T IN MY HOROSCOPE FOR TODAY (Uncanny X-Men #262)
It’s the cowboy boots that really pull the look together. (Uncanny X-Men #262)
LEELOO DALLAS MULTITASK (Uncanny X-Men #263)
Hey, Masque got a makeover! I kind of dig it. (Uncanny X-Men #263)
“So, the, uh, conference room was taken, I guess..?” (Uncanny X-Men #263)
It’s like the cover to X-Men vol. 2 #1 except BETTER IN EVERY WAY (Uncanny X-Men #263)
I mean, I wasn’t expecting Forge making peace with his past to involve so many tentacle arms, but I’ll take it. (Uncanny X-Men #263)
Next time: the Starjammers!

As Mentioned in Episode 124 – The Cruelest Planet

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Listen to the episode here.

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
“Yep, those four seconds of fighting totally justified the millions of dollars we spent on this Wolverine robot. Thanks, crime!” (Uncanny X-Men #248)
Musical X-Men! Ricochet Rita! Involuntary foreshadowing! This issue’s got it all. (Uncanny X-Men #248)
Goodbye, Longshot. (Uncanny X-Men #248)
“This Jim Lee workout program has been working really well! Also, Ali, maybe you should start using sunscreen?” (Uncanny X-Men #248)
Intentions versus outcomes. Oh, Havok… (Uncanny X-Men #248)
Goodbye, Storm. (Uncanny X-Men #248)
This way, no one will ever forget where to sit! Also, tragedy. So much tragedy. (Uncanny X-Men #249)
We didn’t talk much about this in the episode, but Polaris’s life is pretty terrible when this arc starts. (Uncanny X-Men #249)
Colossus’s teacher is totally going to call Mr. and Mrs. Rasputin in for a parent-teacher conference. (Uncanny X-Men #249)
“Hey, we heard there was a party going on here? We brought brewskis!” (Uncanny X-Men #249)
BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM BAM (Uncanny X-Men #249)
Everything in this issue is both epic and overly abrupt. (Uncanny X-Men #250)
EWWWWWWW (Uncanny X-Men #250)
Psylocke makes some incredibly questionable decisions next issue to get the X-Men out of Australia, but I can’t fully blame her… (Uncanny X-Men #250)
Suddenly, it’s every notable Savage Land character ever! Hi, guys! (Uncanny X-Men #250)
This scene: so weird. So awesome. But also so weird. (Uncanny X-Men #250)
By Crom! (Uncanny X-Men #251)
A fine dose of dream logic, fueled by pure continuity. (Uncanny X-Men #251)
Goodbye, Colossus. (Uncanny X-Men #251)
Goodbye, Dazzler. (Uncanny X-Men #251)
Goodbye, Havok. (Uncanny X-Men #251)
Goodbye, Psylocke. (Uncanny X-Men #251)
The visual equivalent of show, don’t tell. (Uncanny X-Men #251)
Ever have a day so shitty you hallucinated the future? (Uncanny X-Men #251)
Damn, Logan. Damn. (Uncanny X-Men #251)
NEXT WEEK: Giant-Size Summer Special: Evolution Edition!

LINKS & FURTHER READING:

124 – The Cruelest Planet

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Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Android | RSS

Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.
Art by David Wynne. Prints and cards available at the shop, or contact David to purchase the original.

In which everyone dies (or something); every Summers is miserable in their own way; we are pretty done with Nanny and the Orphanmaker; Lady Deathstrike is a surprisingly astute art critic; the X-Men’s digital invisibility does not extend to the White Pages; we venture into slightly less charted territory; Wolverine has a really bad day; and you should totally come hang out with us at Rose City Comic Con!

X-PLAINED:

  • Origins of Lady Deathstrike
  • Jay & Miles at Rose City Comic Con
  • X-Ray party etiquette
  • Uncanny X-Men #248-251
  • The precise inverse of an anticlimax
  • The Siege Perilous (more) (again)
  • Dramatic parallels
  • Summers tragedy disambiguation
  • Jim Lee’s first X-issue
  • The apparent death of Storm (this time)
  • The merged Reavers
  • What it takes for Jay to play a sidescroller
  • An X-band
  • Longshot’s departure
  • A really ineffective rescue
  • Art-critic Deathstrike
  • Administrative assistant Jubilee
  • Zaladane
  • An unconventional approach to genealogy
  • The ickiest method of mind control
  • Dark Claw

NEXT EPISODE: GIANT-SIZE SUMMER SPECIAL!

You can find a visual companion to this episode on our blog!

Find us on iTunes or Stitcher!

Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men is 100% ad-free and listener supported. If you want to help support the podcast–and unlock more cool stuff–you can do that right here!

Buy prints of this week’s illustration at our shop, or contact David Wynne for the original!